12 month old screaming at bed time

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My 12mo DD has always been a terrible day time sleeper but a brilliant night time sleeper, often sleeping 6-6 or 6-7. However for the past few weeks she wakes after about 15 minutes of being asleep in her cot and then screams until she's sick unless we get her and take her downstairs where she'd then happily stay awake until 10-10.30pm.

I realise we got into a bad habit of giving in and taking her downstairs but if we didn't she screams and screams and won't be settled with rocking or laying in our bed with me, she doesn't want more milk or a drink etc and I have a 5yo DS who is losing sleep because of her screaming.

Is this just a case of a bad habit that we need to break? Or am I doing something wrong in the day time? She has one 2 hour nap on a morning but won't have a second short nap on an afternoon, we do bath and bed starting at 5pm with the aim of getting her into bed for 5.45. I lay on my bed with her and she has her milk then while she's sleepy but still awake I lay her in her cot, she then will go off to sleep but only for 15 minutes and that's when the screaming starts.

I've not given in tonight and done controlled crying, she has made herself sick 3 times so far. I don't know what to do to help her settle. She's got lullabies on and a nightlight. She's currently still screaming.

Any help appreciated.

I wouldn’t let her scream herself sick

Is she teething or unwell?

I don't let her scream herself sick, she continues to scream even if I go in so it's unavoidable I'm not just leaving her for ages. I'm going in and laying her down shushing her comforting etc but she's just so angry/upset.

I finally managed to get her to sleep by laying on my bed with her again and transferring her to her cot, this works but once she stirs and realises I'm not there any more she screams again.

She's not unwell or teething no

Have you recently changed her bedite milk?

I finally managed to get her to sleep by laying on my bed with her again and transferring her to her cot, this works but once she stirs and realises I'm not there any more she screams again.

Have you thought about switching to a floor bed? So she wakes up in the same place but you can still cuddle her while she goes to sleep?

Separation anxiety is common at 12 months

She has one 2 hour nap on a morning but won't have a second short nap on an afternoon

That's the problem. She's over tired by bedtime, disrupting her night.

Either:

(a) Push her morning nap later do that she sleeps from 12pm to 2/3pm

Or

(b) Cut the morning nap to 30 minutes only and then focus significantly on establishing a long time lunchtime nap from 1pm ish.

Thanks for the replies. I haven't changed her milk no, she's still on the same milk as when she was born.

@FATEdestiny I had suspected that was the case that she's overtired. She's just such a terrible day time sleeper, she goes for her morning nap with a bit of fuss but has hardly ever had an afternoon nap because she just fights and fights it. I'll try what you've suggested thank you

@FATEdestiny can you help again please?

I did what you suggested and my DD now has a 2 hour sleep on a morning and another 1 hour nap at about 2.30-3.30. She wakes from this still tired and very grumpy so we do bath, milk and bed with the aim of being asleep by 6.

She has her milk with me on my bed and when she's sleepy I transfer her to her cot and that's when the screaming starts. She is only happy if I'm holding her on my bed she then stays awake but stops crying, so again I'll wait till she's sleepy or even asleep and put her back in her cot but she just screams. We are at our wits end, bedtime is taking hours every night. Any advice?

Cranial osteopathy?

Sounds like somethings up rather than just overtireness. Teeth, separation anxiety, sore tummy, something changed in her life?

When mine cries more than usual its usually teeth or ears. However our bed time routine is the walk away type as I'm a terrible mother. Done it from early on so now she just goes to sleep. If she cries I know some thing is wrong

I think it's separation anxiety, she's very clingy through the day now and at bedtime she just wants me to lay with her which is fine I do, but the minute she realises she's in her cot again she screams. I have a 5 year old DS so can't spend all night laid on the bed with her. I've managed to get her to sleep tonight and transferred her in her cot but if she wakes up she will scream until I pick her up. I've come to the realisation it's probably just a phase but it's really grinding me down

@CottonSock that used to be our way too, milk then straight into cot while awake and she'd settle herself to sleep but the last few weeks she just won't. She's just hysterical when left. I don't think it's teeth or pain of any sort as when she is picked up or I lay on my bed with her she stops crying.

my DD now has a 2 hour sleep on a morning and another 1 hour nap at about 2.30-3.3

They need swapping around. Short morning nap, long lunchtime nap.

I would wake from the mining nap after 30-45 minutes. Then have a busy morning followed by lunch. Then a longer afternoon nap.

For example 9.15-10am nap
10am-12pm do an activity
12.15 lunch (then milk, if you still give milk)
1pm nap, with the aim if this lasting until at least 3pm, up to 4pm at most.

@FATEdestiny ok great thank you I'll try that! Fingers crossed

If my dd cries I go back in and soothe, offer a drink and leave. Then repeat. You know your baby better than anyone though. When my eldest got unsettled in night about 20 months a comforter that was mine really helped. A sheep hottie that I gave to her cold obviously:)

I'm slightly aghast by bedtime. Is this normal or do.mine just go to bed late.. try later and she might go down better?

But push her nap back too

So if anyone is still reading, I tried what @FATEdestiny suggested, swapping the naps round so DD now naps from 8.45-9.30-9.45ish, then again from 1-3. We start the bed time routine about 6, so bath, milk and bed, however this is where it's still all going wrong. She just screams and screams in her cot, I've tried staying in her room sitting with my back to her but she just stands up and shouts for me and laughs etc, if I leave the room she's hysterical, I've laid on my bed with her but she just screams and fights me to sit up. We have brought her downstairs and she's absolutely exhausted but the second you go near a bed or a cot she goes nuts. It's nearly 8pm my 5 year old has been sat on his own most of the night because we are messing about with DD for so long, we haven't had anything to eat yet and we are both exhausted with her. Oh and she gets up at 5.30am every morning to add to the fun too.

I'm at my wits end, I'm doing the naps as suggested but it hasn't helped at all. Please help!

All I can suggest is some sleepy training. My friends dd used to scream until she was sick at bed time and she was advised to just layer bed sheets so she could whip them off quickly if needed and to clean up her dd without saying a word or making a fuss while sleep training.
My ds has been like this (similar age to your dd) and on the nights where he's stood in his cot screaming with separation anxiety I will sit next to his cot saying ssshhhh ssshhhh but nothing else. Every time he stands up I lie him back down and just continue the ssshhhh ssshhhh. First night it took an hour and me lying him back down around 40 times, second night 20 mins, third night 5 mins and 4th night onwards he went straight down.

Even now if he starts playing up (once a month ish) I'll leave his door open a crack and sit outside on the floor doing the ssshhh ssshhh. Max it takes is 10 mins.

@Whyisnothingeasy thanks for your reply. My DD also screams until she is sick if we leave her, she tends to stand up and scream so her sick goes over the side of the cot and onto the carpet so we have to clean it up

I've been doing the shush shush thing in her room for a week now and we've got nowhere she just sits up and stands, I've laid her down each time, no talking no eye contact etc, I think she would do it all night. She can be literally dropping to sleep where she stands and still fight it.

I don't think there's anything else I can try I feel like all hope is lost

Can you just cover the floor in towels or puppy training pads? Anything to make the clean up easier and easier for you to clean with no fuss.
Are you lying her down every time she stands up? It seems like they'll go all night without giving in, but honestly eventually she'll fall asleep. Then the next night it gets quicker and quicker. You need support from your OH and to take it in turns. Or one of you to spend time with your son while the other one does the sleep training bit.
My son would stand up again and again and again. In fact I think the first night it was nearer 100 times I laid him back down before he gave in. You just need to be consistent. Pick a plan and stick with it. Good luck!

@Whyisnothingeasy that's a good idea re the towels etc never thought of that.

I'll just go back to trying that then, one night I laid her down nearly 50 times before I had to admit defeat and let her get up again as I couldn't take it anymore. My DH helps sort of but he hasn't got as much patience as me and his answer is to just bring her downstairs until she drops asleep from exhaustion, which I know is not doing her or us any good.

Kids are stubborn. Well mine are anyway. If they are fed, clean, not in pain etc and shattered then they need to sleep and sometimes they need to be taught how to sleep.
Sleep training is bloody hard, but it's in everyone's best interest. I know some people don't agree with it, but personally having 2 kids that sleep 12 hours a night is important to all of us for everyone's well being!