Still awake with newborn

[HashtagTired]

Part 2 ... everyone welcome

Morning all! yawns, cries

Not a great night here either. First part was ok but after 1.45 it was a feeding frenzy then awake at 6 and no sign of going back to sleep. Do I'm lying here with him on me and fantasising about my breakfast....

Thanks all who replied re the sleepyhead. You're right, I'm going to trust my instincts and stick with it. Tbf the health visitor was doing a number on the scaremongering front. She also red flagged the perfect prep machine (something to do with temperature, I'd zoned out by then), car seats and even breastfeeding. I get that they have guidelines to follow and respect that, but as PPs have pointed out, it's actually a danger to babies to be trying to stay awake at night and accidentally drifting off whilst holding them. If the sleepyhead works, the sleepyhead stays (and I've done a lot of research into it).

Got my parents arriving today so hopefully they'll be able to entertain DD while we crawl off to sleep...

Sakura it's very normal. My DD did this the night my milk should have come in, only it didn't (complications during labour are to blame, apparently)...So she literally screamed ALL NIGHT. We got zero sleep that night. Just awful.
I think there is a growth spurt around 3-4 days. Really, newborn stage is just one massive growth spurt.

Wel.. It took 3 attempts put DD down last night. She managed 1,5hrs in her cot 😂 Then she was up every 3 hours, so I suppose it could be worse.

Thanks all re: sleepyhead. This was the advice i had a few weeks ago. I opted for it as i was literally hallucinating i was so tired and ds was miserable and overtired. DS sleeps on his side in it propped with a rolled blanket to stop him going onto his front. This was actually a suggestion by my hv!! She said its not the preferred position, but if he won't sleep you have to do something!

It works for us anyway. Truth be told my ds is 6 weeks today and still in newborn clothes but theres no way he will fit in it at 6 months but ours sits in a next to me cot so we will just remove it when the time comes.

We were up at 10.45pm, 3am and now 7 so not too bad. Ds was awoken by wind again. Sigh.

Sakura your doing fine! Weve all been there. It knocked me for six as noone warns you do they? Bur honestly before you know it you realise things are better. People told me that at the time and I didn't really accept it as I was so worn out and desperate but it IS true. Sounds like your handling it much better than me anyhow

All - do you burp your LO if they fall asleep feeding??

Nope I don’t burp mine @Jellybabie3 - once he’s asleep, there’s no chance in waking him up!

Me neither - I wondered if thats why ds wakes with wind but i just cant see sense in waking him! I feed him lying side to side and to sleep. Hmm

@GimbleInTheWabe, @AMagdalena and @Jellybabie3 thank you all for your replies. I'm so glad I found this thread as I feel much better now and in the end lo had 2 good sleeps of 3 hours each during the night. So now I know just to go with my instinct and follow his feeding clues regardless of it being more than the average time in terms of the advice hospital gave me.

Congrats on your little one Sakura and it all sounds very familiar. Don’t worry, you’re doing great. 👼

So we ended up feeding every two hours. Last stint ended up with DS not settling and then me cuddling on chest in bed. We both fell asleep and I really hate it when that happens - I’m propped up so half sitting and have my arms around / under him and removed my nightwear out of the way of his face with duvet to his shoulders but well away from his face and I just get cold.

So I’m trying to minimize the risks but I really do worry. But sometimes it is simply the only way he will settle. Even like that he still screamed every 15 minutes so needed some shhhh / rocking.

Jelly I do burp him even if he is asleep. It doesn’t wake him but I know the trapped wind later will cause him lots of discomfort and therefore he will cry out which will wake me. So it’s in both our interests to make sure those bubbles are out.

Jellybabie if I feed DD lying down, I don't bother burping her, but every other time- I do.
If DD falls asleep during a feed, I lay her across my chest and lean back a bit. She usually bringa uo a burp and falls back asleep. But you have to do it when they're drowsy.

I think more needs to be done pre-birth or pre-discharge home with teaching BF mums about cluster feeds.

I knew to expect cluster feeds. I was still taken aback and unprepared for the reality. So many mums don’t even know they exist and naturally get worried about their supply and is it normal and so on.

@NinaMarieP I totally agree. I stayed in hospital 4 days following the birth of my son and all they went on about was feed at least every 3 hours and that a good feed lasts 20 min sometimes more...

@GingerHanna thank you😊 so good hear other people’s experiences so I can stop doubting myself.

Cluster feeding was not mentioned to me pre birth. I found out about it during midnight googling! Many people seem to give up breastfeeding during cluster feeding as they believe they aren't producing enough milk. So more education is definitely needed.

I'm going out with my mum for a couple hours tomorrow so just expressing a bottle. The cat is staring at me, making me feel very uneasy 😂😂

@Sakura03 you are doing a fabulous job from the sound of it! It is utterly brutal though. With my first, I was convinced I was getting it wrong and that it was my fault DD wasn't sleeping. I was in NO way prepared for it. Agree there needs to be more education on it. When I confided in my health visitor she referred me for counselling - nice thought but I was quite simply crazy sleep deprived and no amount of therapy was going to change that! There's such pressure to breastfeed but little is said about how hard it is and the impact it has on you. Promise it does get better x

I didn't know about cluster feeding either, but my mum told me that to babies 'the boob is their world' and to expect to spend a lot of time pinned to the sofa! She breastfed me for 2 years so she definitely had enough experience!

We're off out in a bit. Might do some Christmas shoppi.g

@HashtagTired is it you that mix feeds?

I’m thinking of allowing DP to give DS a bottle of formula during the evening so I can get 4 or so hours of unbroken sleep.

I’m really struggling at the minute truth be told. Spent the best part of an hour last night absolutely sobbing on DP. My mental health is really taking a hit. Don’t think breastfeeding is helping although the thought of stopping absolutely cripples me with guilt.

ohbollocks I'm really sorry to hear your are struggling. I really wouldn't feel guilty about giving formula if you feel bf is effecting your mental health. Having a happy well slept mummy is way more important for your little one imo. Maybe you should also speak to your hv or a local bf support advisor. I did and i was relieved to speak to someone in real life - although MN is a godsend for sure. Alot of people on here give a bottle before bed too.

Is it the tiredness thats hitting you the hardest? Remind me how old LO is? I am probably not the best to advise as I admit I was a l absolute wreck for the first 4 weeks and am just feeling more able to cope at 6 weeks but I would definately try to speak to someone in RL and offer a hand to hold

@WhoAteAllthePercyPigs thank you.

We’re off out for the blood spot test at hospital for 1 pm but now I’m worried I can’t get him fed enough for him to stay contend, what do people do?
Would it be stupid to give him a little formula top up in a cup before heading off?

ohb0llocks I hope you are okay I remember reading a headline once the said ‘we torture new mothers then wonder why they get mentally illl’ it struck a chord for me. I’ve been in tears most of the night as he’s done some mega feeds that have been instantly projectile vomited back up all over us. We are now just having mac five minutes on the boob followed by 15 min upright burping which seems to keep in down and will see how the day goes...

@Sakura As long as your LO is fed enough to last the journey, then you could always feed him at the hospital? I have fed DD at the doctors a number of times, even through her jabs.

ohbollocks I agree with jellybabie. Speak to your BF advisor or HV. Could you maybe express a bit and give that to your LO? If it's easy enough for you to do and someone around to help?

Hugs @ohbollocks. It is so challenging and has a huge impact on your mental health. How can it not? I was in such a dark place with DD for the first few weeks. But it did lift, I got used to less sleep and DD started to feed less. I think I'm coping better with DS simply because I've been there and know what to expect. Doesn't stop me from sliding into utter despair during those 3am feeds!

I supplement with formula, one bottle about 8pm before I go to bed. It has meant that DS sleeps for about 4 hours before his first feed and it's been a godsend. Knowing I have that time really protects my sanity. And it hasn't interfered with my supply as fat as I can see - he still feeds loads, it doesn't affect his feeding during the early hours (when they say supply/quality is high I think) and he's doing well. It also means he takes a bottle - DD never did and it made things very difficult.

Also do you have a breastfeeding cafe nearby? I found them quite good. Just be aware that health visitors are trained to follow the script - depending on who you get, you might not always get the green light on formula but you know your baby best and it's what works for you.

I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or what but I’m just so emotional I just want to cry all the time.

I keep thinking about FF (I did with DS) but I’ve managed to convince myself that if he is FF and he gets ill or worse then it’ll be my fault for giving up on him.

I just feel like after 9 months of pregnancy, induction, pre eclampsia, fast scary labour and then a hemmorage to boot I just want to be me, and get ‘myself’ back.

But at the same time I don’t want to stop due to the guilt, he is thriving, he gained a pound in a week. I’m not finding it painful, he feeds efficiently, longest he’s ever been on there is 20 mins but I’m driving myself mad at the minute.

Also feel like I’m coming down with something so convinced myself I’m getting mastitis, or petrified that I will get it. Spent the past 24 hours googling it. I think the lack of control and traumatic ness of his birth has left me with awful health anxiety. I was exactly like this about getting a uterine infection but now it’s like I’ve found something new to obsess over.

@Ohb0llocks yes I do. I have had a really up and down journey with my mental health over the last 10 weeks. Beforehand I always cons deter myself to be mentally healthy and coping, but I’ve had some pretty low times recently. Mostly around cluster feeding times and sleep deprived times. Feelings of inadequacy, trying t be all things to everyone. Dh has been fantastic and probably noticed the signs before I even realised.

In short, mixes feeding works for us.
I tried expressing but I found myself only having time to breastfeed in the evenings and it was at a cost to my own sleep. And sometimes what I expressed wasn’t enough at times he was feeding so much so dh still had to wake me to feed him.
We started to top up the feeds with formula. Then we switched the full evening feed to formula. So he gets one bottle of formula each evening, when I am asleep.

It gives me a bit of independence (to sleep) to also do things without worrying if I’m leaving him hungry. And I think it’s given dh the confidence to know if I am out there is always another bottle of formula to give, he won’t run out.

Yes, perhaps a bit of guilt at first (on my part), but I’m surprisingly guilt free about it now. We are lucky that ds really is indifferent to the bottle and to formula. He even has it room temp (dd was VERY picky).

For us, it works really well and means I get guaranteed sleep which means I’m much more (mentally) capable of looking after our children the next day. Priceless.

It’s up to you what you want to do, but whatever you decide, don’t feel guilty either way.