Going to start controlled crying tonight. Please hold my hand!

[Londonmamabychance]

Going to start CC with DS 10 months tonight. He's been a terrible sleeper since birth. First colicky, then just waking +8 times a night, will only go back to sleep breastfeeding. I've tried co-sleeping but he just wakes up even more and wants to BF all night long and I end up exhausted. Going back to work in two weeks so need to sort this out. Am at the brink of breakdown from exhaustion. Have got him down to falling asleep on his own (always crying for about 5-10 mins then out) but then he wakes after around 3 hours and will scream until he gets picked up and breastfed back to sleep. Have tried letting him cry for first wake up and it normally takes +1 hour before he gives up. He's in our room so I can see him while he cries.

My plan is tonight put him in his own room and do the controlled crying within where you increase the periods between coming in and reasussinf with 2 mins. Also will offer him bottle the first time he wakes up to ensure he's not hungry but will avoid boob association.

I'm so scared of cracking as I'm so tired and can't beatbox hearing him cry. But feel I've tried everything!

To note, this is my second child. The first one (now 3) was breastfed to sleep until she was 16 months, she just fed to sleep and then fell asleep and slept through the night from around 8 months. If she woke up I'd BF her back to sleep. Just to say I don't know what's up with this kid, why he's so different from his sister.

Any advice or support very welcome!

That's great Londonmama Hopefully you will have it cracked tonight!

Perhaps when he is going through the night without waking at all (and you are getting quality sleep) you'll be more able to cope with the early mornings?

Brilliant news OP. Glad you are making great progress. Well done!

I started to put him down in his cot during the night after each feed whereas before I kept him in the bed and co-slept. Have been doing that for about 1 month I think. I then started to put him to bed not on the boob but by putting him down in the cot to sleep and caressing him to sleep. Then moved on to not picking up.

All that said I completely scubbered it tonight as I'm now really il, cold virus gone mad. Inwas feeling too weak and dizzy to stand up by his cot and had to take him into bed with me : (

Don't make rules for yourself, if you're tired and want to take him in then do it, you won't have 'ruined' anything, just go with what feels right and what he needs from you at the time.

You haven't ruined anything. Baby sleep is never linear and you will often find yourself going back a step or two before going forward again. You've made loads of progress and the good habits you have set up will help you get back on track again when you're back to normal yourself. Get well soon!

I'd try and move away from thinking things are good or bad habits too, babies don't have bad habits and the strategies you've put in place are not 'good habits' they're just different approaches to sleep.

@Mrscog I’m sorry, I don’t think I was clear enough. I’m not too good with words. I mean it in the sense that a parent who is well enough in themselves (both mentally and emotionally) will have the confidence to know that they’re doing a great job. (No matter what others think of their parenting decisions). If I came across as disrespectful I really do apologise, it was never intended to hurt anyone and I had no idea it would come across that way. People with PND and other mental disorders feel as though they aren’t doing a good job-because of their illness. But that is my point, once a person is in the road to recovery they will start to feel better about themselves and their parenting decisions. It’s just that with an illness that nobody can see things get on top of you and you feel like you aren’t doing it properly.

I apologise massively if anyone read my comments and took it offensively I really did not mean for that to happen. I hope that anyone suffering from any form of mental illness can pluck up the courage to get help and take a step forward in their lives. I have many many friends who I have seen breakdown from the stress of trying to fit in and nearly break themselves as people, all are now doing well, some needed medical help and some didn’t but they are all now confident parents and it shows massively in their children and it’s a beautiful thing to see.

prosecco I understand, and I know you didn't mean it offensively, but it is one of those terms which is bandied around which is actually very difficult for some. I really appreciate your explanation - and like I said I do wholeheartedly with what you've summed up really well here - 'I mean it in the sense that a parent who is well enough in themselves (both mentally and emotionally) will have the confidence to know that they’re doing a great job.'

Thanks for your support, everyone! Am still not feeling well, and last night DS got ill too with a high fever, he kept waking and crying so I'm the end I took him into bed and he slept there all night. Woke at 5.30 and then hadn't his nap way early at 10 am and then resisted my attempt to put him for second nap at 3 so fiercely I gave up, and then Heaney just fallen asleep on my boob at 6pm! Ugh. Nothing according to plan. But telling myself we are both ill, so it's okay. Will go back to routine once we are both better.

You're ill. Of course it's ok. Get well soon OP.

OP, what does your normal daytime nap routine look like and how is his solids intake? Early rising is often also due to poor daytime sleep or lack of daytime calories...

London, I remember posting exactly this 10 fucking years ago on MN and having my arse handed to me on a plate.

Glad you're having more support. Stick on in there.

My CC son is now ten, and utterly lovely.

Thanks : )

Latinatta, he usully sleeps quite well during the day, but have a feeling he could eat more. Will try that. He gets so impatient sitting in the high chair so never can get him to each much, even if I hold him in my lap he always wants to get out and gets fussy. But maybe I'm feeding him when he's too tired. Think I'll try my best to fill him up whenever he seems happy and content.