Going to start controlled crying tonight. Please hold my hand!

[Londonmamabychance]

Going to start CC with DS 10 months tonight. He's been a terrible sleeper since birth. First colicky, then just waking +8 times a night, will only go back to sleep breastfeeding. I've tried co-sleeping but he just wakes up even more and wants to BF all night long and I end up exhausted. Going back to work in two weeks so need to sort this out. Am at the brink of breakdown from exhaustion. Have got him down to falling asleep on his own (always crying for about 5-10 mins then out) but then he wakes after around 3 hours and will scream until he gets picked up and breastfed back to sleep. Have tried letting him cry for first wake up and it normally takes +1 hour before he gives up. He's in our room so I can see him while he cries.

My plan is tonight put him in his own room and do the controlled crying within where you increase the periods between coming in and reasussinf with 2 mins. Also will offer him bottle the first time he wakes up to ensure he's not hungry but will avoid boob association.

I'm so scared of cracking as I'm so tired and can't beatbox hearing him cry. But feel I've tried everything!

To note, this is my second child. The first one (now 3) was breastfed to sleep until she was 16 months, she just fed to sleep and then fell asleep and slept through the night from around 8 months. If she woke up I'd BF her back to sleep. Just to say I don't know what's up with this kid, why he's so different from his sister.

Any advice or support very welcome!

nuttyknitter
Just don’t. It’s abuse.

ODFOD.

Why is the post natal depression thing always trotted out?
I had severe post natal depression, as well as several chronic illnesses, and I managed to get through it without leaving my bf baby to cry.
Btw if you just leave them to cry it, it's not 'controlled crying' - it's 'cry it out'.

It saved my sanity and my child was a much happier baby during the day because he was more rested. He's a brilliant sleeper now. I didn't go cold turkey with the feeds though and so I'd recommend a dream feed and slowly cut it out so he's not genuinely hungry. Make sure he has plenty of feeds/food during the day.

You can do the last feed at 10pm regardless of whether he is crying or not and then put him down to sleep. I think it would reassure you that he isn't hungry and will help the transition from feeding lots during the night to not at all.

I sympathise with all those with bad sleepers. DS was my first and it nearly killed me. I felt dangerous driving the car, I was so sleep deprived. All of my decision making was impaired and I used to nod off in the toilet during my lunch break because I was so exhausted.

DD was a world apart and by 7 months had settled herself into sleeping from 10pm until 7am and then by 1 year, slept through. It think it is luck of the draw, as you know yourself with your own DD and those who haven't had to deal with it, never understand how desperate you feel.

ignore the judgy posts OP.

You know what's right for your family. Think Margo has some good suggestions. hope it starts to work soon. Was 3 nights for us.

I had severe post natal depression, as well as several chronic illnesses, and I managed to get through it without leaving my bf baby to cry.

Good for you. How about you stop judging others choices.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so unwell. Hope you feel better soon.

Try and stick with it - you have made a good start!

Thanks for the support all of you :) I will take the suggestion of a dream feed at 10, regardless of whether he sleeps or not. Srill debating whether to move his bed into the other room.

Bananasplit, good for you that you did not have severe problems with sleep with your baby, or if you did, that you managed to solve it in a way that was in accordance with your belief that CC is wrong. Well done, especially if you also had postnatal depression. Why you need to judge others, I don't know. (That's a rhetorical question you don't need to answer that. I understand that some people -many - are against CC, and as I said earlier in this thread, I used to be strongly and judgmentally so - in this camp too, before life decided to serve me up a portion of severe sleep deprivation and a baby who fights sleep like a champion. He has just started settling in nursery, and won't sleep there either. He is the youngest in the room, yet sleeps the least. Experienced practitioners there say he's among the worst they've seen when it comes to sleep. Oh, this sounds like I'm defending myself, I'm not, I don't care what others think about what I'm doing, as I know what's best for my child and me. If I am the walking dead, nervous wreck mum I've been recently during the day time hours, this is no good to my baby, my daughter, my husband or me. The only reason I'm explaining this is I genuinely believe that if people understood more about others, they may be less judgmental. Best to you.

I do know what it's like with a baby who doesn't sleep.. my 4 year old still doesn't sleep now, I haven't had more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep in almost 5 years.

Oh poor you, Bananasplit

Bananasplit you should consider CC. It must be hideous for you and your child to have such disturbed nights.

OP I think you're doing the right thing and I think you will reap the benefits quickly. What I would suggest is, whatever regime you decide to stick to, write it out next to your bed. It sounds silly but I found it really helpful to have almost a list of instructions when it seemed easier to give in at 4am!!

Oh and OP do NOT wake for a feed at 10. Stick with your chosen method, don't feed overnight and you will be amazed how quickly it turns around.

@Desmondo2016 what abo water? 12 hours is a long time to go without anything at all..

I posted previously about the fact that I'm currently night weaning my 10 mo, though not with CC. I had a consultation with our local hospital which has a sleep clinic and thought some of the advice they gave me may be helpful for you.

At this age babies (assuming they're a healthy size) do not need night feeds, they are seeking comfort and are accustomed to getting milk. At first they will have feelings of hunger as they are used to feeding all night, but that is not a bad thing. Stopping the feedings is beneficial as it gives their digestive system a rest so they can sleep better.

The important thing is to be consistent. I was advised to cut out all night feeds. I was also keen to keep the 10pm feed as I was sure it would help fill the baby up (mine doesn't rag much in the day as she's too distracted). However this sends a confusing message as it's not clear to the baby why he gets fed sometimes at night and not at others.

Important as well is to cut the link between eating and sleeping. So no more feeds in the bedroom. In the morning your boobs will be full and the baby keen to feed, but you should go to another room, put the lights on and feed the baby there.

Hope that helps!

Forgot to say that I gave my DD water too and she did seem to be quite thirsty in the night and was quite happy to guzzle some water.

Interesting, Chloe. Hmmm confuses now. May not do 10pm feed then, and just do a pump instead to save my boobs the pain! And offer some water instead.

Bananasplit you are being rude and judgemental. If you haven't had a good night's sleep in 4 years then obviously your sleep training methods haven't worked.

OP sounds like a good start for you in tricky circumstances. The boob leakage is the worst. I kept to 10pm dream feed for about 4 weeks and he eventually dropped it naturally.

Following this with interest as I’m about to do the same tonight with my 15 month old.

She’s in her own room and goes down well at night- BF, story, cuddle, into cot awake and I leave. That was achieved through a spell of CC when she was 11 months which she responded to after 6 minutes the first night and 2 minutes the next!

Sadly the night weaning hasn’t been so easy. She’s got a will of iron now and I know it’ll be a battle but I’ve tried cutting down/giving her time to grow out of it/cuddling her/offering water and nothing is helping.

So tonight it’ll be CC with water to make sure she isn’t thirsty.

God I hate this. I was so the same as you back in the day- Judgy McHoikpants about any kind of sleep training. But I have actually reached the end of my tether.

Good luck for tonight (and I’ll take some too)!

I have been massively, massively lucky to have good sleepers. However my best friend was driven to the point of breaking down with her kids. It was awful to see her so down and drained. Nuttyknitter you are horrible to say that to a group of ladies that have shared their struggles. Do you not know sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture?
Also op is as far away from an abusive mum as you can get. This thread is all about how best to do cc without upsetting her boy to much. Not abandoning him to the wilderness! Ask me now would I do cc- no I wouldn't. Ask me again if I hadn't slept for 10 months. I suspect my answer would differ. Less judging, more empathy. Good luck op hope you're feeling better soon x

I recently saw on the internet that CC was known as controller comforting these days. I'm all for it anyway but it does have a softer ring to It!

*controlled comforting

How does anyone actually know if a baby does or doesn’t know if it needs a night feed? Have they done actual experiments. Unlikely.

Anyway, I’ve read the Ferber book and from memory he doesn’t suggest launching straight into CC - he likens changing a sleep habit too quickly to trying to sleep without your fav pillow. His approach was to try gentler methods first (reduce feeds by a minute a few time) after ruling out medical causes. CC was always a last option.

I personally don't agree with cc, my bf baby wok every 2 hours until 22 months, still wakes twice a night at 2 and a half, and I've worked full time since she was 10 months so I know how hard it is.

At 10 months separation anxiety is going to be an issue, he may also be teething. If he's been a bad sleeper since birth I'd also consider allergies (my df is cmpa). I'd wait until he's a little older and then try jay Gordon method

God, these threads always bring out the judgy twats.

If you can survive for years on a couple of hours’ sleep a night, good for you. Not everyone can. One of the main reasons I don’t really want another child is because the sleep deprivation in the early months almost killed me.

Those who are anti sleep training - rather than smugly congratulating yourselves on your superior parenting, how about trying to put yourselves in someone else’s shoes? Ok, you can cope with very little sleep, but what if you couldn’t? What if you felt unable to care for your baby during the day because you felt so ill? In that scenario, what’s worse - deliberately sacrificing your own physical and mental health, or doing some gentle sleep training?

Those who are anti sleep training - rather than smugly congratulating yourselves on your superior parenting

Or perhaps it’s worth appreciating there’s more than one way to sleep train. My friend sleep trained her baby. Decided he didn’t need night feeds because she was weaning him. Poor baby lost a lot of weight as he had no night feeds. It could have been coincidental but it was strange as he went from chunky baby to a thin one when his night feeds were removed.