Going to start controlled crying tonight. Please hold my hand!

[Londonmamabychance]

Going to start CC with DS 10 months tonight. He's been a terrible sleeper since birth. First colicky, then just waking +8 times a night, will only go back to sleep breastfeeding. I've tried co-sleeping but he just wakes up even more and wants to BF all night long and I end up exhausted. Going back to work in two weeks so need to sort this out. Am at the brink of breakdown from exhaustion. Have got him down to falling asleep on his own (always crying for about 5-10 mins then out) but then he wakes after around 3 hours and will scream until he gets picked up and breastfed back to sleep. Have tried letting him cry for first wake up and it normally takes +1 hour before he gives up. He's in our room so I can see him while he cries.

My plan is tonight put him in his own room and do the controlled crying within where you increase the periods between coming in and reasussinf with 2 mins. Also will offer him bottle the first time he wakes up to ensure he's not hungry but will avoid boob association.

I'm so scared of cracking as I'm so tired and can't beatbox hearing him cry. But feel I've tried everything!

To note, this is my second child. The first one (now 3) was breastfed to sleep until she was 16 months, she just fed to sleep and then fell asleep and slept through the night from around 8 months. If she woke up I'd BF her back to sleep. Just to say I don't know what's up with this kid, why he's so different from his sister.

Any advice or support very welcome!

Went from waking every hour cosleeping to sleeping 10 hours through in his own cot with CC. I too was totally against it but it got to the stage that neither of us got good sleep and he was really struggling the next day with tiredness.

The first night took 30-40 mins, the second night 20 mins and from then on a few mins if anything.

We have had periods if he’s teething/ill where he’s ended up in bed with me and we kinda have had to start the whole process again which sucks.

I think you’ll know once you’ve started if it’s the right time or not. We tried a couple of times but it wasn’t until he was 12 months that I felt he was able to cope with the process and went through with it.

Good luck!!!

Good luck; I had to do the same with mine and it was a life saver, esp. with dc1 who woke up every 45 mins. through the night. Just don’t give in.....it does work and after the first few nights you’ll then have a baby who waves ‘night night’ to you and grins as you leave. It’s worth it. Xxx

good luck! Hope it isn't too bad. Worked for us, very quickly hope you are the same.

meant to say time the 2 or 3 minutes because 20 seconds feels like 2 mins.

I did the same and it worked for us. Until 8mo he was feeding at 10 and 3 with total sleep of 7-7. Going back to work meant he needed sorting! Luckily my DH did the night wakings which helped DS to get the message here would be no more boob!

I did this with DS at 8.5 months. It took 3 nights. The first night was awful and I was so upset. But perservere...I was the same as you - on the verge of cracking up. After the 3rd night he slept through and that was that! If you are going back to work - you have to do this.

Instead of milk I gave him warm water in a bottle. They don't really need milk at that age, it's just for comfort.

It is tough but they don't remember. I have talked to my DS about it since...

Don't listen to anyone else - every baby is different.

Best of luck....Will be checking the thread X

Try a dummy at night if he needs comfort

Took us 3 nights too!

Definitely worth it. DH sat with me the first night holding each other's hands so we wouldn't go in too early. Honestly 45 mins first night, 20 mins, 5 mins, straight down 4th night and every night afterwards.

You'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner

Good luck - you are doing nothing wrong. No one should have to make themselves ill through lack of sleep because they’re afraid they will ‘damage’ their baby through sleep training.

How was it OP?

Was thinking about you last night...how did it go?

So you normally BF, don’t let him cry and cosleep when feeding and then all in one go are going to bottle feed, let him CIO and in his own room? He’s only 10 months old, lots of babies are still waking frequently at that age.

Sorry about radio silence! thanks for all your advice and support, really helps.

In the end I kept his bed in our room, just moved it to the wall furthest away from our bed, before it was right next to our bed. We are in a 2-bed flat and DD sleeps in he other room so can't really put him in there. My plan was to put him in the living room, but then thought better of it, because he can't be there on a regular basis. I am thinking why shouldn't he be able to learn to self settle in his cot while being in the room with us? If he learns that we will not pick him up, he should learn to settle, surely?

He cried for 10 mins when I first put him down at 6.30 and then fell asleep as he was so exhausted. Then woke up at 11pm. I reassured him and let him cry for 5, then 7 and so on minutes. I got out of bed and patted / caressed him and each time it soothed him, as soon as I stopped he went right back to crying. I didn't look at the clock towards the end but would say he cried for about an entire hour.

Then he woke again around 3.30 - 4am I would say, and it was all over again, crying for a bit more than an hour.

The second time he cried he woke up DD who then started crying and came into our bed where she stayed until she woke up at 6am (shudder). Don't mind that though as she's normally a very good sleeper and usually always stays in her own bed the whole night through. But this was one of the things I feared about CC - how it would affect her.

I got a bad cold and it go worse over night so am now down with sore throat and shivers etc. So wondering if I'll be able to keep it up tonight.

The other thing I didn't plan for properly was how much my boobs would leak, of course as they're used to night time feeding, I hadn't put on a bra or maternity pads and was so tired and disorganised I just ended up changing T-shirt 8 times! The more he cried the more my boobs leaked. Nature really not helping here. Think being soaking wet half the night made me more ill, too, Jeez, not having the best of luck.

Also, I fear I bungled it at the end, as when he finally woke for the day at 7am I took him into bed and breastfed him there for a while before getting up. I had decided that I would NOT do this and would BF him on the sofa in the living room for the first feed of the day, but I was so exhausted and ill with this cold that I just couldn't get out of bed, ugh. Hope this has not rendered the whole process in vain. It was pure heaven to finally be able to hold his little body and cuddle him though. Damn, this is so hard.

Hmm, I have to say it sounds quite extreme to go from all night comfort feeding to nothing at all. Would it not be easier on you all if you decided not to feed from say 7 to a certain time (I don’t know, 1/2/3am) and then not again until the morning? Or were you offering water? Just seems quite extreme going from one thing to the other so quickly. And it might be easier for your husband to pick up cuddle and comfort instesd as then he can’t smell the milk but still getting the comfort?

Anyway you know best good luck with whatever you decide.

I did this with DS who was a nightmare and would wake every single night between 1am and 2am and then be up for an hour or so.

I turned on the light in my own room and got a book out and had a clock to hand so I could check on him every two minutes.

I went in every two minutes for the duration, as that was what I felt comfortable with, speaking in a v low voice that it was time for sleep, checking he was ok and then went v quickly back out again. He was LIVID and howled in outrage but I stuck to it and an hour and a half later, he went back to sleep. 2nd night it took half an hour, 3rd night 20 minutes, 4th night he woke and grizzled a tiny bit but I didn't go in & he fell back to sleep and that was it.

He is 18 now, not 18 months but 18 years and he has slept well ever since. We are really close, he is lovely, he cannot remember what a PITA he was waking up every night, let alone the controlled crying. If anyone tries to talk you out of it, saying you are ignoring your child - that is just rubbish, you are in there every 2 minutes providing reassurance and giving the message to settle down.

Obviously make sure your little one is in otherwise good health and is nice and full. DS was 13 months when I did it, but I wish I had done it sooner, as I was like the living dead. It quite literally revolutionised my life, as I was barely coping with the tiredness.

Stick with it, it's so worth it. Our 10 month old son took 2 nights (he's 31 now!) and it was grim but worked like magic. It's not cruel to help a child learn to sleep and self-soothe when they wake.

Crossed post with you OP. Didn't realise you were trying to do this with him in the same room as you.

That probably makes it harder. You couldn't swap around with your DD for a while? Put him in her room for a few nights and have her on a ready bed or something like that in your room.

Just don’t. It’s abuse.

Hmm Margo, I did think of doing this, but then wouldn't that make it harder for him to sleep once he was back in our room? Or I could maybe keep him in the other room if he started to sleep through..but am worried to leave DD and him alone together, DD just turned 3 so worried she could do something irresponsible to hi, drop something on his head or climb into his bed or whatever..

Nuttykitter, I hope all your children will be good sleepers and that you will never have post natal depression and not sleep for a year and look so tired people think you are constantly ill, hallucinate and become suicidal and not have any family in the same country. If this happened to you, you may consider CC. Or other measures.

Don't want to sidetrack this thread with fighting and abuse. Judging others is never a good idea. Good luck to you.

Will he be sleeping in the same thing in your room as he would in your DD's? If yes, then I don't think it will matter too much if you move him around. Hopefully, once you've got him in a better pattern, you can move him back into your room with no problem.

Also if he is still feeding a lot through the night, could you do a last feed at 10pm and then try going through? It may help with your boob leakage too.

Has no one else picked up on you not being able to beatbox due to his crying

Sorry op I have nothing but sympathy but that typo made me laugh.

Unless it wasn't a typo

So do others think too I need to move him into another room?

hahaha did it autocorect to beatbox : ) I so wish that was the case. Sadly, no such fun activities happening at night around here ; )

Margo, yes, maybe I should try an 11 or 10pm feed...but wouldn't this counteract the message I'm trying to give him = crying doesnt get you taken out of bed?

Maybe I should wake him for a feed around 10pm and put him down again do he doesnt experience crying and then being fed as a response?