Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

WIBU to just give DD to DH on Sat night and piss off into the other room?

45 replies

MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 06:20

DD is a very bad sleeper and only sleeps with my boob in her mouth. And even then she wakes every 1-2 hrs and needs shushing and rocking and feeding. She is often awake for a 2-4hr stint int he night too.

Tonight/last night she has been up since 1.30am and then woke her 3yo brother at 4. Today is her 1st birthday and now we wont be going out for the day or having a tea party because i'm so tired. So once again our days are ruined by her shithouse sleeping. I haven't slept longer than 2hrs in a whole year.

DH has been away for 2 weeks with work staying in lovely hotels and i'm really tired. He has been against any kind of sleep training and i do all the night wakings.

I am so angry with all of them i am planning on giving her to DH to cry all night on Saturday.

Is that a bad idea for DD? Will it be too much cold turkey? I don't want to make her anxious.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 20/10/2017 06:39

To be honest I would book yourself into a hotel for the night and let him get on with it.

Your DH makes me very cross op.

HumpHumpWhale · 20/10/2017 06:43

Locking her in her room all night alone would be cruel. Leaving her with her loving father is totally totally fine. Do it, but seriously consider sleeping somewhere else. Also, Google Jay Gordon nightweaning. I did it with my first and doing it with my second soon. I can't take it any more! Just need to steel myself for the first few truly rubbish nights.

DancesWithOtters · 20/10/2017 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pestov · 20/10/2017 06:48

How old is she? To be honest he should want to step up more having been away!

SexNamesRFab · 20/10/2017 06:58

Not cruel at all OP, exactly what she needs. My DD2 was like this and I only managed to break the cycle by having my mum stay over to shush her and not let get out a boob. DH is lovely but too soft to enforce for this approach. In retrospect I should have done the night in a hotel. Seriously do it, you'll come back refreshed with more to give your DD.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 06:58

Well i've always fed her to sleep so it's meant i've had to do night times. But i want to wean now (i was down to 2 feeds a day and then thru the night last week but she got tonsillitis and refused all solids for 5 days and went back on constant feeding - sigh).

The weekend before dh went away i woke him every 2 hours and we did 2 hours each with her thru the night for 2 nights as i just couldn't go on. He then promised when he came back we'd tackle it.

pestov - she's 1 today. She is just walking so i suspect it's a developmental thing - but it's never been any different. so there is always some reason, teething, ill, crawling, walking etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:00

I wouldn't be able to go away as i would still need to do the night wakings with DS1 & DS2. But they are just 1-2 times and go back to sleep pretty quickly if i don't have dd with me. This last 2 weeks we are all sleeping together.

OP posts:
greensnail · 20/10/2017 07:07

Absolutely do it. My DH took a week's holiday from work to do this for dd2 as I was so exhausted. Best thing we ever did!

grobagsforever · 20/10/2017 07:07

Ok I think a whole night without milk will be tough for her as she's used to a night feed. Instead you need a long term plan.

On Saturday night give her last feed at say, midnight. DH then has her til 4 you can feed again, then you go back to bed for at least 4 more hours.

Sunday the same

Monday extend the gap

Etc til she is night weaned and you've caught up. Don't let DH plead working as an excuse. Your mental health is at stake.

grobagsforever · 20/10/2017 07:08

Why on earth do you still need to do your sons night wakings? DH can do it!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:13

DH usually does the boys and i do dd. So if he has dd all night i would do the boys instead. I don't do it all - unless he's working away. And then i do and DS2 and DD just wake each other up and tbf ds1 only wakes once about 5ish and just quietly climbs in to bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:18

Now of course she is utterly exhausted and wants me to sit and feed her to sleep but i have to get everyone dressed and breakfasted and take ds1 to school. SHe just shrieks 'Boo Boo' and pulls at my clothes and crawls after me.

Right. I'm going to do it. Last feed at 12 then next feed at 4 and sleep in another room and dh can bring her to me and then take her away again. Because even when she is asleep i'm not really as i have to lay on a funny angle with a dead shoulder so she can have my boob in her mouth and she windmills her arms and legs and makes squealing noises Confused

OP posts:
eeanne · 20/10/2017 07:22

How old are your DSs? You mentioned at least is attending school already...why are they waking at night also?

AdalindSchade · 20/10/2017 07:23

How old are your boys? It strikes me that they all need a bit of (gentle) sleep training if your older two still wake twice in the night.
A change of approach for all3 with your DH onside?

eeanne · 20/10/2017 07:23

I should add - I had a routine where we didn't nurse to sleep, but for friends who did, the only thing that worked was for mum to stay away all night and leave dad to cope. Usually within a week the baby was night weaned.

Mxyzptlk · 20/10/2017 07:27

Go for it, MrsKoala.
You need it for your self preservation. Your DD will cope.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:33

Boys are just 5 and just 3. Tbf they both wake once and go straight back to sleep as long as i'm not with DD. If i am then they wake her and she wakes them and then we are all up. Usually DH settles boys and sleeps in the big bed and i sleep with dd in the spare bed. They are all really light sleepers and wake each other. I think if we can crack dd then the rest will be fine.

I think all night will be too much of a wrench for her so i'm going to go with the 12 and 4am feed suggestion.

OP posts:
eeanne · 20/10/2017 07:38

MrsKoala I think you need to look at your boys also. Many 1 year olds are up in the night but far fewer 3 year old and definitely not normal at 5.

Just so that I can understand - you're saying if you are tending to your baby, your older boys wake her up? How do they do this? They are jealous you are spending time with her? I'm just confused about what is going on, and I suspect if you can get your older ones to stay in bed, you and DH can focus on the baby and you won't be so exhausted.

DelphiniumBlue · 20/10/2017 07:44

Just a thought - drop the bedtime feed first, so she gets used to going to sleep without the boob.
Meanwhile, it would not be unreasonable to get DH to do alll the night wakings on Saturday - you did when he wasn't there.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:49

No they don't intentionally wake her. Just walking across the hall t go for a wee, coughing etc wakes her. She is an incredibly light sleeper.

DS1 is fine really, he has asthma and tends to have a cough and a wee at 5am. DS2 will wake at approx 4am every other night and if we just ignore him he goes back to sleep. But in him being awake and making noises he wakes her, then her being awake means he refuses to go back to sleep as he knows i'm up with her, then he falls asleep at 4pm and wont sleep till 10am and it starts a crappy cycle.

DH co sleeps with ds2 and DS1 is in his own bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:52

I'm just pissed off today because it's her birthday and i wanted to enjoy being with the children and doing something fun. But instead it will be a case of just getting thru it.

I've just given her a feed and she's asleep. She will wake when i put her inthe buggy tho.

Even when she's asleep she never seems fully asleep, she keeps opening her eyes and looking round.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 07:54

i was just concerned as i've been reading about leaving them to cry under 1 being damaging. but i think the reducing the feeds at night and leaving her with dh is a good idea. She will still cry for me. But that's inevitible.

OP posts:
eeanne · 20/10/2017 07:57

There's a big difference between leaving them to cry, and the baby crying in daddy's arms because she wants to comfort nurse all night. In the latter case she's not being neglected, she just isn't getting what she wants.

I have a few friends whose children never wanted to night wean and they only cracked it by having their partner go in and comfort, sometimes with water. After a week the babies stopped bothering to wake. But I'm not sure how that will work if you wish to continue cosleeping with your daughter.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 08:00

I think i will swap co sleeping with dh. DH can have dd and i will sleep with ds2. Once she starts to sleep better we will introduce ds2 to his own bed. It's just at the moment i am too tired to tackle it.

I think she is so attached to the boob that my presence would just sabotage it all.

OP posts:
TisapityshesaGeordie · 20/10/2017 08:03

Both of my bf babies slept much better once we weaned them night feeds. DH used to get up with them every time (no point in my going as inevitably I'd give in and give them a feed), he'd offer water in case they were thirsty but if they didn't want that then it was just cuddles and soothing. Don't recall it taking longer than about 3 nights for them to get the message and after that they slept much better.

Can't remember how old DD was we did it - over 1, definitely - but DS was around 10 months, as you tend to be less tolerant of your second born not sleeping, I suspect because you need the energy to run around after their older sibling! He's a happy and well-adjusted 3 year old now, it doesn't seem to have done him any harm.

As a side note, a good DH wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself and would be doing everything he can to help. Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread