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Sleep

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Original poster

WIBU to just give DD to DH on Sat night and piss off into the other room?

45 replies

MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 06:20

DD is a very bad sleeper and only sleeps with my boob in her mouth. And even then she wakes every 1-2 hrs and needs shushing and rocking and feeding. She is often awake for a 2-4hr stint int he night too.

Tonight/last night she has been up since 1.30am and then woke her 3yo brother at 4. Today is her 1st birthday and now we wont be going out for the day or having a tea party because i'm so tired. So once again our days are ruined by her shithouse sleeping. I haven't slept longer than 2hrs in a whole year.

DH has been away for 2 weeks with work staying in lovely hotels and i'm really tired. He has been against any kind of sleep training and i do all the night wakings.

I am so angry with all of them i am planning on giving her to DH to cry all night on Saturday.

Is that a bad idea for DD? Will it be too much cold turkey? I don't want to make her anxious.

OP posts:

DearTeddyRobinson · 20/10/2017 08:17

Oh OP you must be shattered. But so must your DD. For her sake as much as yours, I think you need to night wean. Everyone in your family deserves a good nights sleep.
Good luck!

crazycatlady5 · 20/10/2017 09:24

Honestly I agree with a PP and think all night is a bit sudden. I would time your feeds, feed to sleep, then leave it a few hours, then another few hours and so on. After a couple of weeks extend the gap. It will be much less traumatic for her (and your DH who to be fair does need to help but it’s going to be very hard for him to have a screaming baby that he can’t comfort in the night). I think that would be the best plan personally, you might find she takes to that really well and after a couple of weeks just stops waking up. Good luck OP x

Redken24 · 20/10/2017 09:46

Could she get a dummy if all she is doing is boob to sleep

Original poster

MrsKoala · 20/10/2017 09:54

No, she absolutely wont take a dummy or a bottle. Even if i'm out for the whole day she just wont take them. We've tried since she was 3 weeks olda nd with all different shapes and types.

I think i will do it gradually. I was just in such a strop this morning. Last week when dh had come back from a 4 day trip, he was back for 2 nights and then off again. He tried to say he was too tired from travelling to help. I'm sure sitting on a 14 hr flight is tiring, but i'd love it and 4 nights in a swanky hotel then another week in another hotel and all your food brought to you etc sounds bliss.

I made it very clear he was talking shite.

OP posts:

Jasquers · 20/10/2017 09:55

She might suprise you if you just take away the boob.
My Ds is nearly 11 months old. I am feeding 4 times a day. He takes very little from a bottle.
I went to Edinburgh last weekend for 2 nights for a hen do. I worried so much about how my DS would be without me. Well, I wish I hadnt worried. He was fine! He went down for naps and bedtime well, ate more food (to make up for less milk) and took some milk from a bottle. He had only just started sleeping through the night and this continued whilst I was away.

Redken24 · 20/10/2017 10:39

My pal was like you I think and she like another poster went away for a few nights and he'd slept better and managed without.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 24/10/2017 20:43

I actually did it all in one go when dd was about 14 months.
I had to go and be with my sister and I couldn't take dd with me so there really was no choice.

Dd was absolutely fine with her daddy. She did cry a bit, but not much at all. Dh cuddled her and she just went back to sleep. I was away for a couple of days, and it broke the routine and that was that. She slept so much better after that which helped us all!

Original poster

MrsKoala · 24/10/2017 21:41

Thanks all. We started on Sat and DH took her for an 3 hr chunk 1-4am and then again on Sun night. Then for the first chunk 9-2 on Monday. SHe cries for me a bit but then realises there is no boob and goes to sleep. Also she sleeps laying on the bed next to him and doesn't wriggle and keep him awake, whereas with me she screams to be held and have my boob in her mouth all night.

So we are just working on gradually building it up. DH has gone to bed with her now and will swap with me at 2ish.

OP posts:

Cockmagic · 24/10/2017 21:44

You have my sympathy op

But please tell me you did something for DDS birthday?

NoSquirrels · 24/10/2017 21:50

Good stuff MrsK. And well done on the first birthday milestone too.

CommonFishDiseases · 24/10/2017 21:55

I feel your pain, have also suffered long term sleep disturbance . It is hard to describe how awful and depressing it is. I found The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell Smith and Sweet Sleep by La Leche League were both very helpful books as I was 100% sure I didn't want to do controlled crying methods etc. There are gentle ways to night wean from the breast. Good luck, hope you can get yourself some quality self care soon

crazycatlady5 · 24/10/2017 21:58

@MrsKoala sounds really successful! X

ememem84 · 24/10/2017 21:59

Do it. I slept in our spare room last Saturday night. Ds is 4 weeks old. And mix fed. And was going through a growth spurt last week we think.

I slept for 10 hours straight. Dh admitted how tough nights were and could see how by Thursday I’m knackered.

Dh is very hands on and has been doing as much as he can but with him working while I’m on leave the majority falls to me. It was nice to have a break. Even if it was “just” for sleeping.

Original poster

MrsKoala · 25/10/2017 20:56

Cockmagic - I didn't take them to softplay and lunch out as i was just too tired. But i took them to the park and McDs for dinner and then home for birthday cake. DD loved the candles and singing! Then did some more stuff together on Saturday and had a second cake and candles with my parents. So she wasn't hard done by!

Last night she only lasted 1.5 hours with DH. He looked so tired yesterday and it's because for 5 days he's just been doing half the night wakings. It made me realise how much i'd got used to having such a crappy night sleep. I know he has a job to go to and i accept i take the brunt of the night wakings but being kept awake almost all night every night is horrible.

I've put dd in the buggy tonight so i can do jobs while dh is out and she has woken every 10-20 mins but i have just rocked the buggy till she goes back to sleep.

She has another cold and hasn't eaten any solids all day, so i know she is out of sorts, but she really needs to start to settle a bit better.

I'll have a look at those books thanks.

OP posts:

OnionShite · 28/10/2017 09:27

It might do your DH some good to get a better understanding of what he condemns you to by being so against sleep training. I know he gets less sleep than a lot of people because of your DCs sleep shenanigans, but he's still getting nothing like the brunt of it.

olympicsrock · 28/10/2017 09:36

You need a whole night of proper sleep in a hotel. It is good for your husband to realise how difficult it is for you. I am probreaat feeding and fed til 14 months but there is no need for DS to feed at night. It does needs to be not available on enough occasions for her to know. I would either have her sleep with DH or on her own.

Original poster

MrsKoala · 28/10/2017 13:09

Yes, it's the breast feeding that's doing it. She wont eat or sleep if im near as she just wants to be on the boob. She hasn't eaten proper solid food for weeks now (since she had tonsillitis) and wants to feed every 2 hours all day too. I don't know how to make her eat. I think i need to go away from her, but they say she isn't eating at nursery either. And she wont for DH if i leave the room. SHe's currently screaming at me and trying to pull my top down and sucking my arm, even tho she has refused all lunch offered and had her last bf at 11am.

Last night i had a better night sleep. I had 3 chunks of 2 hrs. (I can't believe i think that is a good night!) She slept 9-11.30. 12-3. and 4-7. DH had her 9.30-11.30. Then i took her till 3.30 and we swapped back and i got up with ds2 at 6. DH brought her down to me at 7 and went back to bed till 9 because he was 'shattered'! But what makes the difference is having a period of sleep when i am not holding her, as it means i can really sleep rather than half doze.

OP posts:

OnionShite · 28/10/2017 13:14

I agree I'd go to the hotel. Perhaps not right now but in a weekend or two. It will benefit your DH to learn how things are with all 3 for a night, since you have to do it often enough when he's away, and DD won't die of it for one night.

Original poster

MrsKoala · 28/10/2017 13:27

Yes, i think i will. I'm going to try to stretch the night feeds from 12-4 tonight. My mum has the boys and i want a good sleep if i can. I'm going to sleep in the annex and tell dh not to get me before 4am. If she cries he will just have to sooth her as best he can. Then i'll try to stick to that for a few nights and then stretch it further and look at a night away end November.

I'm not giving her boob till her 6pm feed after dinner. She can cry all she likes. She wont even eat yogurt -the little beast!

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 28/10/2017 13:37

Do what you have to do OP. Sleep deprivation is brutal. Your DH is being a bit precious about his own sleep and it will do him good to be able to empathise with what you've gone through.

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