Why won't he stay asleep??

[LillyBugg]

This is driving me to despair. DS is 4.5 months and wakes so frequently. During the day he only ever sleeps about 20 mins, if I'm lucky, before waking. At night it's every 40-60 minutes. He is so agitated all the time. It's like he never relaxes. He doesn't sleep on his back, he just flails around and ends up in a right state so he sleeps on his side. Swaddling doesn't work. He has a dummy, it falls out all the time and he wakes. White noise doesn't work. Sling does work but I can't have him on me all the time and obviously this doesn't work at night. Please don't tell me it's the four month regression as he has always been like this, you have to be sleeping to then regress from it. The longest he's ever slept is about 3 hours and that was overnight. He hasn't done that for weeks and weeks now. Please help, I feel like I'm being tortured.

It was 3 am at the time and I doubted myself about whether he was hungry or not and also feeling bloody exhausted! I couldn't be arsed to shush pat anymore!

My DS is on 3 meals a day, consisting of a main and dessert plus one snack and he drinks well from a sippy cup. I'm told protein is good for lunch and plenty of carbs for dinner.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job, I don't know how you are doing it, especially as you also have another LO.

Re night weaning..there is no rush and I think it's something that you have to do when you are mentally ready and also plan it for when you know you will have plenty of support. I'd thought about trying increasing time periods between feeds and this maybe something that could work for you. So if usual wake up is every 2 hour, try 2.5 hrs next night and then 3 and so on. Anything in between you try other methods of settling.

Fingers crossed for tonight, hope you have a better one x

Well last night wasn't actually too bad. He was in bed for 7.45. Woke at 9.30, so I put him in with me but just cuddled him back to sleep and didn't feed. Woke at 11.30. Fed. Woke at 1, cuddled and settled for 45 mins and didn't feed. He went to 3.15. Fed. Then went to 5.45 when I fed again and he did about another hour.

I'm quite pleased with that. I spaced out the feeds more and it wasn't a massive battle. I think the feeding might be my habit rather than his. I just hope that by stopping it he will actually sleep longer and not just wake regardless.

DS2 was like this - he had silent reflux. He was like it pretty much from birth though. Tried everything and the only thing that 'worked' was time, he outgrew it by about 18m. The sleep loss wrecked my brain forever though!

DS1 went through a phase like this when he was 4/5 months. I couldn't identify why he was waking so much until I moved him into his own room at 6m. From the very first night he slept right through - I was obviously disturbing him, whether the noise of me sleeping or the smell of milk nearby, I don't know.

It is habitual his waking......is he crying every time he wakes?

If he's in the bed with me he doesn't always get to the point of crying because I'm sleeping so lightly I wake. If he's in the cot he cries out and I go to him. When he wakes for the day he doesn't cry, just babbles and kicks around. So I can tell when he's not ready to wake up.

As I said before I can't offer any advice if you don't want to let him cry for a bit to break the habit....but whatever you try I wish you well. I totally take my hat off to you for having him in with you and feeding him during the night. I couldn't have done it but I've only got one and so I totally understand that it's so tricky to change his behaviour without waking up others x

Thank you for replying though! I'm honestly willing to listen to anyone willing to talk to me about it. I'm definitely going to stick with the night weaning plan and I'll just have to see what he does after that. I'm sure there will be some crying involved at some point! I remember my older DS crying, but more moaning, and us leaving him for short intervals and returning. I'm hoping the weaning will at least help my energy levels a little even if I end up creating some other bad habits which will need to be broken. At least I'll be able to share the load!

Whatever you decide to try. Stick with it for at least 5 days. Be prepared for it to get worse before better but you will make it change! X

It was bad last night! He woke hourly until 10 when he was up until 1am when I cracked and fed him. But he did 6 hours with no milk. I ended up feeding at 3 and 5 as I was so knackered from not going to sleep until 1.
Glad I did the first stint with no milk though.

I am watching and supporting as we are going through something similar but ds is
5.5 months. Naps pretty well but wakes up every 30 mins at night. I think he’s a bit young for night weaning but trying to at least space feeds out. Easier said than done at 1am.
Good luck!

Oh you poor thing, you must be exhausted. I have a 3 year old who was a good night time sleeper, and 18 month old who has been pretty bad and it's torture - especially when you don't get a break with your older one!

Have you tried cutting out some foods he might be sensitive to? Mine was up loads in the night crying until I put him on a lactose free diet. He still wakes up sometimes but he's much much better than he was.

Hoping it improves for you soon!

No I haven't tried foods. I don't think it can be food because he has always been like this. Forever. He wakes more than a newborn.
I'm cross right now because he's awake and screaming and screaming and I feel like I'm losing my mind

Have you been to gp? Discussed with hv? Perhaps it'd help to rule out reflux /intolerances first?

My sister had this with one of her twins and when she cut down on her dairy intake (breastfeed) made a huge difference to the amount of screaming

That's what I meant - try cutting out dairy from yours and his diet to see if it helps.

What was last night like? Have you got any help today? Does older one go to nursery so you can try to rest while little one naps?

I'm really not convinced it's diet related. He doesn't scream during the day. And it's not a distressed scream like he's in pain. He's screaming because he wants to be with me, and he's tired. If it was diet related we'd have problems during the day as well surely? But actually he's quite contented now, and will nap. This is a recent development from the last two months or so though to be fair.

Last night he was up 10-12. He eventually gave in at 12 in the next to me crib. He slept for one hour before waking. One bloody hour!!! Then I cracked and fed him at 1. He also woke and I fed at 3 and then he slept again until 6.30. So really not a great night, although I'm grateful for the slightly longer stretch at the end.

My older one goes to preschool two days a week, not today. So I take it easy on those days. We tend to keep busy in the mornings and then have the afternoons at home. Very little chance of any day time naps for me though. I have people around that would help but I find it so hard to sleep during the day. Especially if I've still got the baby, by the time I drift off he's waking up from his nap anyway.

This week has been especially tough because DH has been away since Tuesday morning. He's home tonight though. So we can be miserable together!

Good that you've got support coming. Poor you on your own since Tuesday.

My DS was fine during the day, behaved well, napped well but at night time he was awful. A lactose free diet helped hugely - no idea why as I was in the same mindset as you - surely he'd also be uncomfortable during the day too?! Babies are mysteries!

I'm sorry I don't know what else to suggest for you, I just hope he improves soon.

Hi Lilly how was last night? Have you managed to get some rest with your DH being home?

I got to 4.30 before I cracked and fed him he literally had me up every hour before that. DH was, quite frankly, fucking useless in the night. He didn't want to get up to him. Couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to settle him. And kept saying he needed feeding. I remember he was just as crap in the night with DS1 though. At least he's here to share the load during the day.

I'm hoping with the night weaning it's just a case of it gets worse before it gets better?! Because at the moment I'm getting less sleep than before. He's waking more frequently rather than less. I'm only four nights in to be fair though and I'm yet to do a whole night with no milk.

Does he /will he take a bottle of expressed milk or formula?

Can you suggest to your fucker of a husband to take half the night and you do the other half?

Sorry just caught up..sounds like you've made some progress LillyBug, though you must be exhausted. I can completely sympathise, I'm a single mum and the nights are hard going when you are on your own! Everything seems worse in the night.

I resorted to staying at my parents at night for a good while. When things were really bad my mum would have DS for me in the evenings. I.e I would go to bed at 7pm and my mum would keep DS and whenever he woke would try and settle him by whatever means and then bring him to me at midnight. Could your husband do something similar, just so you can get a good stint of sleep in..it did make it a little more bearable! X

No he doesn't take a bottle unfortunately. I've tried different types, different locations, different people, formula and expressed milk.

I think I will try and head to bed early tonight. DH had a nap on the sofa this afternoon (!!!) so most likely won't be able to sleep at normal time tonight so hopefully he could try and do the first few wake ups. The house is small though and DS really doesn't like settling for him so no doubt I'll hear the screaming. Maybe some good ear plugs is what I need!

I just so so hope that night weaning works. I don't want to end up in a situation where he wakes just as frequently, or even more frequently than before and I don't have a fail safe tool to fall back on. Trying to repeat to myself that it is still early days.

Oh and Julia I'm completely in awe of single parents. I moan about DH but he is here and he is good in other ways. Babies and night times is his big downfall. He's bloody brilliant with the 3 year old.

Thanks for staying in touch ladies. I really do appreciate it.

Yeah defo get some ear plugs and try and have a good stretch of sleep early on if you can!
You are doing brilliant and don't be too hard on yourself, sometimes it's just about doing whatever it takes to survive!

Good luck for tonight, I'll be rooting for you!! X

I used to go to bed at 6 pm! Rock and roll!
Listen, something has to change soon to what was going on before...you've come this far so stick with it.

If it helps you at all keep coming on here.....strangers can be totally supportive and non judgemental sometimes!

You can do this lovely!
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