If you've had an early riser PLEASE come in!

[upsidedown2017]

Almost 2 year old has been waking for the day between 4.50am and 5.30am for as long as I can remember. It's been a consistent theme since the early months and I think his body clock is very much set. We have tried lots of things. Nothing works.

Here's the thing; call me dramatic but it's ruining my life. For almost 2 years I've gone to bed soon after the kids do. I've not had an evening for that long. I can't function if I don't get 8 hours sleep (genuine medical condition). I can't get any freelance work done as I don't have an evening - by the time kids are in bed, dishwasher put on, clothes put away, stuff ready for the next day it's time for me to trundle off to bed. It's caused so many arguments between DH and I that are marriage is almost over.

I feel like I'm wasting my life. It was 4.50 today. I can't function at that time ... I've never been a morning person. I get my best work done in the evening. We end up sitting watching fireman sam or similar until 8.30am. That's almost 4 hours screen time before most people's day has started. I despise it! If he got up at a more reasonable time I'd feel up for getting everyone dressed, breakfast then out for an activity. As it stands I've had 3 coffees, a Diet Coke and am back in bed for a nap while DH watches the kids in the lounge.

I feel like we are wasting every weekend in this shitty routine. I feel awful and fed up all the time. All my friends kids sleep until 7 like our eldest did. I don't know anyone else that has gone through this like I have.

I am at the end of my rope.

I want my evening back! I want to be able to watch a series of an evening like most other adults! I want to feel like I'm living not existing. I want to start my day at a more normal time!

What can I do? I'm open to any and every suggestion!

Later bedtime makes NO difference.

Yes we have blackout blinds but he is always up before the sun rises anyway.

No, I don't think he's hungry - he's very well covered and slightly overweight if anything.

Supper makes no difference. He's definitely getting enough calories.

He's tired. He can't make it past 9.30am some days without napping. He looks shattered. I believe he needs to sleep longer.

It makes no real difference what nap length he has in the day.

HELP

Ok general consensus that nap needs to be around 12.30/1 but how on earth do I achieve this without staying in forever? On the drive to nursery he falls asleep! On the walk or drive to playgroup he falls asleep!

What do I do?

Also completely appreciate the 'treat early waking as a night time waking' but when they cry and scream and chatter loudly and wake your older children who have to go to school, then what? How do you solve that problem?

@Mamabear4180 - so very jealous! Up before the kids, showered, dressed and ready for the day - you are living the dream! If only!

Two increasing screamers here - for days on end, because I (completely foolishly) assumed they'd give up after a few days. Not a chance. So this 'child expected to play quietly in their room until x o'clock' is an utter pipe dream in this house. Congratulations if yours did that, but please accept it was sheer good luck and not your good management.

Both of mine now get to 6:10am with a GroClock. Both are reformed early wakers. I get up at 5:45am on weekdays to beat them to it so I can at least shower and dress in peace before work. It was ensuring the nap was in the right place that ensured their early wakings stayed out of the realms of the utterly ridiculous (i.e. pre-5am). DS2 still wants a midday nap at 3yo, but he doesn't get it, otherwise he's up at shit o'clock. It sometimes makes for a cranky child in the evening, but as long as I get my shower in peace and a lie-in until 6:10am on the weekends, I don't care.

X-post with OP - you don't need to stay in 'forever'. Just two or three weeks to set it as a habit. Stick him in the pram if you need to at nap time and go out then and do stuff while he sleeps. The fall asleep on the drive to nursery (is that to drop off your eldest? I've lost track) - I'm assuming the nursery is close to home and is only about 10 mins? If so, wake him up as soon as you arrive and get him running around nearby to keep trying to push that nap back and back. 10 minutes is only just barely asleep and not a full sleep cycle, so that shouldn't upset things as long as it is only 10 minutes. That 10 minutes might actually be just enough to see him through to a proper full nap at a better time. If he has difficulty falling asleep then as a result, go for a long drive. Just anything to get that nap to around midday. My DSs nursery always gives lunch at 11am, so that children are fed and ready to go down at 12noon, so we follow the same routine at home as well.

Mum to another early riser here 🙋🏼 seems to come in phases so just trying to roll with it at the minute and hope it settles. Worried about clock change though! Does anyone have any advice on managing that?? My lo is 21 months old

My DD1 was an early riser and woke up every night. Sometimes many times. It nearly broke me too. DD2 is 15 months younger. It does get better with age because you can say stay in your room until the gro clock says so. Audiobooks helped for the night wake ups. She had an iPod and spoke like an Enid Blyton character aged 2 which was an upside. They just played on a small loudspeaker all night every night.

I got to the stage where she was allowed into my bed but wasn’t allowed to wake me up. Ear plugs help. If it’s really important they’ll wake you anyway. My shrink said I should lock her in but I wasn’t comfortable with that.

Good luck it is very very hard.

@ElphabaTheGreen - taking your advice on board. Yes it's him at nursery 2 mornings. He always had 10/15 mins at 8.45 on the school run then I woke him and forced a nap around 12.30. We were doing that for absolutely ages & made no difference to early wake. And that really wasn't an extension of his nighttime sleep.

I think maybe a combination of things if we're consistent over the next couple months might help but very worried about the clock change now

At the moment he sounds chronically overtired. It sounds like he is not getting enough sleep. So I found that you need to get them reasonably well rested before you push the nap back (which is the way to go!)

I would put him to bed for a few days as early as you possibly can. He may wake up earlier still or not, but he needs to catch up as much as possible.

Then start to push the nap back.....

You will probably always have an early riser, but of mine (13 & 7) have stayed true to their body clocks to some extent, but you want it to be at the later end ie 5.30am rather than earlier due to being overtired. DS2 has always woken around 5.40am, but he now gets up and sorts himself out (has done this since he was 4) .....when he is overtired - he will wake just after 5am which is significant at that time in the morning.

My plan now is to push back bedtime by 10 minutes every night. [crossed fingers emoji]

So Mamabear what do you do if you do all that, but they don't go back to sleep but instead cry increasingly loudly? Do you leave them till 6am?

I never leave my kids to cry for very long, I would pop back in every 10-15 min ish depending if whinging/crying/screaming. I don't have this issue though remember so it's just in theory! I would do what I'd do at 1am, 2am, 3am etc. It's still night so we don't get up and go downstairs.

OP I don't always live the dream and do sometimes think 'stuff it' and get up with the kids but I have one of those impatient 15 month olds who screams for warm milk in the morning until it's put in her hands so it's preferable to have it ready before the dramatics and down some tea myself first!

I don't have this issue though remember so it's just in theory!

Then why are you giving advice on early waking if you don't have this issue?

Of course we have all tried what you suggest - leaving them for a bit, keeping lights off, etc. We're not idiots. The difference is, your child went back to sleep, ours kept yelling.

Because I think I don't have this issue because of my approach obviously! I have had early risers, my oldest toddler woke up at 5am when she was a baby but by 12 months slept for longer.

I'm not calling anyone an idiot I'm trying to help.

I know some people don't like her but I found Gina's advice really worked. As your child is up so early obviously needs a morning nap but I would give him no more than 20 mins.open curtains wake them up.Then go to an activity/park tire them out & then do lunch 12.30pm & play then afternoon nap at 1.30-3ish. She strongly suggests that if they are soooo tired at bedtime say 7.30pm they fall into a deep sleep missing out first sleep stage which is about 45 mins before they fall into deep sleep.So this would add on another 45 mins to time you start your day so hopefully 5.45am minimum. I would have a week of sticking to exact nap lengths she suggests & will be hard at first as sometimes waking them after the 20 mins is not much fun but snacks can help. Once perhaps starting day nearer 6ish you could ditch small morning nap & have lunch about 11.45am & get them down for nap at 12.30-2.30pm. She explains all the science in her book & worked for all 3 of mine x the 11.30-1.30pm never worked & meant they were really overtired at bed.It might not work straight away but do it religiously for a couple of weeks & I reckon it will x

Mamabear some people's body clocks are set for life. DS 27 still wakes up at 5 on the dot.

Same! Our 2.5 yo wakes between 445 and 510 every bloody day.
Nap length makes no difference. Bed time makes no difference. Getting into bed with her - a nice cuddle for about 10 mins before she starts peeling back my eyelids. I am also knackered, OP. I am just hoping this is a phase.

Have you tried music for waking up? It has been well documented how music can aid going to bed but it can also be used for waking up! Similar principle to a gro-clock but easier for babies to get the hang of. The idea is you play the music when it's time to wake up and if the music isn't on, it isn't morning. Try Night & Day The Easy Way by Belightful Music endorsed by The Children's Sleep Charity.
www.belightfulmusic.co.uk

What about if you need the DC to wake up at different times?

I dont have answers just sympathys
Lil zoo is a 5-530 girl.shes 10 end of month and we never were able change her.just way she is.luckily i am an early riser as dd1 was a 6am in the dot kid.dd2 similar as was ds....
In summer its easier as light but i hate dark cold mornings.rule was play quiet til 6from 3years.i long ago accepted i can change her and just got frustrated trying.some kuds you just have to work with what you are given.thesedays i usually bidy click up at 5.by time kuds head off fir school ive achieved loads chores and weekends it enables me to spend more time with those that still want hang around with me.it does get easier once they grasp playing quietly til you can get up and function

@CatherineRannus - music looks good, thanks for that, worth a shot.

When I went in to him at 5.15 today he was cold and the bedroom felt cold but if I use either the heating or an oil filled radiator the noise of those coming on wakes him too. I can't see this winter going well now he's no longer in a sleeping bag.

We're getting a small double bed for him and getting rid of the cot. The only thing I can think is to set my alarm for 4 and get into bed with him with a hot water bottle and keep the covers on him.

Anyone have any tips around the warmth issue? I've ordered fleece sleepsuits but he's pretty bundled up already to be honest (socks/layers)

It runs in families too. All my sibs & cousins were like this as children and even teens (we did sleep later as teens, but not epic lie-ins like other teenagers). Grew out of it as adults, then are experiencing it again with our own DC.

So I"m not sure you can stop him waking, but you can train him not to disturb you. Hang in there

Re the heating, could you get a Hive or Tado? You can set them not to let the temperature fall below a certain level in the night, so his room would never get too cold. They keep the temperature even, so you don't get the heating suddenly coming on in the morning and waking him.

This sort of thing solved our problem of coming out of the sleeping bag, mine wore it over pyjamas and stayed toastie warm.

www.boots.com/mini-club-girls-walk-in-sleeper-peppa-pig-pink-10215290

OH OP, reading your thread brought back the horror of both my DDs being crap sleepers and early risers. I know exactly how you feel. I can't really remember what helped, its all a bit of a blur. The groclock helped a bit, getting into bed with them for cuddles helped a bit and wearing DD2 out after tea helped a bit too as she has so much energy. As they got older they got rewards for staying in their room until a certain time. Now they are 7 and 11 they sleep well. I have to wake DD2 up at 7.30 (but she won't go to bed, that's a whole other problem!!) but DD1 has to be out by 7.30 and has no problem getting up for her bus. They sleep in at weekends a bit but they will sort themselves out in the morning anyway, reading in their rooms or they are allowed to watch their tablets in bed as a treat on a Sunday. The good news is that your DS is already 2 so the worst of it is behind you.

Nobody understand the utter soul destroyingness of an early riser though until you have lived it, those mornings where you have watched peppa bloody pig on repeat in a fog of tiredness. The fact your day starts so fecking early. You have all my sympathy, but it won't always be like this I promise. Really hope some of the things you try will work.

mamabear, I think you are one of those well meaning people that thinks that because you don't have an issue, what you do is obviously "working". It could be that you are just lucky that your children don't have sleep issues or are more compliant. Seriously, saying to a group of horribly sleep deprived mums "In my house any baby over the age of 12 months isn't allowed to get up until after 6am" is not particularly helpful. Don't you think everyone who is at their wits end has tried to follow the standard advice which you suggest.

So many friends said the same to me as you have on this thread. I tried it all. It never worked. One friend was convinced she had it sorted and that if I followed her advice I wouldn't be the sleep depriving raving loony I was. Then she had the sleeping child from hell with her 3rd and none of her routines worked. Nothing. She realised she had just been lucky with her first two, and it wasn't down to her superior parenting. I told her it was punishment for her smugness .

@twofalls thank you for your kind words