Awake with newborn, anyone else? :)

[Jellybean2017]

My little boy is nine days old. He sleeps pretty well during the day but at night just wants to be held and breastfed. He doesn't settle in his moses basket at night (but he will quite often do so during the day)

Anyone else up doing the same?! I'm not keen on the idea of co-sleeping but would be grateful for any advice. Baby sleeps in a gro-snug and we have a dream sheep but I'm guessing this frequent feeding and love of cuddles in the night is probably just par for the course at this early stage? 😊 I am napping during the day so I'm probably averaging about 6 hrs sleep in a 24 hr period.

I hope your night improves Nina! You will cope tomorrow (I know it doesn't feel like it now) but you will both be alive by the end of that day and that's good enough at the moment! My dd did the same the night before OH first day back.

Managed to sleep at 10:30, dd has woken for first feed of the night. Hoping I get a few good chunks tonight!

Good luck all

k567 I haven't tried any type of routine with my little one. When he's crying or unsettled, nothing works better than breastfeeding so I wouldn't want to stick to a rigid routine and withhold comfort.

Nina I hope your little one settles. The cluster feeding might mean a long stretch of sleep once it's over - I hope! Don't make any plans tomorrow unless they involve people doing jobs for you. Have a bed day and rest as much as you can.

It is hard when you don't get a break. Weekends are amazing for me as I usually get a long nap on the afternoon. Had 2.5 hours today, and little one was asleep at half 10 (until 2am) so I got my longed for pre-midnight bedtime. He's fed from both sides just now which is unusual for a night feed. Please sleep longer now!

Anyone still up? Just managed to move my LO onto my chest. I've transferred into the cot twice but both times she woke up after ten mins so I'm sticking with my chest! Bit worried about her smothering as she's face down.

We are sitting up and feeding again, hoping to make a smooth transition to the crib after but given the track record it seems unlikely!

Mum of a colicky 8 weeks old here.
DH works 90 miles away so not here in week days. Been here with my parents so far who work abroad so about to get back tomorrow - they used to take care of the first part of the night. In laws about to come but they will just help me at home during the day as way older than my parents. Anxiety is skyrocketing! Baby is often unmanageable alone during serious colics attacks.

So far we have been taking shifts - baby sleeping here downstairs in his pram with 1 person on the sofa so that the others could sleep upstairs and be called only in case of emergency. I'm not sure I can keep doing this, as I'm unable to sleep when he sleeps for anxiety- I have bought a sensor movement for the rare hours like now when he sleeps but I doubt it can be used in the carrycot. I would like to move him upstairs in the bedside crib so that I could use the sensor and would be easier to reach out for people when in a crisis but I know they would end up waking up even for minor crying and also I can't leave the baby upstairs alone when going down to prepare the bottle - microwave and steriliser in the kitchen. Thinking of a bottle warmer and 3-4 empty bottles to be taken upstairs in the evening, but I would need to deal with taking baby up and downstairs every day which I have avoided so far as terrified of tripping over. Anxiety over the moon, please help :(

Glenn and Jelly hope you've managed to make the transition to the crib. It'd be so much easier if babies could just safely sleep on us without risk.

Anna I usually hate armchair diagnosis on here, but the level of anxiety you're displaying seems pretty significant. I hope you've been able to talk to midwife / health visitor / GP, and if not, that seems to be a sensible next step. Are you saying you never take your little one upstairs because you're scared of falling? I'm sure you know that what you're doing isn't sustainable, and is in fact just maintaining your anxious thoughts.

When you say colic, what is actually happening to your baby? What kind of emergencies / crises have you had that mean you've needed help from parents?

I've read mixed things about those sensor alarms, with many people saying they increased anxiety as they often go off for innocent reasons. That would make me feel even more anxious I think.

How much sleep are you managing to get?

Normally a cluster feed would mean a long sleep...

He fell asleep just after 12.30 and I put him down at 1 but he woke at 4.30 which is earlier than he normally does!!

@Lallypopstick well there's a bit of backstory which I mentioned in some threads I opened. I have acquired dyspraxia (that's where the stairs terror comes from) due to a past neurological condition (which also led to an ELCS), so - while pretty confident in my academic skills- I have a v low self esteem on anything about practical life - including of course raising a newborn. My family has always given me practical help while however being heavily patronising at the same time. They convinced me it would have been better to give birth in my home country to have their support (alone here in the week with DH working away), but living together for 3 months (one pre-birth) after having left home 17 years ago hasn't been easy. Dyspraxia + lack of experience + c-section pain left me unable to fully take care of the baby in the first few days, also I didn't get milk immediately and was persuaded to give up BF basically against my will as I was so overwhelmed by their opinionated attitude to not gave the strength to stand up for myself - had to hide my postnatal tears under bed sheets and in the loo.
BTW - at least they have granted me 4-5 hours of after dinner sleeping so far which I guess I can't ask in laws for. On the other hand, atmosphere is going to improve as I will be in the position of teaching them baby's habits so they will be less judgmental. Only thing I don't know is how to survive the nights - I can't sleep when baby sleeps because of this SIDS paranoia and can't ask then to be awake past 11pm max midnight. Also I'm afraid that if sleeping I can't react properly to baby colics (which for us means up to 1-2 hours of desperate shouting and crying, hard to manage when alone, strong stomach pain, plenty of gas, constipation etc).
Currently contacting night nannies to get the odd night of rest - I'd rather not eat and pay someone once a week instead.
With HV we have only spoken about baby's issues and never about myself so far as I've never been alone. Will happen tomorrow as she is due just in the gap between parents' leave and in laws arrival, gap which I obviously dread..

@k567 - routines really don't work with newborn babies. They need you to follow their cues, just feed with their hungry and let them sleep when they're ready to sleep. IMO it's cruel to put a routine on such a tiny new person, they are not robots. I would just go with the flow, honestly. I am 7 months in and have a bit of a routine going now but very loosely. We're all happy.

(Can you tell I'm not a fan of Gina Ford )

Both my kids have sort of fallen into their own routines, though it changes every few weeks or so. I've never forced it, though.
Anna, I've had pnd with both my children, and high anxiety with both, and I know that you're at extra risk of it if you have other things going on, which it sounds like you do. I'm not saying pnd is what you have, but it really is worth chatting to a doc or hv. Anxiety is absolutely awful, you must be exhausted.
DS slept from 6.30 yesterday evening until just now (on me 6.30-10, and on me but fussy from 5am, woke him for a bottle at 8 and 10, and he woke for one at 4). I can't tell whether he's having a growth spurt or whether this cold is just really taking it out of him. I'm enjoying the sleepy cuddles though!

Anna, are you in the UK? Do you have access to a family doctor whilst in your family's country? How long until you come home to your DH?

You sound like you have significant anxiety that needs proper medical assistance.

Lallypopstick and Crazycatlady5 - thank you for your Gina Ford feedback. I think you're right, it feels so much more natural to respond to his cues rather than force a routine on him.

Last night he slept from 10pm until 330am, best night yet.

@Lady @FATE yes I'm back in the UK since mid-August - my family wanted me to spend the whole mat leave abroad but I would have been suicidal by Christmas - luckily this is the year I can apply for my British passport so I can't stay abroad more than 90 days, doing it asap has been the perfect excuse to hurry back!
Tomorrow I'll have the first chat with HV alone, so yes, I guess it's worth mentioning...

L

^that went well! I'll try again.

Looks like we're having a night of cluster feeding - since about half 6. He's asleep on the boob now, scared to move in case he starts crying.

Feeling tired today so I'd like some sleep soon please!

Well after a crap night and morning the rest of the day has been better. He actually slept for 2.5 hours after only having one boob at a feed. I can't remember the last time he didn't drain both before sleeping! Currently seeing if my OH can settle him or whether I'm in for another night or cluster feeding.

Poor dd is so grumpy this evening, I think she is in pain with wind. This is going to be a long long night.

Little rant! It doesn't help that dp has been so grumpy he is doing my head in. Despite getting way more sleep than me, he is complaining about sleep deprivation and how he can't function at work, and it's ok for me because I can 'sleep when she sleeps' during the day 🙄 Yes cos that's how it works. He has been taking her for a couple of hours in the evening so I can sleep before the night shift. But apparently he doesn't think this is fair anymore as I should 'nap during the day' instead. I'm so cross! 😡 Those evening naps are what's holding me together.

Morning, I've been reading this thread whilst bf the last few nights. My lo is 6 weeks and is up 3 times during the night for a feed (I can't complain about this!). Her wind is ridiculous just now and she won't settle unless on me! And she is having major meltdowns because of the pain. Infacol and rubbing the stomach is all I can do, she sometimes doesn't even bring up any wind after a feed! It's nice to read that all us mums have similar issues! What I would say is, I constantly feel what I do isn't good enough and inadequate/guilty!! Bloody mum feels... Hope everyone has a good night x

@verysleepymum I can't give much advice as I don't have a partner but what does he want to do if you don't have naps in the evening? Does he want to nap instead?! Or just stay awake because he is!

I would have thought after a day at work he would enjoy daddy time cuddles anyway.

Does seem a bit unreasonable if he is getting more sleep than you at night. And I tell you what, looking after and feeding a newborn baby is the hardest job I've ever had!

@verysleepymum that's so frustrating. Is he around on his days off work to see that it can be near impossible to sleep when the baby sleeps? I definitely need those evening naps too.

@Nightscroller1 I hope the wind thing passes soon. I like this thread as it shows that we're all doing our best - all babies are very different and you have to work with what you've got. Babies will still do what they want, by and large! We're all doing amazingly well with very little sleep.

I've been lucky so far tonight, my baby seems to have listened to the fact I need a pre-midnight bedtime and I was asleep by 10.30. He only seems to manage about 3 hours before a wake up, although I know this will improve. I don't have any plans tomorrow morning so we can have a lazy one too.

Parents have left to the airport. Hello from me, DH (in annual leave) and DS in screaming phase for a wind that doesn't come out. @Nightscroller1 I'm with you

Unsettled night here. Bloody cold. DD starts school in the morning, too, so I have to be up and with it.

Good luck with the health visitor today @AnnaL82 - hopefully you can tell them what you've written down here and they'll identify some help.

Lady can you have a lazy day after the school run? Hope DD's first day goes well.

Thanks, Lally, DH had booked the day off, so we can both have a good nap.
Anna, good luck at the HV. Perhaps write down what you want to say, so you don't get sidetracked by the baby?

Hope everyone had a good night? Dd woke up at 3 and when getting put down at 4 started to cry/grunt (after I let her fall asleep on me) first thing out dp mouth was 'do you want me to go sleep in the other room' then 'she's due a feed now' he quickly realised this was wrong and offered to take dd but it wouldn't be fair as he's at work!

Do any of us have a 'routine' that we try do when putting them down/feeding etc?

Dd woke up at 6 with wind... writhing about and crying. Wee lamb.