Nothing working for 6 week baby

[mama0got0moves]

Hi there, brand new to mumsnet and FTM. Please be gentle and apologies for the long message.

After reading what seems like pages and pages of forum threads trying to find solutions to newborn sleep, I thought I'd just join and post myself as finding it incredibly hard as nothing we do is working for our DS and I have not had more than a block of 2 hours sleep since he was born. So I'm pretty desperate!

For the last 2 weeks it is getting worse and worse settling him to sleep. To the point now where he is very rarely sleeping for longer than an hour at a time from around 8pm-8am. When we noticed things were getting bad we started a short bedtime routine of boob, bath, boob, bed. We take him upstairs around 7pm into dim lighting and use soft voices. We play the lullaby option on the Ewan during the last feed which usually sends him into a light sleep. (We have tried on many occasions to put him down before he falls asleep but not once this has this worked.) We have been using a sleepyhead since he was born and did have it in between us in our KS bed. However, the last few nights we've been experimenting with putting him down in the next2me crib without the sleepyhead. Not observed much difference. Neither setup is working.

So he may go down for an hour at first or it might take a while of swinging, jiggling, patting, shhhing, more boob to get him off. When we put him down he can be asleep from anything from 10 minutes to an hour. Very rarely any longer and never longer than 2 hours. When he wakes I feed him and he will fall asleep on the breast after 1 boob. I then wait until I think he is properly asleep and try to put him down again. If he wakes when I do this, which he usually does, we try to reassure him in his crib/SH by patting, shhhhing and stroking him but this has never once worked. It always ends up with either my partner picking him up and jiggling, shhhing, patting him back to sleep or me feeding him again (or both). It can then take anything up to 2-3 hours to get him back down again and when he does go down it will never be for longer than 1-2 hours.

In the day it's a very similar story although he does nap for longer sometimes up to 3 hours in the day. Usually only in the sling or on us though never once has he napped in the day in his crib/SH.

Techniques we have tried include the 5 Ss, special swaddle gro bag, white noise and music (Ewan and playing YouTube through stereo system), sling, dummy, pram (he hates his car seat and cries when in the car). I have also tried feeding lying down and co-sleeping with him in the bed. This doesnt have him sleeping any longer than when in his crib/SH.

I am EBF and we really don't want to introduce formula unless we really have to.

The silver lining is when he is not overtired he is an incredibly happy and content baby. He can sit for long stretches in his bouncer looking about, smiling and cooing. In fact he is constantly looking about even when he's crying.

I feel like we are the only parents with a baby sleeping this little! All the other threads seem to at least get their babies down for a good stretch during the night.

I'm starting to worry it is either something we are doing wrong or he has some kind of birth trauma. We had a long, tricky labour and he was eventually born via ECS after 3 hours of pushing and attempted forceps.

If anyone has any suggestions or can see where we might be going wrong please reply!

xx

I don't think you're doing anything 'wrong', but I do think you might be getting a bit stressed/stressing baby out and therefore it's a bit of a vicious circle. At 6 weeks I would probably not bother with a bedtime routine if ebf as baby is likely to be prepping for a growth spurt and will want lots of time at the breast. In your shoes, I'd park bedtime for a few weeks at least and try just sitting on the sofa all evening alternating between feeding baby and feeding yourself. Low lights, quiet TV, and a safe sleeping surface to pop baby onto if he is willing to be transferred.
You could also consider feeding baby lying down in your bed so you can rest as well.

What John said. I'm sure you'll have other posters disagreeing with me bit 6 weeks is way too little to expect any kind of routine to work on an EBF baby. Just go with it for now. Keep the baby downstairs with you for the evening - feed/play/nap as required until you go upstairs for the night. Cosleep and feed lying down. It will pass.

Honestly you sound like I was in the early days. I read far too many posts and books and was given so much unwanted advice that I was constantly stressing. What DOES work for you and baby? Can you feed to sleep in the living room and keep baby with you until you go to bed? That is what always worked for us and now at 6 months we're working on leaving her upstairs.

Honestly things change so much with sleep in the first year it really isn't worth worrying too much about. Our daughter wouldn't ever go down in a cot so we bedshare and get a good nights sleep but we're comfortable with that, not everyone is x

Also at 6 weeks my baby would really just nap all evening and then go to 'proper' sleep at about 11pm. Their body clocks aren't yet prepared for log stretches x

Is the cot upright so baby's head above stomach?

It's possible that he has trapped wind and/or an unclaimed muscle causing acid burn

Keep baby's head above stomach at ALL times - lift the car seat into a better positions

Us the baby rocker chair - prop up on cushions for nappy changes -

The muscle will close naturally at 6 months when baby can sit

Putting into cot etc - do it swiftly on one confidence movement - works better than the slowly slowly approach

Takes 2 days upright to see a difference

I've got a 12week old baby, and we don't have a bedtime routine as such yet. He may have a bath with his sister if he's grubby, or not. He sits/lies in his bouncer/on us/on his playmat/on the sofa in the evening, feeding or dozing or awake as he wants. We go up to bed together around 10pm, he has a new nappy and is changed into a sleepsuit. He then gets a short top-up feed offered, put in the sleepyhead, and I turn all the lights off. Unless he starts howling he's then left and goes to sleep by himself. He can get a bit noisy, chatting and gurgling, coughing and sneezing, but when he does go to sleep I generally get that first long stretch with him, we have had as long as 5hrs but it's normally nearer 3.
I think what I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about the early evening and a bedtime routine yet, and also if he's safe and comfy he can learn to fall asleep by himself (reflux or other problems excluded)
He's then in with me from 4:30/5am normally, having fed 1ish and 3ish.

I am going to go against the grain here and say it is probably not anything you are doing or not doing. It is most likely just him. He sounds very busy and hyper sensitive to stimulation. As was my first child.

I think you need coping methods, and in particular, sleeping in shifts with your DH. You need earplugs and more than one bedroom. DH only brings baby to you when he needs feeding. Not before eg 2 hours in the night.

It's so hard. I feel for you.

I would be happy to camp out on the sofa and do nothing but feed, but my partner works full time so I've been trying to get a couple of hours sleep between 9 and 11pm before my partner goes to bed.

Also I'm not sure I understand how implementing a minimal routine would cause baby to not sleep? We do double feeds to try and tank him up and then I'll feed again if he doesn't settle. So he is getting a lot of milk.

You arent doing anything wrong.

The baby isn't either. It's totally within the bounds of normal for them to wake constantly at that age.

The range of normal is huge. You get some that are really dozy and sleep through from almost the start. Then there are ones (sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear) who don't sleep more than an hour day or night for 18m. I had the latter....

7pm is early for an ebf baby to be put down for the night. For the first few months we kept him with us downstairs until we went to bed.

Then from 3-4 months we had a 'bedtime' routine. But he still woke constantly...

Roll with it. Don't try methods and techniques and beat yourself up when they fail. ignorewhat everyone else's baby does. Lots of babies wake constantly for months

You need to wind really well rather than a double feed - baby won't know the difference

I think your baby sounds normal tbh. I would quit trying to get him to bed at a "normal time"... In my experience babies aren't ready for that until at least four months old. Just keep him downstairs with you feeding as much as possible before you go to bed. Then all go to bed together. Babies this age DO feed to sleep or need to be rocked. It will pass in time and you can try other methods to get him to sleep. But don't impose rules on a newborn, they will almost always resist!

If you go to bed 9-11 can your partner not hold baby downstairs while baby doses? If baby is then wanting a feed baby can be brought to you?

The routine isn't the cause of the baby not sleeping - but a routine at 6 weeks will have minimal of any effect on sleeping end of. If you're ebfing you can't really tank baby up. They won't take any more than they need or want at any feed.

Also, read about cluster feeding on Kelly Mom. It's really informative and helpful. Your baby sounds totally normal to me op.

He's digesting that milk in 90 mins tops. Regardless of how much he drinks. So topping up and double feeds doesn't really help.

Sympathies because lack of sleep is really hard - I've been there, believe me. But he's still practically newborn. You're doing nothing wrong, it's just that some sleep like logs and some wake all the bloody time and really, that's just how they are.

We drove ourselves nuts trying to get ds to sleep. When he was one we just gave up and developed coping strategies- sleeping in shifts is an excellent idea (Dh works long hours too, no excuse for him not to help.) when I went back to work we had to just work it the best we could. We spent months effectively sleeping in shifts and barely seeing each other.

My newborn sometimes bed from 9pm-2am and I was on the verge of tears feeling like it would never end, especially at 6 weeks as there is a massive growth spurt. Now at 6 months baby goes to sleep around 8.30 for at least 4-5 hours until a quick night feed and then back down for a log stretch. It really does all change promise x

First the basics. SIDS recommendations that baby sleeps in the same room means all of the time until 6 months. Not just night, evenings and daytime too. So for this reason, and for your sanity since cluster feeding through the evening is normal, baby should be sleeping downstairs with you, wherever daytime naps happen, until you go to bed.

So by all means do a bedtime routine at any awake time that occurs between 6-8pm, but then settle baby downstairs until you go to bed yourself.

Next, the five essentials for newborn sleep (in my opinion):

1. well fed
2. well winded
3. swaddle
4. dummy
5. no more than 1h awake

1. You're never going to get a hungry baby to sleep. If baby's calorie intake is on the low side baby is likely to slerp more lightly and wake more frequently. Seek breastfeeding support, check your latch, feed as often as possible at this age. And don't be scared of formula feeding or milk feeding - a fed baby is always best.

1. Most sleep issues at this age are feeding related and a large chunk of the rest are wind related. Wind causes baby to feel uncomfortable and wake. Google winding techniques and tey to feed with baby's head higher than stomach.

1. A swaddle recreates the tight, secure, protected feeling of being in the womb. It also dulls down stimulation, making it easier to put baby down.

1. Dummies are absolutely amazing and essential for independant sleep without crying. Use consistantly at every nap and sleep time.

1. Awake time for a newborn should merely be wake, feed, nappy check and 10m or so floor play, more milk and back to sleep. 40-60 minutes I'd say. You have to actively work at getting baby to sleep, there's no point just waiting for it to just happen. The less overtired baby Is, the easier they are to get to sleep.

So putting that together, the idea is

• baby wakes
• Feed
• Wind
• check if nappy wants changing and combine with 10 or so minutes of floor playtime. Stop at first grumble
• into swaddle
• put to breast again, encourage more feeding (whilst swaddled)
• lift to shoulder (whilst swaddled). Rub back and sway a bit to wind. This should also be getting baby sleepy. 10 minutes ish.
• put baby down in crib, lie next to crib. Put your hand on baby's chest and dummy on baby's mouth. Keep your hand on baby's chest throughout and reinsert dummy with other hand any time it comes out. Tap on outside of dummy to encourage sucking.

Then literally just wait. Stay there, don't move your hand off baby. Dummy to calm and grumbles or cries. Silence, dark room. Just wait like that.

Then baby wakes, and you start again.

wake, feed, wind, 10 minute play, swaddle, feed, wind, dummy, sleep > repeat > repeat > repeat over and over again.

At night follow the same idea but obviously no playtime. Also don't remove swaddle at night and only change nappy if it's a poo.

If you are ebf, does your baby fall aaleep on the breast (normal) and release the nipple at the end of the feed (normal) often parents remove babies from the breast early, thus they wake early wanting to feed again! Also do you routinely offer both breasts when feeding, change nappy when baby is milk drunk after the first boob, if not babies will often want to catch up with their feeds at night! We never did a bedtime routine at this age, baby stayed with me or dad until we went to bed.

It does sound like typical newborn behaviour, hopefully the above will help and you can achieve 2+hrs sleep soon

Fate, not trying to be awkward here but not all babies will be swaddled and not all babies will take a dummy. Believe me, I tried. For months.

We can agree to disagree Orangebird69

Dummy and swaddle are both essential for independant newborn sleep in my opinion.

The only babies who don't need a swaddle aee those that will settle just as easily without it, so it serves no purpose. Fighting against the swaddle, I would view as a very clear indication a swaddle is needed.

With regards yo the dummy, some babies take to a dummy easily and some need persistence to ger then to take it. At 6 weeks old (and given the op already has one), it is without question always going yo be possible, with enough persistence, to get baby taking a dummy. Different story with an older baby, but we are not talking about an older baby here.

At 6 weeks old all babies will be swaddled but some dont neex it and slerp easily anyway and all babies will take a dummy with enough persistence.

Not trying to be awkward

No, you're just being actually really unhelpful imo - because you're basically saying all babies are the same and if the op does all you say and it still doesn't work, she'll feel like she's failing, or doing something wrong, again. I tried with my ebfd colicky ds with dummies from day 10 FOR MONTHS. Same with swaddling. Bother refused big style.

You're advice would be great if it was along the lines of 'this may help'. Rather than 'this works and if it doesn't for your baby then you're doing it wrong and not as good a mum as I am'. Especially with the patronising after.

Stop projecting Orangebird69. The ops child is not your child.

The OP already has, and has used, a dummy and a swaddle. How on Earth is my post unhelpful to her? Try actually reading my post to the op ok and read it in relation to the op.

If you wtote the post then you would say baby wouldn't have the dummy or swaddle and I'd have replied in a diferent way. You are not the op though. You are projecting.

Projecting: that is unhelpful.

(and I would happy take you to task on the persistence needed to get some babies to take a dummy. My DC4 also didn't take naturally to a dummy like her siblings did. We could compare and contrast how your view of persistence differs to mine. But that's maybe distracting to the op here, whose baby already has a dummy)

Friggin' projection. Bane of my time on the sleep board....

Hi OP!

Your baby sounds very similar to mine at that age (although he wasn't that content in the day). I've come on here to say:

1. Six weeks is known as being a really tough period, especially for breast fed babies.
2. Your baby sounds normal, but that doesn't make it any easier.
3. It will pass and it will get better. I know it doesn't feel like that but it will.
4. The only think that really worked at that age for our super alert baby and sleep was

white noise. Super heavy duty white noise - if you go on YouTube and search for 'Baby Got Colic' you can listen to a ten minute sample of the track that worked for us. Dummy helped as well, though understand they don't work for all babies.

1. If you can, try to stop reading all the baby forums (except Mumsnet, of course ). I remember when DS was at his most difficult (6 - 8 weeks) I had about 20 different tabs about settling babies open on my phone. I was consumed by 'solving' the problem. I shut them all down and made a conscious effort not to read so much about babies and try and worry about it all a bit less. It helped. A bit.

All the best.

swaddling works wonders!

It was impossible to rock twins to sleep and swaddling definitely helped then nod off - and an indication that it was time for sleep

First child was horrendous eat sleep and feeds - it wasn't until I watched an American program about the stomach muscle that it all made sense to keep them head above stomach - holding them over your shoulder helps stretch the stomach to easy winding helps massively

I told babysitters not to lie the twins down flat - they always did so we came home to screaming kids full of wind - so it does work

Just to point out that is strongly recommended not to force a dummy on a baby that rejects it. This includes tapping etc.
It is also not recommended to use bouncy seats for long naps and sleeps which I know you regularly recommend Fate.

Listen to Sandsnake! White noise is a lifesaver! Worked for us and still does. When my LO is tired as soon as I put the white noise on she knows it's time to sleep as she's used to it so I feed her lying down and she nods off pretty quick.