Nothing working for 6 week baby

[mama0got0moves]

Hi there, brand new to mumsnet and FTM. Please be gentle and apologies for the long message.

After reading what seems like pages and pages of forum threads trying to find solutions to newborn sleep, I thought I'd just join and post myself as finding it incredibly hard as nothing we do is working for our DS and I have not had more than a block of 2 hours sleep since he was born. So I'm pretty desperate!

For the last 2 weeks it is getting worse and worse settling him to sleep. To the point now where he is very rarely sleeping for longer than an hour at a time from around 8pm-8am. When we noticed things were getting bad we started a short bedtime routine of boob, bath, boob, bed. We take him upstairs around 7pm into dim lighting and use soft voices. We play the lullaby option on the Ewan during the last feed which usually sends him into a light sleep. (We have tried on many occasions to put him down before he falls asleep but not once this has this worked.) We have been using a sleepyhead since he was born and did have it in between us in our KS bed. However, the last few nights we've been experimenting with putting him down in the next2me crib without the sleepyhead. Not observed much difference. Neither setup is working.

So he may go down for an hour at first or it might take a while of swinging, jiggling, patting, shhhing, more boob to get him off. When we put him down he can be asleep from anything from 10 minutes to an hour. Very rarely any longer and never longer than 2 hours. When he wakes I feed him and he will fall asleep on the breast after 1 boob. I then wait until I think he is properly asleep and try to put him down again. If he wakes when I do this, which he usually does, we try to reassure him in his crib/SH by patting, shhhhing and stroking him but this has never once worked. It always ends up with either my partner picking him up and jiggling, shhhing, patting him back to sleep or me feeding him again (or both). It can then take anything up to 2-3 hours to get him back down again and when he does go down it will never be for longer than 1-2 hours.

In the day it's a very similar story although he does nap for longer sometimes up to 3 hours in the day. Usually only in the sling or on us though never once has he napped in the day in his crib/SH.

Techniques we have tried include the 5 Ss, special swaddle gro bag, white noise and music (Ewan and playing YouTube through stereo system), sling, dummy, pram (he hates his car seat and cries when in the car). I have also tried feeding lying down and co-sleeping with him in the bed. This doesnt have him sleeping any longer than when in his crib/SH.

I am EBF and we really don't want to introduce formula unless we really have to.

The silver lining is when he is not overtired he is an incredibly happy and content baby. He can sit for long stretches in his bouncer looking about, smiling and cooing. In fact he is constantly looking about even when he's crying.

I feel like we are the only parents with a baby sleeping this little! All the other threads seem to at least get their babies down for a good stretch during the night.

I'm starting to worry it is either something we are doing wrong or he has some kind of birth trauma. We had a long, tricky labour and he was eventually born via ECS after 3 hours of pushing and attempted forceps.

If anyone has any suggestions or can see where we might be going wrong please reply!

xx

In case you're still reading OP, I'll apologise for derailing your thread and reiterate what I said earlier - your baby is totally normal and you're doing NOTHING wrong. Try out the advice given on here but please remember if it doesn't work for you and your baby, it's not because you're doing anything wrong. If babies were textbook this forum wouldn't exist. Good luck

That goes for me too OP, I said way back up the thread that this is completely normal behaviour for a 6 week old. I have my fingers crossed for you that it all improves soon .

My baby was ebf and I didn't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time until she was 10 months roughly.

mama0got0moves

Baby feeds to light sleep. If he's put down after feed he'll either wake straight away or within 10 mins max. I usually have to hold him for at least half an hour before I'm convinced he won't wake once transferred.

I've already mentions ways to help out put baby down, if that's what you're looking for. If this is the evening though, as I mentioned earlier I would just abandon the idea of puttibg baby down (for now) because baby may be looking to cluster feed. Just settle on the sofa with the tv remote and plentiful supplies of tea

Something I've not yet discussed is ways to bypass the need to put baby down at all.

So in the daytime, there's nothing wrong with floor naps in the middle of the living room floor. This is something uniquely possible wuth your first that's less feasible when you also have a toddler.

The idea would be to position yourself lying in the floor so you can see the tv. Boob out and feed baby lying down. Once baby has dropped off extract yourself to sit on the sofa and leave baby there.

Many nurseries use floor naps, often on sports may type things. Quite an easy thing to recreate at home.

The same principles can be moved to your bed. If you fancy a nap yourself and are safe to cosleep, just pull all the duvets and pillows off the bed, feed baby lying on the bed and have a nap yourself.

Make sure you feed feed feed feed at this age. If in doubt, feed. Baby should be feeding to sleep. It's pretty impossible not to feed to sleep at this age. So don't fight against it. If baby needs to sleep, breastfeed him.

Hi op

This is a phase that will pass. You can totally do this, it won't last long......x

Poor you OP. I'm a FTM and EBF my DD (6 months) who sounds a lot like your DS.

First of all well done on the BF. It's not easy and you're doing brilliantly. FWIW I found BF so so so tough but it has at last now got so easy and, aside from the health benefits to both baby and mum, it is fantastic for convenience and ease now. If you're DS is happy and gaining weight there is no need to introduce formula if you don't want to.

My DD (like your DS I think) was hyper aware when newborn (she cried in the car seat, in the pram and seemed to really fight sleep). The sling worked but even then she would stare at everything insight until she conked out! I don't think I was able to "put her down" in the day time until she was about 8 weeks old and then her naps were very short (20-30 mins)

She cluster fed for hours and hours in the evenings. It lasted weeks. We had no bedtime routine (honestly, they're so little at that age a bedtime routine does not matter). It was simply "bedtime" when she had passed out on my boob (I would be in bed and DH would often wake me up to say we'd (me and DD) both been asleep for 20 mins and at that point we'd transfer her to sleepyhead in the next to me. I'm not advocating you sleep while BF of course - I was just so shattered and DH was with me so I felt the risk was mitigated.

I wouldn't worry about putting him down awake. He's not ready for that yet (also google the 4th trimester). There's no way my DD would've fallen asleep on her own in the sleepyhead at that age.

Don't feel you're son is a crap sleeper. Babies develop. I think they learn to fall asleep in their own time. My DD can now, most of the time, fall asleep in her sleepyhead, with me sat next to the cot or with my hand on her chest (I guess I am doing gradual retreat). And without a dummy (I really did not want to use a dummy). We still sometimes have to shush and rock her to sleep and put her down asleep - and it sometimes takes numerous attempts. And (for now!) she sleeps for long stretches at night.

FWIW, I would say:

• keep using the sleepyhead (the next to me mattress is hard!)
• let him feed to sleep / be rocked to sleep but just try to sometimes give him the chance to fall asleep on his own using Fate's method if you like (if it doesn't work then go back to feeding / shushing).
• really loud white noise (ipad app) helps when my DD is a bit wired and over tired ie. ipad on full volume!
• keep swaddling. I think I BF in swaddle but understand if you don't want to.
• Just don't worry about bedtime routine for now
• Don't assume cos something hasn't worked before that it never will e.g I thought my DD would never sleep in buggy but she can now. Just keep giving your DS the chance to try whatever it is.

Sorry for long message! Hope it helps. If nothing else, just know that it does get better. The first 8 weeks were by far the worst for me.

i have an 8 week old so feel your pain!
My FIL said to me yesterday why dont ypu put baby to sleep onto her tummy she sleeps like that on you maybe she prefers that way.
Well we tried it and she loves it she self settles and has a good few hours sleep i will not put her on her tummy of a night while am sleeping but i do in the day when either me or my husband can keep a close eye on her.
Might be worth a go even if it gets you a few hours in the day.

I completely understand how you feel. I didn't have the same issue as you do for nights but my baby wouldn't be put down for naps at that age and it was so tough. She also did not sleep in carseat, baby swing or buggy at that age as she hated the restraint too. As everyone says, it is completely normal and you will come out the other side.

I completely agree with Berry when she says if you are happy bf and baby is gaining, you don't need to introduce formula. Do what works best for you

We did follow a bedtime routine of bf-massage-bath-bf in dark-bed in next2me from around 4 weeks but it didn't happen until much later in the evening, usually 9-10pm. The time was flexible as it would completely depend on when she showed signs of finally finishing her evening cluster feeding - then we would put her on the mat for about 20 minutes and then start bathtime. In my experience, that first stretch after putting her in bed was always the longest stretch we got so I would go to sleep with her to try maximise my sleep.

For us 7pm was the peak of cluster feeding so I would just stay on the sofa and feed throughout that time. She always slept in the sleepyhead at that age, we would just put it upstairs in the next2me after night feed and it would be downstairs for rest of the day. White noise was a godsend and kept her calm. Swaddling didn't work for us - she would fidget and fight until her hands were free and only then would she start to fall asleep. Dummy was rejected from the beginning (and we tried again and again with almost every brand that exists until she was almost 6 months so all babies definitely don't accept them), it was breast or nothing in her mouth.

You are doing great and it will pass, it is so tough for the first 10-12 weeks but it really does get better

Hi everyone.

I am overwhelmed with how many replies I've had! I appreciate everyone's advice and will take away what I think will work best for us. I've shared your messages with DP and we think we'll scrap the mini bedtime routine and just feed as much as possible throughout the evening. I will also be doing my very best to try and get him to take 2 boobs during his night feeds. And we'll keep swaddling!

I just want to thank you all for reassuring us that our DS is normal! As much as these forums are informative I was getting very upset reading about other mums who were complaining their LO only slept for 4 hours! That would be a dream! Now I feel much happier that we can chill out a bit and stop trying to fix a problem that isn't really there. Right now I am sat on the sofa and DS has just finished a feed and is snoozing away on my lap. I'll be going to bed a lot calmer tonight. So thanks again (to you all).

xx

Right now I am sat on the sofa and DS has just finished a feed and is snoozing away on my lap. I'll be going to bed a lot calmer tonight.

That's sounds perfect. It will be fine.

Good luck

Glad you're still here op . Honestly, sometimes it's just easier to go with it. I hope you have a peaceful and stress free event x

Yesssss. Good on you. Hope you find things easier without the weight of 'mythical baby' expectations.

You've had some really good advice on here and it sounds as if you've reached a place that works for you. As you mentioned the 5s I thought you might be interested to know about the book 'Baby Bliss' which is based around them. My HV recommended it to me when my youngest was a month old and it was fantastic. It's framed around the 5s and talks a lot about the fourth trimester too. The 'side' bit about the 5s is not about laying baby to sleep on their side, it's about holding them in your arms while swaddled on their side and them manoeuvring them onto their back once asleep.

We had a really tough first six weeks with DD2, largely because DD1 was bounding around and we have a VERY small house and so DD2 didn't get much chance to sleep in the day. DD1 had never needed help to get to sleep as a baby so it was all new for me and DD2 needed a lot of help to get to sleep and with DD1 stood next to me talking it was near on impossible. So I well understand the concerns about sleep at the beginning.

It does get better and before you know if he will be six months and causing all other sorts of sleep mischief!

A colleague of mine has just had a baby - home from hospital, she's sleeping 4-5 hours a night already. And that's within normal range (GODDAMN HER AND HER PERFECTLY SLEEPING MOPPET..) 😂😭

Mine came out looking rather pissed off, refused to sleep at all then grudgingly condescended to nap. But only if held. All the other babies were blissfully sleeping in their fish tanks and mine was peeering around looking for something to do. That's also normal.

They've all got their personalities from birth, and I wasted so much time being upset that mine didn't sleep. If I'm ever lucky enough to have another one I will just roll with it and try to survive. :)

I hope you had a better night. Do whatever works and try, as much as you can, to go with the flow :)