Nothing working for 6 week baby

[mama0got0moves]

Hi there, brand new to mumsnet and FTM. Please be gentle and apologies for the long message.

After reading what seems like pages and pages of forum threads trying to find solutions to newborn sleep, I thought I'd just join and post myself as finding it incredibly hard as nothing we do is working for our DS and I have not had more than a block of 2 hours sleep since he was born. So I'm pretty desperate!

For the last 2 weeks it is getting worse and worse settling him to sleep. To the point now where he is very rarely sleeping for longer than an hour at a time from around 8pm-8am. When we noticed things were getting bad we started a short bedtime routine of boob, bath, boob, bed. We take him upstairs around 7pm into dim lighting and use soft voices. We play the lullaby option on the Ewan during the last feed which usually sends him into a light sleep. (We have tried on many occasions to put him down before he falls asleep but not once this has this worked.) We have been using a sleepyhead since he was born and did have it in between us in our KS bed. However, the last few nights we've been experimenting with putting him down in the next2me crib without the sleepyhead. Not observed much difference. Neither setup is working.

So he may go down for an hour at first or it might take a while of swinging, jiggling, patting, shhhing, more boob to get him off. When we put him down he can be asleep from anything from 10 minutes to an hour. Very rarely any longer and never longer than 2 hours. When he wakes I feed him and he will fall asleep on the breast after 1 boob. I then wait until I think he is properly asleep and try to put him down again. If he wakes when I do this, which he usually does, we try to reassure him in his crib/SH by patting, shhhhing and stroking him but this has never once worked. It always ends up with either my partner picking him up and jiggling, shhhing, patting him back to sleep or me feeding him again (or both). It can then take anything up to 2-3 hours to get him back down again and when he does go down it will never be for longer than 1-2 hours.

In the day it's a very similar story although he does nap for longer sometimes up to 3 hours in the day. Usually only in the sling or on us though never once has he napped in the day in his crib/SH.

Techniques we have tried include the 5 Ss, special swaddle gro bag, white noise and music (Ewan and playing YouTube through stereo system), sling, dummy, pram (he hates his car seat and cries when in the car). I have also tried feeding lying down and co-sleeping with him in the bed. This doesnt have him sleeping any longer than when in his crib/SH.

I am EBF and we really don't want to introduce formula unless we really have to.

The silver lining is when he is not overtired he is an incredibly happy and content baby. He can sit for long stretches in his bouncer looking about, smiling and cooing. In fact he is constantly looking about even when he's crying.

I feel like we are the only parents with a baby sleeping this little! All the other threads seem to at least get their babies down for a good stretch during the night.

I'm starting to worry it is either something we are doing wrong or he has some kind of birth trauma. We had a long, tricky labour and he was eventually born via ECS after 3 hours of pushing and attempted forceps.

If anyone has any suggestions or can see where we might be going wrong please reply!

xx

Fate, I've looked at some of your previous posts. More than once you've suggested CAN get a baby to accept a dummy/be swaddled etc if you persevere. As if it's a fact. And it's not. I'm not projecting. Just stating the real fact that not all babies will respond to your 'techniques' and suggest that you should possibly try and put your advice across in a little less smug and know it all way.

Fate assumes all babies are like hers. But they are not.

I really appreciate everyone's advice. Thank you.

To help with the discussion...

We swaddle a lot (using got bag swaddle blanket). Not because we see a vast improvement but because baby is massively fidgety and I assume kicking his arms and legs about isn't going to help him settle. My BF support worker told me not to swaddle and feed so I rarely do this.

As for a dummy, we have tried it on the odd occasion. Using it to calm him and resist a full on meltdown. However, he doesn't take it well and continually spits it out. I'm also still slightly worried about nipple confusion as he can be very fussy on the boob at times (which I think is related to tiredness) and HV has advised against in along with introducing a bottle.

I have wondered whether I should be offering him both breasts during the night and I do if he's awake enough but most of the time he is way too sleepy and waking him up with a nappy change etc. always felt counterintuitive.

We do wind him but I honestly don't think this is the problem. He doesn't show any of the usual signs of colic. He does get fussy in the evenings and cries but we can always usually soothe him with the 5Ss or a feed. I have contemplated giving him a infacol for a day to see if this makes any difference. But worried it might be harmful to him if it's unnecessary.

You can Orange. That's what im saying. As already mentioned, we can agree to disagree - since this won't change either my or your opinion.

(LapinR0se - long naps is the time to move to cot naps. Short naps in bouncer, definately ✔)

It is really early days isn't it? I know it's hellish but it'd be a bloody miracle if you could get a sleep pattern going from 6 weeks and you sound like you're willing to try everything!

Can I just ask is he putting on weight? Or has it plateaued a bit? Reason I ask is just wondering how much milk he's actually getting from the breast......

You'll get a lot of differing advice on here and it's so difficult to have the energy or rational train of thought to make a choice as to how to change things but I promise you that at the moment the baby will lead you and one night he'll just sleep for that bit longer x

Fate I know these things have worked for you and I know you believe it's your way or no way but there are other solutions that people may want to try as well....you can only give an opinion not tell someone what to do

mama0got0moves - if you're not convinced breastfeeding is established, definately avoid the dummy. Breast at every cry, every time, to get feeding established.

Is baby gaining weight well and maintaining centile?

What's the 5Ss?

We have a baby that has has always hated naps with a passion (although night sleep was ok). One of the only things that made any difference was buying a mamaroo swing. She loves the movement and now goes down so much easier. They are quite expensive, but can be picked up from Ebay. If your baby responds well to movement (buggy, rocking), then it may be worth trying a swing.

Fate why are you asking what the 5s's are?!

I just googled The 5Ss. Nice concept on the whole, I like it. For anyone interested:

1. Swaddle
2. Stomach or side position (just for calming when holding, not for sleeping)
3. Shush
4. Swing rhythmic movement
5. Suck

Baby is gaining weight and slightly improved on his centile when we had him weighed last week.

I am responsively feeding and use the breast to comfort during crying episodes.

Does anyone have any thoughts on trying him on some infacol to see if this helps? If it's not colic/wind will the infacol harm him?

Fate why are you asking what the 5s's are?!

Cos I didn't know what it meant! I don't tend to read baby sleep books or blogs unless someone else refers to them on here.

Turns out I already advocate all but #2 routinely on most threads. Never really thought of the acronym 5Ss thoyg. I like it. My version may be 4Ss though, because I don't feel comfortable suggesting side or front positions.

We use white noise and this does work. But it doesn't mean he'll sleep for longer if he's gone off listening to it.

Oh and we have a swing but he doesn't really like it. Same vain as car seat. Think it's the strapping in he hates.

www.infacol.co.uk/how-to-use/faq/

I'm sure you mean well fate but often your posts can be a little domineering.....which when you're exhausted and in a crisis may make a mothers life less easy if they follow your lead .......

Does anyone have any thoughts on trying him on some infacol to see if this helps?

It won't harm him but I wouldn't. If you think hes not got wind, then it's an unnesessary faff for no benefit. I also don't think it does much more than a placebo effect. You'd be better winding more/differently if in doubt.

But mostly at 6 weeks old just feed, feed, feed and feed.

Incidentally, is baby not feeding to sleep?

I found when my DS was this age he would cluster feed every night and I think this prepared him for a longer sleep during the night. By longer I mean 3 hour stretches max. My DS had very bad colic and infacol was the only thing that could settle him. Unless he's pooed I wouldn't change nappy during the night as this may wake him. I found in the first weeks my DS was happier in a moses basket and wouldn't settle in the next2me bed. Stick at it with Ewan, we still use him now my DS is 6 months old. Maybe experiment with the different sounds. At first my DS preferred the lullaby but now prefers the white noise.

no point in just giving infacol occasionally with problem, not how it works. Before every feed, consistently and several days to make a difference.

But to be honest, sounds mostly like my six week DS except he has huge wind issues but not 'colic' as he doesn't just cry etc

Have you got wonder weeks app? It's about the time for first developmental leap and hence fussiness.

But really, if you want longer sleep and any kind of routine this early, ebf isn't the way to do it. Can you express? One expressed bottle given by Dh each day usually gives me chance to get 3-4hrs solid sleep in spare room.

He does get fussy in the evenings and cries but we can always usually soothe him with the 5Ss or a feed

(Now I know what 5Ss means)

In the evening it always wants to be a feed. Most newborn breastfed babies cluster feed in the evening. It's a bit like being tired after a busy day and tanking up ready for the nights sleep.

The very best way to deal with evening fussiness is to cluster feed. This means parking yourself on the sofa around teatime. Baby on your lap, boob out and just staying there right through the evening.

Expect baby to feed and doze on and off for anything from 1h to all night until you go to bed. There's no point trying to put baby down through a cluster feed because it will be light sleep anyway. Just keep baby at breast all evening.

Cluster feeding does pass, usually by about 4 months, so don't worry

I had one like that. I think to some extent it is just the baby - I am not sure he would ever have been different but with more experience we might have managed better. However, to be sure with the next ones (twins) we did the following:

a. Sit with feet up and give loads of feeds whenever from 6pm onwards. Include a good evening meal (even if it is cook chill), lots of drinks and snacks if necessary. This is a time of day when you get tired and milk gets low. Keep relatively quiet, but not night time quiet.

b. Wind well. (I'm afraid fb son was very windy as well as sleepless, so we got a bit obsessed)

c. Take to bed with you at 10pm, use a plug in night light and creep about like ghosts in the night . Minimal noise and only change nappies when needed, not routinely.

d. For routine, I kept a daily diary of their feed times, then used this pattern to make up our own routine. They started off on about 8/9 feeds a day (smaller one always had an extra night one) and gradually reduced to about 6. We always had a longer gap after lunch (4/5hrs) and a similar one at night. I found it very helpful as I would lose the plot as to what time I had been up (and what day ) and with the twins, which baby I had fed........

Worked for us.

Baby feeds to light sleep. If he's put down after feed he'll either wake straight away or within 10 mins max. I usually have to hold him for at least half an hour before I'm convinced he won't wake once transferred.

Changing baby after boob 1 can be really helpful as more awake for boob 2. At 6 weeks i think it is standard to offer both breasts for a full feed. And the more full you get his tummy the better chance of him staying asleep a little longer. Also I think 6 weeks is too early for a 7pm bedtime, more like 11pm at that age and napping in the room with you or feeding during the evening.

As you can see there is so much advice but only you know your baby. So I'd stop worrying about routines and what you think you should be doing and what everyone else thinks you should be doing and just do what works for you and your baby. Plenty of time for routine from 3-4 months onwards.

When you say baby feeds to light sleep and wakes it is the norm for some babies, especially needy ones like mine! I would hold baby while cluster feeding and once in a deep-ish sleep, hand over to hubby and get some sleep! X