Questions on CC (controlled crying) - please help

[user1498908155]

Hi Ladies, please please help me

I have a 6 month old boy. He was a champion sleeper till 3 months and then the 4 month regression hit us super hard. I tried all the no-cry sleep techniques but nothing seemed to work. Lately he has been up about 10 times between 8 pm and 6 am. I am like a walking zombie with no energy for anything, and sometimes physically hurting myself in frustration. The day it went to 12 times two days in a row I decided to try CC (disclaimer: if you dont agree with CC, please stay away, I dont want anyone to use this thread to bash me, the method or other moms who are for CC). I have now been doing CC for 2 days but have 2 questions:

1. I am doing CC only for nighttime as I read in few places that I can do it one by one for nighttime and then for naps (for variety of reasons I cant do CC during day for now, and he naps 3-4 hrs across 3 naps during the days). However am not sure if that will confuse my baby as to why mommy is lovingly rocking/feeding me during the day and leaving me to cry at night. Has any of you tried this? any opinions or suggestions?

1. First night went fine with 20 mins crying at bedtime and couple of moanings/short crying at night. Second night started well with 15 mins crying at bedtime and again couple of moanings overnight, but suddenly at 5 am he went hysterical and started to scream. after he cried for 40 mins DH picked him up as we set 30 mins crying threshold for ourselves. Do you think this has undone all my efforts for last two nights or I still have hope? has anyone experienced anything similar? any tips?

Thanks a ton!, and sorry for a long post
from an exhausted mommy

Hi
Are you doing controlled crying or cry it out?

Hi, I am doing controlled crying, so first night did check-in in 2-5-10 mins and second night did 3-6-11 mins.

Do you use a dummy? Are you feeding during the night?

Ok. Would definitely take same approach at naps and bedtime so as not to confide him. Also I would not leave a 6 month old crying any longer than 3 or 4 mins.

Confide = confuse

Hi usersos, I am trying to give him dummy in the hope that it will help him cry less, but he is not too keen on it and it doesnt seem to make much of a difference. I am also still feeding him twice a night once around 10:30-11 pm and then between 3 and 4 am, as I dont think he is taking much of the milk during the day. He is ebf since birth, has now started some solids a week back after turning 6 months.

A dummy will only hinder and frustrate 6 month old baby left to cry.

At 6 months baby cannot put own dummy in. So it's best not to "tease" with the offer of comfort sucking when baby does not have the physically skills to get hold on the dummy and put it in himself.

Dummies and controlled crying under 12 months don't mix. Throw the dummies away if you are going ahead with controlled crying.

I would just add a small caveat that it can increase SIDS risk to suddenly stop dummy use, or use inconsistently. I get the impression from your post that you've only just started using a dummy? If that's right then just stop. Chuck then away and dont bother. But if the dummy has been a regular and consistant part of going to sleep, then be careful about stopping using it.

Ok I wasn't going to suggest you introduce one I was just wondering if the amount of times you were getting up is to keep putting it back in!
Do you cluster feed in the evening? Do you use white noise or the shush pat method?
Is it you or your partner that tries the settling?
Sorry about all the q's .......x

Maybe consider formula as he might very well still be hungry if he's not properly on solids yet. All the sleep consultants we spoke to wouldn't do cc with an ebf baby until they were on three meals or formula.

What does he weigh? I agree with pp's who are suggesting hunger. There is a good reason why sleep consultants will not do cc with ebf babies of this age.

Second what FATE said re dummy.

Do same for naps as night time. As the need to sleep is greater at night you will find baby usually settles quicker at night than nap. Don't think baby isn't making progress because naps take a while to work.

With CC you may find baby 'regresses' on days 4/5. This is normal.

My view is feeding at night is fine at this age - I definitely did for all mine. As long as it's a short feed rather than quick suck for comfort. Put back to cot as soon as feed is complete and then use same approach as before. Usually I found mine went straight down after night feeds anyway.

Consistency is key but trust your instincts. IME you should see an improvement with settling by 6/7 days. A significant improvement by 14 days.

Thank you all for your advice.

I am definitely going to take dummy off. I was also not sure of DS sleeping with dummy in his mouth.
Overall, i think I will try couple more days but if it doesnt improve I will abandon it and retry in 1-2 months when I can do CC during day as well as night and also when he is more on solids so we can eliminate hunger. However that means 1-2 more months of sleep deprivation for me :((

@usersos, I do use white noise, Shhh/Pat method is hit or miss with him... it works only sometimes. I dont cluster feed though as he is not very interested in feeding often, and its me who tries to settle him most times... any thoughts?

@Monkeyface, he is rather a small baby weighing about 7 kgs

In 2 months time baby should be well able to reinsert own dummy. So you then have a ready made no-crying independant soothing method.

(Being physically able to coordinate muscles to do things to self sooth is the reason controlled crying is more effective after 12 months)

I wouldn't recommend cc until they're eating well. Teething, growth spurts and colds all put a spanner in the works with sleep. If he suddenly yelled at 5 it was right to go to him.

I did read a book called healthy sleep habits happy child which I found helpful.

Just to say first. I'm a mum of two who have both had disrupted sleep patterns.
But please please think about what you're doing.
Ultimately your baby is crying for 40 minutes because it is distressed and scared that the comfort it has had since birth (and 40 weeks previously) has suddenly been removed.
Eventually your baby will stop crying because at best it is exhausted, at worse it has realised your just never going to come.
If your husband was crying for 40 minutes would you ignore him and hope he'd go to sleep? Or comfort him?
Honestly what you are doing is cruel and absolutely fucking horrible. Please please think of your child. I know it's knackering, i know you feel it's never ending but there are far better ways to go about it. Look up "gentle sleep" on Facebook for help.

Not helpful delila

Why is it not?

On the contrary lapin, if I posted about how I'd like to cause my 6 year old prolonged stress and discomfort, I'd rightly be flamed. Why is it okay to ask when it's for a defenseless 6 month old?

I highly recommend the book 'sensational baby sleep plan'. I was really sceptical but though I would just follow her exact routine to the letter I.e food and sleep during day and within a week I had a baby who slept! Have since recommended to other mums and all three love it also.

Please ignore the stupid remark about it being cruel. I personally think it's far crueler to not teach your child to sleep and allow them to be so sleep deprived, people seem to forget that we rely on our parents to teach us to do everything else like drink and eat independently why wouldn't we do the same for sleep, we know ourselves how awful it is trying to get through a day without quality sleep. All for going to your baby when they are clearly distressed or unwell but teaching them to settle themselves is totally different.

A 6 month old does not have the neural capacity to self settle. Sort of knocks your entire argument on the head doesn't it?

Agree with delilabell, sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.

If you're breastfeeding, have you tried feeding him lying down to help you get more sleep?

Also, not sure how cc will work if you've feeding him twice a night, you're baby can't tell the time so won't understand why sometimes you give him milk and other times you leave him to cry.

I know it's really hard but it doesn't last forever and there probably lots more ways of you getting more rest/sleep.

titty I'm a bit in love with you.
To make a 6month old son for that long IS cruel.

sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleeping

Hi op. I've just done something similar with my DD, I have a thread on it somewhere here. I didn't do naps and I think it's taking longer because of that but is DEFINITELY working (I'm on day six). Making a thread on here is good for support but can make some things harder because

1. I felt even more guilty
2. I wasn't sticking to a plan because I was trying to take on other people's advice to feel less awful about myself which definitely made it harder for myself and DD.

The best advice I can give is to try and stick to one plan, know what you're doing and don't stray from it! Are you increasing the time you go in? We did - 2,3,5 (and 5m for any other visits that night) the first night, then 3,5,7 then 5,7,10 etc etc. Keep going it'll get better!