Questions on CC (controlled crying) - please help

[user1498908155]

Hi Ladies, please please help me

I have a 6 month old boy. He was a champion sleeper till 3 months and then the 4 month regression hit us super hard. I tried all the no-cry sleep techniques but nothing seemed to work. Lately he has been up about 10 times between 8 pm and 6 am. I am like a walking zombie with no energy for anything, and sometimes physically hurting myself in frustration. The day it went to 12 times two days in a row I decided to try CC (disclaimer: if you dont agree with CC, please stay away, I dont want anyone to use this thread to bash me, the method or other moms who are for CC). I have now been doing CC for 2 days but have 2 questions:

1. I am doing CC only for nighttime as I read in few places that I can do it one by one for nighttime and then for naps (for variety of reasons I cant do CC during day for now, and he naps 3-4 hrs across 3 naps during the days). However am not sure if that will confuse my baby as to why mommy is lovingly rocking/feeding me during the day and leaving me to cry at night. Has any of you tried this? any opinions or suggestions?

1. First night went fine with 20 mins crying at bedtime and couple of moanings/short crying at night. Second night started well with 15 mins crying at bedtime and again couple of moanings overnight, but suddenly at 5 am he went hysterical and started to scream. after he cried for 40 mins DH picked him up as we set 30 mins crying threshold for ourselves. Do you think this has undone all my efforts for last two nights or I still have hope? has anyone experienced anything similar? any tips?

Thanks a ton!, and sorry for a long post
from an exhausted mommy

She doesn't have to stick to that threshold. That's why she is here, asking for advice. 🙄

Some people say that if it's not you who settles the baby as you're breastfeeding then that can help....
I'm almost too scared to make comments on this thread now in case you're further flamed op
Stick in. It does get better x

I hope all of you throwing stones are ashamed of yourselves. This is supposed to be a supportive place for parents.
The OP is physically harming herself out of sleep deprivation and is looking for help and support.
If you do sleep training properly and consistently there is absolutely nothign wrong with it, it is not cruel or heartless or damaging but a tool to improve everybody's quality of life including the baby's.

OP I will defend you to the hilt on this one. Please take care of yourself and your mental health and only pay heed to the HELPFUL posts on this thread, especially @neverknowing who had literally just been through this experience with her baby and has lots of sound advice.

Hope you have a good Sunday

Nope, not ashamed at all. 6 mos, ebf and barely weaned IS TOO EARLY FOR SLEEP TRAINING. And the only ones that should be ashamed are those that think it's ok to leave a 6mo crying for 40 mins.

Orange, no one said that. We suggested shorter increments. You can sleep train from any age if you do it properly.
And yes, I do know what I'm talking about.

Probably not Titty, think you're clutching at straws there. 3rd/4th borns inevitable cry longer but no tenuous assumptions there? Far greater factors contributing to the increase in adult mental health. Perhaps recognising, diagnosing mental health problems are a factor in the increase and that it is being less stigmatised more likely to factor than crying as a baby within a loving, nurturing environment.

There is a minority of posters on this thread set to make the OP feel as bad as possible about her struggles. The OP is an individual struggling as a new mum and has asked for help.

Mothers making struggling mothers feel shit is shameful.

OP didn't ask for a debate, she asked for help.

Be kind and empathetic. Even if you disagree, you can do so with kindness and consideration. Offer alternatives if you can.

Alternative? Co sleep and breastfeed on demand through the night.

I wont echo the advice, but look up a study about cortisol levels in baby being left to cry - it has quite a dramatic effect and it was citing this study which put doing CC ever out of my mind for good.

I put mine in bed with me at 4 weeks and it changed my life. Not been sleep deprived since and shes still there at 14 months. I put our double and single beds together and we have one giant super bed for me, her, an the cats. It might be disruptive for an OH but it means baby sleeps better, longer, and can feed in the night, and always knows that whenever she wakes up mummy will always be right there.

Sometimes she even peeks an eye open, sees me right there, and does a little smile before she goes back to sleep.

Titty -
Do shut up

Its not about shaming or accusing you... its about going "hey, its okay to nurture your baby, let them sleep next to you, come at their every whim... thats your job and thats okay" I think trying to put a baby in their own room is just making a rod for your own back. Seen it time and time again; sleep deprivation, upset, self-harming, thinking you are going crazy... of course you are! You are attempting the impossible. Just put them back in bed with you... dont worry! They wont still be there at age 30.

Why make life so difficult for yourself trying to put baby in their own room where they simply dont want to be?

Lapin, read the Op. She did leave the baby crying for 40 mins.

There you go Orange, wasn't so hard was it?

I did that for DC4 and it worked well. CC worked when I was losing my mind with DC1 and crying in the street.

Leaving a baby to cry, whether it's for a minute or the less attractive 'cry it out' is always done within the context of a loving, reassuring, nurturing relationship. It is the child feeling safe and loved 99.9% of the time and learning that it's ok to go to sleep alone.

Bollocks namechangefox - at 6 months they're too young to work that out. It's cruel end of.

Not bollocks Orangebird. Not bollocks at all.

Alternative? Co sleep and breastfeed on demand through the night.

This attitude is part of the problem in this debate.

The idea that if leaving baby to cry is not something you would do, then the alternate is cosleeping and breastfeeding a 6 month old on demand.

I wouldn't consider cosleeping and BF a 6 month old on demand through the night.

Neither would I consider leaving baby to cry.

There's all the middle ground of gentle sleep training.

And at 6mo ebf, I have absolutely no doubt that baby is hungry. It's NOT ok to leave a baby crying from hunger.

"3rd/4th borns inevitable cry longer"

Are you projecting based on your own experience namechangefox?

My four children each cried less than the previous. Due to the process of understanding baby sleep better each time.

What fate said .
So silly to suggest the alternative is co sleeping and bf on demand

I hate the mummy bashing on this thread, but have to agree that this baby needs feeding and tending to at night, especially if he only weighs 7 kg. Please don't leave him to cry, it's cruel.

Fate it's common sense. If you are dealing with a couple of toddlers, baby crying is going to have to wait a minute or two.

But you're going to jump in anyway Cran and tell her she's being cruel?