Help with newborn please!

[NauseousNancy]

My baby is 17 days old, and I am on my knees with her sleep.

I don't expect a routine at all, but she is awake every night from about 2am until 6/7/8am. She will fall asleep on me, but wakes and cries when she is put down. She also grunts a lot when in her Moses basket but never when she is asleep on me.

Is there anything I can do??

Thanks for ANY help!

What are you doing to help her sleep?

I would recommend

• lots and lots and lots of feeding
• swaddle
• movement (rocking/swaying)
• dummy

Over 24 hours a day, a newborn shouldn't be awake for more than an hour at a time. Most sleep issues are caused by feeding issues at this age. In the night, could you not feed baby to sleep?

Feeding to sleep is the way of things in these early weeks. Babies rarely like being moved once asleep. So you can either

• feed lying down and leave baby there.
• Or feed in your arms and leave baby in your arms.
• Or try to swaddle to reduce baby's outside stimulation, making moving a sleeping baby a bit easier.

If you are wanting to move baby once asleep, try the following:

• swaddle baby before feeding
• feed baby to sleep while swaddled
• once finished, lift swaddled baby to your shoulder and rub back for 5 mins or so to wind baby.
• sway while doing this is baby is unsettled. Don't worry if baby falls asleep in your shoulder - keep going. Be gentle but rhythmic.
• once baby has winded, in dozing on your shoulder and is swaddled, bend at your waist to put baby down.
• keep baby on your shoulder, touching you acr9ss baby's whole body. Bend your own body slowly over cot/crib so that baby gets to lying down position without shifting from the position baby was in on your shoulder.
• place baby down gently and slowly, as you left your own body away, leave your hand spread out on baby's chest. This is to replace the weighty feeding on your presence, so baby can still feel you there.
• if unsettled, put dummy in baby's mouth at this point. Leave your hand there on baby's chest. You may need to hold the dummy, or tap the outside, to get baby comfort sucking.
• once baby is caked and settled, dummy may drop out. This is fine, just take it away at that point (it's served its purpose) and gently remove your hand leaving swaddled baby in cot/crib to sleep.

My first baby was not a great sleeper either. I do sympathise
I had a crying baby from 6pm to 12am every night then slept for 2 hours at a time- only just sleeping 3 hours between feeds at 3 months old!!
The grunting may be baby's digestion? Please do check with Dr soon as possible just to be on the safe side. Is the grunting accompanied by any wheezing? What colour is baby's skin when in moses basket- looking for nice pinkish colour.

I think the advice is not to use a dummy before 4 weeks if breast feeding.

Sleepyhead is great for safe co- sleeping if you want to go down that route.

Swaddling might help as there will be less difference when you're moving her.

Let her sleep on your chest. If you are careful you can wedge your arms with pillows so there's no chance of her or you moving or slipping,esp if you are a bit propped up. That will help you both to get some shut eye. As she gets bigger she can shift into the crook of your arm or. Y your side. My dd slept this way until 7 weeks when suddenly she would sleep on her back in cot. Pick your battles OP! Sleep first - sleeping habits don't need to be established for a few months yet so don't worry about 'getting her used to it'. It's about survival for now

Thanks for the advise!

She is bottle fed, so has a dummy, which sometimes settles her, sometimes doesn't.

Our routine when she wakes is feed, change, feed until she gets dozy. Then I put her down in her Moses basket, give her dummy and put my hand on her chest.

This morning, I fed her, and she fell asleep in my arms for about 45 minutes. She was sound - just put her down in her basket and she is grunting and writhing.

I'm not sure what the grunting means? She never does it when she is asleep on me, only in her basket or pram!

Why are you changing her nappy at night? It will make her more awake. Never change a night nappy unless the baby has pooed or unless you want to wake him or her because he or she isn't taking enough milk.

Also - she's awake from 2am until 6am or later. Is she having a solid block of sleep from say 10pm til 2am? If so you're onto a winner and need to sleep then too for the next few weeks, even if you'd rather have a longer evening with your DH!

I had the same issue and did exactly what Saucy is proposing. It worked really well and we both got lots of sleep. I never really considered 'bad habits' I just did what worked and never make any effort to change it as it was working and DS gradually grew out of it on his own. I also fed him to sleep every night and never made any attempt to settle him on his own and he started gradually not feeding to sleep from 6 months. He's now 18 mo and will have a quick feed then crawl as far away from me as possible and get himself comfortable for sleep. Good luck OP

I would definitely check with Dr about the grunting. May be fine, but you will know how to help baby once you have checked cause of grunting
Is baby only grunting when lying flat in basket/pram?

I just thought I should be changing her if she is wet? I can drop that if it's not necessary!

No, no 4 hour block at night, only during the day, usually late afternoon.

Yes, only grunts when lying flat.

Definitely don't change any nappies at night unless they've done a poo. Makes your life much easier and mine never got a rash.

You definitely don't need to change her at night unless she's pooed.

Don't change at night unless it's a code brown!

She's still tiny and has no circadian rhythms. Outside for a walk early doors in the daylight, regardless of weather (unless it's too hot to be safe) keep nights quiet and dark.
Get a sling and pop her in it if you can. They like to be next to you. Sleepyhead is good, as is swaddling - a Moses basket is scarily big for a newborn, they're used to being confined.
Video the grunting and show it to HV at next visit but unlikely to be anything to worry about.
A four hour block in the afternoon is when you sleep. Mine didn't even do that, the little swine... :( it's a cliche but sleep whenever you can.
It's tough. Mine woke every 20 mins for several months and only slept through at about 18m. Develop coping strategies and look after yourself.

Not changed my 16mo at night since he was about a week old and he's never had nappy rash yet (touch wood!)

Ah ok.

I had one that would only sleep on me until she learnt to sit up by herself (luckily pretty early) - looking back I think she had silent reflux, so if it happened to me again I'd get that checked out. Mine was breast fed and fed endlessly, I now assume to sooth the burning redux but I didn't know reflux without vomiting existed at the time. She put weight on at prize winning rate so GP and health visitor dismissed my sleep concerns. I sat up with her on my shoulder for 4 months - well that's what it felt like The advice on ways to put her down are worth trying.

Mine wouldn't lie flat in a pram either - I barely used the shining new carry cot as she preferred the car seat attachment or to be carried.

She slept fine once she could roll and sit and crawl though.

Our routine when she wakes is feed, change, feed until she gets dozy. Then I put her down in her Moses basket, give her dummy and put my hand on her chest.

Are you not winding?

Ok I'll drop the wet changing :)

The long nap in the afternoon tends to be when she is being walked in her pram so unfortunately no nap then!

You'd be surprised. Ds sometimes fell asleep in the pram, I'd turn him round, park indoors and nap for a bit. If he woke then rock rock rock till (if, sometimes) he was out again.

It's all about survival if yoube got a bad sleeper - you can put good habits and routines in place but really there's nothing you can do to force them to sleep. Some kids are just terrible sleeps and you will drive yourself insane trying to make them sleep. The key is to rearrange your habits and life for a bit to survive it.

She's still tiny, everything you describe is totally within the bounds of normal (sorry, I know that's not helpful!) look after yourself .

My baby (6 weeks today) is EXACTLY the same - the grunting is so so loud, accompanied by wriggling & squirming. Never crying though! I spent ages thinking it was wind or reflux, but like you, she doesn't do it if being cuddled. We tried swaddling but she wriggled out of it, but last week bought a 'miracle blanket' swaddle - and it is a miracle! She still grunts & wriggles, but this definately helps to keep her asleep, and let me put her down!

Google the 4th trimester.

Reading everyone saying not to change nappy during the night unless it's pooey....!! Will be trying to avoid changing from now on as this is what fully wakes DS (20 days old)! But often find he pas pooed in the night...do you guys not have many pooey nappies in the night then?! He might be so settled in my arms during/after BF but then needs changing so seem to undo the hard work 😩

Definitely don't change a night time nappy unless there is poo (or if your specific aim is to wake baby - like for an 11pm feed when you go to bed, for example).

In such a small newborn there will be no rhyme or reason to when a poo happens. But past about 3-4 months old, night time poos should be a rarity.

Grunting is wind. My baby was a chronic piggy and still is at 5 months if she falls asleep before a burp. They do it when flat as that's when it bothers them, less so than being upright or tilted.

And in regards to the sleeping there isn't much you can do really, most babies hate their Moses baskets and being put down as they have spent 9 months all warm and cosy in your womb. It's awful being massively sleep deprived but just when you think it can't get any worse things take a massive improvement. I didn't co-sleep, I kept persevering with the Moses basket, I found it helped by putting DD down when fully awake then picking her back up before she got upset so she would learn it's not a place to be feared. A Muslim next to her face to snuggle helped too then I would whip it away when she was asleep.

My DD is 18 weeks old now and sleeps from 8pm to 7:30am every night without fail.