Newborn bedtime routine - am I doing it all wrong?

[user1488794856]

So after visiting a friend today and sharing our nighttime routine for our 8 week old I feel as though we are getting it all wrong.

A bit of background, my partner and I are first time parents with little support or guidance , scrap that, NO support or guidance from family. We are in every sense of the word "winging it" 

So...current routine pretty much since 2 weeks old, we bath, massage, swaddle and feed lo who typically falls asleep in our arms and is transferred to cosleeper, this usually happens between 6-7pm, where she wakes 2-3 times a night, and sleeps until between 6am and 8am. She grunts all night long, but that's a whole other issue 

The problem...once she is asleep dh and I have also been going to sleep, we don't want to leave her alone, but somewhere over the last few weeks we have progressed from watching tv and chatting until tired, to having the room in complete darkness (lo likes and needs this), whispering, and not daring watch tv, read a book with a light on, pretty much anything other than sleep aswell.

Whilst this means we get plenty of sleep and didn't think this was too bad, after chatting to friends and hearing it out loud it started to sound a bit mental...we are sometimes in bed for 14 hours from start to finish!

Is this crazy? Where are we going wrong? What is a more normal routine? I don't like the idea of leaving lo alone but would other people pop downstairs for an hour or so? Or do people tend not to do this until lo is 6 months old.

I know that it wasn't meant in a bad way, we were all having a good laugh at how life has changed, but it's just got me thinking!

Very confused ftm! 

Sent from my iPhone using Netmums mobile appp*

Can't you use a monitor? The actual routine sounds great apart from the last part

Buy yourself a good quality camera monitor and start leaving her in a different room to sleep. You need an evening doing adult things or you will go crazy

Monitor. That solves it , surely. Sounds pretty good to me.

Are people actually suggesting op goes against sids advice without telling her the risks associated with leaving a under six month to sleep in a room alone !?

My husband I did this until our baby was six months old and in his own room. We didn't mind as we felt like we needed the sleep. We read on our iPads or my husband would watch tv via sky go. Our baby is 10 months now, and while still not a great sleeper and we still go to bed relatively early we have an evening together. Those first six months feel like a long time ago now. Your bedtime routine sounds great.

How did you post this using the NETMUMS app?

We had a cradle in the living room in which we put DS to sleep in the evening at around 7/7.30. We would watch TV etc in the same room. We would then take him upstairs to bed at around 10.30 when we went to bed, usually doing a nappy change and feed then as well.

At around 5 months he stopped settling in a room that we were awake and doing things in so we started putting him to bed upstairs in his cot in our bedroom, with a baby monitor on. He started going in his own room at 7 months.

Try white noise? But honestly I doubt baby will 'stick' to a routine, she's still tiny so don't set the bar too high and expect too much then feel disheartened if it doesn't go to plan. I speak from experience, dc 5 is 17 weeks tomorrow and I've learned to go with the flow (of each baby, individually) x

I am currently sat on the sofa with my 5 month old sleeping on me. He has been asleep for 2 hours now whilst we are watching tv with sound low and eating dinner one handed 😊

I follow SIDS guielines and he is always in the same room as me when asleep. In the evening either having a cuddle as he is now ... or in the carrycot on the floor. Then I take him up to bed with me when I go. We have a cosleeper cot.

Once or twice a week I will put him to sleep in his cosleeper and go to sleep at the same time myself to catch up.

When he is 6 months I will put him to sleep in the cosleeper and then come downstairs in the evening with a monitor. Moving him to his own room when he outgrows the cosleeper.

Meant to add ... do whatever works for you. Personally though I could never forgive myself if I didn't stick to SIDS guidelines and the worst happened.

If you're getting enough sleep and it works for you then stick with it. You should always be in the same room when they're sleeping til 6 months anyway. Also if you've an 8 week old who only wakes 2-3 times you have a dream baby! Mine woke every hour at that age!!

My DD slept in a carrycot in the living room. When we noticed she was beginning to fall asleep around 8.30, we started putting her in the snuzpod upstairs. The monitor was all we needed and we went upstairs to check on her periodically. It all sounds fine!

(How is the opening post written with a new mums app?)

Any way...

For protection from Sudden Infant Death, it is recommended babies sleep in the same room their parents are, until 6 months old.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/room-sharing/

You interpret this as you staying upstairs with baby.

Most other people interpret it as baby staying downstairs with you.

Both are fine

I think probably the OP also posted the same thing on the netmums site and then copy and pasted the message here.

Anyway we did pretty much the same apart from when my son was teeny tiny we took the advice of our very lovely NCT teacher and we 'set' a bedtime for roughly when we would want to go to bed, bringing that forward as he got older and as his sleep got more predictable. So he used to go to bed between 9 and 10pm and we would just go straight to bed with him and then in the morning my partner and I would alternate who went and had a shower and breakfast until our son woke for the day. We did try watching a film in bed or similar, but I remember one night he just would not go to sleep while it was on, so from then on it was just complete silence from us.

After about 3 or 4 months we did move his bedtime to 8pm and we sometimes would stay up for an hour or two once or twice a week and would take the video monitor downstairs with us. I think our routine sounds insane when we say it out loud, particularly to my mum and partner's mum who always say 'we never did any of this in my day', but it works, and a lot of friends who think it sounds insane have babies who sleep terribly...so...you know....you do what works for you.

Serious question- how long has anti-SIDS advice been"never let a newborn sleep on their own in a room "? Mine is now 10 and this was never even mentioned when she was tiny. Sleep on the back; don't have any risk of smothering, yes. But never anything about never leave them to sleep in a room on their own.

It's better than our routine! My DD is 4 months old and won't go down till 9pm at the earliest. She is constantly awake and physically active from 5pm till 7.30/8pm when we can commence with bath time etc. I stay upstairs with her and my partner spends time downstairs. DD sleeps through till around 7.30am and naps well. Once we start weaning her I'm hoping we can settle her a little earlier as I'll be able to leave her in another room with a monitor.

I think until they are six months and can be on their own in accordance with SIDS guidelines then what you're doing is brilliant and your DH and you are having time together and lots of rest.

We had ours downstairs in the evening and then took them upstairs at our bedtime

Serious question- how long has anti-SIDS advice been"never let a newborn sleep on their own in a room "?

My eldest is 12y6m and the advice was the same when she was a baby.

Babies should sleep in the same room as parents, day and night, until baby is 6 months old.

Ours is nearly 6 weeks. We just keep him downstairs with us until we go up. And we are very careful to never, ever have it pitch dark and silent when he sleeps as I don't want him being dependent on unrealistic conditions to be able to sleep. How does your baby sleep in the daytime? Presumeably there's light and noise then, so surely it's not necessary at night?

My dd (now 10) simply grew too big for her Moses basket by about 9 weeks - long baby- and wouldn't settle in it. Our room was too small for a cot and her room was too small for a bed. She slept alone in her room - next to ours from about 10 weeks. Obviously we got up to her during the night. We used a monitor.

Well if we're talking SIDS isn't swaddling banned now due to risk of over heating?!! (Disclaimer, I'd still do it!)

And aren't the guidelines based on not having a monitor so if you do use a monitor it should be ok?!!

OP fair play to you for having such a consistent routine for such a small baby. Like others I generally keep mine downstairs with me til they're much older and they sleep where they have daytime naps til I go to bed (which is currently around 9pm with my 7 week old).

Your routine is great though so if I were you I would invest in an angelcare monitor with a sensor mat and keep it up.

My only concern would be the co-sleeper, I know they can't move much at that age but my LO can already shift about 5 inches sometimes (just her head & upper body, not sure how but a lot of wriggling!). And there will come a day when they suddenly can move possibly without prior warning! Could you put the side up on the co-sleeper if you're not in the room?

And finally DO NOT COMPARE YOUR BABY/HOW YOU DO THINGS TO OTHER BABIES AND PARENTS. can't stress this enough. By all means chat and see what others are doing but trust your instincts and do what works for you.

babyblabber I didn't know that about swaddling, but then I never really asked. Is it in those little leaflets that they ply you with just after baby is born?

I'm in Ireland but guidelines here usually piggy back on uk! When I had DS who is 7 they swaddled him in the hospital for me and I swaddled him at home.

I had DD1 2.5 years later and asked one of the nurses to swaddle her and she said she couldn't as it was against the updated guidelines. Asked my HV and she said the same. Although I still did it but used a large muslin rather than a blanket.

How to make up bottles and giving vitamin D drops also changed in between those two too but I found myself reverting to habit and doing things the way I was used to anyway and same for DD2. DD3 still breastfed but can't see myself changing now!

The safety aspect of having your baby in the same room as you when they're sleeping is so that they can hear you (hearing you breathe reminds them to breathe - they didn't do it in the womb, remember) not so that you can hear them. So no, a monitor doesn't make it okay.

Swaddling ia not banned or even advised against. There are recommendations for safe swaddling, just like there are for safe cosleeping.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/swaddling-slings/

If you decide to adopt swaddling, this should be done for each day and night time sleep as part of a regular routine:

• use thin materials
• do not swaddle above the shoulders
• never put a swaddled baby to sleep on their front
• do not swaddle too tight
• check the baby’s temperature to ensure they do not get too hot