NO SLEEP not coping!!

[Sleepless17]

Please please please offer me some advice!!

I have a 3 month old baby, EBF. The first month was pretty normal sleeplessness, waking every 2 hours as expected, sleeping in the moses basket at night and naps in pram or moses basket during the day.

By 6 weeks, we couldn't put baby down for naps - would only sleep on us. But, nights were okay and baby would sleep in moses basket so we were coping. By 8 weeks, baby would sleep 3 hours at a time for 2 or 3 sessions overnight so we were getting some sleep.

Unfortunately it's been downhill since 8.5 weeks. The majority of nights baby wakes every 45-90 minutes - not hungry, just won't settle, falls asleep the moment we pick up! Every 6-7 days we get a 3-4 hour sleep in the moses basket. The refusal to sleep unless held continues all day so we wind up holding baby for all naps but at night we just can't do it. The pram doesn't work, bouncy chair doesn't and not even the car seat - only being held. Baby sleeps for HOURS if held!!

This has been going on for well over a month now and we just aren't coping. I'm existing on under 3 hours of very broken sleep a night and am seriously losing the plot. My poor husband is trying to go to work and support me but we just can't function between holding the baby all the time and no sleep. I'm delerious with exhaustion most days, tearful every day and have shut down all outings, cancelled all time with friends, all baby groups etc because I just can't think. I've stopped driving even short distances because I don't feel safe to drive as I'm so tired. I don't even go to the shop for a pint of milk any more.

We have tried ALL the usual things - white noise, bedtime routine, swaddling, bigger cot, later bedtime, early bedtime, driving to sleep, feeding to sleep, putting baby down awake or drowsy, shush-pat, pick up put down, even allowing crying for short periods which just kills me. It's not reflux etc as baby sleeps flat on us. Seen the HV multiple times and GP. Baby is gaining weight and healthy. I'm not going to cosleep as that is an absolute no no for us.

Please help - things aren't getting better - just worse. I hear my friends babies sleeping 4-8 hours at a time and we celebrate if we get 3 hours once a week

OP, I'm sorry people are being so obnoxious and demanding about the co-sleeping. For many people it isn't an option or (whispers) doesn't work. Yes, really.

My dc2 wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me or DH. Day or night. It was exhausting. Sleepyhead didn't help, wouldn't take a dummy. I caved and tried him on his tummy at around 10 weeks and he started sleeping long stretches straight away.

I made sure to follow all the other SIDS advice (bf, same room, nothing in sidecar cot with him, feet at bottom of cot) and decided it was the less risky option than me falling asleep with him on me constantly. I can't advise it as it was a personal choice based on the risks but that is what I did. He's 11 months now and still only sleeps on his front.

I could have written your post OP!

I stressed out so much about sleep with DD in the end we co-slept and everyone slept better.

DH slept in the spare room until DD was 6mths. I was a non-drinker and non-smoker. I put a pillow under the fitted sheet on baby's side so she didn't roll out of bed.

It is perfect if you EBF (as I did) as you barely wake up. I used to feed laying on my side, I would literally roll over and baby would latch on, have her fill, then fall asleep. I found if I didn't move her she didn't need winding.

It was life changing. We all slept, me and DH stopped arguing about how to get her to sleep/why she kept waking etc.

DH came back into bed with us once DD was about 6mths. I BF for over a year, DD slept in our bed for about 9-10mths. We did the same with DS when he arrived.

They are now 8 and 5, both very confident, never had any separation issues at all, and I have never really had any problems getting them to sleep in their own beds. They still occasionally come into our bed (usually due to nightmares/being poorly). It's such a short period of their life, I never regret the extra snuggles or time spent watching them sleep which I got by co-sleeping.

Oops just read the whole thread properly. Didn't mean to jump on the co-sleeping band waggon. Also missed the bit that OP definitely doesn't want to co-sleep! It worked for us is all, and people usually tell you not to do it.
Really should read through before posting...

I would recommend a sleepyhead - it really does last until 8 months in the small size. My son is nearly 8 months and we only got the grand (next size up) yesterday. He probably could be in the deluxe for another few weeks though. However, it doesn't fit properly in a Moses basket. You'd need either a crib, co sleeper or cot. I don't know why people suggest Moses baskets these days when babies are supposed to sleep in the same room until 6 months, because most babies grow out of a Moses basket way before 6 months. I think the sleepyhead grand would be way too roomy at 3 months. And it is MASSIVE - takes up the entire cot.

I got a second hand sleepyhead for about £40, so I'd definitely recommend doing that.

It does take up the whole cot, but depending on the size of the baby it may be fine. Average 8 month olds are meant to be like 18lbs, but if you had a bigger baby they may already be 12/13lbs at 3 months (or bigger like mine!) and my DD was nicely snuggled in it inside her cot. DC3 is just over 3 months now, and already 16.5lbs and is long so isn't swamped either. It really just depends on the baby

Presume baby is still sleeping in your room?
Appreciate co sleeping not your preferred option. Wasn't mine either. But we had to on and off around that age. It was a short phase and over quite quick.
Sling in the day so you can get on whilst baby sleeps.
Dummy.

Hang on in there. Whatever you do or don't do it won't last forever.

Of course, it's all your own judgement but I'd be concerned at 3 months going to the grand for the safety aspect in case baby rolled over. My son is pretty tall and on the 75th and I wouldn't have gone to the grand any earlier than now. Also, if the OPs baby wants to be held all the time, it probably would be better with the small size for that feeling of closeness. If it works, it's worth all the money in the world! So I'd either advise getting one second hand or when we bought the grand we got it brand new from Amazon as we have prime membership (OP do you have prime or know someone who does?) on the basis that if our son hates it, we will just return it and if you're a prime member they will send DPD to collect the product from you on a nominated day. I've done this with quite a few baby products if my son hasn't taken to them. So there's no real financial risk. But I'd make sure you cover the sleepyhead with a fitted crib sheet.

Jeez, give it a rest with the co-sleeping (the correct term is bed sharing anyway, co-sleeping is when baby is in your room). There are many reasons why bed sharing may not be safe, drugs (prescription or otherwise) being one of them. The OP has stated multiple times that it isn't an option, she does not have to justify that!

OP, you say it isn't reflux, because baby sleeps on you, but they are likely to be on their tummy/ upright when doing that, which may be a more comfortable position. It may be something worth exploring. Otherwise, sleepyheads are supposed to be very good, and I've also heard good things about baby hammocks, as they help the baby feel cocooned and are supposed to be good with reflux as their heads are kept tilted. We had one with ds1 and the research I did suggested they were safe if used correctly in terms of SIDSs, but obviously you will want to do your own research. You can often pick them up inexpensively on gumtree/ eBay.

I was you with my first. I was miserable at 3 months for exactly the same reason. And like you we really really didn't want to co-sleep. And i should say that we never have (that baby is now 7 years old and I have a second child and neither has ever slept even one night in our bed). I couldn't see how to solve it as I was so tired. In the end we called in the big guns. We paid for a maternity nurse to come and stay with us for a week. And she helped us solve it in that time. For us It was all down to creating a firm routine, feeding and napping baby at specific times with specific routines through day, expressing to increase flow and feed baby more through the day, being tough and not holding the baby for any sleep, using the cot for absolutely all sleeping. It absolutely transformed our baby's life. We went from a sleepless grumpy baby to an extraordinarily happy baby within one week, and there was no crying for hours on end during the process- in fact I'd say there was less crying. And we were happy parents as we finally got lots of sleep. By 4 months we got to 12 hours solid sleep a night and everyone was overjoyed, mostly the baby. It was an expensive option but I don't regret it for one second. And we never once co-slept.

And agree with hedgehog about reflux. It really is something worth exploring.

OP said in her first post that it's not reflux. Although I agree worth reconsidering

No I know she did, but hedgehog explained why the OPs reason for thinking it wasn't reflux didn't necessarily mean that was the case, so it is worth looking in to

Haven't read the full thread as was getting annoyed with people's self entitled attitudes regarding op not sharing her reasons for not wanting to cosleep, how is it anyone's business?!?!?!
Anyway op, have you considered that part of the issue might be the Moses basket? We had similar issues with our daughter & sleeping, although I was getting around 5 hours of very broken sleep which compared with your 3 hours sounds heavenly. Once I moved her into a cot things literally got better overnight. On the night I moved her into her cot I woke up in a panic after 3 hours solid sleep to find her lying contently looking at me through the bars. I really think part of the problem was that she would wake up & only be able to see the walls of the Moses basket & the ceiling, which lead to her only wanting to sleep on me so she knew she wasn't alone. Once she was sleeping better at nightwe were able to get out more during the day because I was able to function again, that led to her having naps in the car seat or pram after activities which in turn helped her night time sleep even more. We're still far from perfect with sleep, she's 8 months old & im still up 3 or 4 times a night but I guess no matter what you do some babies are just crap sleepers, just like some adults are. If I were you I would definitely try putting her in a co sleeping crib or in her own cot & see how things go from there. I really hope things improve for you soon.

Had the same problem with my third, my two DD slept in a cot attached to the bed and moved into their 'big' cot at six months all ok.
DS however has only ever wanted to sleep next to or on me in the end I purchased the sleepyhead and put that in the bedside cot with a sheet over the top that had my scent on it and he finally slept for longer periods as he felt more snuggled plus I could use it around the house, if we went to friends / family etc
It is expensive (can't put a price on some sleep though!) any may not work for everyone but it definitely worked for us, plus we ended up doing this until ds was 9-10 months so money well spent!

I wasn't ever ever ever going to co sleep and I didn't. No no no. He's worse than a grey hound and I'd never get any sleep anyway. Your patience is to be commended I Franky would have lost the plot well before you. You super hero you!! I dearly hope you both find some sanity. Stick to your guns. IT WILL PASS. Impossible to think now. But it will.

I imagine OP has given up reading this thread.. if you are still reading I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I always hear 'trial and error' when I ask HV for advice (which is so frustrating). We use a next to me with the side up.. for a few weeks we had the side down meaning I could rest my hand to reassure baby without needing to get up. I also didn't want to co sleep but did do a bit of lying down feeding as I could rest (not sleep) whilst DS was feeding. The idea above of feeding them moving away once he's asleep is s good one.. even if you still watch baby but give her the experience of sleeping alone.

Just wondering what baby is like when awake? (I forget how old she is.. I think 3months??). Does she like to play. Also wondering if you manage to get out of the House together?? I know we're talking a sleep issue but I know my DS (10 weeks) sleeps far better if we've been out in the fresh air or to a baby group. This may take extra effort (efforts not the right word but you get what I mean) given how tired you are but may help you both. Go with a friend or family member if you need support.

Sending positive thoughts your way x

We had this problem with dd at around the same age, we have a snuzpod cot by the bed but she does usually just stay in bed with me after a feed now but if you really don't want to cosleep I understand . One thing I found that helped with moving her back into her cot (when I used to bother) was having her lie on this blanket carrier thing our friends recommended as it has handles either side so you lift and transfer and they stay asleep because of the close feeling of the fabric around them. It's called a snugglebundl and they are about £30. It's actually to help with lifting baby after a c section and I had a natural birth so hadn't seen them but it was a godsend for us moving from napping in the car/pram to her bed without her waking. Also good for rocking them while maintaining eye contact.

We also have a sleepyhead type thing called a purflo baby nest, I didn't want to spend £££ on the sleepyhead and if not work, i think it was around £40 on amazon it comes in two sizes too so once she grows out of the first size (dd still fits and is 6 months and 18.6lbs) she can move into the bigger one.

Dd also sleeps on a sheepskin over the top of her mattress as she simply won't settle on a hard surface, I know it's against the guidelines but until she can roll from her back to her front I'm not concerned. I have one specially fitted for her pram too so there is a similar sleeping surface for both.

Oh I feel for you 😢 one idea that helped us which I don't think has been mentioned yet, is using a gro bag sleeping bag. Keeps baby nice and snug and no change in temperature going from feed/being held to bed or baby getting cold if kicking off blankets etc We use a snuz pod, and yes, sometimes my head ends up in it but it's a great alternative to co sleeping. Even just the reassurance of your hand on baby's chest helps. All else failing, keep pestering your health visitor for help/support. Good luck xx

Aww sweetheart I was right there. Even cosleeping wasn't close enough for my little darling. He wouldn’t take a dummy and wouldn't take a bottle so no topping up with expressed or formula!
I'd recommend picking a routine. Appeal to all the senses. So. Essential oils such as camomile and lavender on when you go to bed. Bath. The same noise or lullaby every night. Feed. Don't worry if you are feeding to sleep, you are NOT making a rod! Stick at it. You'll sleep again soon. I promise. Xxx

Have you tried cutting dairy out your diet OP? Your little one could be intolerant hence why they're so unsettled. In my experience there's always something up with an unsettled baby and you just need to find out what it is then fix it. I also wouldn't rule out reflux/silent reflux just because baby sleeps flat on you. They won't be completely flat like they're lying in a Moses basket IYSWIM. I really hope you manage some sleep soon, I've been through this and it's awful.