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Sleep

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Original poster

NO SLEEP not coping!!

120 replies

Sleepless17 · 29/03/2017 22:54

Please please please offer me some advice!!

I have a 3 month old baby, EBF. The first month was pretty normal sleeplessness, waking every 2 hours as expected, sleeping in the moses basket at night and naps in pram or moses basket during the day.

By 6 weeks, we couldn't put baby down for naps - would only sleep on us. But, nights were okay and baby would sleep in moses basket so we were coping. By 8 weeks, baby would sleep 3 hours at a time for 2 or 3 sessions overnight so we were getting some sleep.

Unfortunately it's been downhill since 8.5 weeks. The majority of nights baby wakes every 45-90 minutes - not hungry, just won't settle, falls asleep the moment we pick up! Every 6-7 days we get a 3-4 hour sleep in the moses basket. The refusal to sleep unless held continues all day so we wind up holding baby for all naps but at night we just can't do it. The pram doesn't work, bouncy chair doesn't and not even the car seat - only being held. Baby sleeps for HOURS if held!!

This has been going on for well over a month now and we just aren't coping. I'm existing on under 3 hours of very broken sleep a night and am seriously losing the plot. My poor husband is trying to go to work and support me but we just can't function between holding the baby all the time and no sleep. I'm delerious with exhaustion most days, tearful every day and have shut down all outings, cancelled all time with friends, all baby groups etc because I just can't think. I've stopped driving even short distances because I don't feel safe to drive as I'm so tired. I don't even go to the shop for a pint of milk any more.

We have tried ALL the usual things - white noise, bedtime routine, swaddling, bigger cot, later bedtime, early bedtime, driving to sleep, feeding to sleep, putting baby down awake or drowsy, shush-pat, pick up put down, even allowing crying for short periods which just kills me. It's not reflux etc as baby sleeps flat on us. Seen the HV multiple times and GP. Baby is gaining weight and healthy. I'm not going to cosleep as that is an absolute no no for us.

Please help - things aren't getting better - just worse. I hear my friends babies sleeping 4-8 hours at a time and we celebrate if we get 3 hours once a week

OP posts:

BreatheDeep · 30/03/2017 08:15

I have a Babymoov Cosydream which is a bit like a sleepyhead. I don't know if it definitely helps as I have a pretty good sleeper anyway (of sorts) but it could be contributing to his sleep.

duxb · 30/03/2017 08:16

So sorry that you are experiencing this.
The sleepyhead saved our sanity.

I fear we will have a few days of issues when time comes for us to remove DD from the sleepyhead and just pop her in her snuzpod but it's been worth its weight in gold and we even use it for daytime naps downstairs as it's so mobile.

PastysPrincess · 30/03/2017 08:26

I could have written your post. My son just wouldn't settle without me. I was dead set against co-sleeping before my son arrived but it was the only way to cope. I strictly followed the guidance and learned to feed lying down.

There are risks but bed sharing and sleeping on the sofa are lumped into the same stats which are reported but it's sleeping on the sofa which is most associated with the danger rather than bed sharing. Plus, if you are this exhausted it's likely you could fall asleep accidentally on the sofa and put your baby at risk that way.

There has to be a balance somewhere between the risk to your baby and the risk to you.

FindingNormal · 30/03/2017 08:30

Bloody hell, the op said she doesn't want to chuffing co-sleep - let's just cross that off the list of suggestions eh?

BeaveredBadgered · 30/03/2017 08:40

Sleepyhead worked wonders for us. We did end up putting on the bed next to me and my DH sleeping in the spare room though.

user1474439326 · 30/03/2017 08:41

Cocoonababy in the Moses basket!

Worked for us

Original poster

Sleepless17 · 30/03/2017 08:54

Co-sleeping isn't going to happen.
I've looked into the sleepyhead and babymoov but baby is over 3 months now and going to outgrow moses basket very soon, so not sure that these products might also be too small. Would sleepyhead grand be too big?
How was my night? 5 wakes in 6 hours. It's not a night.
We do have a carrier which baby sleeps happily in during the day - however this also means we can't sleep whilst using it.
I am trying to tag team with DH however his days are often 12 hours long. He is also exhausted.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 30/03/2017 08:58

But why?!!

MrsGB2225 · 30/03/2017 09:00

The sleepyhead runs 0-8 and the grand runs 9-36 months. You put them in the cot (if your baby is over 3 months, they are too big for a Moses basket now anyways).

SmallBee · 30/03/2017 09:03

It doesn't matter why. She doesn't feel confident co-sleeping so let's stop pressuring her to do it.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 30/03/2017 09:03

OP put us out of our misery and tell us why co sleeping is out for you?

It's not so we can debunk your fears or anything. It's just so we know where your concerns lie...then we can think of a way round it.

BeaveredBadgered · 30/03/2017 09:04

My DD was in the sleepyhead delux (0-8 months) until she was 10 months old and we then put her straight into a cotbed. She's not small, 75th centile weight and 50th height.
The sleepyhead grand is massive and would swap a three month old.

GingerGetThePopcorn · 30/03/2017 09:05

FFS people, stop with the "why not co-sleep?" pile on! Maybe the OP has previously lost a child to SIDS, maybe she or her partner is very overweight, maybe it's none of our business...

OP, in your situation I would definitely try a sleepyhead deluxe. Even if your DD is big for 3 months you should still get some use out of it as it's supposedly suitable for up to 8 months. They sell pretty well second hand on eBay. Arguably it's more likely to help her sleep if she's big enough to be quite snug in it. They are ridiculously expensive but you sound like you're desperate.

BeaveredBadgered · 30/03/2017 09:05

Swamp* autocorrect! (Although I may have been tempted to swap my three month old on occasion).

Sunshinegirl82 · 30/03/2017 09:11

I would get a sleepyhead, they hold their value so you can always sell it on. I think at this point it's worth a try, you don't have much to lose.

What is your plan for when baby outgrows the Moses basket? If you plan to have the big cot in your room then I'd suggest doing that now and trying the sleepyhead. Ds never settled in a Moses basket. Ended up just using sleepyhead in the day downstairs too.

I hated co-sleeping as could never relax but I was comfortable with the Snuzpod (with a side down) next to the bed with sleepyhead inside. You could also try a crib next to the bed with sleepyhead? You can pick them up cheaply secondhand.

NameChange30 · 30/03/2017 09:11

If we understood why the OP doesn't want to co-sleep we could suggest appropriate alternatives.

It pisses me off when people ask for advice and then reject suggestions without even saying why.

Highlove · 30/03/2017 09:12

Honestly OP. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping. I'd prefer not to. Pre-babies I was never, ever going to do it. Not in a million years. Then my first wouldn't be put down and a sidecar cot didn't cut it for her. So for me pragmatism had to win the day - whatever gets all of you the most sleep has to be good, right? You can't survive on that little sleep for long and you need to get out the house or you'll go nuts.

I know you really don't want to and I understand why you might feel like that. But unless there's a medical reason, I'd urge you consider it for your own wellbeing. It's not forever. In a couple of months you can try transitioning elsewhere. I didn't even relegate DH to the spare room - baby slept next to me on the outside of the bed with the otherwise pointless co-sleeper cot preventing her falling out. After doing it for about six weeks we gradually moved her into the cot for longer and longer spells until one day she spent the whole night there.

Breadwidow · 30/03/2017 09:18

I used the term cosleeping but didn't mean bed sharing - get a bedside cot. In fact get a cot bed and put against the side if your bed with the side nearest your bed removed if you can squeeze it in

duxb · 30/03/2017 09:20

Does the OP really need to express why she doesn't want to co-sleep? I imagine even if she does it will be met with divided opinion from those who DO co-sleep.

OP has clearly outlined all the things they have tried and that co-sleeping is out of the question.

I too would never co-sleep and for the first the six weeks of my DDs life when she had terrible colic and wouldn't settle, my DM took her one night a week so I could function. The thought of co-sleeping never crossed my mind those other six nights a week. I don't feel it's safe and despite many people telling me to try it, I didn't want too. I read up on it but it was a huge no for me.

My DD is four months and the 92nd centile for length and 75th for weight. She looks a bit cramped but really isn't - she sleeps with her arms stretched out above her head!

We use the sleepyhead in the snuzpod at night and as a day crib during the day. Also use it for some play during the day. It was expensive but we've more than got our use out of it!

3luckystars · 30/03/2017 09:23

I have been where you are and worse and won't co sleep either.

If you have a sling, put the baby into that all day long.

Let them sleep and sleep and at night they will gradually sleep better once they have loads of good sleep in the day. It takes time but just leave them in a sling all day long, it's the only way to break the overtired cycle. Good luck and well done.

SleepFreeZone · 30/03/2017 09:24

Co-sleeping was the only thing that gave me any sleep at all and it still wasn't much. I slept in a double bed on my own, made a bank of cushions at the back of me and dozed with him on my chest on and off throughout the night. DP would rescue me about 4/5am and let me get a few hours proper sleep.

Those were very very shit days, you have my sympathy .

GingerGetThePopcorn · 30/03/2017 09:26

It pisses me off when people ask for advice and then reject suggestions without even saying why.

Bit harsh. The OP clearly stated in her first post that co-sleeping was off the table.

GingerGetThePopcorn · 30/03/2017 09:27

Bold fail sorry...

BreatheDeep · 30/03/2017 09:28

It pisses me off when people ask for advice and then reject suggestions without even saying why.

But she stated in the OP that co-sleeping was a no no so why suggest it?

billabye · 30/03/2017 09:29

I have a 16 week old and have been using Babymoov Cosydream which has been great but it now getting too small. I'd love a Sleepyhead but they are just too expensive.

I've ordered a Babydan nest which is very similar and only £45. It's arriving today. It seems to be a decent size and you can undo the end when baby gets bigger. Worth a look?

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