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Original poster

NO SLEEP not coping!!

120 replies

Sleepless17 · 29/03/2017 22:54

Please please please offer me some advice!!

I have a 3 month old baby, EBF. The first month was pretty normal sleeplessness, waking every 2 hours as expected, sleeping in the moses basket at night and naps in pram or moses basket during the day.

By 6 weeks, we couldn't put baby down for naps - would only sleep on us. But, nights were okay and baby would sleep in moses basket so we were coping. By 8 weeks, baby would sleep 3 hours at a time for 2 or 3 sessions overnight so we were getting some sleep.

Unfortunately it's been downhill since 8.5 weeks. The majority of nights baby wakes every 45-90 minutes - not hungry, just won't settle, falls asleep the moment we pick up! Every 6-7 days we get a 3-4 hour sleep in the moses basket. The refusal to sleep unless held continues all day so we wind up holding baby for all naps but at night we just can't do it. The pram doesn't work, bouncy chair doesn't and not even the car seat - only being held. Baby sleeps for HOURS if held!!

This has been going on for well over a month now and we just aren't coping. I'm existing on under 3 hours of very broken sleep a night and am seriously losing the plot. My poor husband is trying to go to work and support me but we just can't function between holding the baby all the time and no sleep. I'm delerious with exhaustion most days, tearful every day and have shut down all outings, cancelled all time with friends, all baby groups etc because I just can't think. I've stopped driving even short distances because I don't feel safe to drive as I'm so tired. I don't even go to the shop for a pint of milk any more.

We have tried ALL the usual things - white noise, bedtime routine, swaddling, bigger cot, later bedtime, early bedtime, driving to sleep, feeding to sleep, putting baby down awake or drowsy, shush-pat, pick up put down, even allowing crying for short periods which just kills me. It's not reflux etc as baby sleeps flat on us. Seen the HV multiple times and GP. Baby is gaining weight and healthy. I'm not going to cosleep as that is an absolute no no for us.

Please help - things aren't getting better - just worse. I hear my friends babies sleeping 4-8 hours at a time and we celebrate if we get 3 hours once a week Sad

OP posts:
welshweasel · 30/03/2017 09:31

I think clarification on what OP means by cosleeping would be helpful. DS in the sleepyhead in a snuzpod attached to the bed I didn't describe as cosleeping and the HV agreed with that view. So we don't know whether it's actual bedsharing that's the issue (it was with me, premature baby who was not EBF) or not!

BeaveredBadgered · 30/03/2017 09:31

I felt co-sleeping was too risky but felt comfortable having the sleepyhead on the bed next to me (king size bed) and then sleeping under a single duvet that was no where near the sleepyhead. So I guess we did co-sleep, but it felt OK from my point of view safety wise.

Janubub · 30/03/2017 09:32

I stated right at the beginning that co-sleeping isn't an option. It isn't. I could write a long post explaining why, but then all that would happen is a stream of posts trying to persuade me otherwise - but as I said in the first post, it's a no-no for us.

There have to be other ways of settling a baby to sleep other than co-sleeping.

We are looking at moving baby into the cot which is in our room already. I think we'll order a sleepyhead.

Thanks for the suggestion about time in the sling - we have tried days and days of wearing it, and baby sleeps for hours, but it hasn't cracked night time. Maybe we should try for longer.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 30/03/2017 09:33

What Breadwidow and several others have said.
It's a perfectly viable option if you don't want baby in bed with you.
And anything you do do doesn't have to be forever and mostly likely won't work forever.
Op, you need to get in a good block of sleep yourself somehow, anyhow, and then try and find the best solution for you.
Could your DH take some leave from work to help, even for a few days?

GuinessPunch · 30/03/2017 09:35

I co slept for a while them gradually he went into sleepyhead and chicco next to me for short periods and gradually built up. Its in no means great now but from 9-4 he sleeps in his bed and from 4 back in with me.

NameChange30 · 30/03/2017 09:39

I agree with welsh - would you count a bedside crib as cosleeping or is it just bedsharing you don't want to do?

PotteringAlong · 30/03/2017 09:46

You don't have to co-sleep, of course you don't. But if your baby will only sleep on you and you won't co-sleep then you do he to get used to being very tired.

MrsNuckyThompson · 30/03/2017 09:48

You don't need a baby moov or sleepy head to co-sleep...

PrimalLass · 30/03/2017 09:56

There have to be other ways of settling a baby to sleep other than co-sleeping.

Sometimes there just aren't. That's why people are asking for your reasons.

BeaveredBadgered · 30/03/2017 09:59

Good luck with the sleepyhead- it really did help us, and I hope you manage to get more sleep soon. It's very hard in the early days but it will improve. Just do what you can to survive in the meantime! Flowers

Breadwidow · 30/03/2017 10:03

'There have to be other ways of settling a baby to sleep other than co-sleeping.'

'Sometimes there just aren't. That's why people are asking for your reasons.'

I second the above. Honestly some times there isn't a solution beyond sleeping within touching distance of your baby, via either bedsharing or bedside cot. Babies like to be very near their parents all the time.

Incidentally, I cannot imagine doing breastfeeding at night without some form of cosleeping. If I had had to actually get out of bed and pick up the baby and then feed her and then go back to sleep I think I would have fed for weeks rather than years! So much easier to just pull em towards you & feed lying down.

ineedwine99 · 30/03/2017 10:07

How about a sleepyhead with a thin dressing gown or something if yours acting as a sheet so baby has your smell?

JumpSturdy · 30/03/2017 10:13

I wouldn't bed-share because I am a very heavy sleeper and my nervousness about safety would have meant I didn't actually sleep even if the baby did, out of sheer anxiety. I was happy with a bedside crib though. A full size cot with one side off would allow you to snuggle into the baby while still giving them their own sleep surface. Would that work?

FATEdestiny · 30/03/2017 10:28

Nosey folks feeling entitled to know why. OP does not need to justify her decision not to cosleep. It's none of anyones business.

Sleepless17 - you don't have to cosleep. There are lots of alternate ways to cope.

Have you tried breastfeeding lying down?

I am thinking that a way to get some personal space in the daytime might be to lie baby on the floor in the living room, breastfeed to sleep then leave baby there while you roll away once she's asleep.

Also - how precious are you about breastfeeding? A bottle of formula may give you a break.

BreatheDeep · 30/03/2017 10:50

You don't need a baby moov or sleepy head to co-sleep...

No one said you did....

NameChange30 · 30/03/2017 10:51

"It's none of anyones business."
Sure, that's why the OP posted on a public forum to ask for the advice of strangers Hmm

Annarose2014 · 30/03/2017 10:59

why won't you cosleep
why won't you cosleep
why won't you cosleep
but whyyyy noooottttt

Jesus lads, relax!

I couldn't co sleep either. I need to thrash about, me.

But I took the side off the cot and lashed it to my bed and it has been a lifesaver. Yes, there were some many nights where I was lying more in the cot than in my own bed, but at least when I managed to disentangle myself I could roll gently back to my gloriously free bed! And toss and turn as much as I wanted! (Until baby woke up 90 mins later but hey ho)

Hell of a lot cheaper than those sleepyhead things too as you're going to be using the cot long term anyway.

welshweasel · 30/03/2017 11:05

I think that's what people are trying to establish! Whether using a bedside cot counts as cosleeping to the OP?

NameChange30 · 30/03/2017 11:14

"lads"?! Hmm

JumpSturdy · 30/03/2017 11:19

Grin I'd rather "lads" than "ladies" meself!

FATEdestiny · 30/03/2017 11:35

NameChange30

"It's none of anyones business."
Sure, that's why the OP posted on a public forum to ask for the advice of strangers hmm

One of (the many) reasons it is advised not to cosleep is when using drugs or alcohol. There are lots of other reasons and I am not suggesting the is the OPs case, but it could be drug or alcohol abuse, prescription drugs use, and many other highly personal reasons (as well as many inconsequential reasons).

How unbelievably entitled to assume that just because she's asked for help on a public forum, that she should feel it a necessity to disclose something so personal.

Absolutely none of your business.

christinarossetti · 30/03/2017 11:44

It sounds hellish OP, and the tone of some of the responses probably aren't helping your fragile state.

If you, dh and your families don't have enough resources for there always to be someone able to be awake and hold the baby, then you do need to think about buying someone in.

Unless the baby's problem is reflux (which you say it isn't) or something else medical that can be treated, you just have to go with them at that age. You won't be able to make your baby adjust their sleeping habits if they're just the result of being a baby.

The only thing I can suggest is a night nanny, which will be able to have the baby throughout the night unless you're actually feeding (or you could express or try a bottle for that feed).

It's not a cheap solution, but the state that you're in isn't tenable.

Timetogrowup2016 · 30/03/2017 11:46

Chuckles at the thought that the average person can afford a nigjt nanny .
Hilarious

Annarose2014 · 30/03/2017 11:50

I'm Irish. The collective term for people is lads over here. Forgot this is MN for a minute, lol. Must not deviate from accepted UK forms of address! Grin

Isadora2007 · 30/03/2017 11:51

Feed feed feed in late afternoon and early evening and then the second DH comes in hand baby over and go to bed. You might get 3/4 hours sleep before actual "bedtime" making the on/off sleep bearable.

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