Positive experiences or advice on Controlled Crying Techniques

[ruth2007]

This thread is intended to provide much needed advice to those that need help with using the cc method (in it's many various forms).
If you do not agree with the methods please express yourself elsewhere as I/we(I hope I can speak for others) need advice on how to use the technique effectively and a forum to discuss how well it is working without being made to feel any worse than we probably already do.
CC is in many cases a last resort for exhausted Parents and yes thank you we have researched the topic before starting.

My DD is 24 weeks old. I did cc 8 nights ago for the first time having previously BF my DD to sleep every night (and nap time) since she was born. Over the previous 6 weeks she had woken every time I tried to put her in the cot as she had grown too big to move undisturbed. Even with a good routine. As a result she would wake up and cry in sheer exhaustion, sometimes for hours on and off as we tried to walk/rock/sing/drive/sooth her to sleep in any other way.
At breaking point I finally introduced the CC method to get her to go to sleep in the evening.
The method I used was to check after 5 mins, then left her for 7 mins. I had intended to extend this to 9 but she had fallen asleep. I have never had to go in at 9 minute and the past few nights she now drops off pretty much as I shut the door. She still wakes at night and fights naps a little, takes naps that are too short and generally is not in a routine yet BUT she does go down in the evening between 7 and 8 without 4 hours of crying as was the case previously and is a much happier baby in general. She even cut her first tooth this week and was still on better form than any other time recently.

I hope my tale helps anyone out there going through the same or feeling they need to take this route.

Well done! I agree totally with both your methodology and the timing - I also did the same type of CC with my DD at about 20wks when she started to cry on going down at bedtime and I am so glad I did (even though I did go through a few tortures sitting outside the door waiting till it was time to go back in!).
My DD is now 17mths and her sleeping routine is 7.30pm to 6.30am almost every night with no waking (except if she's ill/too hot) which means I am sane and rested every morning. I even managed a night out with the Girls tonight without worrying!
Since you've introduced the routine and CC now, I'm sure your DD will find her own nap routine as she goes along and will settle much more quickly if she does wake at night.
Once again, well done - I'm a firm believer in this method and that parents can tailor it to suit their own child's needs!

I used the method you described and it worked in a 5 days, first night 50 mins total, by the 5th night he cried for about 3 minutes then lay down and went to sleep. It was one of the best things I did as ever since he has given me very little trouble where sleep is concerned. My tips would be to start the process immediately after a really bad night (as long as they are not ill) as it will stiffen your resolve to get things sorted. Also my partner was less willing to leave ds to cry so I told him that if he couldn't deal with it to stay out of it. By the end of the week he was so relieved to have a baby that went to bed happy with no tears. The little bit of pain involved meant that we had a baby that cried a lot less overall.

I can only recommend this kind of cc method as a short route to more peaceful nights. I know lots of mums who have had similar results.

After 7 months of pitifully small amts of sleep, my ds woke for one feed only last night. Why? ...because my dh was adamant that we need to do something and fast.

Instead of the usual breastfeeding/rocking etc to sleep at bedtime, I gave him a bottle and put him down and left the room. I then proceeded to cry the whole time my 7 mth ds was crying - no one says it's easy. My dh went into him at 10 minute intervals ( when i told him that's not what the books say, he said f* the books, it's common sense. Dh did not pick him up, just patted and said shhh for a minute and left. After 30 mins ds was asleep and didn't wake until 02.30am. I fed him then ( he is used to several feeds a night) but left him in the cot. He whimpered for 30 mins and cryed for 10 mins and then fell asleep...until 7am!!

I can't even begin to explain what a tiny miracle this is - I have been at breaking point with the lack of sleep and a full time job. I know this is just the start but it's given me so much hope to continue with this... i hope it works for others reading this.

Thanks for (re)starting this thread Ruth. I was going to start one today called 'The undead'....
After posting confidently and at lenth on cc at the beginning of the week i have just had 4 horrible nights one after the other. The problem is i can't even begin to get any sort of routine with feeds and naps during the day as dd1 constantly interupts. Does anyone else have a toddler and baby and are trying to get a routine sorted and cc started? It worked so well with dd1 but i started at 3 mo and dd2 is now 5 mo....
....help.....whimpers......

Malaleche - sorry you are having a rough time of it. I only have the one so can't be too helpful on that I am afraid but someone gave me some advice on naps in the old thread that might help.
Amijee - Good Luck with it all. Be consistant so you don't send mixed messages and you will be amazed at the difference (hopefully )

Hi Malaleche - hard isn't it! I did cc with all 3 of mine (at 10 weeks) but to be honest I only cc the night sleeping with dd1 and dd2 strictly after about 4 months (although I can't recall exactly - it could have been later) as ds/dd1 were around at the time. I also found that I couldn't do the cc daytime as I either had nursery or school drop offs to do. I found that the cc was selective - if they were used to going off to sleep in the car/pram during the day, it didn't affect the night time ones - v odd! As my routine became more settled, they gently had cc over time for the daytime naps too. My ds didn't like the crying of either dd (whether cc or not!) for the first 4 months and he was disturbed for the 3 nights it took in each case - after that it was great. The day routine took a little longer with each and wasn't nearly as rigid - at about 4 months though it suddenly settled to morning and pm sleeps bfore and after nursery/school pick ups/drop offs. At this time ds and dd1 were still having an afternoon sleep (dropped at 4yrs!) so they all went to bed together (at the same time - not same bed!) - such a shame.....peace for mum! I think you just have to be a little more flexible with more than 1 - my dh still calls me Ghengis Khan though...

Rubbish - I'm talking it! Sorry - meant to say the cc at night time was strict, but the daytime ones were not as strict.

Well done to everyone who has used cc and had success with it. I hope this thread helps others who are working through it, and gives them hope that it will work for them.

We did cc with our dd when she was 8mo - she is now 13mo. After a reasonable slepp pattern she just started waking 2 or 3 times a night and would only settle in my bed (dh works away). After a month or so, I wanted to addresss the issue, and began cc.

The first night was a nightmare (we followed a similar pattern to you Ruth, and she took 2 hours to settle . The following night took 1 hour, and by the end of the week she was waking, chatting to her toys a bit and settling herself back to sleep

She now sleeps from 6.30pm to 7.30am, and I often hear her wake in the night, chat to herself for a bit, and then settle straight back to sleep.

It worked for us - you do have to be 100% committed to doing it, but the long term gain far outweighs the few nights of pain.

We did cc about 6 weeks ago when dd was 6.5 mths. we did well and she wqas sleeping through from 7-5.30 after about 4 nights give or take a few off nights (by which i mean she would wake earlier e.g. 4.30, i would feed her and put her straight back to sleep. however, i then developed a really nasty bout of mastitis. she wouldn't feed properly from that side so i was constantly worrying about wherther she was hungry overnight as well as wanting to feed her for my own sake as expressing wasn't working. thankfully it's resolved after 2 weeks of antibiotics, but we are gradually sliding back to where we were. do you think we need to just start again? at the moment i am feeding her once overnight. last night i fed her at 2. she woke at 4 and dh went and put a dummy in (which we had stopped using at night) as neither of us could face being kept awake. she then woke at 6.30. now i know to some people that would be a dream night - if you'd asked me 7 weeks ago i would've agreed. but i'd really like to get back to no night wakenings again. will it be the same as the first time around? has anyone had a similar experience.

oh and htanks ruth for starting this new thread - have been watching the other one with interest - i appreciate that not everyone agrees with cc but feel that the original was hijacked a bit.

Thanks for starting this thread ruth2007. I think this is now what we had hoped for in - experiences and advice from other mothers who had tried cc, not sanctimonious comments from those who had never done it!

Anyway as someone who until a week ago thought I could never go through with it, some of you watching the Controlled Crying Support Thread might have seen my blog of ditching the dummy with my totally addicted 6 month old dd.

I agonised for weeks about taking her dummy away, but I made a decision in the last few days that it had to go. She wasn't sleeping well anyway so I really had nothing to lose. Dp was also away - which for me is better as he would cave in at the first wimper!

So totally dreading doing controlled crying I took the plunge, expecting hours of screaming, but I have to say she has AMAZED me at how easily she has given it up. The first night she cried for about half an hour (which of course seems like an eternity and is heartbreaking) and since then about 5-10 minutes at night. Daytime naps are actually more difficult as I think bedtime has more sleep cues for her to pick up on (bath, sleepy songs etc) but she is now managing naps too after no more than 5 minutes of grumbling.

I can honestly say that she has almost forgotten dummies ever existed. She plays quite happily in the car with her toys rather than crying every time the blooming thing fell out. She is sleeping much better at night too.

I know cc is not for everyone, but for us it has been relatively quick and painless. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am doing her a huge favour by getting rid of the dummy. I tried to kid myself that it would be easier as she got older but I know that can't be true.

Best of luck to all of you x

Ruth - Thanks so much

Maleche - We have 2 DSs, one is 3 and a half & the other is 6 months; started with DS1 when he was 8 weeks or so (using Babywise book) but with this one, just started Feb. 7th when he was 5 months. Took him 3/4 days to sleep through; has not had an incident since ... if need any details what we did please let me know.

Sorry Malaleche

"bad milk"?

wheeew, Take two, Night one. Just went through about an hours worth of crying, don't know exactly because i didn't write down what time i started, was a bit haphazard with the minutes too and fed her the first time i went in as she'd only had one side. Picked her up the next two times to burp then just stroked her face the next 2 or 3 times, but she's now asleep... Feel really mean. She's got a cold too, i know we're not supposed to do it when they're not well but she hasn't got a temperature, just a bit snotty and she woke on the dot at 3 and 5 last night as usual - i think if the cold was bad she'd have woken more? Main problem i think is she doesnt nap well during the day. Only had 20 mins today at 2pm then crashed out at 6pm for 30mins, an hour and a half before bedtime...And having to attend to dd1 at the same time as doing dd2's cc. DP is not always in at this time of night, he works some evenings.
Malaleche is Spanish for 'grumpy' - it's a trait which the people in the Spanish town i live in are famous for...supposedly their mother's milk was bad, (mine is excellent i'm sure) there is a ruder version too which basically means they were the result of a bad f*...
Wish me luck for night 2 tomorrow...
Marls, thanks, i was going to respond to your offer on the other thread - what did you do?

Ah, meant to ask - has anyone read both the 1985 and new edition of Richard Ferber's book? Am a bit upset to hear he no longer recommends doing cc under 1 yo. What alternatives does he offer?

People aren't critical of controlled crying because they are "sanctimonious" - it is because they think it is not proven as a safe method. Good luck with your babies.

She just woke up again after 45 mins, went straight in and stroked her face, left, she grumbled for 5 more mins and is now quiet...

Just registered to give the parents on this thread my wholehearted support!!!

I can assure you from our experience that controlled crying is a very fair
and intelligent method for telling your child:
'You can do it. You don't need any crutches, no boob, dummies or cuddling.
You are very tired but you are clever and can learn to settle yourself.'

My constant refrain to the dm was - 'Give her a chance. Please
don't go in with the (boob) crutch yet, please give her a chance to learn.'
And learn she did! At 8 months dd is completely at ease with settling herself
anytime between 7pm and 7am in the morning. It is just amazing how nowadays
even if she wakes up in the middle of the night all I need to do (I tend to
cover the nighttime shifts) is to gently whisper 'shh, relax' and sometimes
kiss her forehead or stroke her face. I then leave the room and she resettles
without any fuss.

Forgive me for sounding a bit exhuberant (not smug, oh no, there are still at least 28
years of similar challenges to come!!) but we too struggled with the vexed sleep issue.
I will post our 'sleep story' very shortly. Good luck to all of you in the meantime!!
Malaleche let us know how you get on but it sounds like things are moving
in the right direction..

Oh, my god! What a difference a good night's sleep makes! I feel human again! She only woke once at 6am, bfed and went back to sleep with only a couple of minutes of quiet grumbling, slept till 8am. I actually got up of my own accord this mornng instead of lying there ging 'oh god, just two more minutes', and went and woke up (!)DD1. Today i'm going to try and stick to a basic scheduled bfeed and nap routine and see if she'll nap better too [grin grin grin] Thanks for your support too DaddyJ

Great news Malaleche!
We had a harder evening because her naps got messed up yesterday too. She didn't cry any more but woke a few times later in the evening and needed resettling.
Hope everyone else is getting on OK

Hi FIS, glad it worked for you too.
Have just put dd2 5 mo down for a nap, first time i've tried a proper 'put-down-for-a-nap since she was born i think. She grumbled for 5 mins, i went in, she started crying when she saw me, I stroked her face mumbled something and left, after 1 min half-hearted crying she fell asleep, all this despite very loud Sunday morning disco music from gay couple upstairs too! (See, I even know what day it is now!) It seems to be working!!!
I think it helps a lot if you work out a realistic schedule of feeds and naps and write it down, also keep a cc log so you can really see the progress. (hopefully )
Good luck all

DCB - i would just start again from scratch. Work out a realistic schedule first and write it down. You will have to re-do cc anyway everytime your baby has been ill or teething or has lost the knack for any other reason, but it'll never be as hard as the first time...

Malaleche - good news on the nap! It makes a big difference to me when she naps in her cot. When she fell asleep in her pram or car seat I used to just sit here hardly daring to breathe and waiting for her to wake up. Now she is upstairs asleep and I can get on with things without worrying I am going to wake her by sneezing

Not that I do much apart from log in here since I found it

I did this with DS1 when he was 6 months old. He was a TERRIBLE sleeper before then. Once he fell asleep - you couldn't move him - or he'd wake up and you'd have to start all overa gain, and the ONLY places he would fall asleep were

A) in the pushchair (being pushed around of course)

B) attached to the breast.

At nights he was sleeping in bed with us (not at all planned LOL) - and once he went to bed I had to go to bed as it was the only way to keep him even vaguely settled. He'd wake up hourly and feed for about 1hr - so I was feeling like cr*p.

When we moved to our new rented house when he was 6 months old we took the plunge.

I did CC as my HV advised..........

Put him down in his cot - on his own (with reassurance - but without looking directly at his face - just patting him while lying down) then walk out.

She said to stand there outside the door for 2 minutes (while they screamed of course lol) then go back in - reassure again - without picking up or direct eye contact.

Then leave the room go downstairs and put the kettle on and make a coffee. - That will take about 5 minutes - go back upstairs and repeat reassurance.

Go back downstairs and drink the coffee/tea.....about 10 minutes...repeate reassurance.

Go back downstairs and crack open the wine (yes honestly that's what my HV advised - and I did) - it helps ease some of the guilt and make it easier for you - as it's not easy listening to them - after 20 minutes return and reassure........repeat ad nauseum every 20 minutes until baby is asleep........

Repeat as nessecary during the night. BUT don't go rushing in the moment they make a noise - leave them 2 minutes first of all.

For the first few days the HV advised to try not to let him sleep too much in the day (to compensate for lack of sleep from his crying during the night) - and to use the technique for his naps too.....amazingly after the first night he settled well for his naps.

Well it was a bl**dy MIRACLE. OK yes - first night it was 2hrs and 52 minutes from first being put in his cot - but he finally went to sleep. He stirred once in the night....I crawled wearily out of bed and waited at the door - 30 seconds later he'd settled himself again. And slept the entire night!

The following night only took 30 minutes, then the night after that 10 minutes (with no waking during the night once he was asleep!). The 10 minutes lasted for 2/3 weeks (and by the end of week one I just left him for the full 10 minutes rather than doing the 2,5, 10 minute thing). Then suddenly he stopped - and it was 2 seconds of crying as I walked out the door of his room and then he settled.

It was a godsend. From hour long feeds every hour during the night, and a baby that wouldn't go to sleep unless he was attached to my breast (literally) to a baby that slept through........AND he suddenly became a happier baby - he laughed and smiled more than ever before because he wasn't so tired.

We are well past the nightmares of sleepless nights, but I just wanted to say that we used CC for both of our two, and they are still fantastic sleepers (now 6 and 7) and do not appear to have any problems with attachment etc (apart from those that all children have). I think the key to using CC effectively is knowing what their different cries mean. That's why I don't think you should try it with very little babies, because it takes a while to learn what they are "saying" IYSWIM. With ds it was really easy to do, and you could almost time him because the pattern of his crying was always the same from the full on shout to the last little sobs into deep sleep. With dd much more difficult because she could keep up with the crying for ages (she never gave it her all in quite the same way!). So we couldn't really do it for her until she was a lot older (ds also liked to be swaddled which made it easier to leave him). I think that the key is to play it by ear, agree your tactics with everyone in your household, and to be patient. I do think it's worth it! Households where everyone, parents and babies get good sleep quality are much much happier than those that don't. I guess if I could have coped with the baby in bed method that would have given me some alternatives to try, but that wasn't for me.
Good luck to all those going for it!