Positive experiences or advice on Controlled Crying Techniques

[ruth2007]

This thread is intended to provide much needed advice to those that need help with using the cc method (in it's many various forms).
If you do not agree with the methods please express yourself elsewhere as I/we(I hope I can speak for others) need advice on how to use the technique effectively and a forum to discuss how well it is working without being made to feel any worse than we probably already do.
CC is in many cases a last resort for exhausted Parents and yes thank you we have researched the topic before starting.

My DD is 24 weeks old. I did cc 8 nights ago for the first time having previously BF my DD to sleep every night (and nap time) since she was born. Over the previous 6 weeks she had woken every time I tried to put her in the cot as she had grown too big to move undisturbed. Even with a good routine. As a result she would wake up and cry in sheer exhaustion, sometimes for hours on and off as we tried to walk/rock/sing/drive/sooth her to sleep in any other way.
At breaking point I finally introduced the CC method to get her to go to sleep in the evening.
The method I used was to check after 5 mins, then left her for 7 mins. I had intended to extend this to 9 but she had fallen asleep. I have never had to go in at 9 minute and the past few nights she now drops off pretty much as I shut the door. She still wakes at night and fights naps a little, takes naps that are too short and generally is not in a routine yet BUT she does go down in the evening between 7 and 8 without 4 hours of crying as was the case previously and is a much happier baby in general. She even cut her first tooth this week and was still on better form than any other time recently.

I hope my tale helps anyone out there going through the same or feeling they need to take this route.

cause i can? doh!

kiskidee - do you feel it is your duty to 'police' all threads discussing positive experiences of cc?

Has it not been made clear enough that this thread is for those who HAVE tried cc and succeeded with it? Can we assume that you have no actual first hand experience of it?

no and
no.

feel free to ignore what I have to say but as it happens annemarieandlilly it seems to me from reading your posts that neither you nor your baby are having a positive experience of controlled crying. in fact both of you seem to me to be having a miserable time.
I think anyone who had your best interests at heart would say why don't you let her carry on having the dummy for a bit longer until she is old enough to comfort herself in other ways? especially given she is about to start nursery?
anyway I only wanted to come and say that if any of you are thinking about Babywise (as recommended on this thread), I think it is worth looking at this link, which has some very serious concerns about the methods of the Ezzo's and the serious and detrimental effects of the babywise methods on child health and development

here

Harpsichord - I agree that your link should be seen. It would make a very good companion piece to the book itself. I researched everything myself before beginning Ezzo with DS1 in 2003, picked and chose what I decided to use at that time, and used what I chose with care. I have assumed that the kind of mother who frequents MN would go about it that way as well, but perhaps that is not the case. It did work quickly in our household. That is the way it is supposed to work. I agree that if it doesn't happen before it starts to feel cruel, then by all means the family should stop using it. I would think that would be common sense.

Marls, didn't the more extreme aspects of Babywise put you off? slapping seven month old babies for throwing their food around?

Oh, no, Harpsichord! Really, REALLY would have. I don't remember that at all from the book ...

Checked "On Becoming Babywise" just now. There is no mention of any kind of hitting or slapping of any baby in the entire book. He does have a follow-up book for ages 5-15 months though, which I have never read, called "Becoming Babywise II."

I don't remember finding that slapping bit in 2003 ...

Quite a bit about possibility of starving the baby(!) by following the routine too closely ... we were v. watchful of that ... with flexibility and attentiveness to the DS1's cues, that became a non-issue ...

Tinasan, Amijee - we hey!!! Fantastic news, well done!! And well done to your dh, Amijee!
We are going through a phase of severe teething and related flu-symptoms but I am really
impressed with the young lady - still sleeping 7-6 like an angel and smiley and happy during
the day (according to the dm, can't wait for the weekend to see for myself).

Harpsi, why did not just ignore the 'extreme' bits in Babywise and pick the stuff that made
sense to you and fitted in with your lo's needs?
Regarding your post to annemarieandlilly, it is certainly an option but it's unfortunate that
you could not resist making your suggestion without a sanctimonious dig.

Ruth, amijee, I like your restraint in dealing with the trolls!
(That's a forum term for troublemaker, btw)
You should have a look at how the ncss lot lashed out when someone had the temerity
to suggest on their thread that instead of torturing themselves and their babies, maybe just
maybe they should consider cc.
Having said that, it took me a while to figure out what kiskidee's thread was supposed to mean as
the latter posts are all pretty glowing about CC. Then I flipped it and all became clear:
Achtung, baby! Ze anti-cc Sturmabteilung is vatching!
Sorry but this is just too funny

Enough of this fun and games, good luck to all of you and your little ones!

From "Hellywobs" on the "What do you think of parents with only one child?" thread:

"... What business is it of anyone's how many children one has? We're not all clones, we don't have to lead our lives in the same way.

It amazes me how often people feel they have to criticise the choices of other mums (and it is never dads) - witness the debate today about women in the workplace.

Concentrate on your own child(ren) and doing your best for them. Forget what everyone else is doing - it's their business."

The below quote is how I feel about what other people do with their own children, CC included. I stand strongly by my own personal experiences with my own children, and I don't wish to push any "way" on anyone. From what I am reading on this thread, it seems other supporters of CC here have the same feeling. We are all trying to do the best we can, and to do what works for us personally, for our particular families. I do not understand how anyone from outside - who has never even met me face-to-face - might be able to think that a decision I have made regarding my own child and my own family is not the "right" decision. The only one who knows enough to know whether CC is the right decision for my children, for my family, is me.

Hi DaddyJ:

as a new member of MN you may not already know that many people on here take a dim view of ahem, jokes based around the Nazi experience.

not because they have a poor sense of humour but because they feel that making the ahem, jokes around the issue cheapens the evil the Nazis engineered and undermines the sufferings of their victims.

welcome to MN, otherwise.

An offended troll?!? How very enigmatic!

daddyj: look at my profile. hardly a troll.
and offended? no. too old to have such a thin skin.

good morning, anyway.

Wise words, Marls. Rest assured, though, us Dads are increasingly subjected to the same treatment.
I don't actually mind a good debate but on this thread I want to primarily support other parents going through the same thing.

morning, kiskidee.
I am fascinated by your stamina - do you ever sleep?
I have just finished a big report, don't think there is much point going to bed now. Lo will be up in an hour or so.

Just to pick up on harpsichord's post, I am not too stubborn to admit that things are very hard at the moment. Under normal circumstances, and as I firmly believe in what we are all trying to teach our babies, I would calmly continue with the cc. But as I consider it my job to teach her, not the nursery's, I feel more comfortable in taking a break at the moment and leaving it until another time.

My anxiety about her starting nursery is enough without the added worry about her settling to sleep. I don't want the experience to be stressful for her (or me!) in any way.

So for me the timing has thrown a spanner in the works, but I do have complete faith in my lo that she CAN learn a new way - and we'll tackle it another time.

As marls pointed out, we are all I think intelligent enough parents to choose what's right for OUR babies.

Keep up the good work everyone - thanks for all your support x

Good luck with the nursery annmarieandlily, things change quite rapidly when they start nursery. The first few weeks can be stressful (for YOU probably more than baby to be honest) but I am a big fan of nursery care, and I'm sure she will settle in in no time.

Makes perfect sense, annmarieandlily, this should give you and your lo a nice break before this exciting new phase.
I hope all goes really well at the nursery!

harpsichordcarrier, I think I interpreted the 'anyone who had your best interests at heart' bit too rigidly - I blame it on sleep deprivation which is highly ironic given that our lo refused to let a sniffly nose disrupt her sleep.
C'est comme ça.

Well DD slept better than most of you last night anyway
annmarieandlily - Good Luck with Nursery I am sure it will be fine

All is well in our household for now even with more teething (I thought she might get a bit of a break before the top ones started bothering her but no!)

Have a good day all

OH DEAR! It's starting again!

I thought this was supposed to be a non controversial SUPPORT thread.

I think the best policy would be to ignore any comments that debate the theories of sleep training - leave that to other threads. If the people who are debating it get no reaction - they will soon get bored.

A bit like training kids really!

i know of a website where cc is never debated and always supported. maybe that one is more suitable? . it costs £40 a month to give and receive support and advice tho!

now why would my waking or surfing habits be of any interest to you daddyj? chuckle