Positive experiences or advice on Controlled Crying Techniques

[ruth2007]

This thread is intended to provide much needed advice to those that need help with using the cc method (in it's many various forms).
If you do not agree with the methods please express yourself elsewhere as I/we(I hope I can speak for others) need advice on how to use the technique effectively and a forum to discuss how well it is working without being made to feel any worse than we probably already do.
CC is in many cases a last resort for exhausted Parents and yes thank you we have researched the topic before starting.

My DD is 24 weeks old. I did cc 8 nights ago for the first time having previously BF my DD to sleep every night (and nap time) since she was born. Over the previous 6 weeks she had woken every time I tried to put her in the cot as she had grown too big to move undisturbed. Even with a good routine. As a result she would wake up and cry in sheer exhaustion, sometimes for hours on and off as we tried to walk/rock/sing/drive/sooth her to sleep in any other way.
At breaking point I finally introduced the CC method to get her to go to sleep in the evening.
The method I used was to check after 5 mins, then left her for 7 mins. I had intended to extend this to 9 but she had fallen asleep. I have never had to go in at 9 minute and the past few nights she now drops off pretty much as I shut the door. She still wakes at night and fights naps a little, takes naps that are too short and generally is not in a routine yet BUT she does go down in the evening between 7 and 8 without 4 hours of crying as was the case previously and is a much happier baby in general. She even cut her first tooth this week and was still on better form than any other time recently.

I hope my tale helps anyone out there going through the same or feeling they need to take this route.

Whoops ... posted on wrong thread. Now I'm going to get it!!!

Malaleche ? Great to hear about your good night!!

Here; finally ? have compiled from what I?d posted on the ?support? thread of earlier ?
Now that I know I won't feel ridiculed, am posting this at length; my apologies for how long it is.

We did Babywise (an American method; unsure whether same as CC as haven't read the other books but am assuming it is) with DS1 from the beginning, and with DS2 really only since a month ago (he's now 6 months). We tried it with DS2 since he was waking up at 2, 3, 4 in the morning ... 2-3 times, different every night. DH was doing nights by that point b/c DS2 had given me insomnia - if I was woken, I was up for the night.

Here are two central paragraphs from Babywise:

"For optimal development, infants need daytime rest ... there may be a brief period of fussing or crying when you put the baby down for a nap. Don't be deterred from doing what is best for the child. Some crying is a normal part of a baby's day and some babies will cry a few minutes in the process of settling themselves to sleep. The future trade-off will be a baby who goes down for a nap without fussing and who wakes up cooing [instead of crying]."

"When settling for a nap, crying for 15-20 minutes is not going to hurt your baby physically or emotionally. Your baby will not lose brain cells, experience a drop in IQ, or have feelings of rejection that will leave him manic-depressive at age 30. You do not undo all the love and care of the waking hours with a few minutes of crying. On the other hand, if you want a fussy baby, never let him cry, and hold, rock, and feed him as soon as he starts to fuss. We guarantee that you will acheive your goal."

We used 10-minute periods, actually picking the baby up to check for a burp/comforting him every 10 minutes - some methods don?t advocate picking baby up, but we just wanted to make sure it wasn?t gas.

First day of implementing feeding schedule, I wore DS2 around in the Baby Bjorn during that last hour before a feed so he wouldn't become upset. Only two feeds were like this; he began taking full feeds after that.

Naps and sleep time have been made easier as DS2 is in a room where we can?t hear him cry without the baby monitor. This was done at first out of necessity for DS1; unfair to have him be woken up by DS2. So ? the baby is actually in the walk-in closet in our room, a temporary situation but the only area we found that is soundproofed to DS1?s room. When I couldn?t stand it I would just turn the monitor off and then back on 5 min. later. (Of course we still have to plan dressing around the baby ?)

Schedule: Feeding at wakeup (5:30-6:00), then 9:00/9:30, then 12:30 or so, then 4:30, then 8:30/9:30. Naps promptly at 10:30, sleeps until 12:30 (is fed at wakeup); naps again at 2:00. Our schedule of necessity changes per day according to what DS1 needs to do and what errands need to be run. It is by no means a strict schedule.

One of the benefits for us has been knowing that DS2 is never extremely hungry or tired, since his feedings and naps are spaced relatively evenly, and he sleeps up to 2.5 hours if he needs it, and takes the bottle until he rejects it once he is completely full.

The transition as I observed it - in our case - seemed relatively sudden. After about 3-4 days of day scheduling (of naps & feedings, not night scheduling), DS1 began to sleep in the night without waking us at 1,3,4 am - AND he also suddenly had a personality change. He is a much happier baby now - just beaming, where before it was difficult to get 1.5 "okay" hours out of him during the day (and therefore I wasn't able to really enjoy him very much-made me sad).

DS2 now seems so much more content than before. He is definitely doing better overall, whether he's able to get enough sleep now, or likes the consistency, I don't know. It has also made a difference for family scheduling of errands and outings.

Opponents of Babywise/CC have not had the experience of our household - this transition from unhappy baby to happy baby; I cannot come to terms with cc being a completely "bad option" since I am living day-to-day with a (suddenly) much happier baby.

Agree with DaddyJ wholeheartedly.

Thanks Marls!

thanks malaleche - was going to start again last night but couldn't quite convince myself she wasn't hungry. it only takes a small seed of doubt. i do think we need to do it again though - she was up several times last night and hasn't had such good naps today. she was in a foul mood at bedtime. well - will see what tonight brings. i'm off to the cinema tonight - i bet she really plays dh up....

What a brilliant thread! Thanks Ruth!
Intriguing to see how similar our experience has been to so many of you.
So many posts I would like to comment on but first briefly the promised sleep story:

Dd was exclusively breastfed until turning 6 months and dm established a relatively
stable routine right from the start. Feeding was on demand and I suppose we followed what
is known as 'attachement parenting':
We co-sleept with dd and BFed her to sleep for the first three months. That was
actually rather lovely and all three of us slept really well (as dm would dreamfeed dd
conveniently in bed) but after three months dd started waking up to 6 times a night
and there was of course only one way to resettle her..fannyannie and FloatingInSpace,
you know what I am talking about!!
It was obvious that her boob-to-sleep habit had become so ingrained that she would jolt
herself awake screaming for a BF on the rare occasions when she fell asleep unaided!

To me, that was just heartbreaking. I felt we were failing in our role as parents because if she is clever enough to learn that 'boob = sleep" then surely we can teach her 'grobag + lights out + own cot = sleep', non?!?

And so at the age of 4 months we started with cc.

The very first time was during the day for her post-lunch sleep. It was quite a shock
to her system, no doubt. She cried for about 50 minutes, slept for 10 minutes and cried
for another 30 minutes, followed by 20 minutes of sleep. V tough but dm distracted
ourselves by cleaning the place from top to bottom - we would recommend starting cc
during the day!

That night at 7pm dd fell asleep after 35 minutes of cc. We spaced the intervals at
3,5,7,10,15 minutes and at the beginning we would usually have to go in 2-4 times.

What was astonishing was that after only 4 days she could settle herself at 7pm without
any crying.
However, we still breastfed her to sleep during the night and we waited another 4 months
before dropping the remaining 1/2 short nightfeeds using cc.
Again, it was pretty hard to listen to her crying for up to 30 minutes
but after 3 nights she had stopped waking up in the middle of the night
and slept through until 6:30am.

That's our story so far but I would like to add in another post why it took us so long and what was actually hard about it. First, I need some sleep myself now!

Malaleche, well done on breaking new ground with dd2 - must have been incredibly exciting
to watch her succeed the way she did! Despite the Sunday disco!!

Marls, the Babywise excerpt made me chuckle..thanks for that!

Nooka, you hit the nail on the head: when you listen carefully to your baby it becomes very
obvious that different cries mean different things. The very very first time I (unsuccessfully)
tried cc our dd was only 2 months old and after listening to her crying for about an 1 hour
I realised it was not working because her screams only conveyed confusion and fear.
When we did it two months later - the first time when it actually worked - her cries were
just as vigorous but she was saying something else now:
'I know, you want me to sleep but - hello! - where is the boob? Excuse me! Oi! How dare you - how VERY dare you!!'
Honestly, you could hear the difference!
And when we used cc recently her shouting was more of a way to tire herself out.
Maybe what has given cc a bad name among some people is that it became associated with parents who used it as an excuse for not really listening to their babies.
Your post makes a really crucial point there.

Glad everyone is finding the shared experiences useful.

Update from us....
DD slept 12 hours straight! Well that's a lie because her Daddy had to go and give her a kiss and shhh after 45 minutes but then we heard her stir slightly a few times and go back to sleep. My boobs don't know what has hit them! As you might know from my other posts I was still happy to BF to sleep for night wakings but if last night is more than a one off fluke than she has obviously decided she does not need it anymore! Yay!
I really am beginning to feel like she has learnt one of life great lessons - sleep is GOOD!
Hope you all have a good day

im glad a new thread has been started.we have done pu/pd and are redoing it as we got in a muddle whilst on holiday-my fault not ds!but its interesting reading this.6-7 months ago i may have been ranting about how i disagree with cc but part of what made me so angry was lack of sleep!lol.

Hi Kittypants - me too! But you do get to a breaking point don't you?
I'm glad you are doing PU/PD it is a bit of a gentler form. Wish it had worked for us but DD just got more stimulated Even now when I go in to her (on the odd occasion I need to) I really want to pick her up for a cuddle!

he only really had the pu/pd on the first night,the rest of time was just hand on his back whispering.last night i restarted and didnt need to pick up.

Hello all - still persevering with cc with my dd to get her to sleep without dummy.

Generally we are down to about 10 minutes of crying before sleep now, which feels a little frustrating after 6 days of cc but I am encouraged to hear from others who say it can take a couple of weeks before they go to sleep without complaining.

I feel a little nervous as dd starts nursery 3 days a week on Monday. Is it reasonable for me to ask the nursery to continue with the albeit short cc at nap times? I really feel very anxious about how they are going to get her to sleep.

Nightime wakings are still a bit of a problem. Ruth2007 I am really interested to hear that your dh going in has helped. I have been bottle feeding in the night recently so I can control the amount she has. Do you think sending my dp to do this would help?

BTW thanks to DaddyJ for your wise words about relearning sleep associations - I hadn't thought of it like this and it helps to think that you are 'teaching' them a new way.

annmarieandlily - not sure if it will help because my DD is still BF so she knows her Daddy does not come bearing milk! If your DH has not been doing the feeds it may well help. I did the cc for a week before introducing DP in to it and she responds as well if not better every time.
We have decided to split the night now as we know she does not need feeding before midnight. DP will do the first shift and I then do anything after 12 as she may need feeding then (although I am hoping she will keep sleeping )

Thanks ruth2007 - how old is your dd by the way? Mine is just over 6 months (born end of Aug) and HVs keep saying don't feed her - she doesn't need it. She is fully weaned but the amount of food she will take in a day will vary according to her mood. Somebody warned me the day she was born that as a baby Leo she would be a headstrong woman - don't I know it!

ruth - is it ok to do cc and bf overnight do you think. i think dd prob does need a feed overnight. also - had her weighed today and she had actually lost a bit of weight so i think i prob will feed her overnight if she is awake. i'm not sure how this will work though. last night she didn't really settle between 2.30-6. we had already done cc until i got mastitis and then things went haywire for a while. she's almost 8 mths.

dcb - for what it's worth Dr. told us that a 4 months our DS2 didn't need to eat at night anymore. He was 14 pounds.

Hi everyone

I've been away for a long weekend so just catching up. This thread is really inspiring and keeps you driven. We were unable to let ds cry too much as we were staying at other people's hses but he was still a lot better than usual. Just let him cry at bedtime and he only took 25 mins to settle. I'm really encouraged by everyone's positive experiences and am looking forward to a good night sleep one day!

Thanks to everyone

Hello again, was just writing an update last night when dd2 woke up...
Things going ok here, practicaly no crying and she had two big naps yesterday, ah no i tell a lie, the afternoon one didnt work and she'd been grouchy all afternoon the day before too. So i sat myself down with my shiny new nap/bfeeds schedule and realised that in my enthusiasm i have not sceduled enough bfeeds in the afternoon... So, beware of this everyone - also i had scheduled the feeds just before the naps thinking 'oh yes then it'll be easier for her to fall asleep' - completely missing the point that she's supposed to fall asleep by herself! (I think if shes eaten in the hour previous to the nap she shouldn't wake too early through hunger?)So, will keep the naps penciled in morning and afternoon but go back to feeding without my eye on the clock, tho roughly at the times i had scheduled, just once more in the afternoon, can see now i was in danger of messing up my milk supply . Am (exclusively) bfeeding dd2, 5 mo, 5 or 6 times a day, plus once in the night - does that sound right?

Annmarieandlily - Morning! DD is 25 weeks(a little young for cc I know but we tried and it seems to work!)since we started CC she has been dropping night feeds, she never had a pattern to them where as now she seems to wake up at 3/4 then at 6.30 then back to bed until 8ish. She feeds much more regularly in the day too so I know she is getting loads. Not on solids yet.
dcb - I think if your DD is tailing off it may be worth talking to the HV again and asking them. I would think you need to up her intake in the day but I would ask the expert.
FWIW I have read about a few 7/8 m olds starting to wake again and want to stay up in the middle of the night. It could be separation anxiety, haven't got there yet so I can't be much help sorry!
Hope you all had good nights, we didn't manage 12 hours again but there we go - thought it was too good to be true!

malaleche - x threads as I got interrupted!
Sounds about right - this is what I am doing - DD is about the same age and still BF (1 week to solids!) I feed her when she wakes so 4 big feeds (morning and 3 naps) plus she has an extra one in the evening about an hour before bed (though not a big feed). She takes loads at these 4 main ones now where as before she snacked all day! I still offer her a feed before each sleep as she was so used to it but most times she just has a quick drink then lets go and starts crying a little - looking at the cot! Think she is telling me something! Then she also feeds in the night once early hours about 6.30am and sometimes around 3/4 (at the minute! you know how quickly they change habits!) So she feeds 6/7 times and has a "drink" 4 times (although I plan to drop these as she really isn't interested).
I don't really time things as until 2 weeks ago she was completely on demand and I am trying to let her settle on her own routine which she seems to be doing. Once we start solids I am going to try and be more organised

Really need some help as we seem to have hit a low point .

On day 8 now of cc and things seem to be getting worse rather than better. Naps are becoming awful with the crying louder and longer than before. She will only catnap for about 30-40 minutes at a time so is exhausted and grumpy for most of the day. I dread putting her down and find myself going out in the car just so she can get some sleep.

I am so anxious as she starts nursery on Monday and I have no idea what to do. Do I give her the dummy back for naps? I am really reluctant to do it after all this pain, but I can't face the thought of her crying her little heart out in a strange cot.

I just don't know where I am going wrong...

annmarieandlily
Perhaps she is teething? or coming down with something? My DD has been hard work today too, she seems tired even straight after a nap, am telling myself she is about to start doing something new like rolling over (she doesn't do this yet!) so is building her energy reserves

Are the nights still OK? Perhaps just concentrate on these for a few days then go back to naps. Naps are still harder here too. I have done some reading through various boards and this seems to be a bit of a theme.
Good Luck

Good luck everybody. I seem to have stumbled on this thread at the right time for me and my DD - she is 18 weeks and the last month has been a nightmare during the night. From the age of about 6 weeks her nightly feeds were great - she'd wake up at around 4.30 (and 2 in the early days) - feed and then go straight back down. Something changed around the 14 week mark and she could be up anything from twice to six times. I think it was a mixture of growth spurt, cold and staying at my mum's for a week that threw her off-kilter.

Anyway - on Sunday night my dh was away and I finally managed to put her to bed at 9.30. Thinking she was asleep I came downstairs to try to eat my dinner. Then realised she was crying - but thought I'd give it a minute and just try to eat something. She cried on and off for half an hour - if it hadn't been on and off, I would have gone up to her - and then fell asleep until 3.30. I fed her then, and when she woke up again at 5, I thought I'd leave her a couple of minutes to see if she could settle herself. 8 (very long) minutes later - she did. Last night was even better - slept till 4.30 and then through to 8.30 this morning. She's currently rousing herself from a 2 hour nap - she did yell a few times after 40 mins but I didn't go to her and she soon settled back to sleep.

Sorry for this book! But I feel like I've made an enormous breakthough - she CAN settle herself to sleep - she DOESN'T need feeding all night - and I HAVEN'T traumatised her by leaving her to cry for a bit - she's even more cheerful than usual when she wakes up because she's had a good long sleep. So good luck everybody and I hope you all get the results you want!!!!

annmarieandlily, this nursery deadline is an added complication you could do without.
Clearly, CC is not challenging enough for you!
Are you sure they will not be able to handle your dd's napping as is?

Talk to them, I am sure they will be able to put your mind at ease.
Take the time pressure of you and your dd, it might well be that she senses your anxiety
and that makes things more difficult.
Have to confess daytime napping is still hit'n miss with us, too. We are all in the same boat,
hope that's some comfort!
Do I understand correctly: you are doing CC for all sleep periods, e.g. night time and day naps?
Which one is the most important to you? If it is daytime, just do CC for daytime to begin with.

dcb, is your lo's feeding back on track? It is really hard to do CC when you have any doubts
about her maybe being hungry. It's that 'what do her cries mean?' thing again. Part of the reason
we took our time with phasing out the 2am feed until we were sure it was time to drop it.

nooka, sorry to bang on about the crying pattern comment but I think it might have helped me
crack something that has confused me for quite some time now: why are some people so anxious that
CC should not be used before 5/6/12 months? Are these figures plucked out of thin air?
I might have arrived at much much better rule of thumb:
'You can safely do CC when you feel reasonably confident that you understand your baby's cries
and routine.'
How about that?!

DaddyJ - I think you are very right about the understanding baby's cries and routine. I would never have left her to cry before, but now I can tell by her cries whether she is tired/hungry/frightened or distressed etc. My dd slept through from ten to six this morning - I feel quite inhinged!!!

chat

I'm not really sure why kisdee has posted the other thread on this thread - am I being thick?

I wanted to feed back how fantastically content my ds has been all day long after one of his best night's sleep. I put him down awake and he cried for only 10 mins and settled with some patting of the bottom. He slept thru until 05.40am ( a miracle!!)

Today, my dh has told me he is a different little boy - he's happy and playful and doesn't need constant attention and carrying like normal.

I'm only doing it for his bedtimes and not in the middle of the night just yet. It's been such a breakthru for us - it's made me realise that babies sometimes NEED TO CRY!! I have been far too influenced by the attached parenting brigade ( demand feeding at all times night and day, carry them like a brooch and don't let them cry) In the end it's not good for me or my ds.

Boy - would I do things differently next time round!!

Hi amijee - No I don't think you are being thick .
Good to hear your story, I haven't used CC during the night either. I like BF to sleep in the night and she goes down no problem then. My problem was always getting her to bed in the first place!