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Original poster

The Controlled Crying Support Thread

118 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 15/02/2007 08:02

I am starting CC tonight. It goes against all my instincts, but i'm going back to work next month, and i'm pregnant, so DS has to sleep through. Have tried other ways, but he's almost 8mths, and enough is enough!

I am dreading it, i really am.

Please tell me i'm not alone!

OP posts:
Mitchell81 · 15/02/2007 17:40

DG, DS is 8 months tomorrow

deweydell · 15/02/2007 21:50

I did it a month ago before returning to work as dd was waking twice every night still. I'd switched to feeding water the week before and it was clear from this that she wasn't waking because she was hungry. I was determined to do it, so exhausted after seven months of broken nights. The first night was two and a half hours of relentless screaming, the second one hour, the third, forty minutes. It sounds horrendous but once we'd done that first night and were in the process and had taken the first awful step, it got much easier.

Reading Ferber really helped as he explains what is going on and the process feels less emotional and more scientific. This helped my will for sure.

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 16/02/2007 08:52

well, i bottled out last night. i was already tired and just couldn't face it.

have spoken to DP, and told him we must do it together, so in 2 wks time we'll do it. In the meantime, DS is going to be left to cry for 1 minute before i go to him, pick him up etc, then 2 mins next week. will also be reducing the volume of water in the bottle over the next 2 weeks.

thanks for all your opinions and posts- they've helped me come to this way of doing it. Hopefully then it won't be too much of a shock for all 3 of us!

OP posts:
fruittea · 16/02/2007 11:05

You don't leave them for 2 hours!!! When I did CC, a session might last 2 hours, but you go in every 5 minutes, ssshh them and say go to sleep now, tuck them back in, but don't pick them up. Then you repeat, and repeat....gredually lengthening the interval, but no longer than 10 minutes. It really does work, IME, but you have to have faith.

Would thoroughly recommend Toddler Taming for this, it's a bit old now I suppose but worked for me.

shish · 16/02/2007 11:54

I"ve not actually read the whole thread - Sorry!!!! But I've done it very recently (started just over 2 weeks ago) with the support of dcb. It was our last resort too. We had tried everything else and it was just getting worse. Ds will be 8 months tommorrow, by the way. It took one week before he slept through the whole night (about 11 hours). We had a rough night last night, but I believe he is teething. It is really harsh, but I couldn't believe it when we actually saw results

ruth2007 · 16/02/2007 16:12

Hi I just found this site when looking for cc advice. I started last night and have continued at nap times today. My DD has been bf to sleep since birth (now 6 m) but is getting too big to put down asleep and she would wake every time I tried to put her in the cot - this is v exhausting!!!

Last night after 2 hours of BF/cot/bf/cot I decided tonight was the night. I was going to leave it another few weeks but I am so glad I did it already. I checked her at 5 then 7 then 9 minutes, so far I have not had to go in again after that. In total it is taking 30 - 35 minutes from putting her down to her falling asleep which is amazing. (I know this is just one day but the difference in her awake time mood is great!)

IMO you need to be ready for it and stick to the plan - don't start if you don't mean to go on or they learn that if they keep going you will cave eventually!

The picking up technique is used by the baby whisperer, I have tried this but my LO just got more stimulated. I know lots of Mums both techniques have worked for so I would advise the Pick up/Put down as a first try as it is less stressfull.

Good Luck with it and remember - you will suffer more than LO!

Ruth

SaucyMoo · 16/02/2007 16:52

I havent read any books on cc, but do they mention the type of crying? Sometimes ds screams so much that hes holding his breath and is really loud, when he does this i find it SO hard to do cc. Other times hes just whining and crying a bit then stopping and crying again...tried to cc last night but after 3 mins dh was like no no pick him up....dont know if it will ever happen!! Its true both parents have to stick together on this one, or it wont work

caygill132 · 16/02/2007 18:39

I have just noticed this post and wanted to say we were also at the end of our patience with 4/5 wake ups every night and staying awake for 2+ hrs sometimes. Would wnd up taking her in bed with us just to get some sleep. I spoke to my hv who advised cc. My dd had been a good sleeper up until xmas, always woke once, slept through about 6 times, but was never a prob getting her to sleep. would cry for 10mins tops then drop off. So we tried cc a week ago, 1st night she cried for 1hr 15mins non stop. I never went in because this I found in the pas just made things worse. 2nd night she cried 1hr, 3rd night 1/2 hr. 4th night she didn't feed well during the day so I did feed her when she woke but she only woke once. And last night she slept from 8pm - 6am..not a peep from her!!! It's tough & it broke my heart at times but just have a glass of wine & relax. I out the monitor on 1 and closed the door..now she is so much happier during the day & her day naps have also improved. It's tough on everyone but if it gets a result & a happier baby then I am all for it.

nomismummy · 16/02/2007 18:55

My dp and i use controlled crying with dd 16months. She's teething terribly but we do the leave it 3mins, go in, then 5mins, then 7mins etc (after of course the calpol, calgel,something to chew on, nappy change,drink of water!). It works really well and last night she fell asleep after going in to her twice. It also worked when we took her dummy off her when she turned one. I only use it as a last resort if there's nothing else i can do for her.If it works it works.Mummy needs her sleep too!

ruth2007 · 16/02/2007 19:42

For Saucy Moo:
I know I am not through it all yet but I thought I would share - My DD has good nights and bad ones, she can make herself sick crying but I have found (with her previous routine)that pre-empting her being over tired helps eg last night when I did cc for the first time she was just whiney not hysterical so I knew I could start the "programme".

Perhaps start it after a good day when LO has napped well and eaten well so is in a relatively good mood to start with. I'm being obvious now! so I will go.

Good Luck all!

Ruth

SaucyMoo · 16/02/2007 21:51

Thanks ruth, what youre saying makes sense...

i also find going in makes him go hysterical so just not going to him works better-he cut his first tooth today, so it explains all the erratic behaviour the last few nights...im going to put him in his own room this weekend (she says)

ruth2007 · 17/02/2007 08:28

Just to give you all a boost if you are still unsure... My DD went off witin 5 mins last night (didn't even get to check her once!) Slept for 5 hours, woke to feed (still only bf so I don't mind this) then slept another 6 and has gone back to sleep!

Not bad for night 2!

It may all fall apart again yet but I am so glad we went for it, she has never slept so well.

Ruth

annmarieandlily · 18/02/2007 19:43

Hi everyone - have been watching this thread with interest as I have been trying to pluck up the courage to do cc with my 6 month old dd.

She recently picked up a virus, then a cold so was really unsettled at night - sometimes only sleeping in my arms. She's over the cold now, and since stopping Calpol/Medised etc her sleeping is now worse than when she was a newborn. The last few nights she has woken at least 10 times - not screaming just grizzling but will NOT go back to sleep until I feed her. Its so maddening as until she became ill I never needed to feed her in the night. I am shattered and going back to work in 2 weeks!

She has a dummy though and I am not really sure how to do cc with a dummy? Or should I go cold turkey on the dummy as well?

deweydell · 18/02/2007 21:42

We did the cc thing but dd has just had the vomiting bug for 10 days and would only sleep in my arms so we're on night three of doing cc again.

The Ferber book suggests getting rid of the dummy at the same time. The whole theory is about getting your baby to 'fall' asleep - as opposed to feeding/sucking/rocking.

dcb · 19/02/2007 09:16

we did cc and ditched the dummy at night at the same time - still use it for day time naps. (although naughty mummy did use it at 5.30 this morning as she couldn't bear to get up - i have had mastitis....)

redbeki · 19/02/2007 11:26

what is cc?can anyone explain.

annmarieandlily · 19/02/2007 18:31

OK have started tonight... DD crying as we speak. Trouble is she doesn't stop crying even when I go into her - is this normal?

Please let me be strong and not cave in...

annmarieandlily · 19/02/2007 18:52

Well half an hour later screaming has stopped and I can now hear her whimpering. I am trying not to think of this as cc but simply weaning her off the dummy. Got to be a good thing surely?

She has been waking up several times a night recently so will have to repeat the process all night I guess - god I'm dreading it. Had to go for broke tonight as dp, ds and the neighbours are all away.

Thank god for mumsnet - not sure I could have done this alone!

amelia02 · 19/02/2007 19:13

I did controlled crying with first 2 and it is sooooo hard but it does work. We actually called it uncontrolled screaming and usually I ended up crying as much as the baby. Since doing it both have always slept through the night and are now 2yo and 3yo. It is one of the hardest things to do though. I can really really recommend a book by Marc Weissbluth called healthy sleep habits happy child ( I think). Has parents anecdotes and diaries in it to help you see the light a t the end of the tunnel!

deweydell · 19/02/2007 20:04

Good for you annmarieandlily. You are really giving her a great gift. Tonight will probably be really tough but once you're through this night, it's going to get easier.

Good luck.

ruth2007 · 19/02/2007 20:36

Well done annmarieandlily keep going!

My dd does not stop crying when I go in either, in fact if she has started to calm herself down I have found that I just make things worse by checking.

DD is already (Night 5 tonight!) settling most times within a few minutes - even for naps. I have to admit that she feeds to sleep for night feeds still but she is usually so tired she does not wake when I put her down. I think you should see what she does and go with it. If she wakes then do the cc.

This technique has totally changed our family life in less than a week, DD is happier in the day and I am sane again for the first time in nearly 6 months!

Good Luck

Ruth

liquidclocks · 19/02/2007 20:47

Annmarie - it's normal in my experience for the crying not to stop when you go in.

Just to help you all out, I've been through CC twice now and both times have been successful but both times it took 3/4 days to see improvement and a good 2 weeks for me not to 'worry' at bed time. I found that 15 min intervals worked best for us, any shorter and he didn't have time to start to settle himself and ended up getting more worked up than before.

Also please please don't start it unless you can defnitely follow through - it only makes the situation worse!

Good luck - it does work if you hang in there

liquidclocks · 19/02/2007 20:50

We also found that giving both DS's something to hold - we used a muslin - helped tem greatly. Whether it was because they had something to do with their hands where rpeviously they'd just been flapping about and hitting their own faces, or whether it's comforting to nuzzle it - it worked very well. (just pick something you have at leat 3 of - one to use, one to wash, and one in case you lose one )

malaleche · 19/02/2007 21:23

Hi, I posted, at length i'm afraid, about this on this thread:
Behaviour / development :So, why do you wait until 6months+ before attempting cc/cio?
(here's a bit more waffle for what its worth)
I don't know if cc works with some kids and not others or some parents and not others!
My DD1 was 3 mo when i did cc. It has just occured to me today that that may be why it worked so well - she was not yet at the stage of thinking i had ceased to exist when i disappeared. Or at least she was not at the stage where she cried everytime i left the room during the day. She was a fairly relaxed baby who didnt cry much anyway which may have helped.
I went in at multiples of 2 minutes eg 2,2,2,4,6, or whatever you think you can handle. If she seemed to be calming down at the point when i was supposed to go back in i would wait a few more seconds and not go in if she was quiet. She never cried continuosly for more than 4 or 5 minutes and i didnt have to go in more than 3 or 4 times before she fell asleep. It took about 3 nights until i could put her in her cot awake and not have to go back in at all.
I didn't pick up dd when i went in, just muttered something reassuring and maybe patted her a bit or stroked her cheek. They do cry harder when you go in but with my dd it was not hysterical crying, she never threw up or anything, i wouldn't have let her get to that stage anyway.
DD didn't have a dummy but she did suck her finger.
With DD2 i have left it longer due to the general chaos that now reigns in our house. I'm not on the ball enough to remember how much she's fed during the day so am not sure if she may be hungry. You definately have to prepare the way for cc, i mean reduce milk to almost zero if you give bottles at night, make sure you're feeding enough during day and evening etc. As i explained in the other thread i started by sorting out the night wakenings and then did the cc at bedtime. But it may work better for some people to do that the other way round...
A few days after starting to improve evenings and nights i'm still fine tuning it, but getting there. I just think that whatever you do your baby will expect you to go on doing, so if you rock or feed to sleep, feed all through the night, or whatever, that is what you are going to have to go on doing, until you break the pattern for them and they learn a new pattern. Ferber is good i found. Good luck.

malaleche · 19/02/2007 22:20

errr, i seem to have killed this thread....