The Controlled Crying Support Thread

[DetentionGrrrl]

I am starting CC tonight. It goes against all my instincts, but i'm going back to work next month, and i'm pregnant, so DS has to sleep through. Have tried other ways, but he's almost 8mths, and enough is enough!

I am dreading it, i really am.

Please tell me i'm not alone!

Multiple posting - but thought you would all enjoy!

I found this elsewhere on the net (thank you!), I am sure it will cheer you all up. Do not read it if you have just got LO to drop off, you will wake them by laughing!!!

Sleep Training...

OK, here's my situation. My Mommy has had me for
almost 7 months. The first few months were great--
I cried, she picked me up and fed me,
anytime, day or night. Then something happened.
Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to
STTN (sleep thru the night).
At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only
getting worse. I've talked to other babies, and it seems like it's
pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months.

Here's the thing: these Mommies don't really need
to sleep. It's just a habit. Many of them have had some 30 years to
sleep--they just don't need it anymore. So I am implementing a
plan. I call it the Crybaby Shuffle.

It goes like this:

Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you get fed.
I know, it's hard. It's hard to see your Mommy upset over your
crying.
Just keep reminding yourself, it's for her own good.

Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you get fed.

Night 3--every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly
after about 3 nights.
Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the
change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours,
shhhh-ing. Don't give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!!
If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she
will expect it every night. I KNOW IT'S HARD! But she really does not
need the sleep, she is just resisting the change.

If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can
stop crying for about 10 minutes,
just long enough for her to go back
to bed and start to fall asleep.
Then cry again. It WILL eventually
work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight,
so I know she can do it.

Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to
decide to stick to it and just go for it.
BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any
reason I could come up with. My sleep sack tickled my foot. I
felt a wrinkle under
the sheet. My mobile made a shadow on the wall. I
burped, and it tasted like pears.
I hadn't eaten pears since lunch,
what's up with that?
The cat said "meow". I should know. My
Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day. LOL.
Once I cried just because I liked how it
sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the
other room. Too hot, too
cold, just right--doesn' t matter! Keep crying!!

It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4am.
Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30am.
You need to slowly shorten the
interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal
clocks.

P.S. Don't let those rubber things fool you, no
matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

Well have just lifted her for a dream feed and put her back down minus the dummy. So far quiet but she's so sleepy I don't think she notices.

I can't believe how bad I feel - not responding to the sound of my crying baby. I'm not sure who cried more earlier - me or her! Felt awful telling dp on the phone what I was doing. Have to keep convincing myself its better for her in the long run.

Now worrying about the night ahead and daytime naps too. Is it definitely better to get rid of dummy altogether rather than give it to her for daytime naps? I know the answer really just need some moral support I suppose.

Will report back in the morning...

annmarieandlily

How did it go?

I had to use cc in the night for first time as she kept waking and thought she was testing me! However have just found her first tooth and feel awful

Ruth - I know how you feel. I keep doing it...on the odd occasion she has responded and put herself to sleep, so I kept trying it for a week, it did not work, her first tooth came through, then her second within a week. I feel absolutely awful as she seems to have suffered a lot with them, and I ignored her during the night (well, attempted to...). I would say, par for the course.

How is the controlled crying going? Do you find it works at all?

Hey, DG, how is it going? Have you started yet??

hhhmmm. how many people know that Richard Ferber, the king of CC has edited the latest copy of his book to recommend cc for children no younger than 12 months? He has done so in line with the findings in studies in infant sleep and mental health research over the last decade or so.

good luck on whichever avenue you choose. cc, imo is one of the hardest.

one thing i want to pass on to those are considering the cc route, do you realise that everytime they are ill, teething, or you take them out of their routine due to holidays or whatever, you normally have to redo some version of what you did initially? so if it is against your instincts already, are you also willing to stick it out time and time again over the next 2 or 3 years?

Hi Pavlovthecat

Yes it seems to be but I am only on day 6 and I have been really strict (no picking her up etc) but I am lucky that the longest she has cried for is half an hour and that was the first night.

Having said that she is supposed to be napping now and isn't - better go and check on her.

kiskidde

Thanks for the info, if you read the thread most people on hear have tried everything else and are using cc as a last resort. I appreciate that you are trying to pass on info but I would like to point out that an exhausted and depressed Mother must surely be worse for a Child?

Lots of positive thoughts to all!

yes, i know i know. still doesn't mean they need to remain ignorant of what their options entail.

Morning all. Well last night wasn't so bad in the end. She woke at 3.30am and I fed her, put her back down very sleepy but awake. I heard her babbling for about 10 minutes and she went off - no real crying at all.

Woke again at 5.45am and she was wide awake so decided to start the day. Very tired by 7.30am so put her in her cot and she cried (not screamed) for about 10 minutes and then went off. I too went back to bed for much needed extra zzzzzz only to be woken at 8.30am by dp on the phone asking how it went!

I realise that I am not really tackling the real issue at the moment of night waking, but for now I feel happy to just concentrate on the dummy. I suppose I don't feel 100% confident that she's not hungry during the night and her weight has been dropping quite dramatically recently. HV says don't feed her in the night but find it hard to accept the logic of not feeding a baby not gaining weight - but what to I know!

Anyway feel positive and ready for naps and night 2 tonight so feel that the worst bit is over.

Good luck to everyone else - keep us all posted x

Helloo everyone, and well done for a great website. I definately disagree with controlled crying. Your baby is only a baby for a short period of time, take advantage of the times at night to capture every moment, as when they are thirteen and you want them to get out of bed and they wont all this will be a distant memory. I think too many mums feel they have to get their babies sleeping through the night, my son is 3 and has just started ( bf'd to sleep til 16mths), my daughter is 18mths and wakes up to 7 times at the mo, I have been cuddling her and if i can lie her down i do, if she is restless, i comfort her and she sleeps on me, no crying. This wont last forever, just try and catch up during day, for me, not possible, but get two or three early nights, get a lie in on saturday. I couldnt think of anything worse sitting and allowing my babies to cry, in view to 'training' them to sleep. Nurse and nuture your babies, controlled crying sucks.........they wont be babies for long so make the most of it, wink . x

I don't want to start a debate on this thread or stop anyone from putting across their point of view and we are all on here to share experiences BUT...

The thread is called the CC support thread and feel that it should remain as such.

I am all for open discussion and debate but perhaps it can be done on another thread.

Everyone who has had to resort to this method is an individual and has an individual baby/young child and as such we all have to take our own path.

Best wishes to all.

and i can SUPPORT by giving people the information regarding the latest research. support does not mean to keep someone ignorant of all the facts or telling them what they would rather hear. it means letting them know where possible pitfalls lie.

if you would like to debate cc elsewhere, then be my guest to start another thread on it.

I agree with Ruth2007. Anyone logging on here in the process of doing controlled crying needs moral support not nasty comments and criticism. Before starting I'm sure they went through all the pros and cons and don't need it all over again. Good luck and keep going!

please point out the 'nasty comments or criticism' you are referring to.

Sorry ladies , this is my fault, I didnt realize this was controlled crying support, I would support a woman who was desparate and tired by telling her to sleep with her baby and when your baby is ready to acknowledge and learn a bed time routine then get it established, tea, bath , book, milky in bed. Good luck to all, but controlled crying is not the last option and dont be forced to train your child, just get to know them .
positivity rules you can do it!!

I cherish every moment with my dd - as I know she will be my last. But I'm afraid I can't be a good mother to her if I do not get enough sleep, and I don't believe its a good life-skill for her to learn to wake up throughout the night. I want to enjoy my time with her - not endure it. I'm going back to work in a week and don't know what else to do. As others have said cc is a total last resort.

Those of us tackling it find it hard enough without our parenting being judged - as if motherhood isn't riddled enough with guilt as it is.

Solidarity please!

please point out what in previous postings are making you feel 'judged'. it is an honest question .

i don't know what you have tried. none of us can be the mum we hope to be if we are overtired and overstressed. i can only empathise. i have been there, and done that. i went back to work when dd was 4 months old and i have been back full time now for 18 months.

i do have more experiences i could share. it is not just about coming on here and saying, no, don't do it. i am hoping that any warnings i have given is to be aware that it may not be the 'last resort' as you currently feel it is.

Kiskidee you have a wise head on your shoulders and I would like to ask your advice, I do believe their are other ways to develope your childs sleeping pattern and controlled crying may sound "controlled" butit comes down to the fact you are making your child cry itself to sleep, have you every cried for 15mins, how headachy, snuffy and rough you feel... alll babies are different and as the woman who are pro cc, and believe this is the last option to a full night sleep have passionately commented, this is an individual choice, but never believe it is your only one. But then I also didnt go back to work as I want to be the full time carerof my children.
Detention Grrrl, dont do it if it doesnt feel right, you are going to get sooo upset, in one month , in one day slepping patterns alter, due to growth, teeth, illness etc, jabs and holidays mess up routine, dont put your baby through that , talk to woman who have tried other ways, you can do it, I was breast feeding my 16mth old when I was ten weeks pregnant with my second, it is soooo tough but it can be done, you say enough is enough, but by whose standards, do what you think is right, chill out and just go with the flow x

ubermum, i can answer your post but it will have to be tonight some time. it will also be under a new topic under 'sleep'.

Kiskidee, thank you , I will log on tonight.
I did come in under 'sleep' and launch into discussion, not realising this was cc support, but I have refreshed my dislike of the topic and thatis a good thing, good luck to the women trying it. Who needs sleep any way, Margaret Thatcher ran the country on no more than three hours a night, hmmmm, was that a good thing?! You dont need sleep to teach a child about the world, to love it. Controled crying is a controlled meanessthat should be bannned.

Sorry but controlled crying worked for me, each time, but I started when each was 10 weeks old (horrors I hear you cry!!) Because they were so young it took 3 nights only and since 10 weeks old each has loved going to bed, waved me goodnight and slept every night through! (except if ill) I had to start young as my 1st child, ds at 10 weeks (and 100's of lbs in bf weight) was waking every hour....I was a zombie, complete with hallucinating sleepwalks! I know there are other methods out there but they didn't work for me. Good luck!x

My dd is now crying significantly less each evening because she has learnt to go to sleep. Before this she would scream from exhaustion and would be unconsolable.

I also no longer need to take her out in the cold to walk her to sleep which has to be a plus as well.

I've just realised that I'm lying!! my children didn't sleep though from 10 weeks! 6m, 7m and 4 months respectively. Sorry - a bit over-enthusiastic.

Well here I am again. Put dd to bed after a nice bath, bfeed, sleepy songs, lay her down on her tummy, kissed her goodnight and left the room. Sat here at the keyboard, timer at the ready, waiting for crying to start and ... NOTHING! Could hear her shuffling around so went in to make sure she hadn't wriggled up the cot, and a couple of minutes later she is sound asleep with no dummy!!!

I really can't believe it - I struggled with the decision for so long to ditch the dummy.
I'm sure there will be rough times ahead when she will cry before sleeping, but I now know that she CAN go to sleep without it so I won't feel so bad. I really feel this thread helped me have the courage to take the plunge.

Clearly not everyone agrees with cc and hopefully they will now take their comments onto another thread. I'm sure we would all like to stay at home and care for our children but sadly we don't all have a choice - and I don't believe I have affected the 'mental health' of my baby either.

Anyway will keep posting over the next few days, but want to wish all of you going through the same thing buckets of strength, support and luck