Other half wakes baby EVERY NIGHT. Groundhog day

[firsttimemum15]

My other half is by no stretch of the imagination a quiet person. Bangs around a lot.

Every night he has been waking baby up but refuses to accept it. He always stays up later than us or is out on a night when he comes back in he crashes and clings around so much so that baby wakes up but he will not accept it.

We live in a small open plan ish house (eg no door from stairs to living room.) Baby's room is above kitchen.

I will wash up after tea and leave anything else until morning but he will bang about despite my repeated requests.

I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind as every morning now and every single night we are having the same argument but he will not discuss it like an adult just resorts to childish insults and then says "I'll be quiet" it never changes.

This has being going on a month. Before that for one reasons or another baby wasn't really in own room as we were away a lot.

When I went to my parents she did big stretches in own room there as they have bigger house and her room is quiet.

Daughter can sleep in day with noise but my argument is that she's used to sleeping with noise in the day and it's different at night. As it would be for adults I suppose I can sleep with noise in the day... but not at night. I'd wake up.

He says she needs to learn. My argument is how can she learn if he won't let her practice.

I've asked him to sleep at his mums one night so I can see whether I'm right... he won't.

I end up so angry and my anger just bubbles away while I'm. Say feeding her and trying to get her back in the cot that I bring her in our bed because we both get some sleep.

He then has the audacity to say "you need to just persevere getting her in her own cot. Just stay up and get her back don't bring her in our bed"

My back hurts and I don't sleep properly when Co sleeping but this just angers me even more because it would be a lot easier for me to persevere with getting her in her own room if she woke up naturally and I wasn't dwelling on him being a noisy prat and waking her up.

My anger is just bubbling away and we are arguing a lot. I feel like since having a baby my life has changed inexplicably and his just has not....

Is your husband being louder than a disco?
Making louder sudden noises than sirens?

How long does baby sleep for in the day and how often?

Thanks Gillian me neither.

I'm not saying he is louder than a disco or a siren as is my point to him. Loud noise in the day with background noise etc is different to noise at night when it is quiet. X

Gillian I read your p9st again I don't know why people don't believe me either.

I don't know why he is so noisy. He even bangs the computer whist typing I've never known someone make so much noise while working

I'm contemplating whether to get a big sleepyhead or would I be wasting my time. I wouldn't expect miracles though

Fate I don't think you get it .
Some adults can sleep through loud noises soke can't . Same for babies ...
My dd self soothes sometimes she still wakes up and can't get her self back to sleep.

Why shouldn't her dp be a bit quieter ?

My daughter doesn't go back to sleep on her own of she Wakes up either. She does if she does in the day. Sometimes but she's not in the cot.

I don't know why people are questioning the baby rather than the noise issue. Xx

The issue isn't with the baby it's with your dp . Your baby just needs a bit more quiet like most human beings .
Hope your ok op

I am ok. He has been cooperating the past few nights. We had a huge row the other night and things were really bad. But we are on the up. I still struggle to get her in own bed and she is waking after about an hr of being put down still... but of own accord. I'm either too tired to keep trying to get her in own cot or I end up giving in then she comes in with us.

Dad is doing bedtime tonight I have a meal out in a few weeks. I have posted separately about this. I wanted to express milk but it takes ages I've got some off and tonight I'm leaving her with him to do bedtime as a practise but I am thinking of going out tonight too as I think if I'm in and she's upset I'll cave.

I'm looking at sleepyheads too. I'm going to do a separate post I think

And thanks for your concern... xxxx

Its just not clear whether it is excessive noise or normal noise.
I am not sure re your theory re day time/night time noise - i find that i am more woken up by noise depending on where I am in my sleep pattern not what time it is- hence DP snores constantly but only wakes me up at certain times of the night - it may be that DD is at a shallow point in sleep at that point so non-excessive noise triggers it?
Can you suggest to DP that you try a variety of things to improve the situation?

1. maybe he tries and avoids doing certain things (not all normal things) - or retimes them.
2. maybe you look at the schedule and see if you can change when DD goes to bed so that she is at a deeper part of sleep.
3. get her to sleep less during the day?
4. get him to take responsibility for settling her - to understand how hard it is- I know you said that you have tried this but you need to reinforce this

I don't think sleeping less in day is the answer. She doesn't sleep loads in the day but doesn't sleep little either. It seems cruel to keep her awake if she is tired. I will let her sleep in the day.

We have a nice bedtime routine..keeping her up later only would result in an overtired baby who then doesn't go to sleep until late.

Eg last night she had a late nap as a one off but then wasn't ready for bed at bedtime that's fine. I wouldn't be either so I tired her out and put her to bed later but it takes a good hour or 2 to get her to bed so it's late then. And she still woke up. But he didn't wake her.

The noise is excessive I'm really not sure why people question this. I have been speaking to him lately and he can't hear me. I've asked him to get ears checked. I'm not sure why people are so keen to suggest that the noise isn't excessive?

I've asked him to make changes eg closing doors with handles and not banging door. Not doing his noisy washing up and pot putting away when she's in bed but ok while I'm settling her.

I'll point out again that I can do all of those things without waking her.

If it takes an hour or two to get her to sleep, thatbisnt a 'good routine'. So that's what needs to change.

But she's not unhappy with that.
She's unhappy with the noise and if he can't hear properly it probably is louder then usual .

Thanks for your support Time.

Honestly people really are quite antagonistic here. I'm quite new here I don't post a lot but people are judging aspects of what I am saying without me asking them to.

Why on earth do I need to change my routine if it's working and I'm happy with it. Why is that the problem. The routine doesn't wave at her prod her and wake her up.

I've had the same routine since 4 weeks old. Sleep patterns have been great with it and not so great. So why is it that which needs to change? That's a rhetorical question by the way.

I'm aware that compared to a lot of mums an hour or 2 is a long time. But I'm a first time mum too going with my instincts so thanks for the support guys.

I'd hold my hands up to anyone still breastfeeding at this time and say hey well done. If it works for you that's great. I've had mums criticise me elsewhere for Co sleeping etc. Why can't we just say hey mumma you're doing a fab job. Just because someone else's routine take 10 mins why is it that mine isn't right. Is it because it doesn't conform to social norms and I'm not sat on the sofa by 7.30.

It really doesn't bother me. I'm giving my daughter what she needs. Milk love and comfort I'm not saying others don't do that at all. But simply saying this is what I feel I am doing. I don't know why anyone would be critical of that

Don't worry about it op. I was cut to pieces on another thread for doing controlled crying so it works both ways.

Do what works for you and your baby

And sod your selfish DH.

I honestly don't think my baby will be that unusual to many others in the sleep department

But it is bothering you? That's what your posting about! Otherwise if you were happy about her sleep you wouldn't be posting...

I've never said I'm unhappy about her sleep. Yes I'm trying to get her to sleep longer. But I've never said I was unhappy about routine.
The post is about her been woken up. I've said several times I find that a lot easier to deal with than when she is woken up

Thanks unicorn. I hope you got a solution to that works for you x

She is woken up, thenbyou are unhappy she takes 1-2 hrs to resettle. Hence people are suggesting altering routine so it's a 15 mins bed routine with both parents alternating, then if woken she can be resettled by either parent quickly. So the issue of being woken isn't really an issue if your Dh or you can resettle in 5 mins quickly

I've never said she takes one to 2 hours to resettle. She settles straightaway but I struggle to get her back in her own bed.

It takes one to 2 hours to get her to sleep at first maybe I didn't make that clear enough. But I can't shorten it that's how long she takes to feed and go to sleep I can't cut it down to 15 mins if that's how long it takes

For goodness sake. My baby can resettle himself if he wakes. We still don't crash around the place. I can settle myself if I wake. Does that give my oh carte Blanche to make a racket while I sleep?

And 15 mins for a bedtime routine is too short IMO, if we are going to pick holes. Ideal is 30 mins.

Well it's not 30 mins either and she can't resettle I'm doomed clearly

Doesn't matter op. Do it your way!!!