So tired I actually don't think I'm safe to look after my children

[NoCapes]

DS2 turns 7 months this week and his sleeping is just getting worse and worse as time goes on

He gets up around 12 times a night
There are nights when it's every half an hour or less
He is absolutely fine to settle and it doesn't take long to get him back off, he just won't stay asleep!

During the day I'm starting to feel really horrific now, I have a permanent headache, I take probably way too paracetamol/ibuprofens to get through the day
I'm in a permanent state of semi-spaced-out-ness, sometimes I'll drive and can't remember the journey home (I've stopped driving as much as I possibly can with kids in the car now)
The baby climbed out of his chair today and banged his head on the wooden floor, I was nearby but my reflexes just aren't up to it anymore and I wasn't quick enough to catch him

I just don't understand why he won't sleep
We've done everything we did with our other kids, revert thing is dark and quiet half an hour before bedtime, he has a bath every other night and the nights he doesn't have a bath he just gets into his pj's, we have a bottle, he falls asleep very easily
This has been our routine since he was about 8 weeks old
We've moved it earlier and later, tried giving bottle upstairs and downstairs, but nothing changes
He just won't sleep
But he is tired

Sorry for the ramblings, I need help
What else can I do?

Sorry about my inappropriate cross post!

Definitely don't make the bottles up in advance. It may seem easier but in the long run its not helping. You need to try and stick to the resettling for a few days - you will be exhausted but hopefully it will break the waking for milk habit. Have loads of dummy's around so you have something else to soothe him with. Another thought - some white noise running continually might help? Wave sounds etc? I would also pull bedtime forward, I think 8pm may be making him overtired with his long stretch before bed.

With regards to milk and food in the day - try and break it up. He is getting it all at night at the moment so understandably isn't interested in the day.
So milk on waking - if he doesn't take much just keep offering over an hour
Breakfast an hour after - mix in whatever milk is left with porridge or similar
Nap
Milk on waking - same as above, keep offering it
Lunch an hour after
Nap
Milk on waking
Maybe a catnap at some point
Dinner
Milk before bed

I know it feels like all you do is feed and put them to bed at this age!

Sorry I just re-read your posts about your DP and realise it might not be possible to get him to help. I'd light a fire under him, how can he just check out of night feeds, it's his baby too, and you cannot continue on these levels of sleep. Can you convince him that one weekend of pain (resettling with water) will be worth it in the long run and mean sleep all round

Honestly you need to rule out reflux or a milk intolerance because you won't get very far with sleep training. My two had it and the low point was dd waking up every 20 mins.

I took mine off of dairy completely for the first year and what a difference it made.

I also had to watch for reactions to food. So ds in particular - I kept a food diary and could see what when he had onions, broccoli, peas etc he would wake at night more. Same with acidic foods. I never forget for his first birthday he had cake with pineapple in it (acidic) and he had an awful night. When he got to about 18 months he would tell me that yoghurt hurt him if he had a spoonful. I had to give him a sip of peppermint tea before bedtime which worked wonders.

I had him diagnosed after visiting the GP every week for three weeks until they took me seriously. Even then I was never sure until he was about 9 months - he was sitting in the living room and what I thought was snot dribbled out of his nose. He flicked it into my eye and it turns out it was stomach acid (burned like anything!!) so I knew he was suffering from heart burn. Classic reflux baby - he was sitting early and hated being on his back. He also had a horrible choking incident where acid came up his throat and he couldn't breathe for a few seconds. Scary stuff.

Anyway now he's 6 and he still doesn't like cheese, he can't have raw cows milk and gets an upset tummy if he eats too many yoghurts in one day.

His frequent night feeds might be because he's in discomfort so likes the soothing drinking. Until it comes back up again.

I would switch him to three small meals a day with small milk feeds in between.

At bedtime after his feed, I would keep him upright and try and wind him even if he seems too big. Can you put his cot on a slight slope? So bricks under the legs at the head end. Then rock him to sleep or whatever works and put him down on his stomach or left hand side to sleep (left not right is better - something to do with the angle of the stomach).

Also - try giving him something to hold in his hands while you are giving him his bottle. They are easily distracted from feeding at this age and would much rather be exploring the world than drinking a bottle! Keys or something are good and may distract him long enough to get a good amount of milk into him.

At night, you should set a cut of point for when you will feed him, and anything before that you don't. So say midnight for now - yes it will be hard and there will be crying but if you stay with him and comfort him slowly his body will get used to not getting all of his food at night. Then you can start to push the cut off back.

Thankyou all
I am reading all of this advice and taking it all in
I just don't know how helpful it is me trying to do anything when I'm not even aware of being awake
I was all up for resettling him till 2am when I'd give a bottle, but I woke at midnight to him asleep at the end of my bed and an empty bottle on my pillow, so while sleeping me isn't on board I'm just not sure what else to do

I'm going to keep trying in the day to give him more milk and just 2 decent naps and then maybe I'll have to go back to DP and beg and cry for some help in the night

Oh speak of the devil, he's just text me asking if I'm ok, I'm going to take the oppurtunity to say no I'm pissing not ok!

I really feel for you OP.

Makes the every hour and a half I go through now very sobering!

I agree with making the bottles as you go instead of ahead of time, it'll wake you up properly.

Did you managed to get an appointment, OP?

I really feel for you OP.

Makes the every hour and a half I go through now very sobering!

I agree with making the bottles as you go instead of ahead of time, it'll wake you up properly.

Did you managed to get an appointment, OP?

I really feel for you OP.

Makes the every hour and a half I go through now very sobering!

I agree with making the bottles as you go instead of ahead of time, it'll wake you up properly.

Did you managed to get an appointment, OP?

Oops sorry for multiple posts!

Yes I did get an appointment, did j forget to tell you, it's on Tuesday, how awful that I'm actually hoping there's something wrong with him - at least it's fixable that way
What a horrible mum I sound

I started to flick through the thread where the OPs husband works full time and does every single night feed, bath time and bedtime and the OP goes running every night and was off out today to have a manicure
Now that was depressing

OP I really feel your pain. My DD didn't sleep (and still wakes up now at nearly 3 years old a few times a night). She had terrible colic, and I remember trying bloody everything to try and get her to stay asleep. I was walking about in a perpetual daze for months. I also have an older child who was only 2.5 at the time, and there were days I just felt so down, bleak and hopeless. Sleep deprivation is the absolute pits.
I hate to say it, but I think a lot of these sleep troubles are things they just grow out of over time, or at least that is what I have found with my 2.
What you really need to do (and I know you know this and some schmuck on an internet forum stating the bleeding obvious probably makes you want to stab someone), is get some help.
Can I just ask, did your husband help with your other 2 DC's or has he always been a hands-off type?
Btw, I think that thread you mentioned is a wind up.

Just to add, I'm on AD's and have been for ages. My OH is supportive, needs a bit of direction at times but did help with the night feeds etc as he knew I was in danger of totally losing it if I didn't get some rest.

Write down a list before you go to the doctor with bullet points. This is my best advice. Have your stuff written down.

Some of my thoughts:

• silent reflux sounds likely
• the more sleep in the day always made my DD sleep better at night. To stop her having short cat naps during the day we did 'wake to sleep' which helped enormously. If you can 'read' his sleep cycles, gently rock him to awareness just before he'd wake fully (i.e. out of deep sleep cycle but not actually awake) and then leave them to resettle. It resets their ability to self settle as they never fully wake but transition to the next sleep cycle iyswim.
• Then perhaps he'll learn to self settle and sleep longer - worked for us.
• Nighttime (the day sleep might improve the night sleep) I agree only do water, not milk. After 3 days my DD stopped waking at all (although was around 1yr when we did this) we also sent my DH in instead of me and that helped too as she wasn't getting comfort from me so stopped waking out of habit.

HTH

Will do a prope reply later, just wanted to do a quick update on DP - we had a brief 'I can't do this I'm so tired I can't function' talk before, DS has just woke up and he turns to me and says "shall I do this one or you?" I nearly fell off my chair!

But DS has threw us a curveball! DP is trying to settle him and he is screeeeaaaaaming the house down!
Totally didn't consider that DP has never ever gotten him to sleep so of course he won't settle for him
Argh!!

OP, you have been given some fantastic advice on this thread. You have lots of options to try, so I thought I would add some tips that worked for me. I have 4 dc's and used to be a nursery nurse and an infant feeding advisor, so I know just how very different babies can be.

When you have more than one dc, it is very different from having just the one baby to concentrate on, so obviously your sleep is essential to your own physical and mental health. If this isn't taken care of then everything else is going to be a bloody nightmare.

Do you ever co sleep? as different as all mine were, I did have to co sleep at times because otherwise, I would have keeled over and passed out during the day. Until you can catch up on some sleep, try to co sleep for a while, just to regain sanity. I did this for short periods with all of mine and they all went back in their own beds after a while.

I know some people have said don't make up bottles at night, but I would say make life as easy as possible. I breastfed but even when I weaned on to bottles, I would make one up to use at night just in case. I didn't want to be wide awake at 3 am and I didn't want the baby to either.

The one thing that worked for all of mine was dream feeding. Every night without fail bedtime was 8 after a bath and supper feed. I put them in their own cot and they usually slept until I went to bed at 11 when I dream fed them and put them back down, with a dummy if necessary. If they woke any time after that, I would pop them in bed with me, also a dummy if needed. At 7 months, they shouldn't then need feeding until morning. 11 til 7-8 is fine without a feed.

In the morning, feed milk first, then breakfast. Don't make the day into a massive food chasing fest, you'll never have a life! Lunch bottle at 12ish then lunch straight after, then dinner bottle at 4ish then dinner straight after. Then bedtime bottle at 8 after bath then bed. Obviously snack food in between and choose one bottle at a time to drop when he is most hungry. If you leave gaps between milk and food, then you are constantly feeding and its a pain in the arse especially when you are teaching your baby to eat meals when the family do.

Please don't feel like you are failing by cosleeping, if it works then you will get some sleep. Routines can wait. Your mental health can't.

Good luck tonight op, thinking of you

How did it go down with dp settling op? Any better?

Well I had to go up and take over in the end, but he stood and watched how I settle him, then when he woke again at 11:15 he came up with me and watched again, then I went to bed and DP did the next THREE wake ups!
I slept for 5 whole hours!!!
I feel positively giddy this morning

So we've made a deal (well he made me an offer and I took whatever I could get!) and he's going to start doing all the resettles until the 1:30/2am feed while I sleep, then he sleeps and I take over from there
I think I got the worse end of the deal there because 4am-7am is generally when he's crabbiest
But! 5 hours sleep!

And I'm hoping now that we can be consistent because I'm not sleepwalking through life that all this waking every hour nonsense will be a thing of the past PDQ

Oh tiz a good day

Can you move him out of your room? Worked wonders when we moved DD at 7m.

No disco we're only in a 3 bed so when we move him out of our room it'll be into one of the other kids rooms (we haven't quite figured out the bedroom situation yet) but I'd much rather him be waking us than waking them

I found that by having her in our room we were disturbing her and causing all the wakings. She got better the first night in her own room. Can your other kids share for a few nights to give baby a chance on his own? If they're anything like my older DD then it would take more than a crying baby to wake them!

How are you doing Op?