Anyone on for another 4 month sleep regression hand-holding thread?!

[uppereastsidemom]

DD2 is 16 weeks and had been doing 7pm - woken up at 11.30ish for a feed - 5 or 6am. Happy days.

She is now waking up anytime between 7 and 10pm, going back down but reliably waking up for 2-3 hours between 3 and 6am. It is torture. I know this is a predictable phase that will pass, but christ it is miserable.

Waiting to see what tonight brings . I know there had been an active thread that seems to have died - hopefully meaning that all those babies are now sleeping beautifully

Just back from a 'night out' with my DH. The first one we've managed since she was born over 5 months ago. It was to celebrate our anniversary.

Yes, it is only 7.30! Evening started at 6, we managed to fit in a main course before guilt drove us back home. Where my dad was babysitting (for the first time in the eve, my parents live a few hours away so we don't see them as much as I'd like, and DD is still not familiar with them). Apparently she spent most of the evening crying.

Ugh. I felt really positive earlier, when I was getting ready and putting on things that I can't normally wear like a dress with no feeding access, dangly earrings and a nice bra (with actual wiring, I'd forgotten that my boobs could look this good!) But now, feeding my CD and starting the night routine, I feel pretty low. What have I created, a baby that can't be without me for even a couple of hours? I can't even have a proper drink because of bloody breastfeeding and her not taking a bottle. And I'm regretting the wine I did have as it will probably make the night wakings worse.

I feel like by breastfeeding and doing what is supposedly 'best' for baby, I've made a huge rod for my own back. I just want one fucking evening off...and I can't even have that.

Sorry for the whinge! I guess tonight I had a glimpse of the life I used to have. And it's depressed the hell out of me :(

Purple could your mum stay with you for a few days? I know she can't do the night feeds but just to help in general and perhaps you could nap in the day.

You'll no doubt be weaning soon, eventually that will take some pressure off feeding as in another few months she'll be having meals.

Thanks pyjama. We've had my mum stay a few times but tbh, it hasn't worked out well. Much as I love her, we clash a lot and she seems to create more stress being here and expecting things to be done in a certain way! First time she came to stay after the baby was born, she insisted on watching a TV programme the same time every day, even though it was disruptive to our newborn routine. She didn't really help as much I needed round the house, and didn't cope well with a crying baby. As much as I love her, having her really is just extra stress for me!

It's Ok. I'm accepting that this is the way it's going to be from now. It doesn't help that sleep has gone totally to shit this week! Think Starfish is right and it is a bloody wonder week coming up. There's always something...

Oh and yes I'll be weaning when she's 6 months later on in December. Please please let that make a difference...

Hugs Purple, be thankful that you got out even for a bit my dear because believe me even 1.5hrs away will have done some good for you. You got away for a little while, that in itself is great! It may not have been the night you planned but try to take the positives from it and try to push that self doubt to the side because as I am rapidly discovering there is no right answer to coping with any of this. Just think that not every night out from here on in will be similar, not every night out will involve that anxiety and worry.

Actually went for a few beers with my brother tonight (a man who had become HIGHLY stressed with a DW who does as little as possible, two young daughters and a job with its own pressures) and it was a relief to just get out and moan about the world and watch some football for a short while even though I was home within a couple of hours. I do worry, and said as much tonight, that my DW has not gone out for a beer since DD had been born....it's like she's not able or ready to let her hair down to that degree just yet though it is probably the thing I think she needs most. As much as I have tried to coax her into going out she's not managed to do it yet despite that deep down she knows she wants/needs that time away too, she said she wants to arrange something soon and I cannot wait to have the kids to myself overnight and ensure she has a lie-in afterwards because I know it'll feel like heaven.

DD is currently asleep and has been since 11wpm. She's also dreaming, tossing and turning and laughing in her sleep which is just beyond cute!!! She's been in bed since half 7 but woken up twice briefly since I got back home at 12, we're both hoping she'll stay this way for a good few hours and if she doesn't then I've taken the lead and decided to be up with her if needs be as am quite awake and have an easy day tomorrow (boss isn't in and have carte blanche in terms of leaving early if I want - he has a young boy himself and suffers just as much so he's always willing to send me home when needed, he's an absolute diamond!) so DW can relax without a worry & I can sleep until if/when DD decides otherwise. That's a result for us both! Plus I had home made chicken Kiev tonight for dinner, and it's those simple delights of meat and cheese (which was melted into the middle of the Kiev) that makes me tick so all, for now, is good......Hope y'all get a good night too!!!!!!

Well done for getting out Purple. My own DM is also not that much help (she would be most offended to know that...) i met up with her today in town. She spent bloody AGES in the most cramped, busy card shop. When ds wouldn't feed and was overtime at lunch, but had just settled/calmed down, she took him from me so i could eat and just wound him.up again. Doesn't sound much but was a horrid day, screwed up the naps and now I'm paying for it.

Ds woke around 9.30-10 and went back to sleep ok after an hour. I remained awake as bloody husband was heavy breathing in my face despite vigorous poking and then ds woke screaming and crying at 2. This is new

oops. Think it was wind. He doesn't normally cry/squeal like that. This is when i could batter Dhaka as he gets a pained expression and buries/holds his head and it drives me bloody potty. Ds is asleep again now but we are downstairs waiting for him to go to work before i go back up.

Re drinking. I have read that a couple of glasses of wine is fine, its just if you get drunk that you should 'pump and dump'

Ugh i'm so tired. Had tentatively hoped that the later night feed would mean a later wake up.

Oh my mum is no help either.

I doubt weaning will help in the beginning in fact it will probably add an additional stress initially but eventually they'll be eating meals and less milk, you can introduce a cup etc.

I think I speak for saranga when I say that hearing about how nice a cheesy Kiev is is the last thing I want to see with a baby with cmpa and having to be dairy free I think you need to let your wife decide though darth about when she wants to go out. Being told to go out and have fun is probably quite exhausting in itself. I know my idea of some time off now is watching a few episodes of come dine with me without interruption!

Night went to shit here. Think it's wind as she refused to sleep in certain positions all night. She's sleeping less and less in her crib which is worrying me, I really don't want to be cosleeping with a 3 year old and think it will create bad habits and we don't have room for a bigger cot in our room so she either fully co sleeps or she'll be in her own room in a few weeks as she's outgrown the little crib really. I worry it's going to be a big shock to her when we have to move her and create a whole host of new problems. How do you even transfer a sleeping baby when you have to get off a chair and put them over the high sides of a big cot??? At the moment I can just sidle her into the crib next to the bed. Dh is being less than supportive about helping me try furniture layouts too

Fluffikins have you thought of trying this instead of a cot?

sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/06/26/why-babies-hate-cots-and-cribs-and-what-to-do-instead/

Darth for what it's worth I think it is good of you to encourage your wife to go out - at least that way she knows if she wants to you will be more than happy to have the kids. Have you thought of the two of you going out together? It might encourage her more to go and also be a good investment in your relationship which really becomes neglected when you have young children, even more so if you have a 'poor' sleeper! (I should really take my own advice, DH has been bugging for a date night for weeks..... My response? "I'm too tired to eat a meal with you/go to the cinema/play monopoly etc!")
It's the simple delights that keep me going too - a good meal not made by myself is top of the list (but personally I choose chicken stuffed with cream cheese wrapped in bacon over a kiev but pretty similar!) Hope you got some sleep in. I would like to say it gets better but my 20mo was up three times last night - a big improvement from the night before where it was every hour though! I'm blaming teething. My 6yo was a rubbish sleeper too but he has done 12hrs+ for years now so it eventually gets better.....

I've thought about doing a floor bed. Think I'll do that as a last resort though. I can't see Dh being happy about having to dismantle our bed and store it as we're tight for space. I had s bit of s revelation this week and have realised she's a side sleeper. Problem is if I put her on her side and she shifts she ends up on her tummy doing tummy time wide awake staring into the monitor as she's not yet learnt to roll front to back(she can roll back to front with ease) so I'd love to try her on a flat mattress in her cot and stop using the sleepyhead but think I'm going to have to wait until she can roll back which is pretty frustrating!

I am tempted to dismantle and rebuild the cot bed into our room today though as Dh is making out it's akin to climbing Everest and is a massive massive effort even though it would help me out!

We re co sleeping and have done since 7-8 weeks. I was just too exhausted getting up to feed him so often. At least now i can just roll over and latch him on. He also sleeps on his side a lot, not yet rolled over. I've been asking dh for several weeks (7?) to raise the mattress in the cot. We stupidly put it together with the mattress low. At least then i have the option of trying ds in there. Still not done and it takes two to do it so cantt do it myself.

God knows how you put a sleeping baby into it though! I guess this is why drop sides exist. We don't have one. I can only just slide him.off my lap onto the bed let alone into a cot.

If you are using the sleepyhead can you just pick the whole thing up and put that in the cot?

Ds just fallen asleep. I am shattered

I don't think I'm strong enough to lift her in the sleepyhead, she's getting heavy to even sidle her over (16 or 17 pounds I think). I looked for a drop side cot but just found loads of places saying they were death traps and they don't sell them anymore

We've got a cotbed my sister gave me so can't justify buying another anyway. Really not sure how it will work trying to put him in it but would be good to use as a safe place now in any case.

Afternoon/evening nap very disturbed today.

Oh God I'd love some cheese....!! Dairy free here too. Started weaning tho and he's loving it! Total extra stress to work into the day whilst deathly tired.
Well done on a night out purple

I'm in bed at half seven again feeding him to sleep and I bloody hate that this is my evenings now.
We're staying at my mums and I'm getting comments about he can't be tired as he's only been up 1.5 hours, she wants to give him toys at 6.30pm even tho I've said countless times I don't want him overstimulated in the evening but she treats this like a bloody joke. She's expressing surprise that we're going to bed at seven again tho she knows about his sleep. She asked if we'r e going to sleep train him. She's flippant about bed safety.
FUCK OFF.
I'm already hating this situation she's not making it easier.

Apparently I'm overreacting when I don't want my OH to sleep with us when he's had a beer, yet I'm 'good' when i arrange the duvet to not smother the boy. Ffs. Our first baby died, so you'd think she'd have a fucking clue.

Sorry to hear that Saranga about your first baby. Sounds very thoughtless of your mum.

Yet another shitty shitty night here! Sitting in the living room in tears after 3 hours of trying to get DD to sleep. Rocking, feeding, shush patting. I've given it everything I've got and it's still not enough. I came down here because I'm so fucking angry. Lights on, I just can't muster the will power to get her to sleep. If she doesn't want to, then who am I to force her??

I honestly don't think I can go on like this. I'm a failure. I've failed her.

So sorry to hear that about your first DC saranga and i get where you are coming from with your mum. I keep getting the helpful 'in my day' comments.

purple be kind tks yourself. You haven't failed her. You are right in what you say though, you can't force it. I hope you are both asleep now.

I saw the 'my baby sleeps too much' thread and also someone responded to my Q about bedtimes with a helpful comment about their 4mo sleeping from 8.45pm - 9.30am. I mean really? How do you think i want to hear that?! It does make you wonder what am i doing wrong? I don't know how, other than leaving him to cry from day 1, I could have done things any differently. The way we do things is purely aimed at ds getting as much sleep as possible. (followed by dh, then me....)

Got two hours of sleep. Then she was awake again at 4am. Been awake since. This is the worst she's ever been. I wish I knew why.

Yeah, I appreciate people are entitled to their concerns re the 'other' side of sleep.. but I wish they'd keep off here...or at least, Mumsnet would create another forum for them to go to. 'Oversleepers' maybe?? Ha. It makes you feel horribly inadequate and jealous, and when I'm feeling this, it makes me cry hopeless tears. I can't bear to hear there are babies out there that actually do that. I look at my DD and want to demand why she can't be like that! Not good.

Glad you got some sleep. We were ok til about 1.30 and bf ds has been asleep, but he's been windy and been sick and woken up every time i tried to put him down. So I've been mostly sitting up in bed with him. Just put him down at 6 and 'd'h leapt out of bed and woke him. I did indeed make some sort of exasperated noise and he said 'what's the matter, what have i done now?!' He thinks he's hard done by as this is his 'late' start day. Doesn't get that I've been feeling the baby quiet and not disturbing his sleep but been awake myself for 5 bloody hours.

I can't imagine having one of those babies. One that sleeps in the day even! I might get stuff done!

So the boy went to sleep fairly quickly, then ws happily asleep while I was syoof on the other side if the room. so we tried putting him in the cot and he woke up, and prolly took an hour of fussing before he went to sleep again. Has now been awake from 6, not feeding properly, and I'm leaving him to it. Except now he's about to start crying. Arrrgghh

Saranga so sorry about your first baby. That must be so tough for you and of course now having to deal with everything under severe sleep deprivation - you are amazing!!

Last night must have been a full moon or something as we were also wide awake from 3-5am...

DS slept for 6 hours!!! Trouble is it was 3 - 9pm. I woke him up and changed etc and he's just fed back to sleep. So we will see - no nap resulted in shit nights, lets see what an epic nap does!

Awake at 2.20 & fed back to sleep. Not put down yet.....