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Original poster

Is 16 months too old for controlled crying?

18 replies

Lilipot15 · 03/07/2015 19:54

DD1 is 16 months. Health visitor says I have missed the boat for controlled crying - is this right? Bedtimes consist of up to 90 mins of one of us needing to be in her room holding her hand until she sleeps. I dread evenings.
Complicated by having a new baby (her sleep issues not new) so I am not proposing to tackle it too soon.
Just wanted advice about what works at this age.

OP posts:
silverstreak · 03/07/2015 20:08

I did "controlled crying" at 15 months, but not sure what your desired result is as I still stay in DD's room till she's asleep - we've just gone from holding her hand through the bars of her cot for anything up to an hour, to just sitting on the sofa bed on the opposite side of her room reading my phone for around 15-20 mins. She's v. Happy now (at 2.4yrs) self settling - I occasionally have to tell her to be quiet and go to sleep if she's talking for to r long with her teddies! - but am still to chicken to try leaving the room straight away..... Especially as 6m old DS now goes to sleep in he room too...! Will be interested to see if anyone else has tried and tested methods for this!

Original poster
Lilipot15 · 03/07/2015 20:32

I'd be happy with that outcome silver - can you talk me through how you achieved it? The issue is that with a newborn I am tied up feeding all evening. At the mo DH doing all bedtimes, she has a good routine beforehand.... This issue has been longstanding and not just since baby arrived, but I don't want to take any drastic measures for now anyway.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 03/07/2015 22:25

I'd say that between 12 and 18 months old is the ideal time for Controlled Crying.

Definitely not missed the boat. Your HV sounds a bit rubbish Hmm

Original poster
Lilipot15 · 03/07/2015 22:31

Fate - thanks, I thought I hadn't left it too late. That comment has really made me doubt my health visitor's advice.....

OP posts:
Alwayswiththechords · 03/07/2015 22:33

I think it's a good age to try controlled crying.

MummySparkle · 03/07/2015 22:37

We had similar, also complicated by new baby. We gradually ml went fro cuddling to hand holding to a hand on the Tummy then to sitting next to the cot and re-settling. DS is now 2 and a half and I now sit outside his room and put him back into bed every 5 mins is he's out, slowly increasing the time. It's hard. Good luck

nottheOP · 03/07/2015 22:40

Depends on the kid. Some just won't stop standing up and crying. Did she suggest gradual withdrawal?

It depends why you're doing the cc. It's not a cure all but is effective at stopping negative sleep associations such as feeding/rocking to sleep. These are negative if you have your sleep disrupted by needing to repeat it all night or the bedtime routine takes forever.

Original poster
Lilipot15 · 03/07/2015 22:59

Thanks for the replies. It was just a brief phone call with the health visitor - she is coming to do a proper visit. She did mention gradual retreat too, but definitely said she was too old for CC!!
I've never felt prepared to do CC before as I don't like her being upset, but struggling with new baby in the mix too. Also, I'm seeing that DD1 is struggling in the daytime as she's tired as she takes ages to settle (which in itself suggests that what we are doing is not the best thing anyway).

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilipot15 · 04/07/2015 10:00

Is there a good website that tells you how to do CC? I was picturing going in at increasingly long intervals, soothing her over the cot bars, laying her down and then leaving when she is quiet and laid down. But some sites seem to suggest you just go in, stroke back briefly and say shh then walk out again - this would potentially mean leaving when they are still crying? I'm not sure if I've got the wrong idea. I suppose consistency in responses is the key but I wish to be as least traumatic as possible for her.

OP posts:
ElphabaTheGreen · 04/07/2015 10:08

With your DD's sleep history, Lilipot it may well become UNcontrolled crying, which is what it always was with DS1. Utterly pointless and awful. I think gradual withdrawal would be the better option for you TBH. She's going to be furious about being put in a new way of doing things. Let her have someone in the room with her to be furious at IYSWIM. Much healthier than leaving her to wail alone IMO.

ElphabaTheGreen · 04/07/2015 10:09

Do a search on Nectarina's post titled 'What worked for us' (I think). The OP gives a step by step explanation of what to do.

Original poster
Lilipot15 · 04/07/2015 10:18

Elph the problem is that she is just getting so tired as having someone in the room seems to make her chat/dance/point/ ask for the one of us that isn't there and it goes on and on. Even though we are only there quietly, not chatting / picking her up / making eye contact...
She is noticeably grumpy by the afternoon, regardless of how much daytime sleep she has and I'm wondering when "something must be done".....I can't delay her bedtime as she is shattered.
Health visitor of course just made me stressed by saying that we had got her into this situation (although I think we should acknowledge that some babies just are not great sleepers and it's not all down to parenting), as I wailed "but we were trying to do our best for her".
I suspect we'll continue to muddle through but I thought at least if I'm armed with something practical we might feel armed to try it if this continues in say 4-6 weeks.
If my youngest is anything like DD1 I am fully expecting evening colic to kick in in the next week or so. For now it's just normal cluster feeding!
Anyway, Elph, nice to see you again, the Misery Loves Company thread has gone very quiet. I hope for everyone's sake it means that some babies are sleeping rather than us all being too tired to post!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilipot15 · 04/07/2015 10:22

Elph I will look for that thread you suggested - I think I saw it ages ago and the original poster seemed to have had real success - thanks for the reminder :-)

OP posts:
AmandaNov10 · 06/07/2015 11:19

Elphaba, can you pls tell me how to find Necterina's OP. I know exactly the post you are referring to, used it with DD1 worked a treat! That time again with DD2 and can't remember exactly what to do, apart from the but about having a glass of wine, sure that was in it somewhere, celebrate success!? X

Needsweetstosurvive · 06/07/2015 12:26

Google 'what worked for us mumsnet' and it should be the first option on the search results.

AmandaNov10 · 06/07/2015 12:51

Doing it now!! Thanks!

jugglingmonkey · 07/07/2015 19:59

Definitely not... Just did it with my 18/19 month old. Has worked a treat!

Happy to provide step by step info of useful.

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