4 month sleep regression- oh.my.god.

[hazel88]

So my DD has just hit the 4 month sleep regression hard. It sucks. It really sucks. for a short while she had been doing 6 hour chunks for the first part of the night followed by 1 or 2 wakings after. On the rare occasion she would just wake up once for a feed then that was it. BLISS. She's now waking up more times than I can count and I'm wondering if she'll ever sleep better again. I know about the 4 month sleep regression inside-out but would really appreciate experiences from others who have either gone through it or are going through it. I need some sanity restored...please?!

Just read
This ..www.baby-sleep-advice.com/my-4-month-old-has-started-waking-up-every-hour.html

I thought the exact thing after the 7th wake up at 3.45am. Id had maybe 2 hours broken kip? And all I was thinking was "I don't think I can do this much longer" how the hell will I cope with going back to work next month? Sob sob sob. :(
that website is a good read, though it isn't very reassuring to hear that the regression doesn't actually end! Rather you have to adapt to it! So... sleep training seems the way to go, but which method? Will it even help these hourly wakings? I said I wouldn't sleep train til 6 months but im becoming desperate.
Im sorry to hear your night was bad :(
Does your partner help out? The co sleeping nap sounds like an idea, ive tried it before but DD still only manages 30 minutes. Ill try again today though I think, in the hope she sleeps abit longer!
Im debating purchasing that ebook too! Though I do have gina ford coming this week eek! Xx

I think there could be some truth in that the hourly wakings could be due to when the sleep cycle ends and the babies look for help from us to get back to sleep . I also think growth spurts / development also plays a part so the sleep training is hard . I started sleep training my son at six months and he was in his cot sleeping 630pm until 6am shortly after , it didn't take long but I did use controlled crying but I didn't leave him longer than 5 mins. He used his comforter to self soothe ( he has only just given them up at 3 years old ) now prefers a different teddy every night . :-) very sweet. I know controlled crying isn't for everyone but it it really helped my son , he went from a grumpy any to a very happy chappy ! I wouldn't do controlled crying earlier than six months though . The baby whisperer pick up put down is also a good method . I tried this but my ds got more annoyed! My dh can't help at night as he works long hours and I wouldn't want him to get in the car shattered . He does do his bit re housework though , which is a huge help ! It's so hard when I have ds to entertain too. Off for another coffee !

Meant to say I will also look for other methods if sleep training before six months. Do you still swaddle ? I am thinking if trying a gro bag tonight so she has the opportunity to use her hands to self soothe . What do you think ?

mariloulou yes we try the 1.5-2 hour nap rule, although yesterday she went 3 hours once and the other day nearly 3 hours once which was SO hard to put her down but she refused to nap anytime before then!!! Last night before bedtime she was up about 2.5 hours beforehand which we always try to avoid in case of over tiredness but we couldn't fit another nap in while trying to stay consistent with bedtime. it was the first time in about 3 or 4 weeks that she went 4.5 hours before the first wake up! sods law that we went to bed at 9.30 ready for her 1st wake up, if we would have known she would go longer we'd have gone to bed earlier and made the most of it! Had a few wake ups after then but only 2 feeds during the night with a 5 hour then 4 hour gap. Was a much better night of just 4 wake ups I know we're in for a lot more worse nights than good ones for now though.

As hard as it is, and sort of contradictory to being on here, I'd try not to listen too much about the theories behind the 4m regression, I came to this conclusion after reading the other day that one woman claims it doesn't exist, it's just overtired babies and parents not doing enough to help this as well as forming bad sleep habits. What a load of bollocks!! We've tried what feels like everything possible to get DD to sleep earlier, to lay in later, to nap longer, go shorter wake times but she just won't as she's not tired enough. If you look hard enough you'll find all sorts of crappy theories behind it. Also, try not to pay too much attention about it lasting months and months. I bet you assume that will be your baby rather than all of the stories where baby has come out the other side within a month or so?! I certainly do, I'm convinced I'll have the baby who will never sleep again haha.

Sorry to hear you both had shitty nights and aren't feeling great. I'm currently sat with a cup of tea and some biscuits for breakfast Look after yourselves. And as for feeling you can't do this anymore, I have so many days like this where I'm in tears and feeling like I can't go on. Long showers with radox, cups of tea, chocolate and the odd break where I can catch one makes it a little more bearable during these times.

We dont swaddle and never have as DD is too wriggly and a gro bag did nothing for her, she wasn't keen. When things are a bit more settled we always use pick up put down method. takes a few attempts but helps to be able to put DD down drowsy rather than asleep which is what were resorting to at the mo.

mariloulou when you go back to work are you able to get DP to share the load as you'll both be working? In some respects you could actually feel a little better at this point as nighttime isn't solely your responsibility. I too often consider sleep training when I'm at the end of my tether but I really do believe she is too tiny to give this a try at the moment and she just needs her Mum. I don't know how effective it would be trying it at this age as she's incapable of self soothing. Although I know how you feel when you consider anything to make things better.

At 5am she woke this morning (this is normally her 'get up' time) so as soon as I heard her stirring I went and picked her up (bad I know!) and brought her in to bed as she was still tired but she didn't like it one bit and actually settled once I stood up, rocked her and put her back down in the cot! Is this the beginning of my baby not needing these precious mummy cuddles?! Haha.

Going back to the 1.5-2 hour rule, DD was just getting very fussy less than an hour after the last nap so I tried putting her down and she was asleep just 1 hour after the last one. If she's tired I just go with it really and keep everything crossed it doesn't have an impact on the nighttime sleep! If anyone hasn't looked at the wonder weeks I'd definitely recommend it. I have the app and it's great. We're currently in the thick of leap 4, and when you realise how much their tiny bodies and brains are going through it could make you think twice about sleep training at the moment

Mariloulou have you tried the pick up put down method? I pick DD up when she cries, shush and rock then once she's stopped I put her back down where she'll cry again and I'll repeat the process. Often takes a few attempts but she quickly learns that Mummy isn't for napping on all the time and will go back down drowsy. I keep watching her desperately trying to get herself to sleep but you can almost see the cogs turning in her brain and she's incapable of switching off, poor little thing When she's not going through a wonder week or growth spurt this is alot easier where as at the moment we're having to put her down asleep at times.

Afternoon,

Hazel you sound like your doing fabulously well with getting your DD to settle on her own. I have tried PUPD but my DD found it more distressing! Everytime I went to put her down she got more and more annoyed at me! I felt like it was doing more bad than good? Perhaps I was doing it wrong.

Sycamore, your right about the sleep cycles, each cycle is approx 30minutes hence why a wake up around that time is so common! I did CC with my eldest when she was umm, about 7 months? and it did work. But it is too young to try now.

I really want to start getting DD to nap in her cot, the pushchair really isnt ideal, plus, its noisy downstairs! She needs her peace upstairs. Hazel is your DD in her own room? I wonder if I should try that. I think I have held off because it seems pointless running down the hall a billion times a night, but part of the problem could be the disturbances in our room?

I'm at a loss really, I know I want to try "something" but I dont know what, haha. Maybe PUPD should be given another go, but I honestly dont see how it works, it feels like your teasing them, and teaching them that if you cry I'll pick you up?

When I return to work, DH has agreed that he will have to share the night shifts, he works such long days though, 10-11hrs and part drives. I would worry about him on the roads if he was getting up as much as I am during the night now. I'm equally going to be doing long days to, though part time only.

Sigh, what to do... On a plus side, though I'm sure it was a complete one off, DD slept 2 hours this afternoon. She outright refused a nap this morning, even after waking at 5.10am! she just wouldnt sleep. So after a car ride and dropping DD1 at pre school, I took DD2 to bed, fed her 6oz and she dropped off, great I thought, I'll get a 30min cat nap now! Lo and behold 1hr 45mins later I woke up flustering! I creeped out of bed and she stirred, popped in the dummy and she slept a further 15-20mins. She hasnt done this in months!!!!!

So, tonight, do I feed to sleep or put her down awake? That is the question :)

mariloulou how spooky...DD had a 2 hour nap today too!! I can't remember the last time she did that! We were out in the car and she was getting a little bit fussy when we stopped at lights etc then she went quiet and had fallen asleep so I thought I'd make the most of it and stayed out a bit. Then I ever so carefully took her out of the car and she stayed asleep for another hour!! I wish she'd have told me beforehand haha. Glad you managed to get some much - needed rest while your DD had that amazing nap! Sleep begets sleep so fingers crossed for tonight eh?!

PU PD still sends DD wild when I try it, she kicks and flails all over the place but I keep going until she finally goes down very nearly dropping off but not quite there. I see what you mean but the way I see PU PD is that DD learns that yes she will be picked up to stop her crying but once she's calmed down she will be going back down in the cot to have a sleep no matter how many times I have to do it. She seems to do really well with it usually after a couple of attempts it's like something clicks and she's like 'oh ok Mummy won't rock me to sleep then and this is where I have to sleep!'

Nope, she's not in her own room yet, she's still in ours but with white noise to try and drown our noise out! I've started weaning her off of it now though to get her used to sleeping in silence. So today I've moved it a bit further away. To be honest she seems to wake just the same with or without little noises around her, although saying this I still creep in to bed so quietly at night I'm petrified I'll wake her hahaha. I try really hard to create the same things that she wakes up to with that what she went to sleep with IYSWIM?! So I TRY not to rock her to sleep, give her the dummy etc as when she wakes and realises things have changed she'll want them back! As I said though that's kind of all gone Pete tong since the regression such as alot of co-sleeping which I'd rather not do as it's so blinking uncomfortable for all of us and not ideal! Luckily she's not bothered about a dummy so we rarely use it unless she's in a real state we've used it a couple of times during this regression at night but if anything it wakes her up as she can't keep it in! Since the regression she's actually slept worse than when she was a newborn I swear!

Putting her down just now she went nuts, and then decided to use every single sound she knows to talk to me! Chatterbox!

You really should give it a go with napping in the cot, best to start sooner rather than later right? only when you feel you have enough energy to persevere though! You can do it!! I know what you mean about DP sharing the load, but say DD wakes 4x during the night and DP gets up once and you get up 3x, even that is an improvement on it all being on you, and can DP bath DD to give you a little break in the evening?

DD has been down an hour and a quarter and first wake up already

Ohhhh tonight was a bloody nightmare! Took forever to get DD to sleep, she just wouldn't drop off! Unfortunately Hazel my DH works til 8pm, so im left alone to do the dinner, bath and bedding of the girls.
5- 7pm is most definitely witching hour! So so hard. This is where I find it hard to sit with DD2, say to just pat her or PUPD, because my poor other DD is waiting to be put to bed with a story etc. I don't know how to do any sort of training alone.

Ive just had a flick through the contented baby sleep guide thing and oh my what a load of bollocks again, just like the BW.
Forgot to answer earlier - have never swaddled DD, not sure why, just never did!
what do you do when youve put DD down, hazel, do you stand back? Or place a hand on her? How long did it take when you first tried it?
Indeed how spooky they both napped for so long!!! Lets see if it makes any difference to tonight's sleep.

Oh god that must be tough Always so much to do of an evening and always the busiest time of day, especially doing it on your own.

Sounds like we've had a pretty similar evening already! I don't have a good feeling about tonight after getting off to such a crappy start! It's taken many attempts to put her down.

When I put her down I always place a hand (fairly firmly at first) either on her tummy or chest- wherever her hands aren't as she has a tendency to want to hold my hand then there's no letting go haha. sometimes I'll put one on her tummy/chest and another on her shoulder. I also bend over the cot and gently shush her. I then gradually stop shushing and finally reeeeeally carefully begin to take my hand from her once she seems asleep and then gently place a blanket over her. I'm writing this stood over the cot as she's just woken again gahhhhh!!

Oh and I can't remember exactly how long it took, but quite a while I remember. I only started doing it once she started taking naps in the cot. When I go in the bedroom I close the curtains and turn the white noise on then start rocking and shushing, then when she's finished kicking and beating the crap out of me and I can feel her stop twitching and she goes quiet, that's when I put her down. It will probably take quite a while at first for your DD I imagine as it's new to her, but try your best to persevere. The first 2 or 3 days of using the cot to nap in I think it took about half an hour each time which felt like forever but soon became a lot easier. However, with this regression everything associated with sleep is now crap haha.

Honestly , I could have posted something identical to you! I had the exact same issues . DD didn't have a nap during nursery pick up so was seriously over tired . I was trying to get her down from 7pm, DS having a meltdown as he wanted stories and DD having a meltdown due to being overtired. I am also left to do dinner /bedtime. I have been trying to eat dinner since 730pm. Cold pasta it is ! I honestly prefer the newborn days when she would feed all night , at least I got some time . This is so rough I need to crack this sleep issue ! Good luck tonight x

Oh sycamore that's so rough

Hang in there, better nights will come and we will eventually all get some sleep soon. We are Mummies, we've got this!! Try and stay strong.

Fingers and toes and everything else crossed for all of us tonight x

Oh girls, its a tough one! Yes the newborn days were a lot easier! Ive ready through all posts but my eyes are heavy so im going to try get some sleep before the little
monkey wakes. Good luck tonight, I hope you both get on ok. Will be back on in the morning for updates! Xxx

I'm so glad I've found this thread!
Haven't read much about 4 month sleep regression as my DD is only 14 weeks but this sounds like us right now!
DD has been a terrible sleeper since 4 weeks, has been known to go from 8am - 8pm without a nap but has gradually improved and even started going for 3 hour stretches at night, until 2 weeks ago.

When things started to go wrong I decided to try and get some routine - HA HA HA - into the day, getting her to nap at least every 1.5h, always in the basket, and a more set bedtime routine etc, but now I don't know if I have made things worse, or if they'd have been this bad anyway!

DD is a fan of the 30 min nap too, and every nap is a struggle, getting steadily worse towards bedtime, she's constantly overtired and getting her to feed in the afternoon/evening is awful, she'll push the bottle away and cry hysterically, then suddenly remember she's starving. The bedtime routine has been reduced to a quick bath then throwing her clothes on at lightning speed as she prepares to scream her head off - the days of baby massage are long gone! At night she's awake every 1.5 hours.

We've used white noise on and off with some success. And this morning I felt like a genius as I swaddled her for the first time since she was tiny, and she napped for 2.5 hours!!! (must be something in the air today!) Although I've been paying for it ever since and I think this evening was the worst yet, I don't remember how many times I put her down in the end, I was rocking her for nearly 4 hours off-and-on til I thought my back was permanently done in!

On reflection I shouldn't have let her nap so long, I just feel like she so desperately needs it!

There's so much conflicting advice out there, I'm completely lost. And sleep deprivation makes it so hard to decide what you think will work for you... DH thinks the nap routine is a bit pointless and making everyone's life harder. Gaaaaaaah....

Haven't tried PUPD yet, I'm scared.

Those of you with older DC to look after too -

Good morning ladies.

well, what can I say, last night went..... brilliant! Best night in 6 weeks. After a battle to actually get her to sleep, DD slept from 8-10.30pm ( i think my and dh made her stir at 10.30 though, my god he can be so noisy! ) luckily I was able to pop dummy back in and she drifted back off nicely til 12.10. She woke and I fed, a full 6oz but seemed wide awake. I just lay down and put my hand on her, she went quiet and I must have drifted off myself! Moments later she was scooting herself up the cot! Like she was burying her head in the cot, I felt so drowsy ( must have just
dipped into a deep sleep and woken ) and I didnt feel like I could pick her up so I left her to it as she wasn't crying or anything, not entirely sure how long it was all in all, but everything went totally quiet after a while, I checked phone at 1am and she was fast asleep! I absolutely couldn't believe it. My DD who has never fallen asleep on her own just did for the first time! She then slept til 4.15am and seemed very wide awake but I thought theres absolutely no way im going downstairs before 5am so I persisted with her, she took another 4oz, I brought her into bed with us ( actually missed the cuddles ) and lo and behold she slept til 6.10am. Bloody.Hell!!! Coincidence probably yes, but wow, im trying to think of what I did differently yday and all it was was a long 2 hour nap early afternoon and lots of milk/food during the day. Both girls are staying at nanas tonight so it will probably all go tits up again but hey right now I feel great lol!

How were your nights?

Whereismy - welcome to our moaning thread! Ha, you sound like your definitely experiencing the same. 1.5hrs is rough. Do you feed to sleep? The swaddling sounds a success! Was that particular nap to late in the day though? Does she want feeding at night at every wake? ( im trying to stop feeding so much )
Your right, there really is so much conflicting advice, who knows what is thr right/wdongy thing to do. Ive found this thread and other mums experiences more useful to read!
I think your right to try get your DDs naps more straight. They say sleep begets sleep and an overtired baby is a no no! Where does your DD sleep during the day? Do you rock her then?
I read a really interesting ebook last night, downloaded it deom the sleep baby advice website, to be brief - there was a method of weaning baby from being held or rocked or fed to sleep. Basically you start putting baby down full asleep for a few days, then you work on putting baby down a little sooner so their not quite asleep but very very drowsy. Rinse repeat couple days. Then you put down a little drowsy, rinse repeat, then eventually work on putting down awake. The timings are vital to that one so she recommends you get to know your baby's sleep cycles, but I thought this was a great gentle way to start teaching self soothing, what do you think?

Coffee time!

mariloulou I'm SO pleased for you!! Well done you, sounds like you did a great job last night. I'm so envious!! As you must be feeling a little more refreshed today could be a good day to try DD napping in the cot?! Really hope your DD has cracked it now! How old is DD now? What a difference a good night makes!

I thought it couldn't get worse...turns out it bloody can. I think we were up in excess of 10 times last night and thats once we had gone to bed at 9. DD just wouldn't settle unless being rocked and stood up. The longest sleep she managed was an hour. She couldnt get herself in to a deep sleep. She was fed 3x in 4 hours as it was the only thing to get her off to sleep- really must break that habit because she doesn't need it. Cosleeping didn't work, nothing did. it was HORRENDOUS. I feel sick with exhaustion. Can't even really have a nap myself today as seeing the MIL an hours drive away at midday. Oh and the white noise was straight back up to full and near her. Weaning from that went out the bloody window!

Whereismy, welcome!! Haha your LOs bathtime sounds like my DD's! It's not a quiet, calm relaxing experience for anyone! I think a routine is absolutely a good thing, although you may struggle implementing one at the moment, maybe try a loose structure? My DD is exactly the same with the bottle at the mo, it's a battle to get her to take any sometimes even though she's hungry. Naps and bedtime sounds just like yours. This all gradually came on around 13.5 weeks, DD is 17 weeks tomorrow.

Huff, hope sycamore and Whereismy had better nights last night.

Oh no hazel that sounds so hard. Have you had nights like that before? Sometimes it can feel like things are getting better then it all goes wrong again! If nothing was changed yesterday in terms of your routine etc then I would just sort of accept a bad night, not beat yourself up and move on to tonight. Babies sleep is completely out of our control really, who knows why they really wake up. But as we said the night, they are reaching huge milestones, becoming aware of surroundings and this must be quite frightening! Your daughter sounds like she just needed some extra reassurance from you and you did the absolute best thing by comforting her.

do you find your DD is distracted from feeding? My DD is so nosey! Ive started taking her out of the living room and upstairs in a quiet room with no telly or other DD plplaying with her and she feeds a bit better. Could you try that?

Im sorry you won't get any rest time today, I know exactly how you feel. Best thing I would suggest is keep positive for today, dont let a bad night dishearten you... get through today, do as youve been doing. Try persist more regular feeds to stop DD wanting any at night, usual bedtime routine, let DH sort dinner, baby to bed, and try put your head down too. Can you DH do the first waking? So you get at least a couple solid hours? Sometimes we need to grab any downtime we can hey xx

Thankyou. The only thing that was different yesterday to the day before was she had 4.5hours of naps compared to her usual of around 3 hours in total. I try never to wake her from naps as I believe just let a baby sleep- they obviously need it especially right now with all of these new developments. I might try and limit nap time today though. The other day she also went 2.5 hours wake time before bed where as last night was 2 hours which even that seemed too long and I was worried about her being overtired. We've had a lot of shitty nights like this recently but last night was the worst.

I do try and keep the lounge quiet with little distraction during feeding but she still fusses. We're going to try weaning soon hopefully that will help.

DP helps where he can, and last night did a feed. I think I just need to try and pull through it at the mo like all of you other ladies

She's pretty fussy today and demanding my attention alot, even writing this is isn't happy that I'm not looking at her- typical apparantly of this wonder week which is at its peak for us this week. I do totally sympathise with her, it's just hard having so little sleep huh?! I did just manage to get a 20 minute kip while she's just had a 40 minute one, feeling better already.

I'm still keeping positive that if we don't develop bad habits now (such as lots of night feeds) and stick go our routine that better sleep is on the horizon! We will all get there!

How old is your DD?

When I say the day before yesterday that's when she had the better night And has the best night in weeks

Well we had a much better night . She finally settled at 9pm but didn't properly wake up until 130am! She did cry for a very short time ( about a min ) and I didn't rush to her as quickly as I usually do ( scared she will wake up ds ) and she managed to settle herself. She went down pretty quickly after a breast feed and then woke at 330am and 530am. I fed her to slept in bed and we both fell asleep until 7am. Much better night. She didn't have a nap after 330pm yesterday but the other naps were quite regular .
Hazel , do you think she is teething ? My dd is drooling like crazy !
Mariloulou so pleased you had a better night ! Sorry I can't wrote more , my three year old has just out the washing machine on argh..... It will be a long dY but at least I have had a bit of sleep x x

Thanks ladies and good (?) morning!
Arrrr hazel that does sound awful. It feels relentless doesn't it onwards and upwards I hope! Good luck getting through the day!

Well done mariloulou sounds like your DD was loads more settled last night, let's hope she remembers that feeling!

We had a rough night here, up and down and wide awake with grins then doing this sort of yelp each time I put her down. Co-slept from 4am but DD woke an hour early (yay!) so she's already down for the 1st nap. Will def wake her if she sleeps longer than 1h I think. Yesterday's long nap was in the morning, but it was still 30m longer than her usual total day sleep! And I still put her down for 2 further 30m naps later on! Bad mummy!
I've begged DH to call in sick today , I feel like an idiot but just can't do another day on my own.

Yeah the swaddling was interesting, I hadn't done it in ages, thinking she didn't like it, but I was in that 'try anything' mood! Don't know if it was that or a fluke that caused meganap. Have attempted it again today but I folded the blanket wrong and bottled it halfway through putting her down as she looked like she was getting bolshy, so now she looks like she's wearing a kind of weird shawl with 1 arm sticking out!

Am trying not to feed to sleep in the day, have loosely followed EASY, but yes rocking is the only way at the mo (my poor shoulder). Have occasionally tried 'calm but awake' which is just comical - so yes mariloulou that gradual method sounds perfect, will aim for that once I feel brave enough!

DD sleeps in moses basket in our room during the day - til a couple of weeks ago I'd let her sleep on her play mat in the living room but something I read somewhere (it's all a blur) said NO to that! I'm going to try and find something to block out the windows today.

What does everyone else do about light/dark during the day and at bedtime?

Hahaha I hope your LO put a load on while turning it on- start them young! Thats great, so glad to hear you had a better night too

I said to DP about teething. Luckily she's never done it through the night as of yet it's only been during the day so I wouldn't really know what it's like at night. She's dribbling a bit but not loads, always has her hands in her mouth but always has really since she found them! I think it could well be just this wonder week as she's been similar to this with previous ones, just not so intense with the lack of sleep! She also wont stop chatting whenever I try to put her down! We have a miracle blanket which she never liked before as she hated being swaddled but if things start going pear shaped tonight I might give it a go. I have The Happiest Baby on the Block which recommends reusing the swaddle during the regression.

Has anyone had the vaccinations during this regression and if so, what impact did they have, if any? DD has hers tomorrow, god knows what will happen tomorrow night!