Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

right extended bf'ders, your suggestions to bring about miracle sleeping baby pls

124 replies

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 15:52

right, i give in

am not going to use controlled crying or similar but need to be sure I am not wantomly depriving myself of sleep

dd-15 months. wakes up hourly b/w 9 and 6. Between 3 and 6 is the worst as she demands constant feeding. If I get up with her, she says "no, bed" very firmly.

she is very lovely but right now, I am not.

thoughts?

failing that-when do they start sleeping through more of the night?

ps yesihaveasling

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/10/2006 21:05

Btw - "Sleep camp" is blanket, pillows, cushions or whatever, for whoever is going to be sat or laying next to the cot.

Lua · 23/10/2006 21:15

We've used a method similar to VVV's , and still do to fight early morning waking....
I think confort is good and right, but helping them learn to be safe and secure is good too! I still bf DS, but manage to convince him that there is more in the world than boobs, at least until he is 18!
We started from him waking up at 12 and then every two hours or so. We first decided no feeding until 2Am, than no feeding until 3 and so far. We are now up to 6:30 most nights [knock on wood]!
Of course he has complained, and cried, but he had someone with him every minute shushing and patting so he know we are there for him!

It is no fun, but it might be better than putting yourself in danger while driving!

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 21:15

hey franny. Seriously, thanks for helping

ok

yes, i do feed her when she squeaks but if I don't, her air-raid style scream begins. Patting would very much not work.

our bed is a mattress on the floor (well, 3 mattresses) and its the only place she will sleep, other than the sling. She doesn't like to sleep in strange beds.

she has not quite yet got the understanding to have things explained. but is not too far off. She doesn't get now vs later.

oh god, if you told me she was going to do this for 3 years...dunno...pack my bags? Dunno. Do kids honestly do this? Ds wakes maybe once in the night. Unless dd is being spectacular.

Have tried Pantley's baby book but it was not really helpful...except maybe we are on the last ditch thing covered in the final chapter. have read reviews on amazon-will buy, i think.

she gets so upset and worked up so easily, it is hard to explain. If she is not comforted in an instant it is as though the world were coming to an end. She also, during the day, requires carrying basically most of the time we are out. This I don't mind, but...she's that sort of baby, if that makes sense. High needs.

OP posts:
FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 21:19

more replies...

See, I don;t even mind feeding her in the night, I think thats quite reasonable...I just don't want this much waking. Once or twice fine.

OP posts:
popsycal · 23/10/2006 21:20

filly
my ds2 was absolutrely dreadful
really really really bad
it almost split me and dh up around 4 months ago (was at least one factor)
i was in the pit of despair
it is dreadful
I had to do it in small steps as ds2 was so used to feeding in the night (the easy solution so as not to wake ds1 in the early dasy)
It took so much hard work but we are nearly there

i can share a potted version of my story if you like...or serach my threads in breast feeding and sleep

if ds2 can do it, any baby can

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 21:29

does it involve cc popsy?

cos i honestly can't do that!

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 23/10/2006 21:31

Yes, it makes perfect sense

and btw you were rushing to defend yourself about the responding every time she squeaked thing, I think - you don't have to explain that to me, I did the same thing. I think it's good to do that! Except of course they get used to it where another mother might have left them squeaking a bit longer and maybe they would have grown out of it, and....

anyway. I am a squeak rusher, too, so you are amongst friends

I think this terribly difficult phase will pass. I think it will pass reasonably soon. I think it will get better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and eventually, she will sleep through. Personally, I think the more you can give her now, the quicker she will grow out of it, but I do know you are only human etc etc etc

I must say I don't think it is just a habit with all babies. Generally, if it is just a habit, you can change things pretty easily. With some children who are high need as you have described your dd, it is - doh - a need. I think people who are not totally au fait with attachment parenting don't always understand that.

There is that fab quote about needs and habits, do you know the one I mean? Can dig it out if it would help...

Erm. I do think the more you can meet her needs now (without killing yourself doing it) the easier your life will be long term. Unmet needs not going away etc, but needs that are met get grown out of. I usually get crucified for saying things like that - yes I do know how hard it can be. No I don't think it is the only way. No I don't think parents should make themselves martyrs. Yes I did think I was going to go insane sometimes through lack of sleep. But that's my opinion on it, at the moment.

You know her best. Trust your instincts. If you think with a little work, you could make some changes, then do it. If you think she genuinely needs you, and is inconsolable when she doesn't get comfort because she is too young to understand and too needy to cope with it, then you are going to need to find a way to deal with it. How can you get more rest? How can you mentally cope with this? Can you change your priorities temporarily until this phase passes? Does mentally giving in help? Inspiring books? Talking to other people who share the same parenting style? Meditation or relaxation during the day so that at least you feel more rested?

I don't know if any of this is the tiniest bit helpful, but sometimes even a tiny improvement is enough to make things copable with for a bit longer, IME. If I am talking bullshit about it being a need rather than a habit for her, please ignore me btw. That was just what I was picking up on from what you have said about her. I wouldn't criticise you if you tried to change the situation, at all. Just wonder if giving in to it may be more effective in the long term, perhaps.

TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:33

er my answer woudl be to stop feesing

what onearth are you deeign fo at this age

popsycal · 23/10/2006 21:34

filly - no it doesnt
although now, at 20 months i am doing a wuss version of cc to get him past 5am
very against cc myself

it involved various stages...take months
then a very kind mother in law

popsycal · 23/10/2006 21:36

cos - in the defence of everyone who is feeding in the night at this age, it is such an easy trap to fall into
I fed ds2 in the night til 18 months and sometimes, when you have been up many times in the night, and you have other kids who you are worried about waking and you have no wil power as you are so bloody exhausted and havent slept more than 2 consecutive hours in over a year, feeding them to sleep is a very desirable option

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 21:37

franny

thanks for essay

actually, I think you are spot on and saying what I know is true which is that I need to stick it out or I will feel bad forever.

ds self weaned at this age (me pg with dd). I did try to sort it but had no access to MN, LLL etc so didn't suceed. Still feel bad I didn't do more, cos actually, it maybe was a strike.

yes. think I shall stumble on, whinging all the way.

going to bed. can i have quote at some point?

thanks you've helped a lot

and everyone else too

OP posts:
TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:37

yes DO NOT FEED HTEM
go away and give to kind mil(tm)
ro just stop breastfeeding
is htis nmo teling oyu summat?

TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:38

and any searhc under my name knows i suffered wiht ds3 till we lost the CUP he preferered 9 oh yes it went on past breastfeeding)

we found the cup recently and he was quite nostalgic!

popsycal · 23/10/2006 21:38

it is not just as easy as saying stop feeding inthe night
or stop breastfeeding full stop

it really really isnt

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 23/10/2006 21:39

ta pops

will search tommorrow

am following franny's advice now + going to bed.

oooh i feel all virtuous

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 23/10/2006 21:39

Erm, it wasn't a trap I fell into

I think it's a good thing to comfort your baby and give them security, and feeding them at night is a good way to do it

It is not everyone's cup of tea but there are many many advantages to it, and it isn't just something that people fall into because they are too tired to deal with night times properly, some of us see it as a positive thing we do for our children

TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:39

oh ye sit is

stop breastfeeding ant then remove that fort he equation
then he is merlely pissing about

i tell you ds3 was shite

TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:39

"I think it's a good thing to comfort your baby and give them security"

crap

you need sleep at 3 am

hippy shite

TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:40

kids can exist with parents saying at 3 am at 2 year they need to get into bed and shut up

misdee · 23/10/2006 21:40

most mornings i wake up with dd3 in my bed and think 'how did you get in here'

sleep deprivation.

FrannyandZooey · 23/10/2006 21:41

Filly

{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}

those are breastfeeding type hugs, look you can see the nipples

Will get quote for you now

and am glad I was on the right wavelength, it is obvious to me you are not going to be happy by any other solution except waiting for her to genuinely be ready to stop

and you will feel ruddy marvellous when that day comes

but meanwhile oh lord I do sympathise

FrannyandZooey · 23/10/2006 21:43

Cod go and play on another thread, I have been buying sparkly knitwear, shall I tell you about it???

TheDaVinciCod · 23/10/2006 21:44

have bumped "nonsleeping baby for sale" therad

looka t my agony

moaningpaper · 23/10/2006 21:45

lol at breastfeeding hugs

but the nips are too pert

my breasts are more like \o/\o/

FrannyandZooey · 23/10/2006 21:48

They have been stretched by evil hungry nighttime feeding babies, MP