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Original poster

please help, doing cc now and it's awful

116 replies

Evita · 14/04/2004 20:59

Dd's been getting worse and worse about going to bed in her cot. It's been mostly in the day but tonight it's happened when I put her down at her usual time and she's just not going to sleep. She's standing up saying 'mamma' over and over in the most pathetic little voice and I'm only going in every 15 minutes to repeat it's time to sleep and lying her down and leaving very quickly.

Are there some kids that cc just doesn't work with?

OP posts:
Original poster
Evita · 15/04/2004 20:22

Thanks collision, I can't let myself think we're out of the woods yet but I'm really really relieved tonight's been so much better than yesterday. I've felt in a total daze today and dreaded bed time this evening. I probably sound like a total wimp to people who've already had to do this sort of thing but I'm such a soppy old git where dd is concerned. I just can't bear to hear her cry. And she's a little sweetheart too, very good natured, I get scared I'll spoil something by being too harsh. This cc stuff is necessary I know because she has to sleep but I hope it doesn't have any long term psychological effects.

Or am I being a total namby pamby nitwit?

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Hulababy · 15/04/2004 20:24

Well done Evita, and mini Evita

Keep with it. You won't spoil her good natureness - it didn't with DD.

BTW, not recieved your e-mail???

sammac · 15/04/2004 20:31

Well done, I remember sitting with tears dripping off me feeling like the mother from hell. Luckily dh is much stronger than me and kept me going. Done it with ds and he goes down no problem , but it is hard going.

twiglett · 15/04/2004 20:32

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Original poster
Evita · 15/04/2004 20:33

sammac I've been like that. And all day today I've been looking at her and feeling weepy at the memory of her little voice saying my name over and over and over into the darkness.

hulababy, I sent you an email days ago and I think you replied to me but I didn't get your reply.

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Original poster
Evita · 15/04/2004 20:33

Thanks twiglett, I hope so, it seems too good to be true!

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twiglett · 17/04/2004 10:14

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hercules · 17/04/2004 10:45

Evita - do you think it would have been easier doing cc when she was a bit younger? Or no difference?

karen99 · 17/04/2004 11:18

Hi Evita, don't know how I missed this thread! I hope things improved greatly over the last couple of nights. As mentioned the first one is always the worst.

My ds always has a little cry before going to sleep (usually 5mins max) day or night since leaving him to settle himself a couple of months ago. Lately I've really tried to focus on the quiet time before going to bed (probably tied in with stopping bf). We spend around 20mins winding down, 5-10 reading book etc and then atleast 10mins of cuddles and lullaby's in his dark room. His breathing calms dramatically and I've managed to lay him down awake and stoke his head for a min and then him dropping off with no crying, which is a first for him. I hope it lasts!

How long is your wind-down? You've done brilliantly BTW.

Original poster
Evita · 17/04/2004 12:01

Well, last night was another 30 min. stint of crying and saying my name over and over. But at least only 30 min.!

hercules, I never did cc earlier because I never had to, dd always settled herself to sleep day and night and rarely woke in the night after 4 months. That's what's thrown me totally by this happening now. I guess it would be easy if one did it earlier as at least they can't stand up saying your name!

karen, we have a nice wind down time at night from around 6.30, we play quiet games, have a bath, get ready for bed and look at books and she's tired and sleepy, yawning and rubbing her eyes, resting her head on my shoulder. So I carry her to bed and the moment I put her in she shrieks! She's tired etc. she just doesn't want to be left on her own.

Currently 40 mins into crying as she goes off for her afternoon nap. She was so tired she was almost asleep on the floor just before I settled her down but she's fighting sleep like a trooper.

Yet again I'm feeling awful!

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karen99 · 17/04/2004 12:16

I have to leave ds to settle himself for naps too. Sometimes when he gets too tired he cries more - it's a fine line between the right moment and too late.. but can we ever 'see' that line??! It should flash on their foreheads..

We also have a 'nap routine' where I say 'it's time for your nap in a minute' and then two mins later I carry him into his bedroom and close his curtains and say again 'it's time for your nap in a minute'. We leave the room as that sometime sets off a curled lip and then two mins later I say again 'I.T.F.Y.N.' and we go into his room, he 'complains' and then I put him in his cot, cover him, kiss or head stroke and leave him. It usually takes 1min of grizzles if I get him at the right time, or upto 10 if I've left it too late. This whole routine takes about 6-7mins, but after a few days ds now knows 'naptime' is coming when he sees the curtains close.

Daytime sleep for us has always been hit and miss, but he does go down in the end. Why is it they never cry when they drift off in the car seat???

HTH and let us know about tonight if you get the chance.

karen99 · 17/04/2004 12:18

BTW, my ds is only 10mo so not sure if an 18mo would understand they are 'safe' with a night-light, or the door left open or something? Or a snuggly or pictures of mum & dad on the wall?

twiglett · 17/04/2004 17:59

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hercules · 17/04/2004 18:04

Thanks Evita. I am worried about leaving it very late as as you say when they are talking it must be harder but dd at the moment is doing ok.

Original poster
Evita · 17/04/2004 19:45

It all went totally wrong this afternoon, she cried and called for me for an hour and then I just took her out in the pram. She was asleep in 30 seconds so clearly the timing was right just the location!

Now, here we go tonight with another round ... Don't know how much more I can take ...

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Original poster
Evita · 17/04/2004 19:50

This really is a nightmare. Does anyone know of any other ways? I've been so miserable these last few days.

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hercules · 17/04/2004 19:53

What is the problem Evita why you are doing it in the first place? You dont have to do cc, we never did it with ds as couldnt bare to do it and he did settle down on his own although I cant remember what age.
I didnt have to go to work though so I dont know about dd.
I dont know of other ways, I guess it depends what you want.

Flip · 17/04/2004 19:53

I'm sorry Evita. I know how painful it is listening to your child calling for you. That's why I'm doing it now with ds2 who's only four months. I don't go to him when he won't settle. I let him cry for periods of time so he knows from the start that crying doesn't get my attention.

Good luck and hang in there. Do you have a dh/dp? Can he not listen for her and take over and you go out for a bit?

Original poster
Evita · 17/04/2004 19:56

hercules, the problem is a recent one, just a couple of weeks old. Dd's been a fantastic sleeper since 4 months old and been used to going to sleep on her own but just now has started crying about being put into her cot and saying my name over and over again. I've tried rocking her and all the gentle stuff and she falls asleep but is awake again the moment I put her down. I just can't think what else to do. It's not that she's not tired or that she doesn't know how to get to sleep, she just doesn't want to be left on her own.

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hercules · 17/04/2004 19:59

If I were you I would stay with her until she goes to sleep. With ds we would read to him then stay with him till he fell asleep. I know this is unpopular way but it worked for us and we took it in turns. I really could not let him cry. It may well be a phase and she wants reassurance. Sorry I know this will not be popular.

hercules · 17/04/2004 20:01

If she can fall asleep by herself perhaps spending a few nights with her for a while will reassure her rather than leaving when she wants you. To me this would make her more anxious if she is already anxious.

maisystar · 17/04/2004 20:06

agree with you hercules. i think children go through different stages and u need to adjust to each stage. my ds is 3.5 goes to sleep at 7.30 wakes up 7.30. normally he just goes to sleep on his own but occasionally wants me to stay while he goes to sleep which i do. takes afew mins but would rather this than loads of crying. possibly in extreme cases cc is nessocery but it sounds as though its just a stage your dd is going through.

Original poster
Evita · 17/04/2004 20:10

hercules, your words are not unpopular with me! I've managed to avoid doing cc totally so far and can't quite believe I'm trying to do it now. But it's a sort of tried everything else and failed solution. I'm happy to rock and hold her til she falls asleep but as I said she wakes up in terror as soon as I put her in the cot and that seems even more cruel somehow. And I can't go to bed with her at 7.30pm! Unusually she woke in the night last night about 1am and was calling for me and I took her a drink of water and sat with her on my knee with a low light on, stroking her head, and she got v.sleepy and went straight off when I put her into her cot. So tonight I tried something similar when putting her down for the night but it didn't work! I think you're totally right though about anxiety, that's clearly what's getting to her, that's why I feel so awful. If she was just being stubborn and bolshy and wanting attention I might find it easier to be hard but I can't help but feel she needs me and is anxious about being left. At the moment she doesn't have anything like a night light so the room is very dark, I'm definitely going to get one and see if that will help. Just going to post on 'products' page to see if anyone knows of a good night light.

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popsycal · 17/04/2004 20:11

Evita - ds only settles himself at night - there isn't a chance in hell that he will go in his cot during the day. i usually take him out in his buggy or the car. Sometimes he will sit in the buggy and I rock him in the house while his video is on quietly.......

He settles beautifully at night in his cot though.
Do whatever is best fro yu both.

Clayhead · 17/04/2004 20:14

Evita, don't want to get lynched either but I also always stayed with dd/ds if they wanted me to. dd now 2 and goes to bed by herself fine, even enjoys it.

Just wanted to say, follow your gut instinct. I didn't at the beginning with dd and made myself and dd very unhappy. Once I decided to go with the flow we never looked back.

Good luck.