Stopping night feeds. Say something helpful.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

This is partly a request for tips and experiences and partly a pledge.

DD is 1 yo. She bf to sleep at night.
Then wakes anywhere between 1 and three times, again bf back to sleep. I get that the feeding is a comfort.
I, of course am nearly dead from sleep deprivation/ disruption.
I am, from tonight going to stop night feeding. I'm going to initially drop any feeding before 1am, then move on to dropping any later feeds IYSWIM.
I'll be cuddling her, no CIO or cc, but no milk before 1 am.
Any tips?
I know I should like a wuss for doing it so gradually but she's only a baby after all.

liveintheprsent so sorry. It's a process though isn't it? I think it always takes time.
But I am so tired with it all.
I definitely need to offer dd some cot play. Trouble is, I feel so ridiculously busy. I am always chasing my tail, and feel overwhelmed with everything thee is to do at home tbh.
Well, she's just fallen asleep, a ridiculously late nap. I will wake her now and give her some food.

Gutted for you Liveinthe. Was hoping you'd cracked it. Hope your DS sleeps well again for you tonight and last night was a blip.

I was rubbish last night. DD woke three times and I fed her each time. She def wanted the first and last but the second was a quick comfort feed so I was gutted that I didn't try and comfort her without first.

It's so hard to think rationally in the night especially when you're exhausted. I'm in new territory too as DD1 and DS were having bottles by DD2's age (9mnths) and had dummies. I'd always have tried settling them before giving them a bottle so this time everything's the other way around.

Here's hoping for lots of sleep tonight for us all

Was feeling quite pleased that DD had slept from 6.30 -3 and have just tried to settle her and get her back to sleep without feeding for an hour. She was quite happy to be cuddled as she sucked her thumb but couldn't seem to drop off properly.......so I'm feeding her! wish I'd fed her an hour ago now I suppose if I was bottle feeding I'd probably have given up after an hour a d given her milk.

princess you are so right about decision making and rational thinking in the night. I would do almost anything to be allowed to go back to sleep, so a breastfeed seems like the perfect option.
My new plan is "don't offer- don't refuse" before 6am.
I will give cuddles and water. Is she really needs a feed I will feed her then. But I'll try the other stuff first.
Last night she went to sleep around 7:30 and didn't wake until around 4am. I fed her then and she went back to sleep until 6am. I think I actually had some rem sleep. I'm tired but feel amazing compared to most days. It real,ly is astonishing what a few hours sleep can do. And I woke up at 2 (out of habit and worry I guess) but I still feel much more rested than normal.
So full of good plans now.

Good luck all.

That's brilliant TheRealAC! I bet you're feeling strange after having so much sleep!

I think I'll join you with the 'don't offer, don't refuse' idea and see how it goes.

It did feel strange princess
Just bf to sleep now.
I remembered the idea about adding sleep cues as baby drifts off. So as she was going to sleep I stroked her head and did gentle rocking and shushing.
I need to keep that up.
Hoping for a decent night. It's been a tough day at work and I've got a punishing coule of days ahead too.
Why oh why did I not make the most of my mat leave?

Evening all - just checking in. TheRealAC wow that's amazing - I couldn't believe how good the sleep felt either.
Really hope you stay on this path now.
So excluding illness it sounds like things have really improved since you started the thread.
Same with you Princess - overall it seems like you are making progress too.
Had a weird day yesterday and DS wouldn't nap in the cot all day - but he only woke twice at 11 ish and 4 - so it's kind of tolerable though disappointing after the really good nights.
Got him down for 2 naps in cot today so that's better.
I am not tackling night wakes at all yet - still feeding - just vaguely hoping he will stop needing them of his own accord when I get all the self settling stuff in place.
Sorry am rambling - good nights all.

Spoke too soon.

Totally good plan liveinthe present
Well omfg! Dd has woken three times since I put her down.
I'm stressed now. I need a shower and to get to bed. I asked dh to listen out for her while I went to make a tea. FFS. Is he deaf?
Must dash, off to look up how to dispose of a 6' 6" body

therealAC you poor thing that sounds souls destroying. Hope she settles down for you.

Oh no AC.....how has the rest of your night gone?

I'm sure the wake ups are hopefully going to become less for you now Livein. Hope you got another good night last night.

DD woke at 11.30 but I settled her to sleep without a feed and she's just woken now and I'm feeding her as it will save me doing it when morning comes in the madness of getting everyone ready for the school run.

She wasn't really properly crying when she woke, just more like making noise so I think I need to leave her for a bit longer before going into her. One thing at a time though.....

Yes, one thing at a time.
I really don't know hat happened last night. I think I spent most of the night in dd's room but I was too tired to check the time.
Feeling tired. It's been exhausting at work and dh is pissing me off by making little digs. Then I call him on it and he accuses me of being argumentative. I have actually got the rage with him right now so feeding dd to calm me down.

Bedtime feed. Hoping to let her fill her tummy.dS is asleep.
They're so cute. I could just snuggle them to bits.
Please, please please let's all have a reasonable night. I have an absolute bitch of a day ahead of me. All the best to you sleep warriors.

Can I just say, I really appreciate the humour in all these sleep deprived posts - well done ladies and thank you for making me laugh!

I have just had "the conversation" with DH. DS is 14 months and has NEVER slept longer than 2.5hours at night without waking up. I still BF him back to sleep in the night but I rock him to sleep in the first instance. I have only JUST started to REALLY want to put a stop to this so I am reading with interest everyone's experiences, so thanks for sharing, best of luck!

Hi fertilizemyeggsbenedict. Great name btw
been awake for feeds a few times. Not sure when.
Dd has a cold poor little thing. I seem to have it too.
Dh has it also, but apparently much worse. Claims he's awake all night coughing.
Anyway. I actually now hold out no hope whatsoever of making a change.

TherealAC that's so disappointing - these colds are our enemy!

I don't know how true this is but FWIW but the sleep lady I spoke to said babies with strong feed to sleep association are always very prone to regressing to needing it when ill - partly why I am still trying to break it.

Though I haven't done anything new for ages - need to get DH to trying putting him down for the night soon - but dreading upsetting current calm phase.

We are stuck on 2 wakes again. Bearable -last night he slept through the 11pm feed and woke at 1 then 5 thrn 7. Tonight it's been 11 then 4 - am feeding now. I have been getting one chunk of 4 hours sleep at least and this seems to be a help in my energy levels.

princess hope it's still looking good for you.

fertlize hello and welcome!

Last night I was saying to DH how I can't imagine what having a full nights sleep will feel after not having one for 10 months now and that's not counting all the nights before DD was born when my other 2 DC would wake.

I wonder if we'll all ever get there? It's so frustrating trying to change sleeping habits and I think we're all getting a taste of one step forward, two back.

We had a similar pattern last night. Asleep til 12, settled without a feed after a bloody hour, feed just now and asleep again. If she could just sleep through til 5.....

Hope your day at wotk is bearable AC and that you all get over the cold quickly, esp DH as if he's anything like mine he'll be the most annoying when ill. Imagine if they had to be pregnant and give birth? We would never hear the end of it!

Livein I hope your two wake ups soon become one. And welcome Fertilize. It sounds like enough is enough for you too. Did you try anything new last night?

Have a good day all

liveinthepresent I think you're right about the feeding associatin and the regression. I'm pleased you're getting a bit of sleep. I definintkey feel better for mo than 3 hours in a row.
The v early morning (ds was up at five) is a bastard though.
And yes postie I often wonder if we'll ever get there. We simply can't have any evening together until the sleep is sorted. It feels like an insane treadmill ATM.
I am trying a bit of PPO at bedtime. Maybe I should try harder.

PPO??

Thanks for the welcome ladies. We didn't try anything different last night cos I'm just too shattered at the mo. And as we all know, change requires effort. We've had a run of horrendous nights with DS being awake for 1-2 hours at a time usually from 3 or 4am which is such a killer, rather than the somehow manageable just waking for a quick feed 5-6 times. When we get a couple of those nights we're going to try the Dr Jay Gordon method. We still cosleep so I think it'll be the best method. Altho I need to read the no cry sleep solution, I think it's similar. Oh and PPO is the Pantley Pull Off I believe - can someone elaborate?

I haven't hear of the dr jay Gordon method fertz

PPO is the pantley pull off. From ncss
Start by taking baby off boob at end of feed. Then progress to pulling nipple out of babys mouth during the pause when s/he is doing fluttery sucks at the end of the feed, gradually progressing to stopping the feed when baby is still awake but relaxed IYSWIM.
It can take some time. Each stage might take 10 days or more because you pull nipple out and cuddle baby, gently holding under their chin with a finger and if they really fuss put back on and try again after counting to 10 or 20 or whatever.
I did it with ds it now I can't even remember if it worked or if he just started to sleep through aged 2 ish.

Evening all - just came across this a quite interesting even though am not sure it counts as saying something helpful!

www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/why-pantley-no-cry-sleep-solution-doesnt-always-work/

Well I am bf dd again. She wouldn't settle.
I don't have the strength to make a change tbh.
I am just so unbelieveably desperate for rest.
Thanks for the link.
I'm not sure I really understood it though
I mean, I get that NCSS might not work. But I don't really see what her idea wasbiyswim.

Awake again. In fact, awake for most of the night.
Teeth? Cold? Shit mother? Not sure which is bothering her now tbh.
I honestly believe that nothing works.
Apart from bottle feeding from very young or CIO.
Too late for the first and I'm not doing the latter so I'm just going to have to keep getting up and try to minimise my suicide risk stress by co sleeping and just wait until this year is up and hope my marriage and career haven't fallen apart by then
Good luck to all of you I really hope you have better luck.

Oh therealAC please don't give up - it's a journey you said - you have made progress it's just that something is causing a mini regression. There will be a reason and it is definitely not you being a shit mother!
Will be back tomorrow - going to try to get another hours sleep now