Stopping night feeds. Say something helpful.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

This is partly a request for tips and experiences and partly a pledge.

DD is 1 yo. She bf to sleep at night.
Then wakes anywhere between 1 and three times, again bf back to sleep. I get that the feeding is a comfort.
I, of course am nearly dead from sleep deprivation/ disruption.
I am, from tonight going to stop night feeding. I'm going to initially drop any feeding before 1am, then move on to dropping any later feeds IYSWIM.
I'll be cuddling her, no CIO or cc, but no milk before 1 am.
Any tips?
I know I should like a wuss for doing it so gradually but she's only a baby after all.

Sorry about the meltdown
I'm very lucky to work pt. so I can't make any changes to that sadly. I know it will improve.
Yes, I've been lying to some ppl too. Because I don't want to hear any more views on CIO.
I have night weaned, and I still feed dd during the day. It wasn't actually as hard as I thought it might be. I just stopped. When dd woke I cuddled and rocked her and when she "asked for" milk I offered water. She cried a bit at first, and she still wakes up now (as yu know ) but she seems to accept I don't feed her until 5am, and that's in my room.
Last night when she woke I decided o try to settle her in her cot, by the wuss method, so I got in there with her and lay down. It took fucking ages a while, and she cried a little bit, wriggled, stood up, lay down, stood up etc for over an hour. But at least I was lying down, and she was taking one teeny weeny step towards going to sleep in her cot.

Oh poor us, threadfellows. But it's got to get better hasn't it?
Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Dh has just told me he's very tired.
Just saying

Ok. Don't tell anyone but dd slept from 7:15 until 04:30. I think she only woke up then because I had woken from a bad dream shouting!
Is it very odd that I don't care it was a bad dream? The point is that I slept for long enough to dream. Actual rem sleep.
Well, we'll see what tonight brings.
How were all your nights?

After a few bad nights and miserable attempts to get him to settle in cot I took side back off cot. We kept ending up co sleeping anyway so we might as well have room.

Oddly Tuesday this week he self settled to sleep and did 4 hrs before waking. Next night took forever to settle him and had to feed, same last night. I wish I knew what made the difference.

He's settling for his dad again sometimes again with rocking. Keep wondering when I'm going to be brave enough to try night weaning.

I keep chickening out. I saw another thread about babies night weaning on their own. That would be nice.

I never ask HV about sleep, I did at 4 months and response while well meaning was pretty useless.
If people ask me about sleep I just shrug and say its crap and change subject. I did almost lamp my neighbour in supermarket when he told me how great CC was. His wife had a different version of that experience which involved baby biting and vomiting.

How old is ds emma?

Well done AC. There's something about more than 4 hours in a row that is so much better.

We didn't count last night - I had to go out (sadly boring meeting) so DH put DS to bed, after a bottle (well he drank 1oz). So when he woke at 1.30 I fed him then he woke for the day at 5.30.

DH is so tired he's slept downstairs in the office for the past 2 nights. Didn't work last night, he woke up. Well, the office is below DS bedroom. I discovered this morning that it may also have had something to do with the fact that the baby monitor was in there, still switched on!

Is it very wrong that this makes me smile?

Our DS was 1 this week.

I think he could be 3 before he stops waking. His uncle was an awful sleeper apparently - this is good though as it stops any judgey comments from MIL (she's lovely actually). She just looks on with sympathy remembering the sleepless years she had.

Even though dd still wakes in the night I'm pleased I'm no longer feeding through the night.

Last night: bed at 8 , woke at 9 then slept until 5.20! Progress indeed.

Still waking until 3? I hope not. But I definitely think there is only so much of this you can do anything about and if you're getting stuck it's worth having a break for a few weeks before trying to move forwards again.

Hi May I pop my head round and pick your collective brains please?

DS is 11m, bf, and still feeds at night. He generally wakes between 10 & 11pm and seems proper hungry (big gulps of milk) and then often another 1-2 times before waking at 7ish. I just don't know how to wean him off any of these feeds. If I don't feed and just cuddle him then he's usually v upset. DH tries to settle him and that works around 50% of the time. At best.

DS is quite small (9th centile) and I wonder if that makes a difference (smaller tummy?!?).

Goodness, that's a lot of waffle.

My main question is if you manage to settle without feeding, are your babies still crying after you pick them up? I don't mind spending time rocking and cuddling but so often milk seems to be what he needs/wants.

Thank you for getting through my weary brain dump!

Hi, Mrs81, yes sometimes DS is still crying after I pick him up. I had to wear a high necked t-shirt so he can't get to my boobs. I was reassured by the fact that when he did eventually go to sleep he then slept for another few hours - so I decided he couldn't have been that hungry.

I started by saying I'm not going to feed him at intervals of less than 4 hours, so if I fed him at 7 before bed, not to feed again until 11. I've also heard people say choose the hours most important for your own sleep e.g. 12-6 and decide not to feed during those hours.

However, it's all really hard when it's 3am and you know a feed would get them back to sleep in 20mins!

Thanks Grainmun. It is hard isn't it? I don't particularly want to rush DS too much with this, rather gently help him learn to calm down again and go back to sleep without milk (in the first place) and then without us (me). But that needs to be a gradual shift I guess if he's been used to bf as comfort for so long.
Equally, I'm tired. And would like more sleep please!

It will happen Mrs81
At 11 mo my dd just wasn't ready to give up the might feeds. She still needed the milk as well as the comfort.
It's only recently, at 15mo that I felt she could go without, and that I. Old comfort her through the process. I think you will know when you both ready.
Until that time I made up a futon style bed on the floor and co slept so that I maximised any opportunity for sleep and rest.

Last week dd slept from730 until 430. Then a few nights of awaking once around 2 or 3.
She managed 730 until 430 again last night. I'm so impressed with her.
I won't say that I wouldn't like a later start but she's made excellent progrerss. When she wakes up now, instead of getting her out of the cot I climb in with her so she has company while she tries to settle.

Thats great AC. I have similar progress to report - bedtime (somewhere between 7 and 8) until just before 5!

Hello, can I join please?

Ds is nearly 9 months, dreadful sleeper bar one glorious night he did 930-5 ish, I can't even remember it now! Bf to sleep, in cot at side of bed but co sleeps when I go to bed about 930. He'll feed then and 2 or 3 times in the night, waking between 530-630. I'm knackered. Done every nap, bedtime & night waking since he was born. Eats loads of solids, well, has 1 top tooth to cut soon.

He needs to go into his cot, in his room, stop feeding to sleep and reduce/stop night feeds. Not necessarily in that order but 1st three imperative as I'm back to work soon and will not be here for bedtime. I've already delayed returning to work due to his sleep issues and we are really feeling it now.

Can I have some opinions about doing one thing at a time (my preference) or all in one hit (DH preference).

What should I do first if taking it in stages? I can move into his room with him initially by DH thinks this just sets another precedent.

grain well done. It's so good isnt it.
Although, the last few nights have been a bit shit. Waking at least once through the night and then at 4:30, at which point she's up for the day [we need a "pistol to my head " tbh]

But she's been poorly with a cough, and she's teething again. So fingers crossed for the passing of such horrid things.

Hello cakebaby. Poor thing. The tiredness is just so shit.
As is abundantly clear, I'm no expert, but I would say you should make whichever move you can be arsed with first. I think going into his own room is a good idea as a first step. He's still quite young so might be needing some of the night feeds. Then maybe drop one feed at a time.
I have no time for the opinions of DHs on sleep issues.
And I have reservations about the value of stopping feeding to sleep, but I am likely to be wrong on that one. Maybe it's worth a try as you move him into his own room. Can you get a matress in there so you could feed him lying down and at least have some rest?
I can't imagine anything worse than trying to tackle all three at once and I would bury my dh under the shed for if he'd made that suggestion.

Sorry, I see you do have the facility to move there with him.
I would do that tbh. Because their would help ease him into the change of room/cot. No need to set him up to fail IYSWIM

Thanks ac its good to have a sounding board dh turned into a PITA over this

So, into own room, into cot, reduce night feeds, aim to get him in cot all night. Sigh....

Its the randomness of it all that really bothers me, he settled fine at 715 last night, woke once for a quick shush & then didn't wake til I went to bed at 10 then feed, straight off, fed at 2, 430 & awake at 6. The night before was sheer hell. I never know what the night will bring.

See how he goes in his own cot/ room tonight. And take it from there. It might be great, it might be really challenging. But I'd have some strategies in pace for coping if I were you. Being able to lay down in that room would be a good start IMHO.
Someone on MN recently wrote "you eat an elephant one bite at a time"
Damn right you do.

We had a long busy day yesterday and the DCs went to bed just after mine. Dd slept though until 6:15. I was stunned.
Out again today and she had a late, long nap. Dh is trying to put them to bed now. We shall see.

He's still in with me we've not moved the cot yet as dh works shifts and wants the first few nights ds is in his own room to be ones when dh either isn't there or isn't on an early err, who is this about?

Anyhow, OK to bed last night, hourly wakings till i went to bed at 10 but settled in a few mins with a shush. Woke at 415 for the day FFS.

Woke dh early who had to go to work, suddenly its all about him again as he's going to worry about me and ds both tired and not in the best of moods. I am SICK of his competitive tiredness Gimme that shovel.

So now, yet again we're behind the curve, ds is tired before the day should have started, bad tempered, refused breakfast, i'm so sick of this

I'm lookin' out the shovel for you.
But I'll read your post again later to see if there's something more constructive I can say.

Ok.
Does ds nap? When/ how long?
How much milk feeding is he doing in the day?
How's the teething going?
Any colds etc?

Hi. He usually wakes at 6, naps for 35 mins at about 10 then after lunch at about 130 for about 2 hrs. Bath at 630, bed at 7. Loads of solids, 4 bf a day plus a 10pm ish feed and then usually one sometimes 2 in the night. If it's just 1 then it'll be about 4 am but he sometimes squeezes another in about 1am

Ok. So the hourly waking isn't usual for him?
That sounds like teething. Does that makes sense?

One or two feeds a night at his age isn't abnormal though, just bloody tiring.

Oh yes, he now takes 30-60 mins to go to sleep at bedtime. Cot is at side of my bed with side off. He starts the night in there & comes in with me when I go to bed about 10.

Nice & calm/dozy downstairs after bath etc then starts to bulldoze around cot in his sleeping bag, standing up, bouncing hanging off the bars, singing etc. Eventually calms and feeds to sleep (I know, I know!) 80% of time, but he can just drift off when he wants to.

Wakes 35 mins on the dot after bedtime, this week I've been resettling with a shush or song, this would have been unthinkable even 2 weeks ago when I was feeding back to sleep each time. He then wakes hourly til I go to bed. Shush to sleep again. However, sometimes he'll do 2 or 3 hrs before waking, but not often. Its the randomness of it that I find difficult.

Recently we've had 2 hrly feeds thro the night, 2 feeds and just 1. We've had easy and bloody torturous bedtimes, quick wakings/feeds, 2 hr wake ups at 2 or 3 am, wake for the day at 415, 5, 6, 645. He's started to sleep on his front, crawl, stand & cruise in the last 14 days, we've had sleep crawling...WTAF is that all about?

We've had a cold/virus, fevers, trips to OOH at 2 am, 2 bottom teeth, 1 top tooth, other top tooth trying to cut thro now. Its bloody never ending! Now I've typed it all out its no wonder poor ds can't sleep!

He's been hideously cranky the last 2 days. My smiley, happy boy has been replaced by a frowning, sullen, furious, biting, scratching, nipping, grabbing, objectionable, frustrated little monster

Thank you for listening dh helpful input included.... welcome to motherhood....I told you it would be hard....you wanted a baby.... All true, but not constructive.