Stopping night feeds. Say something helpful.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

This is partly a request for tips and experiences and partly a pledge.

DD is 1 yo. She bf to sleep at night.
Then wakes anywhere between 1 and three times, again bf back to sleep. I get that the feeding is a comfort.
I, of course am nearly dead from sleep deprivation/ disruption.
I am, from tonight going to stop night feeding. I'm going to initially drop any feeding before 1am, then move on to dropping any later feeds IYSWIM.
I'll be cuddling her, no CIO or cc, but no milk before 1 am.
Any tips?
I know I should like a wuss for doing it so gradually but she's only a baby after all.

Hi ikeaismylocal
Thanks for sharing your story here.
Re: feeding to sleep; all the "experts" seem to reckon that's a key part of helping them learn to "go through" IYSWIM.
But I think ppl's views here are mixed.
I am ambivalent (sort of my default setting on most issues )

I've just fed DD to sleep. She's a lot better now but still not 100%.
Maybe I'd be better off with a "don't offer, don't refuse" stance on night feeds. I think I'll try water first, and cuddles and offer a short feed if that's not working out.
I know that chopping and changing my approach probably isn't help ing.
Sometimes I think I'm not bothered but I really would like some uninterrupted nights. I'd like to not have to bed before 9 just to get any sleep at all.

Hey HO.
Good night wishes to you all.

Hello all.
DD much better. Although still teething of course. Thank you for asking.

I bf her to sleep last night . I must admit, I really struggle with not doing this because I feed her while I read to her and DS and they both happily drift off through this routine. So messing with it seems awkward and risky.
Just given her another feed and some nurofen. Dare I try to put her in her cot?

I realise at some point I need to stop the night feeds altogether having reduced them [worry emoticom]
I hope you are all sleeping soundly

Hi, amanda. 3am here, been up since 1. Trying to feed to sleep for the 2nd time. She'll drop off but when I try to unlatch her just wakes and cries. Stopping feed to sleep has been an epic fail, I just can't cope with the hours of crying every night, but sleep deprivation for her and me is getting worse and worse. I'm beginning to despair

Could you continue with your night time routine (which sounds lovely) and just stop feeds after that, or are they too closely related?

Artemis you poor thing. I really feel for you.

I think that I might well abandon the plan to stop feeding to sleep.
I remain unconvinced of its worth tbh.

I hope you are asleep now. If not
DD fell asleep and I put her in her cot just after my last post.
I, however, have too much on my mind now so I can't sleep

I like your suggestion. I think I am going to just carry n feeding to sleep at bedtime and then take a gentle approach to weaning off the night feeds.
So I'll offer a cuddle, water, and if she's insistent then a feed. See how it goes.

Really glad to hear your little one is on the mend amanda. This journey is never easy and what works for one family, doesn't work for another. I too think your evening routine sounds so lovely, it would be a shame to disrupt it. These early days (I still think they are that) re over all too soon and some of us will miss attending to these little ones like we do now. It's hard when your in the middle of it all when it's draining your own resources, but it is still so short lived in the grand scheme of things.

Scrumptious thank you so much for that post. I am still here and feeling really low tonight. I need that perspective. I just told DH I feel like life is on hold until DS sleeps.
DS is ill again/ still and I have had such an exhausting week for a whole load of reasons. I was really looking forward to the weekend but he has woken twice already tonight and I have no stamina left to face the night shift.
Amanda glad you sound in a good place about your approach.

Scrumptious another vote of thanks for that perspective. Need to keep reminding myself DD won't be this tiny and dependent for ever. When she hits adolescence and can't bear me anywhere near her I daresay I'll look back on these days with nostalgia and wonder where the time went.

Agree, thanks for that post scrumptious How's it going for you ?

And thanks for all the good wishes for DD.

liveinthepresent sorry about your DS being I'll. It's exhausting and the nights can be utterly soul destroying. I too, feel a bit like life is "on hold" until the sleeping is sorted. Very insightful comment.
Fwiw, last week with poorly DD and rubbish work I felt so drained it was like a whole new level of "nothing left to give". Now she's better I'm still tired and a bit irritable tbh but I feel so much better. I predict you've got some better nights to come when your DS is feeling better. But and in the meantime.

True Atremis

I think we're down to one feed a night. (although on Friday night she woke with the alarm at 23:00 and I foolishly fed her back to sleep.
She very kindly slept until 04:00 tonight. Just fed her back to sleep. I think she might be stirring now though.

DH is snoring.

I say that cos I too sometimes need to remind mysel that really is the case - I just can't believe how quickly his first year has gone and we have so so many lovely memories from it, the sleep thing doesn't even really register (well, a little ;-))
DS has again had a cold and after 2/3 good nights, we were back to frequent wake ups but thankfully he was happy to settle for DH a lot of the time. Unfortunately he's taken to waking up early now, which is new. I ended up handing him to DH at 6am and went back to sleep - breakfast at 10am here! Let's see how tonight goes again...

I hope DS is better scrumptious
DD has not eaten well today. But she had a good nap and lots of play. Fingers crossed.
Good luck everyone.

Shattered!

Thanks amanda honestly I had forgotten how much better this thread makes me feel.
Despite the rubbish weekend I am feeling upbeat. My reasons are-

1. The sun shone today
2. dS napped in his cot this morning ( first time ever!!)
3. DH and I have agreed a slowly slowly plan
4. I am having lunch with an old friend tomorrow
5. DS has lasted 2.5 hours without waking ( more than all of last night!!)

Wishing Sleep to us all !

I am much less positive now . Can't get him to sleep again.

Bugger!
I was just about to get the Pom poms out Livinginthepresent
It's miserable. I know.
I saw a friend yesterday and made the mistake of saying DD was doing quite well at night
She was awake before 10 for some reason and I fed her back to le because I was desperate to get back to cleaning up so I could go to bed.
Then she was awake for a feed around 1 and it was hard to settle he but we co slept on the "futon" and she's just woken up. Feeding now.
It's all so tiring and relentles. There is no rest

Thanks amanda keep the Pom poms handy - surely we will need them soon?
Sorry yours wasn't great. It was a better night here in the end- slept from 23.30-3 then 3.30-6.35 - and then DH took DD and DS downstairs and I have had another hour and a half sleep.
So I guess that's back to 'normal' but there are no long stretches to give me hope for the future.
Am trying to get positive mood back - at least the sun is out again - and I am looking forward to seeing my friend later.

Has anyone had success with sending their DH in with a bottle / beaker ?

That sounds more manageable livinginthepresent
I cba to send dh in tbh.
Tonight I forgot to sort dd's water bottle so it's fingers crossed that she doesn't want a feed before 1am.
I really cba to go downstairs to sort oit out. Isn't that ridiculous?
I need to start dropping that 1 am feed now. Maybe not give a feed before 3am?

Amanda I generally CBA about most things during this sleep deprivation! I guess that's partly why DS got used to being fed back to sleep.
Had such a good day today. Met an old friend who is very very relaxed and un judgey. She told me her DH ( lovely DH too) was totally bloody useless during small baby stage and that she felt similar angst at sleep deprivation. She has survived.
However now on second wake up and feeling panicky about work tomorrow. This is what I spent the last few months of maternity leave dreading..
You are doing so well. Hope tonight goes ok too.

We've already had two awakenings and she's only been asleep 3 hours!

Yep that's me too ginger normally doesn't bode well...

Good luck!

Oh poor Ginger and living

I have just fed dd back to sleep. Although I did do a bit of PPO at the end. She's sleeping beside me now. I do think, ATM, that she actually needs that one feed. Maybe I'm kidding myself.

I'm always panicking about the following day. Work is tough as it is. And on my days off I feel so guilty for struggling and worry about not making the most of my time with them.

DH is good during the day. Apart from the messyness(which is literally record-breaking) he does a lot with he dcs. But he has a very superior attitude towards his work and the need for sleep. I sometimes worry I'll wake up and find an axe in the back of his head
I reckon these Early years are very testing for most relationships.
Sleep well

It's not going well. He has managed to self settle in my arms a couple of times. Encouraging him to self settle in the cot with my support did NOT go well.

On the plus side, he did sleep for 3 whole wonderful hours last night (after spending the first part of the night doing his usual hourly wakings, and the middle part just awake)

Will continue with the PPO and hope for better soon.

Hi everyone. Have lost the thread for a few days and couldn't find it despite searching. I have missed you! Finally just got DD back asleep in her cot so will be back later to catch up with all your posts.

HI princess

I know you must be shattered Hawkeye but I think you have done well. You can get him to settle at times without a feed. That's really good.
I just wish it all happened much quicker for us all.

Dd woke again at 5 and I fed her to sleep. Now I have to dash to work. Yuck

Hi everyone....the battle for sleep continues!

Not done a dream feed at 10.30 for a few nights now which is great but has meant DD has woken twice in the night at around midnight and 3.30am. I'm actually more tired than before which kind of defeats the object.

We've moved the cot base gown to midway so not sure if that is freaking DD out as she has started waking and really crying and then not settling t fast asleep in my arms. Sooooooo tired now now would love a few long sleeps....

Wishing you all good nights.

Oh princess making the change is too hard.
I think we should change the thread to "let's moan about night feeds and just celebrate when they end naturally" I have lost faith.

DD had her one year booster jabs yesterday. She was awake at 23:00 (I'd gone to bed at 22:30) and was not satisfied by having water. Bf back to sleep and lay with her on the "futon"
Then lots of being unsettled but woke at 04:00 with a fever, cue nurofen and bf. now she's back to sleep, bless her, but I cannot sleep. Humph!
I am almost derranged with sleep deprivation and have the most ridiculous work day ahead.

Please tell me someone is having a better night.

TheRealAC I really feel for you as you've had a tough few nights recently. I hope your LO is feeling better today and your day at work is going quickly. I don't know how you manage to work when feeling so tired: it must be really hard.

I agree with changing the thread title as none of us seem to be getting anywhere near dropping night feeds! I don't really want to stop bfeeding but I am tempted to give DD some formula before bed to see if it makes a difference to sleep.....probably not though.