Stopping night feeds. Say something helpful.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

This is partly a request for tips and experiences and partly a pledge.

DD is 1 yo. She bf to sleep at night.
Then wakes anywhere between 1 and three times, again bf back to sleep. I get that the feeding is a comfort.
I, of course am nearly dead from sleep deprivation/ disruption.
I am, from tonight going to stop night feeding. I'm going to initially drop any feeding before 1am, then move on to dropping any later feeds IYSWIM.
I'll be cuddling her, no CIO or cc, but no milk before 1 am.
Any tips?
I know I should like a wuss for doing it so gradually but she's only a baby after all.

Liveinthepresent that's terrific . Have you been sticking to your plan then? I'm really glad you've had some success. It makes me feel improvement might be possible. I can't remember when I last had 7 hours' sleep! Probably not since about September 2012

Ni good work on the 3am rule! Did your LO object to not getting fed on waking? For the last week I haven't even tried an alternative to the boob for night wakings, I'm so knackered I have just been taking the fastest route to get her and therefore myself back to sleep.

Princess and RealAC I hope little ones' illness doesn't come to anything. It's amazing how much illness buggers up sleep. When I'm ill I just want to sleep all the time but it doesn't seem to work that way for babies. DD has had a cough for months now and it really disturbs her.

I'm a bit down at the moment. The sleep consultant hasn't got us working on night time sleep yet, just fundamentals, but I feel I'm struggling even with basics - being consistent with night time routines particularly between me and DP should be simple but it's not. Feed to sleep at the beginning of the night is no longer working - in the longer term that's probably progress but I have nothing to replace it with apart from calling DP away from whatever riveting shite he's watching on Dave and asking him to rock her to sleep. While he's been telling me to stop feeding to sleep for ages it transpires he doesn't want to have the responsibility instead. Last night when DP was out she cried for 30 minutes after her feed before conking out. I am still BF to sleep during the night though, 3 times last night then up for the day at 5.30am . I've written 3000 words of a report today though I have no idea whether any of them join together to make sense.

Fingers crossed for good nights everyone.

Artemis
5:30 start is shit. It's often that here and it sucks the bastard life out of me. Sorry things aren't going as fast as you'd like. But I'm inspired by the fact that you're making changes. I need to do that.
Henceforth (oh, yes I can hear myself) I am gong to be a bit tougher. I expect to fail a bit, but the night feeds have to go.
I think I need to just try to not feed at night. When dd wakes I will cuddle, rock and give her water. I am considering starting tonight but I am very tired so I'm not all that confident. The trouble is that I just resort to bf because it's the only way I get to sleep myself.
I'm actually wondering whether I should just give up trying. Just feed her until she doesn't want it any more.
Ugh! Too tired. My nerves are shredded.

Good nights all.

AC it's so hard to keep your resolve when you're so exhausted. I've been BFing on and off for the past hour, DD has fallen asleep numerous times but the second I put her down she wakes back up and cries. BF is clearly not working but neither does anything else. I can't just leave her to scream the house down.

I am talking to the SC again tomorrow and hoping she will move us on. I am expecting things to get worse before they improve but we are really stuck at the moment, I understand the purpose of the small changes we're making but I really need to feel we're moving forward. OH has decamped to the spare room. 3am with a non sleeping baby is a very lonely time.

Atremis . I feel your pain. DD was up twice for a bf but then awake since 4:50. It's soul destroying.
She has a cold, so I can't see the point of making any changes right now because she'll be awake and need seeing to anyway IYSWIM. Or am I just making excuses? One of the great things about bf is that it does soothe her when she's a bit poorly or grumpy, so it seems foolish to take that away now.
I'm sorry things are so hard ATM. The tiredness, the having to get up, is overwhelming isn't it? It makes me feel exhausted and powerless and hopeless.
But things will change. It's a small time on their life overall. DS still gets up some night's, but he gets into our bed and snuggles down right back to sleep. It's lovely. We often have to go back upstairs to get him out of bed now after 7:30. That seemed impossible when he was dd's age.
I can't remember how old your dd is. Will look back.
Hope you're sleeping.

Ah ok. She's still tiny. But you're struggling with the feed to sleep thing.
I reckon (waffle alert) that it's almost I,possible to not bf to sleep. Because when they're tiny it's important to let them finish the feed, not to take them off the breast, or they miss out on an essential part of the feed.
So it's natural for them to go to sleep like that.

I've always had a solid routine for DCs bedtimes. No tv, winding down, bath, story etc. And regular naps (well, when they'll have them). but they both have been waker-uppers at night.
I didn't try to get them out of the feed to sleep thing. I probably should have done that around six months or so.
They've neither of them taken to a snuggly toy or blanket. I tried from birth.
When I stopped night feeds with ds I just stopped. Rocked and cuddled him through his protests, but at about 15 mo I just stopped. I couldn't make the PPO work (maybe I was too impatient)
So the only things that have worked for me are stopping night feeds cold turkey (but not CIO IYSWIM) and the passage of time.
but your dd is took young to abolish night feeds altogether, so working with the sc should help with addressing the feed to sleep thing IYSWIM.

How are the poorly babies?
I think I have one too now - DS slept 8-6 again but when I went into get him he has also been sick all over the cot and himself.
Am torn between feeling awful he didn't wake and call for me to thinking maybe he is going to be so good at sleeping he won't need me much in the night ..
He has had a massive feed and I will see if it stays down - seems happy enough.
Obviously now I have the fear that the amazing sleep was illness related.

Interesting therealAC that cold turkey in the night has worked for you before I just don't have the stamina and I think that's why for me the stopping BF ing to sleep at bedtime was just the easier battle!

Artemis hang in there am sure Ann will get you there - I know it's hard - I found implementing some of her ideas impossible but DH and I agreed that as long as we were doing 'something' it felt better than nothing. We have gone so slowly - and at times felt like we were getting nowhere - but gradually I managed to stop BF at bedtime and get him napping in the cot. I thought these were impossible dreams at the start! It has taken 8-10 weeks to get to a better place ( by which I mean a couple of wake ups) but I think Ann would have pushed me a little quicker had we used a support package.

Ps yes 5.30 starts suck - both DD and DS up before 6 this morning.

Right. I am convinced.
I will stop feeding to sleep at night. That's the issue isn't it? Maybe dh needs to put her to bed.
liveinthepresent sorry about poorly DS. DD definitely has a cold.
I'm not sure how the logistics work. Do I just wake her up if she's fallen asleep? Or do I stop the feed before she falls asleep?
I can barely sit up. and I've promised to take them both swimming this morning. (that's nausea, not envy)

DD slept through again last night and wasn't sick like the last two nights but I still don't think she's feeling great as she's cried a lot more than normal this morning.

I woke at 5 with stomach ache and it appears that DD has shared her bug with me. Luckily DH had a quiet day at work so he's taken the day off to look after DD and do the school and pre school run for the other two so relieved as didn't fancy keeping my legs crossed on the way. I feel dreadful.

Sorry that lots of the babies are poorly and hope they'll all be on the mend soon.

AC I agree with you and think there's no point trying to change anything while your LO is ill. I do hope younger a bit more sleep soon though.

Artemis I really feel for you and hope things start to get better for you soon.

DH just asked if it's ok to bfeed when ill. I presume so? Had a quick search but can't find anything specifically....

Yes it's ok.
Hope you are better soon. Drink lots.

Princess that's just what you didn't need - get well soon.
Get as much rest as you can.

If you are well enough to type - what did you feed your DD when ill? I know the advice is to feed as normal these days but it seems so against how I was brought up . dS has been sick again but ate toast, sweet potato and banana for lunch. Does that sound about right or should I keep to BF ?

TheRealAC I will try to remember how we started on the putting down awake mission but I don't know if you will have the patience for my rather wimpish baby steps approach!
I didn't used to wake DS if he properly fell asleep as that was then a nightmare to get him to sleep - but I did gradually start to try to stop feeding before being fast asleep and used story/ music / comforter / same words to try to build new associations.
Now I feed him in a bright room with everyone crashing around before I start the rest of the bed time routine.
This has taken about 8 weeks though so you may find the strategy of getting DH to do it ( and going out for the evening yields quicker results.

And I am still not sure why he is suddenly sleeping so well - my efforts, illness, or just because he is good and ready all by himself!

Hi LiveIn. That sounds great for your DS. I have DD porridge, banana, toast and plain pasta. I kept to anything plain that I thought she'd eat. I kept up with bfeeds as normal, though she did throw some of these up, and gave her small portions of plain food listed above. Hope your DS is feeling better soon.

Thanks Princess'he had a bit of pasta for tea and so far it's stayed down - so fingers crossed for the night ahead. Hope you feel better.

Thanks liveinthepresent I really appreciate the advice. I need to take baby steps as I don't like the stress to dcs frm a huge change. Even though I say stopped feeding in a cold turkey fashion it was more gradual than it sounds, we were down to one feed a night and he was over a year.
I hope ds is feeling better and the sleep continues to improve. Brilliant progress. I would feed him as you are. "gently" IYSWIM.

Princess so sorry you're not well. I hope you feel better very soon.

Dd denitely has a cold and is teething and has eaten almost nothing.
I have just let her bf to sleep

Thank goodness I'm feeling much better though I'm still a bit achy but did manage to eat earlier. Being ill with kids to look after is horrific isn't it? Luckily DH has been brill and he's even been and done a big shop tonight.

I'm tucked up in bed and about to go to sleep but I am really nervous about DD's sleep and wether she can make it through the night again? Interestingly she has stopped feeding to sleep at bedtime the last few nights. I've not done anything differently so not sure why. Wonder if this is linked to the magic sleep through?

Wishing you all good nights and sleepy babies.

Up and feeding.....but not to sleep again. Just giving her a cuddle and she's looking sleepy so will hopefully get back to bed soon. Maybe DD's couple of sleep throughs were because she was ill after all.

Morning all - DS woke once in the night too Princess he was really upset Cried so loud DH actually thought it was DD and shot out of bed before me. I fed him as was thinking he might be thirsty / sore tummy from the bug.
Feeling weary now mainly because DD thinks its necessary to shout for us the second she opens her eyes - 6.30 today. Woke all of us including DS. Need

Hope everyone else ok.

Terrible night here. DS woke up every hour after being put to bed. I was able to rock him to sleep each time after a bit of water. I'm not sure he needs/wants the water but when he wakes up crying and I get the bottle over he stops crying and opens his mouth. Which is a good thing cause we're doing BLW and I wouldn't been shoving it in otherwise! When he's settled down I then rock him. I say rock but it's actually bounce. I sit on the edge of the bed and bounce up and down. When I stopped feeding him to sleep I introduced patting his back as comfort. And we have a phrase to let him know that he should be sleeping. So I've been bouncing, patting and muttering shh it's sleepy time all bloody night. He woke at 3.30 and I fed him but he's not really fussed about feeding before that. Doesn't root into my chest or anything.

He woke again at 5.30 but OH (actually!) went to him first, I didn't even bother to say to him it doesn't matter I'll just feed him. DS went back to sleep til 9ish! I sort of got 4 hours sleep!yay!

DS used to have those god awful early wakenings, I used to take him back to bed and fed but he soon stopped feeding lying down and would only kick me when I tried. I then started to get us up and dressed etc, it was the only time I went to any groups but I was wrecked by 10am and like a zombie the rest of the day. Once I learnt he could be bounced to sleep I started that in the morning and got myself another couple of hours in bed.

I was celebrating yesterday as DS slept for 2 hours in his cot at nap time but it seems to have messed us up last night. I hope it's not the end of our good nights.

AC that's what happened us about feeding to sleep at bedtime, he would fight and wriggle and feed and play but just wouldn't close his bloody eyes and sleep! For a while I was putting him down awake and waiting for him to cry and then go and feed him to sleep. I did pick up put down after that and after a week he was going to bed awake and just going to sleep. But he's not doing that anymore but I've forgotten all the rules so I'm just bouncing to sleep now so it hasn't really been that successful.

Sorry for muttering on, I just feel like complaining today.

Sorry niM complain away.

So tired. Thinking of you all.
Dd fed at bedtime but stopped before she went to sleep. I've been trying to use additional sleep associations like rocking, singing and stroking her head.
She had two naps today and a fair bit of activity. Ate very little though.
So we shall see. I must at least try to cuddle rather than feed when she wakes.

princess I'm pleased you're starting to feel better.
livein sorry you had a r ough night. Interestingly my ds got me up at midnight because he needed a wee. Just one more wake up and it feels awful doesn't it.

Hey HO. Good nights.

So? DD slept until 2am, then had a feed. I tried to just rock her to sleep but I think she was hungry/ thirsty so I did feed her. After that I think she woke again at 2 ish and 4 or 5 ish (old time IYSWIM) each time I fed her back to sleep but it's not always effective.
It's hard to say what's going on because she definitely has a cold so it coughing and snuffling. Maybe not so much needing to feed to sleep as needing to feed for comfort IYSWIM.
Happy mothers day.

So tonight DD wouldn't bf to sleep, was really squirmy. Then she settled a bit and wanted to feed, so, in the end, she did bf to sleep. I'm a bit worried because I had a couple of glasses of wine this afternoon with the plan being to give her a bottle for her afternoon milk. But she became inconsolable and had two massive boozy feeds
I'm trying to add other cues to her falling asleep like singing and stroking her head and "shh, sleepy time" in the hope that this will be useful for the future.

I expect she will wake a lot. She's full of cold.
But she gave me a bunch of daffodils today so all is perfect in the world.

DH is already asleep while I am cleaning up and folding laundry. So I must dash as I need to build his coffin and find my shovel

I am here but with dS bug now. Will update when I feel better.

Hi all and happy Mother's Day! I hope you've all had a nice day and managed to avoid as many jobs as possible?!

Livein really sorry you're feeling ill, esp on Mother's Day. I hope you manage to get some decent rest and feel better really soon. Can your DH look after DS tomorrow? Take it as easy as you can and I hope you get some proper sleep tonight.

AC I really wouldn't worry about the wine. I think that you'd have to be really drunk for the alcohol to get into your milk. I've fed DD when I've had a few drinks in the past and she's always been fine and behaved in exactly the same way as always. Hope you had a good afternoon.

DD slept through again last night but I feel bad telling you really as I know some of you are having horrendous nights. I'm sure I must be due one soon however for the moment in enjoying having a bit more sleep.

Hope everyone has a good night.

liveinthepresent so sorry to hear you're poorly. I hope you feel better very soon and manage to get some rest

Thanks princess. That's fabulous news. I'm really pleased for you, well done.

DD woke for a feed at 2am. She's slept since then but I can hear her poor tiny cough so I suspect she'll be awake soon, poor little mite.

Hi everyone and how are all the DC sleeping? How are you doing livein? Hope you're feeling better now.

We seem to be back to one wake up in the night for a feed now. I have been feeding DD when she's woken as she's not been having a proper feed at bed time as she's been so tired after only having 40 mins sleep in the day for the last two days.

Things could be a lot worse but it's funny how you always want more! The clock change has meant the DC are still fast asleep in the mornings despite me getting them to bed at the usual time the night before. No doubt their body clocks will be fully reset by the weekend and they'll be wide awake early rather than lying in when they can. Soooo frustrating!