Stopping night feeds. Say something helpful.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

This is partly a request for tips and experiences and partly a pledge.

DD is 1 yo. She bf to sleep at night.
Then wakes anywhere between 1 and three times, again bf back to sleep. I get that the feeding is a comfort.
I, of course am nearly dead from sleep deprivation/ disruption.
I am, from tonight going to stop night feeding. I'm going to initially drop any feeding before 1am, then move on to dropping any later feeds IYSWIM.
I'll be cuddling her, no CIO or cc, but no milk before 1 am.
Any tips?
I know I should like a wuss for doing it so gradually but she's only a baby after all.

Aarrgggghhh
Last night was awful. Bf on and off from midnight.
Initially I tired to just rock and cuddle her but I realise now I can't do it. She cried and pointed at my boob and I simplly couldn't hold out.
So. I am doomed.
When do they stop this naturally?

Well. I decided that there's to be no more bf after bedtime.
I made up some bottles of water in case she was thirsty and put the rocking chair in her room.
Bf her to sleep in my room with ds. (sometimes she doesn't bf to sleep, sometimes she does)

Then she woke at 00:40. I was terrified. I sat with her, cuddling and rocking her. She cried, she refused water and was asking for bf, but after about 20 minutes she settled. She fell asleep in my arms and I waited a good while before putting her in her cot.

Then she woke again at 03:40. It was tougher this time. She cried harder and for longer. She really wanted her bf. I felt wretched, so mean. But i just kept rocking and cuddling and stroking her head.
She took a couple of sips of water but was upset at no bf. after about 30 minutes? She settled enough to cosleep. Then she woke again at 6:30. I took her into my room and fed her. Now she's up for the day after a play with ds.
It wasn't actually as bad as it could have been. I am really tired.

DH (who had the bed to himself all bloody night) reckons she woke him too and hes tired from beng awake since 4am. So when ive finished this write up I have to go and get my trusty shovel.

So. No self settling. But one step at a time and I'm quite pleased with how well she did.

How about you guys?

Wow AC that's amazing - you must have had nerves of steel ! Keep going now if you can- whenever we make changes it seems to take about three nights to click so if you tell yourself it's just a few nights you will get through it.
Your DH must be very brave to say that to you !
We are doing well here - some amazing sleep throughs and no 'bad' nights - just the odd wake up.
DS has got his first teeth and had antibiotics for the cough so I think that is all making for a more settled time.
Praying it continues. Haven't actually tackled how I handle the wake ups so I still BF though he never really falls asleep until back in his cot now. I am probably risking some huge regression and bring back a square one.
Have a good weekend

That sounds like good natural progress Liveinthepresent
I really, really hope that we get some progress before too long. ATM I'm just winging it and seeing how long we can go IYSWIM. I'd love to have some predictable sleep throughs in about 2 weeks.

AC that's brilliant. Consistency is key i think. She will get used to it in a couple of days and it will get easier. Our SC warned us to expect a regression on about night 3 or 4 of trying anything new and that did seem to happen with our DD so don't be disheartened if you have a bad night. It is tough but ultimately you will all sleep better, including your DD, if she isn't feeding all night.

Live it sounds like you're doing really well, if DS is going into his cot awake after feeds I would think you're much less likely to risk setbacks. Hopefully the sleep throughs will get more consistent from now on.

My DD has a streaming cold and has been a sorry sight for the last few days. I think she's finally cutting her first tooth as well. The cold started after the night of awful crying - I felt terrible the next day, there's no way I would have let her cry so much if i had known she was getting poorly. However, despite (or maybe because of) being ill she slept 7pm - 2am last night, had feeds at 2 and 5 then slept until 7am. I think that counts as her best night ever. Tonight she's been in bed since 7 and not needed me yet. I've heard her shuffling and coughing a few times over the monitor but she seems to be settling herself. It's a struggle not to go in and prod her awake to make sure she's OK . I got in bed at 9.30 (DP is out) intending to catch up on sleep but I'm still awake as I can't believe she hasn't got me up yet! Not expecting a re-run of last night but the fact she hasn't woken on the dot at 10 like she usually does feels like progress.

Sleepy vibes to everyone, especially you AC, hope it's going well for you tonight.

That's great artemis. Sounds like you're doing well. Thanks for the advice and get well wishes to your dd.

Last night dd went to sleep around 7:45. She woke at 3:40. I held and rocked her for an hour while she intermittently protested, sometimes crying. Then she woke at 5:15, apparently ready for the day so I've just fed her.
So fucking tired.
I have work tomorrow and I actually dont know how I'm going o manage. It's truly not funny anymore.
But I think dd is doing very well, I'm proud o her. Now I'll be watching for that regression but hopefully in a few days shell be more settled.

Hang in there AC it really sounds like you are going to crack it! focus on the prize of not getting up in the night on your holiday!
Artemis also really good to hear your update that does sound like a lot of progress from hourly wake ups.

we are still doing well - last night he went from 8 ish to 7 am - and this is starting to be almost the norm!
really its a miracle from where I was at the start of the thread.

Now we have realised we need to work on DD routine - as she is still taking a long time to get to sleep at night and we will need to put her in a bed soon which if we don't have her settling quickly will be a nightmare.

wish you all lots of sleep.

Oh well done liveinthepresent
Dd slept until almost 4am. I rocked and cuddled her and she settled quite quickly. She then woke at 430. Same again.Woke at five so I fed her.

AC that sounds really promising - well done your DD - we had some early wake ups initially when he started sleeping long stretches but they are gradually reducing.
there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Now he sometimes wakes at 11 and sometimes at 5 - not both on the same night but I feed him and he quickly goes back down so its not a drama even on the nights he doesn't go the whole way through.
Have been dropping third nap as well so thats caused a few blips.

AC that sounds really good. Apparently the wakes between 3 and 5 am are the hardest to crack but it sounds like you are heading in the right direction!

Live great to hear of your progress. It gives me hope that we might get there too. After 2 good nights over the weekend, last night was back to 3 wakes and a 6 am start but now DD has proved she can sleep for longer I think we just need to persevere. The bedtime routine has really helped us with night-time settling so I'd say it's worth working on.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night...

Up at 11 and 3.
Shocking timing.
No feeding. Very little crying (from dd anyway)
Now up (from 6) feeding.
Feel like utter shit.I don't know which way is up. DH reckons he didn't s.eep from 3. "well fucking get up then"

You're doing well though, if she is no longer feeding but not crying. It might just need a few more nights.

Feeling like shit here too. 3 wakes last night but the middle one involved a hour and a quarter of screaming from 1.45am. Then up at 6. All dealt with myself because DP 'can't cope' with crying. I don't know what makes him think I can.

Sending for tonight and for tomorrow morning. Hang in there.

Oh thanks Artemis. It means so much to me to have support here.
You poor thng. Three wake ups is horrible. I hope tonight is better.

It's tough, isn't it? I keep seeing little glimmers of improvement but it's frustratingly slow and inconsistent. Her bedtime settling is pretty good now but it doesn't seem to translate into settling during the night. Hard to know how much impact the cold and teething has.

Hope you have a better night AC. I'm heading to bed now and hoping I can at least get an hour in .

Good luck ! dS randomly woke one hour after bed time . Sense of impending doom as big work day tomorrow.
Fingers crossed.

I think teething makes a big difference.
Well done on getting her to settle well at night. I daren't put dd in her cot awake- I have so far to go don't I?

Liveinthepresent good luck for work today.

I have cracked night feeds.
It was really all down to having the confidence that she was well and was feeding for comfort.
Night wakings are a different matter of course.
Up at 9.30 (settled by dh asi was working) then at around 1am. Up at five for morning feed.
I need to move that first feed. But not ready yet.
I need to tackle the night wakings. I think gradual withdrawal is a good plan. We shall see. Not ready. Too bloody tired

AC thats amazing - i totally agree that its easier when you aren't agonising that maybe they really need the comfort/sustenance.
keep the faith and the goal of your holiday in mind. I think the theory is that they get better at resettling when they know milky cuddles aren't the answer.
it seems to be true here - DS has cut 4 teeth in the last 10 days ish and has slept through or only woken once.
She might work it out for herself without you needing to do anything much.
hope you are having a

Well done liveinthepresent

Wow AC that's brilliant. You too, Live. Sleeping through teething is no mean feat.

I would really appreciate any experience anyone has to offer as we're going backwards here. Bedtime settling has got tricky again, night wakings increasing and no longer settling back in the cot. The longest she slept last night was a 2-hour stretch and she was up solidly between 4.40 and 6. I am really struggling. I can't blame cold or teething any more as both are more or less over. I'm just dreading what she has in store for us tonight.

Artemis you poor thing that sounds hard. Do you think there is any explanation?
If it helps - DS has woken up twice so ce bedtime tonight...

Since

I don't know, Live. She has had a bad cold which became a lingering cough that wakes her and has cut 2 teeth in the last week. That all upset our progress and I got in the habit of getting her in with me if she protested at the cot, mainly because I was never confident that the crying was about sleep rather than because she was ill or teething. That's disrupted the cot settling. But looking back the two good nights were total anomalies, the grand scheme of things has been lots of night wakes and lots of crying. Did you have much crying with your DD? That's the thing I find really hard even though I know that in the main it's protest crying not because there's anything really wrong.

ohh I wish I could offer you some pearls of wisdom. what i can say is that somewhere on this bumpy sleep journey i had a spell that seemed to go on for weeks where we made no progress - then suddenly it sort of clicked - its not perfect as tonight shows but coughs and teeth are huge obstacles so don't get too despondent if it feels like you are going backwards.

are you still working with Ann?

will keep my fingers crossed for tonight for you.

Oh poor Artemis
How old is she?
I thin it sounds like an expected regression after her teething/ illness.
It's hard for me to offer experience because I've never managed to settle dd in her OT.
I think taking a couple of steps back is worth s try.