Stopping night feeds. Say something helpful.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

This is partly a request for tips and experiences and partly a pledge.

DD is 1 yo. She bf to sleep at night.
Then wakes anywhere between 1 and three times, again bf back to sleep. I get that the feeding is a comfort.
I, of course am nearly dead from sleep deprivation/ disruption.
I am, from tonight going to stop night feeding. I'm going to initially drop any feeding before 1am, then move on to dropping any later feeds IYSWIM.
I'll be cuddling her, no CIO or cc, but no milk before 1 am.
Any tips?
I know I should like a wuss for doing it so gradually but she's only a baby after all.

liveinthepresent poor ds. It's so awful when they're poorly. I feel sad for dd when she's not well, and then I feel frustrated because I know it means I'll have a shit week night, then I feel guilty because I feel frustrated .

princess have a lovely evening. I hope you enjoy it, and that you manage some sleep when you get home.

Thanks NiM. I think they do regress. I guess we have to expect some night wakings.

Well thank you to you all for your advice and encouraging words. I don't want to give up bf. so I will continue. Dd seems very unsettled. I'm hoping this is the last day of her feeling rough . Tonight she barely fed (surely a bad sign for later) and dh had to take her off and cuddle h to sleep. She cried when I trie to feed her, cried when I held her, cried when he held her....
Anyway. Everyone (apart form me) is asleep now.
Dh is snoring, so I just have to find my extra heavy shovel before trying to get some sleep.

I have been trying to help dd take a snuggly. But she's not having any of it.

Wishing you all a good night.

Omg. So I finally dozed off (not easy with dh snoring) and then ds came in to tell me he needed a wee . Dealt with that. Ds asleep in his bed now, good boy. (he's so cute)
But I have had to retreat to the futon in dd's room because dh is snoring so ridiculously loudly. It's like a fucking conspiracy.
I know that when I finally drop off dd will wake up.
I am going to lose my mind aren't I.

AC am just on phone so can't type sense - but that sounds like where we were a few months ago. In the end DH had to deal with all DD wake ups and sleep on sofa so that I didnt feel surrounded by other people snoring / coughing / shuffling eg when I just needed a nap!
All I can say at the moment is I found that I put off changes for fear of making things worse or at best no better but in the end I feel like having a plan is helping my sanity. I gave had wine and this may not help but anyway I hope you can keep the shovel at bay.
Fingers crossed you get some rest.

therealAC I was going to suggest an elbow in the ribs, but in my case it's a knuckle. We don't sleep close enough for me to elbow him! Pregnancy pillow still getting good use

Good luck tonight!

Holy shit... The baby woke, took neurofen, took 2oz of water FROM A BOTTLE and went back to sleep with a bit of bouncing, patting and shhsing! All in 20mins!

A small victory but there are many hours of this night left!

He hasn't taken a bottle in months

He did it again! An oz of water and he was happy to drift off to sleep on my knee with minimal bouncing/jiggling. Other than trying to put his head down my buttoned up pj top he didn't seem fussed about feeding.

And I'm too excited about his cooperation with the bottle to sleep! I might be able to go somewhere sometime!

He's currently sleeping with his bum up in the air, too cute!

Please don't be beginners luck

You ladies have dropped off my threads list which is now down to zero. Good job I'm up at 3.30am then

NiM good work! Guess it shows the long shot is always worth a try. Hope it continues.

Live glad to hear of progress despite illness. My DD has another cold too, hasn't been properly well since xmas. I feel sorry for her but mostly anxious about the impact on sleep.

AC hang in there. I've considered giving up BF too, I just end up resenting it and I want my body back. Physically it is hard. She has been on me so much tonight my boobs have practically disappeared. But I don't think DD would let me stop anyway and I doubt it would magically fix her sleep.

We have started working with the same sleep consultant Live used after I decided I can't continue like this. DD has been on my boob on and off for 2 hours. She isn't feeding properly, she isn't falling asleep either, but she screams if I try to rock her or (heaven forbid) to put her down. I sent DP to the spare room after an argument. I had asked him to help and when he made a massive drama out of it I said something about me doing this all the time. He shouted at me to shut up. I'm not having that. I might have said a bit too much after that but I'm sick of every tiny thing he does becoming a major inconvenience or requiring some kind of award. I used to be shocked so many relationships foundered after having children. Now I'm amazed so many survive.

Sorry that was a bit of an off topic rant. The sleep work is going to be gentle and therefore slow. We are not even addressing sleep behaviours probably for another couple of weeks, just focusing on foundations, context, sleep environment etc. But it feels positive to have at least made the decision to call in help.

Wow NiM that's amazing - well done!

I am up feeding DS after an 8.5 hour block of sleep despite his cough and cold.

Artemis am really pleased to hear your update! Good news you are feeling positive. Sorry about another unhelpful DP. Lots of those on this thread !

Pom Pom fanfare for NiM and *

^Artemis* good to see you. So pleased to hear about the SC. sorry about DP. They can be such knobheads.

Dh is still asleep in our bed. I am on the futon with dd, currently asleep after a few wake-ups(bf back to sleep) and ds who found me and snuggled up around 1am. The dcs look like little cherubs. I would love to cuddle up but I'm terrified of waking them.

No chance of a lie in today. I want to run into dh and yell "wake up you fu* c**" at him. Truly. So bastard tired and no chance of rest. Ever.

Sorry livein Pom poms were for you too.Youve both done inspirationally well.

Morning all. Had a great night out and it was so nice to be out together despite DH often being a aforementioned knobhead at times! All 3 DC were good and stayed asleep while we were out which was a relief. DD woke at 3 and was awake for an hour feeding and snuffling as she's still full of cold. They all then had an unheard of coordinated lie in til 8!

Well done for progress last night Nim and it sounds like your sleep will improve now Artemis. AC you made me laugh out loud about the fucking conspiracy theory!

Hope you all enjoy your Sunday and we all manage to have a bit of a day of rest. At least it's Mothers Day next week and we can act like our DHs.....lie-in, lounge around on the sofa, afternoon nap and roast made for us.....here's hoping.....

I'm presuming no news is good news and you've all been too busy having lots of sleep to post!

I was wondering about everyone sleeping. I hope so.
Glad you had a good evening out princess

I would say we're sort of back to square one. DD waking a couple or three times and having a bf back to sleep. She was very hard to settle on Sunday night. Not too bad last night. I would estimate that she "needs" one of hose feeds, as she feeds quite hungrily (at about 5am)
I'm a bit a loss really tbh. It feels like she knows I want to stop night feeds and the last couple of awful weeks have been her resistance. Like she's saying " there, I told you not to try taking my night time feeds away, if you just keep the milk,coming I'll let you have a bit of sleep in between feeds, but if you try to stop feeding at night again just remember how bad it can be" of course, that's an unhinged way of thinking but I'm scared to rock the boat now.
I'm also wondering if she just needs to feed and maybe I should just put up with it. I can't actually remember what I want IYSWIM.
Oh, I do hope you're all getting more sleep than I am.

SHE'S DONE IT!!!!

For the first time in 10 long months DD has slept through from 7pm and is still asleep now! It was v surreal when I opened my eyes at 6 and realised it was light and I hadn't been up all night. As with any change I'm not sure if any of the stuff I've been doing has made any impact, especially as nothing different happened yesterday. I really hope this is a sign of things to come.

Hi AC and hope you had a better night last night you poor thing. It's so hard trying to focus on what to do when you're so tired. If only we knew what our babies were thinking and could explain to them what we want and make them understand.

Hope you all have a good day.

princess that's fantastic. I'm so pleased.
Definitely worthy of a Pom Pom fanfare!

Woo hoo Princess am so pleased for you! This is turning into quite a success filled thread - apart from our poor OP !
TheRealAC I am sorry you are feeling 'stuck' - I know what you mean - i keep ending up with two wake ups and feeling like maybe this is good enough. DS reverted to two wake ups Sunday and Monday which was a bit depressing after previous success... I don't want to dispense unwanted advice while you are trying to work out what you want to achieve but it really sounds like you need to hatch a plan to stock up on some rest before you can improve things - it's too hard when so ground down by fatigue.

Last night I was exhausted for some reason - fell asleep at 10 - he woke me at midnight - and then according to my 'app' slept through until just now - bizarrely I am convinced there was another wake up that I just didn't record. Not like me to miss it though so maybe I really have had 6.5 hours sleep ? ?

Anyway we are just keeping going with our baby steps approach - not tackling night wake ups until Dh can put him down successfully at bed time so I know it's not all down to me in the dead of night. That's the theory anyway!

Erm we may have to put the Pom poms away. Went into DD at 7 and at some point in the night she'd been sick in her cot and she still looks peaky now. If sickness was her reason for sleeping through I think I'd rather she woke. Will see what today holds.....

Oh princess I am so sorry to hear that. hope your DD is ok - that's what we all dread when they randomly sleep well.

Sorry princess. I hope baby princess is ok.

Princess hope your DD is feeling better, a good sleep will help her recover so maybe she needed it

Livein glad you are having some success, and that your DH is sharing the work when he can. If only they had boobs!

AC sorry you're feeling lost. I hope you can plan a 'next step' and not give up

Just to update, last night was night 3 of water only before 3am. (I had originally said midnight but he didn't waken so it's 3am rule now). The first two nights he woke at 9pm, 11pm, 3am feed, 6am feed, up at 8am and a nap at 9am-10/11.
Tough but I kinda got to lie-in til 11am.

Last night he woke at 1am for half an hour, and then again at 6am!
Also checked my app to make sure. I don't usually forget to start the feed on app but sometimes forget to end it.

Of course I didn't get any extra sleep cause I was still up at 1am doing Uni work :(

Well done Ni. It sounds like you and your LO are making really good progress.

DD was sick another couple of times yesterday and she's just woken and has been sick in her cot again. Even had to wake DH to hold DD while I changed the cot. He's now saying he's not going in to work til later in the morning as he can't possibly get up after he's been 'up in the night'!

DD's been her usual self apart from being sick so it wasn't too rough a day and I'm pleased she's only just woken as her wake ups have got later and I'm hoping once she's better she'll be able to get to at least 6 without a feed.

Well done Ni you're making steady progress. You must be tired though, with the studying, that can't be easy.

princess oh poor baby princess. Fingers crossed for a speedy recovery and no regression.
Is your DH ok? Did he manage to get into work after getting "up in the night"?

I am a total failure . I have resorted to offering feeds to everyone at every opportunity just to be allowed to lie down
Maybe I'll try tonight. Just offering water. My resolve is dented. I am questioning the value of my very existence stopping the night feeds.
Will it help with night wakings?
Grrr.

Dd has a runny nose and a slight fever.

Sorry about the ill babies again. princess hope your DD bounces back quickly and theRealAC hope it doesn't come to much.

Am tiptoeing in to update DS did 8-6 last night - 10 hours without a whimper. I have had 7 hours sleep and feel amazing (sorry to those suffering )

Wow!