Listening to DD scream herself sick - help!

[OPeaches]

DD is 21 months and never been a good sleeper. She goes down okay - I BF her, put her in bed awake, then either DH or I sits with her until she's asleep.

The problems is that she wakes in the night, comes through to our bed and wants BF. I feed her and take her back to her own bed. This takes 40 mins to an hour and happens twice a night. She comes through at 6/6:30, feeds then that's her up for the day. I'm knackered! DH and I decided that tonight is the night we start tackling this.

She woke up at 9:30, DH went through and she's been screaming ever since. Horrible, forced screaming that is making her retch and throw up. She's screaming for mummy cuddles. It's awful to listen to and I'm finding it very hard not to go through. She's woken her 5 yr old brother up too and he's not amused!

How can we get through this without scarring her, and us, for life?!?!?! It's awful!

Is DH still with her?

Yes, he's singing to her and sitting by her bed.

Could you go and sit with her? I know your DH is trying but she must be really distressed if she is being sick

Maybe you could explain that there isn't any milk left in the night time, offer her a drink of water and a cuddle. Eventually she'll realise it's not worth waking up for water!

I think it'd be worse if it was me as she's used to me feeding her to get back to sleep, and that's the cycle we want to break. The screaming has lessened now. Ill give it ten minutes then go through.

Oh you poor thing. DS is 16mo and has similar sleeping habits. We've had a few attempts at breaking the cycle but always fail because I can't cope with the screaming. Can you update if you persevere so I know it's possible? We're moving house and i'm starting a new job next week and not sure I'll manage it with our current set up.

Good luck x

Hang in there - it will be OK and worth it!

She's asleep! Phew! Who knows how long she'll stay that way though. AtTruth, I'll update and let you know.

I night weaned DS at around 18mo by bringing him into bed with us when he woke in the night but refusing to feed him. He cried next to me for a bit then went to sleep eventually. After a few days of that he'd just settle if I lay him next to me. Maybe worth a try? DS has never liked being put in his cot awake - I still bf him fully to sleep at 27mo and he didn't sleep through consistently until fairly recently.

ATruth My DS was the same - a real screamer. We tried night weaning a few times but it didn't work until 18mo. Sometimes it's just that they're not ready. Same with him sleeping through - we didn't do anything, it just happened, despite the fact that he is still fed to sleep every night.

count, I've tried that but don't have the willpower not to give in and feed her.

Thanks all x

Oh, and Count, my DS was 3.6 before he slept through, I'm impressed yours was only 27 months

I know the feeling, Peaches. Fingers crossed for you.

I swear by control crying. It's not everyone's cup of tea but for me it worked it means your dd wont get used to someone sitting with her but she will still see you or her dad at regular intervals which reassures her. Maybe leave her to cry 10 Minutes and I back in tell her it's bed time and settle her down stay with her for 2 mins then leave and just lengthen the time u wait before going in my dd wouldn't settle by herself but with 4 days of cc she settled and now self soothes during the night too

Reporting back on night 1 . . . it went surprisingly well after that first horror hour. She woke at 2:40, DH went through and she protested for less than a minute before she went back to sleep!!!!! Miracle! She slept through again until 6 when her brother woke her up, so she would have gone a bit longer I think.

Pretty good result for the first night . Lets hope it wasn't a fluke.

Well we kind of just rolled with the milk requirement iyswim...ds ended up in my bed all night, he slept really well, I slept really well, no one had to get up.

No one screamed either which was a bonus

Good luck, hope you find things improve.

Rooney, that's lovely. I like letting dd sleep with me, but she wakes every 2 hours demanding milk so it ends up being horrible.

no I do understand. It can be pretty awful. Perhaps she was just really fed up/overtired last night.

Hope that tonight is better all round xx

Thanks for the update. You're giving me hope

We're just going to roll with what we're doing for now because we don't want to try to introduce anything new at the same time as moving house (and changing nursery, and reducing the amount of time I spend with him... ) but I have no doubt we'll need to do something drastic pretty soon.

Aaaargh, last night was rubbish. I forgot we were staying at my sisters and DD shared a bed. She woke every 2 to 3 hours and fed. Didn't want to try refusing her or she'd scream the house down and wake everyone else.

Back to square one!

Did you explain to her what was going to happen?

We decided to night-wean DS2 who is 21 months last night. We did the same with DS1 at that age and it took 4 nights.

When I gave him his bedtime feed, I explained that my milk wouldn't work in the night anymore, that he could still have it at bedtime and in the morning but not during the night. He understood and was a but upset but we had a cuddle and he went to bed happily enough.
He didn't actually wake until 6, but DH went to him and cuddled him and offered him a drink of water. There were a few sad little sobs but then he went back to sleep until just gone 7.

I think they can understand more than you realise at this age, so explaining and reassuring are the way to go. Hang in there.

I think you need to find another method - letting your daughter cry until she is retching is extremely cruel - sorry if that's not what you want to hear but I think you probably know that yourself if you're honest with yourself. There are kinder, gentler ways to help her sleep than this.

I don't think anyone has mentioned Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning advice I know you're not co-sleeping but it's kinder than leaving her to cry. Worked brilliantly with DS at 15 months and he has a will of iron. Now at 22 months unless he's unwell he goes to sleep by himself (as in with no help) and stays asleep all night and then screams for milk first thing might be worth a go

cannot, if she was crying/screaming in genuine distress I'd agree with you - I don't believe in CIO. However, she was screaming in anger because she wasn't getting what she wanted. It's still heartbreaking to listen to but it's not really genuine distress, fear and feelings if abandonment. Her daddy was with her the whole time too.

I've had a read through jay Gordon now, thanks for that link, hadn't seen it before. It makes good sense I think.