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High-Need Baby Support Thread III

946 replies

TitaniaP · 01/04/2012 06:32

Well as I'm awake I thought I'd start thread 3!

The high-need baby thread has been moved from breast & bottle feeding to sleep. In the early days of the thread I think feeding was a significant issue for many of the posters. I think those that post regularly on the thread would now agree that's it's mainly sleep that's the issue.

So if your baby fits the following criteria come and join us for wine, chocolate, coffee and matchsticks as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

  1. Feeds frequently daytime
  2. Feeds frequently nighttime
  3. Needs to be constantly held
  4. Wont sleep alone
  5. Hates the car seat/pram
  6. Short naps
OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PeggyCarter · 26/06/2012 08:28

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zambooloo · 26/06/2012 08:29

Oh no button how rubbish! Hope you get a dr app ASAP!

joyful - thanks for that... I did feel much better writing it down, nothing beats a good rant at silly o'clock! My dd will be 6 months on Friday - so was your lo born on boxing day?

PeggyCarter · 26/06/2012 08:37

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CarpeBibendum · 26/06/2012 08:41

New joiner alert!

I feel like I am about to stand up at an AA meeting or something..I have just been pointed over here from AIBU where I was whining about in laws all having 'easy' babies and can't help perceiving the 'looks' we get to imply that no baby can be that hard work, so we (I) must be doing it wrong..

So DD (I used DS in AIBU as I don't think the in laws use MN but you can never be sure) is 13 months old. For the first day we brought her home from the hospital she slept and we couldn't wake her and then didn't do it again..we couldn't put her down EVER and used to take it in turns to do shifts.

Then she developed reflux at 5 weeks old which was due to multiple food intolerances plus dairy and soya allergies. Had to sleep upright only on me so we both slept sat up in bed. Refused a bottle and dummy so when we finally got a referral to a gastro paed after lots of reflux drugs and fighting with the GP, I then spent the next 5 months on an elimination diet figuring out everything that she reacted to, which then affected her for 3 weeks until it went through my breastmilk.

So, we finally figure out intolerances, start blw which goes ok and she starts to go into her cot for short stints yeah! Then starts teething.. Back in bed with me co-sleeping now and DH in the spare room. Naps are all in my arms..

Christmas spent with in laws who say not to worry about bringing food, they will sort it out and we go through what she and I can't eat. Christmas Day, DH finds FIL putting butter in the turkey..asks about everything else and it transpires that for her first Christmas lunch, she and I can eat red cabbage and potatoes as everything else has dairy or wheat in. DD screaming and me hungry and she cuts 5 (yes 5!) new teeth Christmas night. I demand we leave the next day being vv tired and hungry and in laws comment that they didn't understand about the food (despite having it explained and knowing it will cause 3 weeks of hell for us and most importantly their grand daughter) and that hadn't realised her sleep was quite that bad.

7 months old starts crawling, 8 months old starts walking independently, 9 months old after literally 6 wake ups one night, starts sleeping through till 4 in her cot the next night. Does this for a couple of blissful weeks, then starts teething again. Back in bed with me from 2am and DH hops into the spare room.

Now 13 months old. Has vocab of around 15 words, understands get shoes, go outside, gets your hand when she is tired and leads you upstairs, understands most day to day items and instructions, likes colouring, trying to dress herself, feeds herself with a spoon. Still breastfed day and night as up until this week, stopped eating when teething but now dropping feeds of her own accord and eating like a small elephant.

She is an absolute delight. Extremely bright, quick to pick things up, constant chatterer and very confident but also very clingy as soon as something isn't right and very sensitive. As of last week, happy to go in her cot for long naps by herself.

But we are going on holiday this week with DH's family. There are 3 cousins who have all been (relatively) easy and her closest cousin in age will literally fall asleep in his highchair when tired. I can see that they all think that it's not that hard to raise a single child and that we are far too precious and over exaggerate how hard things are.

In the past 10 weeks, we have had 4 molars and a chest infection. We had one blissful weeks of good sleep and happy DD but the last 2 weeks have been 2 bottom molars, growth spurt and talking development spurt rolled into one. I am knackered. DD just wants me and although we have been co- sleeping, she just latches on and off all night and now I have a cracked nipple due to a change in her latch.

I am dreading the holiday. There will be no offers of help and no sympathy, just 'looks' whenever I will be up at 4am with her and breastfeeding her and as she has a tantrum because she is tired and wants picking up.

buttonmoon78 · 26/06/2012 10:56

Welcome Carpe! I'm afraid that I would have been one of those with the 'look'. DCs1-3 were easy, good sleepers etc. DC4 has been trouble from the offset. Now I understand but I truly think that unless you've been there you have no real idea what it's like!

Been to GP. He was lovely and has given me amoxycillin 500s rather than 250s as he knows I'm on my own during the week so wants me back to normal asap. Then he lost all his brownie points by saying 'still not sleeping through? He's in his own room of course? No? Why on earth not?' Um cos if he's waking every 60-90mins I'd rather he was right next to me that down a landing or up some stairs? 'If I was you I'd just leave him to get on with it'. Because when you're child is itchy and distressed, of course, the best thing would be to leave him to it, no? Wanker.

CarpeBibendum · 26/06/2012 13:12

Wow I clearly had been storing that one up for some time.

I have actually now read the whole thread and realised that most of you seem to be a couple of months behind us so thought I would offer some hope.

You are at the turning points. Yes I am still whining but life has got immeasurably easier over the last month even with teething and illness. Suddenly they grow up a bit and something you never thought they would do voluntarily, they just click and it's fine.

When they learn to walk their little brains want to practice it. Yes DD still gets picked up a lot more than her little friends but she toddles around happily for most of the time now.

She will now go out in her pram as she knows that it's because we generally are going somewhere exciting where she can walk and see things.

The only sleep training technique we used was baby whisperer pick up put down and for us is did help but we only did it when DD was not teething or unwell. My rationale was that I would pick her up, feed her but then she WAS going back into her cot at night (not during the day) as she was then just suckling for comfort and had been comforted enough to go back to sleep and wasn't hungry.

I think in the longer term it did really help and as she was never left alone, I felt comfortable with it. I didn't do it for naps, one day she just decided she was ok to go in when I tried (usually about once a week). Until this point she had always napped in my arms as she would never sleep in the pram either.

Also yes it shall pass but this tenacity, strong willed and determination will be perfect qualities when they are older for knowing their own minds and succeeding at what they want. In the long term we will be incredibly grateful that they were high needs babies and we have responded to them instead of letting them cry. They will turn into confident and well adjusted adults and when they have your high needs grandchildren, you will look through those rose tinted spectacles and forget that most of this has ever happened.

PeggyCarter · 26/06/2012 15:55

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GEM33 · 26/06/2012 23:13

May I join in? Introducing my 6.5month old DS.
spent the first night of her life wailing if she wasnt on my boob and basically stayed there 24/7 for the first 3 months.

me and DH Spent a month sleeping with one eye open on the sofa as she would only sleep upright on our chests.
Very fast developer in strength and mind.
Co sleeps in a co sleeper bed and likes to have a suck to sleep for every nap and night time settle. (=lots and lots of feeds day and night)
oh, bed time, now takes 2.5hours on average to settle to sleep - -thats even with boob.
once settled has woken hourly for a quick suck to get back to sleep for the last 3 months (exhausting).
tried the crying it out thing - the crying gets harder and longer every night rather than less and less so stopped.
every lunch time nap in the pram or car seat - if you stop-she wakes up, if you talk to someone, she wakes up, if you try to sneak the car seat/pram back into the house because your sick of driving round every single lunch time for 90 minutes, she wakes up. If someone farts within a 100 mile radius, she will wake up.
people are noticing my roots, my eye bags, my same clothes day in day out, the fact i do not go any where or have any social life as bedtime must involve me and no one else according to her from 730 onwards. The fact I am wondering, will I ever be able to go to work again or leave her with anyone.
Read the dr sears thing about high need babies - totally agree.
I ve got total sleep envy of anyone getting more than a stretch of 3 hours at a time.
still not left her with anyone to have a break. ("some of this is mummy possessive issues but thats another thread.)
Do we qualify?

Carpe-many many things you said, are similar to us apart from the food intolerances.

tickleme63 · 27/06/2012 09:20

Welcome Carpe and GEM

Had a bit of a teething night from hell last night, poor DS slept about 10 times worse than normal. Still all dribbly this morning but at least his head isn't roasting hot anymore. Ugh, thank god I have the rest of this week off!

Button Hope you're feeling better missus!

PeggyCarter · 27/06/2012 09:36

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zambooloo · 27/06/2012 13:31

Welcome Carpe and GEM - I'm completely with you both on the initial craziness of newborn life. My DD was awake ALL night after she was born and then only slept on us for ages - before we researched co-sleeping and re-gained some form of existence!

Carpe - my DD did self settle and we were getting on really well with 5 hr sleeps at night until she was diagnosed with reflux and all went wrong! She lost the ability to self settle as we were having to keep her upright after feeds. Her sleep has gone from bad to worse since then! We are doing BLW now - more because she flatly refuses to take ANYTHING off a spoon so we are just letting her feed herself. Reflux is now fine - sounds a nightmare with all the intolerances you LO has.

Re. sleep training - I tried to let DD have a little cry with me doing shush/pat - she just cried more and more and went bright red, having a complete paddy. CC just seems to make her worse and worse - maybe I didn't try for long enough (I just couldn't stand it). However - she is now waking completely out of habit during the night every hour-ish.

She just wants a cuddle! We moved her into her cot in her room about a month or so ago - she sometimes sleeps from 7-11, feeds at 11 then wakes every hour after that. I let her back in bed with me from 1 and she slept through until 5 so think she just wants to be close to me.

Also - what are you doing about naps? I'm persisting with the cot but she only sleeps for about 1/2 hr then I'm up, down, up down for the rest of the nap. All I can say is thank goodness for MN and FB!! Might join twitter for some more relief of the boredom of sitting in a dark room listening to a cd of the sea and cuddling a sleeping baby!

Tickle DD is also teething - just to add to the fun! No teeth yet, just lots of dribble, pain, biting on everything!

Button excellent news on the antibiotics - boo to silly dr though!

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 27/06/2012 14:30

Can I join? Sad

Dd is almost 5 months, has silent reflux, only takes 2oz at a time, will only feed when sleeping, only naps in cars or in stroller (sometimes) and I am sometimes at my wits end...

People are starting to think I am crazy for only feeding her (formula, another Sad ) in dark rooms with white noise.

She won't take HA milk but has allergies and eczema.

Scream!

That's all Smile

zambooloo · 27/06/2012 16:13

Hi ophelia don't worry - I have to feed my dd in the dark listening to the sea! My mum is looking after her tomorrow & Friday - she thinks I'm mad but just try feeding her in a room with tv, light etc - no chance, she is so noisy she just isn't interested, will have maybe 1oz of I'm lucky!

Welcome btw!

buttonmoon78 · 27/06/2012 18:05

Hi Ophelia - welcome.

Have just got back from ds1?s ent appointment. He?s at the end of the road grommet-wise so is having a hearing aid fitted, probably next month. When the infection is gone from the other ear he?ll have another one for that ear too.

I know it?s not a lot in the grand scheme of things, not like having a wheelchair or having childhood cancer or anything like that but I must confess to being more than a little bit upset. I will get a grip and manage to find some perspective, but just for tonight I?m going to have a little wallow.

Sad
PeggyCarter · 27/06/2012 18:49

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buttonmoon78 · 27/06/2012 20:54

Joyful it wasn?t a total surprise as I was told early this year that if these grommets failed then we?d be looking at hearing aids. He?s had three lots and with each set there?s the possibility of scarring (he has some) which brings the possibility of permanent hearing damage as the ear drum then doesn?t move as it should. So he?s now got to have hearing aids until he grows out of the problem, which is a positive ? it will only be for 2-4 years probably. He?s not bothered at the moment, it?s me ? I am. As a mum I think you can?t help but look at the worst case and I can just imagine what the kids at school will be like. But have them he will, and hopefully do better at school because of it.

I would be very wary of that TBH, tho that?s entirely based on my own experience and the experience of others I know. Have you seen a dietician? I?d ask for a referral pronto. DS can eat beef fine. Dnephew can eat beef fine. Lots of other people I know who are allergic or intolerant to milk can eat beef fine as it?s the cows? MILK PROTEIN not the cow. But, as I say, I?m not a dietician, so I?m really not qualified to say whether that?s good advice or not. I?d be asking for a referral asap but cutting it out in the meantime to see if there?s any change. After all, cutting out beef for a few weeks is not going to harm is it?

tickleme63 · 28/06/2012 06:33

Welcome Orphelia :)

Another day and night of a teething, upset, dribbly mess of a baby :( I have an awful feeling that it's one of his molars as I can't see anything much up front and noticed a bit of a swelling towards the back... Poor baby. Nurofen doesn't seem to be making a scratch on it. It's heartbreaking - he's not screaming all day by any stretch of the imagination, it's just this sad whimpering :(

Plus his nappies have been on the light side the past couple of mornings. Am hoping there's no infection brewing.

buttonmoon78 · 28/06/2012 10:41

Oh, the poor little man Sad

GEM33 · 28/06/2012 22:28

zambaloo - my dd is the same with the sometimes sleeping a few hours to start with then not settling. im wondering ophelia, if my dd had the reflux thing and got stuck with the bad sleeping habit after.

can anyone tell me why it take over 2 hours to get my baby to go to sleep even if i allow her to suck my boobs to sleep.?/ she still keeps sitting up and looking around in a pitch black room then throwing herself back down to the boob then back up again so i stand up and try rocking her to sleep but she cries she we sit back down again then she is up and down again so i put her in her cot as i get pissed off with all the on off business. then she screams in her cot so i pick her back up for more rocking and this kind of goes on until we are both exhausted and i am ready to fall asleep before she is. EVERY night.

PeggyCarter · 29/06/2012 19:16

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tickleme63 · 30/06/2012 06:50

Thanks for asking Joyful, we had a better night last night - 3 wakings as opposed to 6 or 7 - so that was nice. We've been keeping a sleep diary for him as Millpond wants to see where the issues lie, and it's very eye opening seeing it written down. I don't know how we've got this far to be honest. A year or rubbish sleep almost. Ugh.

Teething aside, he's just really whingey at the moment, needs constant attention/interaction or he just whines and cries. Wouldn't be so bad if we at least got a break from it overnight but no. It's bloody exhausting.

On the plus side he's pulling himself up so easily now, and keeps lifting one foot and then the other. He can stoop to grab stuff while holding on too. He's changed loads in the last couple of weeks...

Hope you are all okay my ladies.

PeggyCarter · 30/06/2012 20:44

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tickleme63 · 30/06/2012 21:54

Naww happy birthday for tomorrow little Puddlette! :) Hope you all have a lovely day!

zambooloo · 01/07/2012 02:19

joyful happy birthday to your little one - I hope you are all tucked up now, baby fed and icing done!

tickle not sure if I missed this part of thread but can I ask you about the millpond clinic - what service are they providing you? Is it expensive? Hoping you are getting some rest - I'm currently enjoying a 2am rock-ation!

button how are you feeling now you've had a few days to get used to the idea? Hope you are all ok.

gem I don't really have any suggestions other than maybe she isn't tired enough? What time & how long is her last nap?

I've been at work thurs and fri, then going in mon and tues as well. On 9th going back full time until schoolhols start but in sept I'm full time again. Dp has just been made redundant so all plans have been changed - I was meant to be doing 2 days& dp working full time but now he is going to be looking after dd while I work full time :(

I'm v v sad about it - I do love my job but I'm going to miss dd so so much- I'm getting myself in a bit of a state over it to be honest! Dp and I had silly big row today (all because I feel like im letting her down because I can't look after her all day anymore). Dp took my upset as I personal attack on him - he thinks I don't think he looks after her properly which isn't true. I'm guess I'm a bit of a control freak & dd and I had worked out perfect routines for naps etc during the day & all went a bit wrong when dp had her as a practice this afternoon!

Well I've just got to get on with it haven't I???

Ok back to bed now - dd asleep :)

PeggyCarter · 01/07/2012 23:00

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