A thread for my early waking friends who want a whinge

[fififrog]

A few weeks back there were quite a few of us with DCs about a year old, too young for gro clocks etc waking up TOO BLOOMING EARLY. Where are you all at now? DD seems to be getting earlier. Cough not helping but we had 4.55 this morning. I hate to say it but I actually enjoyed her being ill last week as she slept til 6.30 once. Some mornings I think "just a long phase we can live with it" but this morning I was in total despair. Will I ever be able to make it to 10pm without thinking I will regret staying up this late??! I know some of you will say stick with the messing around with morning nap, it will fix it, but to be honest I don't believe it will and I just want to WHINGE to people who will understand!!

[feeno]

It's so hard when they're ill-suffering all round.

We've had teething hell here again-it's relentless!

For me at the moment, probably due to my poor mental health, I'm struggling to find any positives. It sounds awful I know, but I really don't think I was cut out for this mum stuff-I have no idea how I'll cope when DC2 comes along in about 8 weeks time-not looking forward to that at all. I know, Im a pretty shit person for saying that but I know I'm not even close to perfect.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

feeno if it is any consolation, I don't think I'm cut out for the baby stuff. Since DD was tiny it has got progressively better but I still feel out of my depth and all that. I think we might be made for school years, or teens or whatever. The baby people will be lost but I think I might be OK with a 12 year old.

We have teething here and a stomach bug and I am flying to Canada today. She seems to have stopped vomiting but who knows.

[fififrog]

Such a good point about being a perfectionist. Even if you're not, I reckon most people gravitate naturally toward things they're good at and so being parents comes as a big shock. Not to say we're not all good parents, but just it' not something we chose to do because we know we can do it well. Hours and days of wondering whether you could have done something differently that would have avoided some issue or other. Feeling hopelessly clueless. Etc. But in the end, all we can do is love them to pieces and accept them for who they are, owls or larks both, and hope that their habits align more with our own before we die of exhaustion!

[fififrog]

PS I posted before I'd seen the last few posts (thread didn't update) sorry so many bugs and evil teeth playing up at the moment. fee I'm sure it will be fine. Might even be better when #2 arrives and you start being physically more yourself again, plus you will probably have stuff to do when you're awake at night - unless you're cursed with a miracle sleeper that is

[TheProjectManager]

I am there wih you every day and can't believe I haven't read this thread before!!! You are my kindred spirits... Just makes me feel so much more human to see all of you going through carbon copies of my life!!

Without talking about nap jiggling or overtiredness/ teething / advice from others - smug friends stealth boasting I just want to lament that the effect this is having on me has been

No social life ( to scared!!)
Relationship in tatters ( we've both put on weight and im so angry when I'm in bed that I think dh is scared to come near me!! besides which we bicker constantly
Spend days off work going over the routine again and again until I'm more than obsessed - I'm working four days ahead of myself sometimes - trying to work out what I've done 'wrong'
Sat in the car in supermarket car park sobbing and not wanting to go home - three times in 6 months!!!
Loosing all confidence in myself and hating my completely blessed life as I spend so many hours dossing around trying to be enthusiastic whilst I'm waiting for eight am to arrive
Isnt it amazing the way it affects your life??
I couldn't even dream of getting enthusiastic about a holiday - last one was pure torture it was like an ordeal that had to be survived - that just cost us money!!!

And yet I adore my little guy with every part of me - what I wouldn't give for him to sleep later !!!

Thanks all for making me feel so normal - oops nearly bed time !

[fififrog]

Hey project how old is your tiny terror out of interest? Sorry to find someone else having a shitty time of it too...

FFS I should have known better - I totally cursed it by saying later bedtime seemed to be working. We're now back stuck at sodding 5.19 and I have some kind of pseudo-tonsillitis (thank heavens no fever) that is making me really resent the extra book reading. Also worried now DD is only getting about 11hours sleep total in 24. She's been super quick to fly off the handle and meal times are a constant battle, but who knows whether overtiredness is the cause, or maybe she has the same virus as me or maybe it's just another evil phase. She's really mean to DH too. This morning I wanted to move her for a second so I could grab more duvet. Said go sit on daddy's lap for a second. Cue hysterical sobbing and "no no no no no no no". He's not even allowed to touch her books.

Not sure whether to revert to earlier bedtime so she gets a bit more sleep. We worked so hard to get to 7.30 and I keep thinking surely she'll need more sleep soon!

[TheProjectManager]

17 months - so we're on the nap dropping merrygo round as well !!

Another weekend of arguments - all petty - all started by me - seriously I need to park this and grab control of my life!!!

[fififrog]

Mine's 17months too. Terrible 1.5's and all. Don't think we're close to nap dropping though!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I think I can now beat you all. Since we got back home the jetlag means that 3.30am is the latest she has awoken. I was supposed to be back at work today but got so sick with a stomach bug (no doubt my immune system is loving the lack of sleep) that I have had to call in sick. She is also co-sleeping and kicking me constantly.

20 months BTW.

[feeno]

Omg mrs tp! ThAts awful!

We've had hell for about 7 days now with NW and EW and crying ALL day and not eating or drinking.

DS is cutting top two canines. How much longer is this likely to last? I don't know if I can take much more-It really is not fun right now in our house. Good job Ramadhan is over.

Much sympathy to you fifi. It's so shitty when u think you've cracked it and it all goes back to pot.

As for being a perfectionist-I am so not one. I'm literally just about hanging on by a thread trying to get through each hour of the day. I cry most days at how crap I am at being a mum. I feel bad for DS-he's really hard work, DH, my mum n dad all agree, but he deserves better than me.

God, I knew I never should've had kids-I always knew deep down I don't have what it takes, but I got persuaded by my husband who wanted my MIL to see a grandchild from her bestest son before she died of cancer. She passed away when ds was 3 months and i was in throes of severe PND. Now I wish I was dead.

I sound terribly negative. I'm very sorry ladies. I am very depressed I guess.

[feeno]

Ps project I can totally relate to the crying in the car. I've done that many times and cry even harder when I know I have to go back home.

I really and truly love DH with all my heart but we are just getting through rather than having a relationship. I'm surprised he hasn't dumped me. I find all sorts of faults with him because I'm so tired and frustrated all the time. He isn't perfect by any means but then neither am I!

[fififrog]

Oh fee I wish I could think of something to say that would help cheer you up. My great aunt had three kids, number one was ok but packed off to boarding school age six so she worried like hell constantly, number two would play for two hours in the night, and number three was very premature and deaf and barely slept at all. My mum reports going into the bathroom one day age about eight to find auntie lying on the bathmat "don't worry darling i'm just having a little rest". Anyway, her words of wisdom were "it feels like a life sentence but it isn't".

Really hope those canines appear. We had a week or so of teething with canines a few weeks back and they VANISHED again. So not fair. You want to see something for the suffering!

Guess what- 6.30!!!! Sooo not what it sounds. Took 45 mins of crying to get her to sleep, woke at least three times in the night if only briefly. DH also unable to sleep. Every time I got woken I ended up having a coughing fit. Evil throat infection, in agony, probably viral and because still bf can only take paracetamol. At least it's an excuse to eat ice cream!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

feeno I decided to have a baby because DH wanted one too. I wasn't planning on having any. My MIL died when DD was a few months old too (colon cancer and eventually every other kind of cancer). It's very hard and I do sometimes think that having her around would have been easier. We don't have any parents/siblings in the area. I get quite jealous when I see what help other people get. Mean of me, I know. You never know, feeno you might get one of those perfect sleeping babies this time around. If not, you know where we all are!

This thread has really helped me. People go on about MN being a nest of vipers but it is nice to think, at 3.30am, 'I'll go on the bloody sleep thread and tell them how awful it is today. At least they all understand'.

[waybuloony]

Big hugs everyone! Sounds like so many of us are having a rubbish time of it lately. The hot weather hasn't helped with early waking either I don't suppose.

Project - I'm totally with you on the relationship in tatters thing. We bicker constantly too. A few times I've thought lately that we're not going to get through this but then the thought of coping with these sleep issues as a single mum would be unbearable...not that that is a good reason for staying in the relationship. I just hope that there is something salvageable once we're both getting a full night's sleep again. Someone tell me when that will be....please....

[Meggymoodle]

Hi ladies - just popping in and out every whit and while to see how you're all getting on. Big hugs and sympathy to you all. We are up and down with DD - I have to say we are doing way more post 6am than pre so I am eternally grateful for that and feeling way more human. However, DS (3.5) has now decided he's going to kick off every night as he doesn't want to sleep on his own....great fun. Often we have middle of the night shenanigans too which is fun :( so basically, it's either one or the other and sometimes both in the middle of the night. Devastating really as DS was always my miracle sleeper. Ah well, this too shall pass.

So hope you ladies get some success in the EW arena. I have confidence that eventually they grow out of it - after all, you never hear of a 15 year old getting up at 5am.....

[fififrog]

Hey Meggy, nice to hear from you, good to hear one of your kids is playing ball

I bought a groclock - been trying it out myself to check it doesn't lose time relative to clock in our room. DD came in the other day and it was still on night as I'd somehow got the time on it wrong, and excitedly said "moon! Moon! Moon" then this morning I had to put it on again so she could see the moon... I have a feeling she could just lie in bed all night shouting "moon"....

Where's feeno? hope everything's ok? thinkfast has been v quiet recently - do you reckon she's got it sorted?

[feeno]

Hi fifi still here. Still battling EW and teething troubles. My younger sister gave birth to a little boy yesterday after a very traumatic labour. My mum was in tears afterwards...she couldn't sleep because she'd seen my sister go through hell and back.

Anyway, long story short, baby n mum are ok now. Still in hospital and hoping to be home tonight.

Ladies thanks for all the support and sympathy. It can be a lonely place struggling through motherhood. Helps to know I'm not a alone.

mrstp it's really really tough when you decide to go against your instincts for love. And losing MIL to cancer so soon after birth of our children is double the pressure. It was tough pregnancy and it was touch and go whether she would make it by the time I was due. I had visions of me in labour while MIL would be dying. In the end, I was really glad she got to see DS. But it was terribly difficult coping without DH at that time as he needed to be with his mum.

The relationship almost broke down but somehow, not sure how really, it didn't and we're still together. I just wish I wasn't so bloody depressed and could feel positive about new baby and my life in general but I'm in such a dark place right now. Lots of pressure to take medication by docs but I'm far too scared of what affects it could have on baby. Feel stuck between rock and hard place!

[feeno]

Ps fifi. Your DD sleeping any better yet? And mrs tp? I hope jet lag has resolved itself?

Fifi, we had same thing as you in that about month ago we thought canines were coming. Sickness, crying, not eating, pointing to mouth and general meltdowns. After 8 days of that, they disappeared. But they're here now. Both top ones have just cut through after about 10 days of hell with DS and it appears bottom ones are trying to erupt now. I'm so so tired of teething!

[feeno]

Hi Meggy! Sorry to hear your DS is playing up now. However, hearing that your DD is doing more post 6 to pre 6 WU is great news!

Hugs to all!

[fififrog]

Hi feeno great to hear you got those canines! One less thing to bother you at night! We are still canine-less here. And congrats on the new neice.

Don't know if any of you lot are wonder weeks believers (I know littlemilla was) but DD is just in the middle of th last one in the book. Her speech is coming on at an incredible pace, she seems to be learning the difference between nouns and verbs, and is mimicking everything. This morning she took great pride in telling me it was dark and suggesting I turn the light on! I love this stage of development, the changes are just so obvious. DD has also been really really perky this weekend (helps that she's seen all 4 grandparents - for various long involved reason she's not seen either grandpa for months). And I finally shook the bloody throat infection after taking the penicillin, so have been able to sleep myself - hurrah!

Anyway, that's life: just wanted to inject some happiness into this thread :) sleepwise we've had a couple of 5.45's a 5.15 or two and reached the magic 6am this morning. So can't complain!

Something I've noticed recently is that DD I now pretty responsive to just knowing you're there if she wakes in the night. We had another of those weird waking up and screaming the house down incidents - I went in, patted and stroked her back for literally a minute, said "it's ok, back to sleep" left the room and that was the last I heard! Last night MIL slammed the kitchen door just as we were off to bed and I woke DD who started crying "mummy mummy" (first time she's asked for me specifically) and I just stuck my head round the door, said "back to sleep" and bythe time I'd brushed my teeth she was asleep. Little girl growing up!

[fififrog]

"It woke DD" not "I woke DD"! why would I do that??!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

feeno my MIL was given 6 months to live when I was 3 months pregnant. I didn't tell DH but I had a whole plan worked out where he could be with her and my cousin would be my birth partner. Happily she beat that estimate by a few months and got to hang out with DD. It is very hard because DH is understandably emotionally absent in lots of ways. It's got loads better but was very hard.

Jet lag has resolved but DD is now co-sleeping how the hell did that happen?. Anywhere between 5.30am (when she sleeps like a log) to 6.30am (this morning when she had spend all night chatting, kicking and whining). We lose the sleep somewhere, don't we? DH is taking her to his sister's house for three nights in a month. I will be asleep from Friday night to Monday morning!

[Meggymoodle]

Hi ladies,

Sorry to hear some of you really struggling. Just to make you feel better (in terms of "been there done that and there's hope") or worse (in terms of "don't come on here telling us about the fact you're sleeping you bitch unpleasant person") both my children slept through last night - hallelujah!! I have gone with the risk of putting DD (she's the EW in case you've forgotten!) under a duvet, and despite the fact that she woke freezing this morning, it was not until 0645! She normally cries out at least once in the night but I heard nothing last night. I re-covered her with the duvet when I went to bed at 10am and when I got up for a pee at 3am so not sure whether she'd have died from hypothermia otherwise.... Am hoping she'll get used to it in time for winter.

Anyway, we'll see what tonight brings....

All the best for tonight and tomorrow morning. waybaloony - just wanted to say, the relationship thing is a nightmare when you're totally shattered the whole time. It does get easier when you're on a full night's sleep. Is there any chance you can go out just the two of you? It's worth splashing out on a babysitter. feeno - good news on the new arrival but sorry your sister had such a rough time. frog we're on big speech developments too, it's utterly hilarious. Nice to enjoy something of our kids occasionally rather than moan about them the whole time, which I otherwise do!

[fififrog]

Hey ladies, anyone still there or has thread run it's course? We are mostly on 6am at the moment - hurrah! Never any later, mind. Have also finally managed to stop breast feeding - had 4 mornings when no issues, not even asking for milk until nearly breakfast time. Now she's got a stinking cold I think she's kind of regressed - went nuts this morning til I took her down for milk at 6.30.

The down side of this relative success is that she has been super grumpy and a real nightmare at dinner time. Oh well, I do think we've made real progress with the morning waking. And Although last week we had lots of mummy mummy in the night, it has now gone away again, thank heavens.

Hope you're all doing OK? Fee when are you due? Must be getting closer...

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

Hi everyone. At the risk of jinxing myself, things are much better here. I broke over the co-sleeping and decided enough was enough. Put DD down in her crib, expecting a night of hell. She cried for 15 seconds I counted then off to sleep and up at 6.30am. Since then we have had after 6am every morning . The only time I have been awake before 6am was when DH woke me at 5.30am. He won't be doing that again because he is buried under the patio. I still feel tired but it is normal tired not crazed, angry, weird, forgetful, out of my mind tired.

BTW, this is MrsTerryPratchett. I name-changed for the cancer/leukemia month.