Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

Oh yes and totally agree none of this is our fault, lots of people do the same as us and have beautifully sleeping babies. For example all of our NCT group are still BF'ing at 8 months, feeding on demand etc, half of the babies slept through by 2 months, 2 only started sleeping through in the last month and my DD is the last one still regularly waking! I hate conversations with people who think they did something to cause their good sleepers (not talking about those who had the hard slog of sleep training, but those who think their nighttime bath routine/baby sleeping in own room/superior parenting caused their babies to sleep through at 6 days old). Slight exaggeration but one of the babies in our group was sleeping 6 hours at night at 10 days old. It is still a bit of a dozy baby, I do prefer my lively amazing character!

yawn, im in. Nice to know Im not alone.
Will write more after a nap :)

Afternoon.

Well DD slept 8 - 11, then til 2 and then til 6. She's was up for about an hour when she woke up at 3 but mostly because I was trying to settle her without picking her up. So not dreadful but i'm still so sleepy .

She also seemed to have caught my cold, she woke up this morning making warthog noises. She's never been poorly before so not sure what to expect but have stocked up on supplies and am preparing for the worst.

Everyone is sounding slightly more positive today. Apart from everyone falling out with their DP/DH's. DP and I have started doing that competitive who's the most tired thing which really is a stupid thing to argue about. We seem to spend a lot of our time bickering and then apologising for arguing over nothing.

Hey all, good news here too. Did bath, feed and then laid her in her cot and I stayed with her stroking her head and she fell asleep at 8 till 1am!! Had a feed and back down till 6.15. Was shocked and amazed. I am not building hopes up but feel positive cos she can do it. I think the door being open slightly could have caused a draft Making her chilly so changed that, putting her in cot awake may have helped too. But whatever it was I don't care she slept and woke once for first time in five months.
I still have headache and feel tired but feel pleased.
Hope everyone else slept better and have found a way to help baby sleep better too.
It's nice coming on here for support.
X

Titihood...tricky one I do have friends but all have own families and I'm my own worst enemy I dont tell people I can't cope or I need help. I hate hearing people say ' well the baby down the road goes all night and he is younger' or some even look at my baby and say how naughty she is .....yes I know they are joking but it grinds at me wen I'm tired lol.
Dh on lates is so tough, I feel bad on my 9 year old.

birchy and imnot that's great news!

broom lol at warthog noises. DD has a temp of 39 and DS is covered in rash. He's having a marathon nap but DD as ever is happily crawling around refusing to even contemplate sleep. So much for illness making them more tired...

ems yes, totally! Well meaning but smug people who asked if I'd tried a bedtime routine incite violent rage in me and inward screaming of 'WTF DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING FOR MONTHS? DO I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT??!!'' (well maybe I do look a bit like an idiot ) while smiling through gritted teeth.

ams 40mims sounds ok - DS's naps got longer at around 9-10months but DD is still on 40min ones. Sometimes I can pat her back to sleep and sometimes I feed her back to sleep (even gina suggests that) if she looks knackered but if she's well awake, leaving her never works, sigh.

Since DD is sick I'm not going to push anything but I'm moving her cot back into our room to get her used to it again and I'm going to try and not feed her before 2am as she went until then again last night. Am heartened by all your endeavours!

I know what you mean birchy. You do have to be careful what you say to who. I wouldn't dream of going to my sisters for help, one of them in particular likes to say things like well if you'd been doing x since she was born ect, like that helps me now!

I'm the first out of my friends to have a baby so I don't have to worry about them being annoying at least. And hopefully when they have their babies I'll remember how bad it can get and fingers crossed maybe I'll have some good advice by then.

DD likes to sleep in 40 mins stretches too, occasionally she'll go longer but only if she's in the sling. The no cry sleep solution book says they need naps to last over an hour but once DD is awake she's awake, I can't convince her to go back to sleep.

I should follow my own advice - never ask for help either (other than now from DP, and took me months to do so). All those people with their comments about how wonderfully x baby sleeps/eats/crawls/poops make my blood curdle, joking or not! I know lots of people mean well but they are not the ones waking up every hour or whenever to a crying child who cannot be calmed or can only be soothed by constant feeding.

Rant, me?!

Glad to hear things sound like they are going better for most people. I have question about naps also. At the moment are doing CC for bedtime (initially better last night but more wake-ups plus long stretch in the middle of the night, however did not feed him and eventually slept longer, but with huge gap in the middle,) but lying down and feeding for naps because I am too scared to try putting him in his crib as last time I nearly lost it. My thought was to wait until CC at night is working better before doing CC for naps. Any thoughts/experience with different methods for naps vs. nighttime? Could I be confusing DS or making whole CC thing last longer?

Elephants living upstairs and hard-core construction next door means that it is noisy as hell at my place in the day. Wishing for some quiet - somehow DS sleeps through this but when he's in bed at night we sneak around whispering like criminals.

Titihood
With naps I am combining CC with other methods... Just don't think cc is always practical, especially as I have a toddler as well! It's hard to go back and forth between them. So today for example I did cc for morning nap, but I went in pretty quickly and stroked him nearly to sleep, then went out again and repeated. Second nap of the day was out and about in pushchair. Third was in my lap as he fell asleep during a feed, toddler was watching cbeebies and we all just sat and had a cuddle. Doesn't seem to be affecting night time, he went down after less than five minutes crying today. I was exactly like you about not admitting to other people i wasn't coping. But eventually last week it came to a head and I had a bit of a breakdown (see earlier post) and did talk to DP and my mum and it really helped. Just saying to someone else 'I can't keep doing this' made me realise something HAD to change and it was okay to ask for help doing so, I think also DP really realised how bad it was and that made him more determined to help.

Good to know 40 minutes nap is standard. Think I'll just accept it and not worry about trying to extend. If I want him to have a longer nap I can just stick them both in the Phil and Teds and pound those pavements!

Good luck tonight everyone... Sweet dreams babies [hopeful icon]

lol- I thought I was through all the sleepless stuff (mine are 9 and 10 - so past the waking up, but before the keeping me awake stage)- but now we got a new puppy..... why......... back to getting up twice in the night.... arrrggggghhhhhh!

DD went down at 8 and was awake 40 mins later, managed to get her back asleep just before 10 and them she slept til 4!!!! She was awake for an hour or so at 4 as she seemed to think it was waking up time but eventually got her back to sleep, she then woke up 40 mins after that but was easy to get back to sleep and then woke up just now at 8

I've started putting the top I've been wearing that day in her Moses basket, I wonder if that's making the difference.

How's everyone's night been?

Hello Bytheway... Interesting mum gets up with the puppy as well as the babies!

Well, the 'thread success story' had a rubbish night... Baby up three times and I'm getting myself confused doing cc in the night... Because I'm still happy to do one feed I think I am giving him mixed messages. Plus toddler was up at half five. Dh working late tonight. Help!

My strategy for the day is to make life as easy as possible. So:

• coffee, good stuff only, to be employed judiciously.
• ditto cbeebies
• spend as long as possible in the park this morning to wear out toddler
• no food battles today. Toddler is getting the fail safes, toast and marmite, juice, sausage roll for lunch, yogurt, fish fingers and peas for tea.
• if toddler won't sleep this afternoon, I'm putting on toy story and dozing on the couch with them both
• today is not a bath day (toddler not a fan)

Yawn!

Ams sounds like you're having what I call my "bare minimum" days. I "grant" myself them every now and again. No housework, everything goes in the dishwasher, no bath for DD. Wanted to skip bath this morning but then she had a massive explosive poo during breakfast : ( so no choice really. We had a rubbish night as well, only saving grace is I went to bed at 7pm so altogether I had enough sleep, albeit very broken. DH had an early start this morning and a day of important meetings so I couldn't leave DD babbling away in her cot (developmental? Not crying just nattering away to herself every couple of hours). Had to take her out to the lounge room each time to settle her back down. Rod for own back yada yada but even being in the next room, she is so loud chattering it does keep DH awake. Don't want to shut the doors as then I won't hear if it's crying.

Bare minimum day here too. DS already in front of Thomas the tank engine (and likely to stay there for most of the day). Both still have fevers. Terrible night with DD, she was awake for most of it with a really high temp that refused to go down with calpol. Had 2 cups of coffee already and instead of feeling more awake have that cotton-wool head but jittery feeling...

Yes to no food battles and minimal cooking. Cheese on toast here! Yes to no bath and yes to absolutely no washing up or housework till the evening. And yes to lying on floor and letting them drive cars and jump all over me while I quietly groan all day

Just bought mini pizzas and am considering using leftover paper plates to eat them so no washing up! Too sluttish?!

No such thing as too sluttish in our conditions!

That said, ds went 8-2.30am last night, then and slept til 5.30 so masses better. Still feel tired though, think it will take a lifetime to recover.

Yy to bare minimum days, I thought everyone would be doing that anyway

I remember the days when I didn't live in fear of unexpected visitors!

I read somewhere (I think in Happy Sleep Habits Healthy Child that naps and night sleep are different in babies brains, but then I read somewhere else that doing different techniques can cause confusion. In all honesty I am a bit sick of all the books - what I really want is them to tell me what will definitely work and be the least painful option. ams I am with you on mixing together whatever does work - so long as they get naps and are getting the hang of consolidated night sleep then it is all good imo.

Happy to say that had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday. Decided not to be a chicken and put DS down for 2nd nap in his cot. He cried for 5 minutes, I went in to soothe him and he fell asleep for 45 mins. Yay! Then last night sleep was amazing. He woke up every hour for the first 4 hours, but went back to sleep with us just laying him down (he is ALWAYS sitting up) and shushing him for about a minute. He had a slightly longer (about 20 minute) wake-up around 11:30, went to sleep until 1:30 but fell back to sleep by himself, and slept until 6:30. Am amazed, but am trying not to think that tonight will be the same.
Also got him to take 1st nap of the day in his cot too, after quite a lot of protest and hearing him fumble about in there standing up, he eventually went to sleep when I lay him back down.

Great news on the sleep front ImNot. Paper plates all the way I say - better than letting the pets lick them clean (which is what I am sometimes in favour of in all honesty. Beats me having to clean them).

So sorry to hear your DCs are ill MrsD. Hope they get better soon!

Emsmaman - buy DH earplugs for Christmas....

Not so good tonight, but still masses better than it has been. Woke at 11.30 and I fed, despite my 'not before midnight rule guideline then fed at 3.30, now feeding again as been trying to re settle since 5.30

Children any better MrsD?

I second earplugs for dh, what a lot of work otherwise!

Sorry to see some had a bad night, I had two good nights followed by a bad night last night but like some not as bad as it could be. But I have my mum, sister and uncle visiting today....to do Xmas shopping!!! Yes really not needed on no sleep must be mad!!!
I think every baby is different, my girl now has a better routine at night but during day she falls asleep on breast and I put up in cot or if we are out she will nap in pram....so far doesn't seem to confuse her at night but only been doing new routine this week so will see.
Hope u all have a good weekend.x

Morning.

How are the DC's MrsDB? Any better?

I think DD may be getting out of the 4 month sleep regression. She seems to have gone back to waking up 3/4 times rather than the 6/7 times that it was for a few weeks.

Sorry to hear the dcs aren't well MrsD, that's just the shitty icing on the crappy cake really, isn't it? Anytime either of mine looks like they're sickening for something it puts the fear of god into me, things are bad enough without that.
DD is in her rocker now refusing to sleep, just blowing raspberries. She's had a grand total of 10, yes 10 minutes sleep since 8.30 this morning despite my best efforts. If she doesn't bloody go to fucking sleep soon DS will be up again from his nap and wake her up. Don't dare put her in her room as it's next to his and will wake him up. We went for a walk in the sun this morning hoping to tire DS and that DD would nap in the buggy. Sure enough, she dropped off just before 12, we turn the corner into the square by the church and BOOOOOOOONG! goes the church bell and wakes her up. Been awake since then.
DS is in a foul mood as just before bath time last night we had a total power cut and had to call out an electrician. Turns out a wire in the kitchen had shorted. (Stupid fucking Spanish electrics). Took the guy an hour to get all power back on but he hasn't sorted it properly (stupid fucking Spanish electricians) so my lovely builder (who knows more about electrics it seems than fuckwit electrician...should have phoned builder mna in first place) is coming on Tuesday. Anyway the upshot was DS wasn't in bed til 9.40 instead of 8.15 and is in a foul, naughty mood. DD surprisngly let me rock her to sleep while I followed the fuckwit electrician round the house and agreed to be put down awake but dozy at 845 and went straight to sleep. She woke at 11 for a feed and I slept in the room with her. She moaned at 2ish but I was too tired to get up decided to see if she'd go back to sleep and she slept on til 4am. Then 8.30. So a good night in that respect.
Now just need her to have a bloody NAP!

DS is definitely back to his usual chaotic self, if a little spotty but poor old DD is on her 4th day of fevers. So cutting her lots of slack on the sleep front as she keeps waking up all feverish

Mind you, really have firmly decided to get tough when she's better as DH and I ended up eating a cheese sandwich for dinner at 10pm, whispering and sitting squashed on the floor of our corridor as DD had taken that long to settle and eventually fell asleep on our bed and wailed if we tried to move her and I didn't want to leave her unattended. It's funny, it gets worse and worse and worse till I can't see the wood for the trees (and am too knackered to care) until something brings it to a head and makes me realise the situation is ludicrous. Seriously I'll not have a marriage left if this goes on for much longer.

Am cheered to hear of all your longer stretches of sleep though. I remember DS slept through on a Christmas eve for the first time ever and that seriously was the Best Present Ever. I've written to the sleep Santa again this year on behalf of everyone

Hope everyone has a good night!

Oh pip I'm picking up a bit of tension from you...

MrsD good for you. I think we do all blunder along unable to make any decisions through tiredness, so it always comes to a head eventually when it becomes utterly intolerable

pip did things get any better? Sounded hideous, sorry for my flippancy above

Got my copy of the revered NCSS today, now how the hell do I find the motivation and energy time to read a book? Barely picked one up since arrival of ds2

Love and sleep to you all

I am finding it really tough tonight for some reason. I think having thought it was getting better it feels especially shit to have had a few bad nights again. I just feel despairing that it will ever resolve. I don't know why he keeps bloody well waking up but it is making me feel so miserable right now.

I feel like I will have no (childless) friends left when this is all over too, as I am not seeing anyone in the evenings or weekends really as I just can't be bothered. I can't go out in theevrnings ad I need to be asleep by 9 pm ready for the night ahead. Even friends with children I feel are beginning to lose patience (though prob my imagination)at why it is so shit for me, I don't go on about it, I try to laugh about it and put on a brave face but i hate it.

Hope other are havi g a better time, sorry for ness