Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

Oh no, not illness! You just know there is no point in hoping for sleep then. My two are just recovering and ds2 actually went from 1ish to 8am today! Ds1 however was up from 5.45 but you can't have it all.

Can I join in too? Just came back from a 4 week holiday to see the folks, during which time DS's routine flew out the window, as did his good sleeping. Resorted to co-sleeping at various times of the night so as not to wake relatives.
Now we're home and are trying to get him back into some sort of routine, but to no avail (yet). He is 8mo and has gone from self-soothing to screaming whenever we put him in his cot. Have tried feeding him to sleep, rocking him to sleep, CIO, controlled crying, patting bottom, rocking while in cot... he will fall asleep with first two methods, but as soon as he is in his bed he wakes up screaming, and nothing will console him other than co-sleeping, which I don't really want to do.

So far I am buoyed by having seen my family so am relatively patient. I know this will pass, but my god why can't it be over now? Am worried that am reinforcing behaviour when go in or co-sleep or feed to sleep, yet simultaneously worry am harming him if I don't do those things.

Can hear DS shoving himself screaming against cot bars as I type, screaming his cute little head off so shall just give up on this nap (as I probably will sleep tonight) and shove him in the pushchair. Good luck to you all - when they're teenagers we'll be trying to wake them up more!

Argh! DD2 wouldn't go down last night so ended up having an earlyish night so she could sleep on us after she fell asleep feeding at 21.00. She woke for a feed at 00.30 and I was just about to lie down with her again when DD1 woke up. I get the feeling it's going to be a long night...

tithood that sounds hard if he was previously a good sleeper. Sounds as if, for whatever reason, he needs you at the moment. Try not to beat yourself up about bad habits, it is better to risk starting some temporarily than to not see to his needs if he needs you, iyswim! How long have you been back? You have tried lots of things, maybe that isn't helping either; perhaps choose one, gentle method and really stick to it. I don't know though, am clearly no expert!

mincorrect that sounds hard. You sound quite philosophical about it, do you feel calm? I try to practise 'acceptance' but struggle before 2am not to just feel despair!

Seems like my negativity was unfounded. DP went through to DD1's bed and I've not heard any more and DD2 just woke again - 3 hours after last feed which isn't so bad.
I'mnot - not sure I'd describe it as philosophical, more just acceptance that this is how it will be. I'm not a great sleeper - lots of vivid dreams and I wake at the smallest sound - so I guess this is a legacy my DD1 has inherited. DD2 is just a small baby with needs. It's just unfortunate the 2 seem to conspire against us at times!!
It won't be long till they won't want cuddles all the time, and much less to sleep with us so I'm just making the most of this precious time while I can!
Hope you are all getting some sleep tonight!

Good morning fellow tired ones.
I''ve been tired for 17 months. I'm currently giving ds2 the night feed in some vein hope it might knock him out!
I'm not coping so well currently, so these tips are great.
A big coffee is a must.

mini how old is your baby? Mine is 20 weeks and has never slept through. I accept he has needs and wouldn't dream of not responding but everyone else smug bastards seem to think this is unusual/wrong.

I sleep like you, I even wear ear plugs and can still hear a child before dh wakes! Even pre children, sleeping alone, I needed ear plugs!

preheat sorry you are struggling, 17 mths is a looong time. What pattern of torture are yours in?

Can I join too? My DD is 10 weeks old and from 4 weeks has refused to go in her crib meaning very disturbed sleep for me with her on me. She went through a blissful week of waking only twice a night but is back to waking every 2 hours and from 4.30 this morning has refused to go back to sleep, unfortunately this is quite common now. To make things worse she has started being really unsettled when feeding, coming on and off and thrashing around so even feeding to sleep is a challenge :-(

Don't really have any tips yet, hoping to get comfort from everyone else's stories and tips!

I agree mini.
I most of the time accept the situation but I go through these phases of hating it and being very grumpy indeed

scottygirl you poor thing. I found the first 12 weeks with ds2 the hardest. Is she your first? They do settle and their digestive systems start to mature at 12 weeks so discomfort through feeding usually eases after this time. Are you bf-ing? There are a few tips which may help if so.

Just survive however you need to, anything else can be sorted later once she had mastered sleeping.

My mil made some flapjacks, should have lasted about 4 days. Would have done for ds lunchbox.

I ate The Lot in One Sitting. That is tiredness. About to stuff my face with chocolate now

Hello, am joining in. My DS2 was up for 2 hrs at his second waking last night from 2.45-4.45.
He is 10 months and has never been a great sleeper. The best we have has is a few weeks of only one waking, could cope with that fine especially as he went straight back to sleep after bf.
He has just got over a cold/sickness bug which I suppose has messed up his already rubbish sleep :(. Can't even get into bad habits likes feeding to sleep as although he wants to feed when he wakes up yelling it does not make him sleepy and still have to spend ages cuddling/rocking/back-rubbing before he will settle again.
Anyway, misery loves company, so here I am!

Can I join? Ds is 20mo and has never slept through. We co sleep me he wakes at least four times. He is ill at the moment so had 1 hour of sleep last night and feel like utter shit today.

oh god! i'm only 11 weeks into the sleep deprivation with DS, not sure I would cope with another 20 months like some of you.
I've always worked mixed shifts so thought the sleep deprivation with DS would be a doddle in comparison .
I'm sitting here with finally asleep DS on my chest (he pulled an all nighter) stuffing chocolate and desparate for a pee but I dont dare move!
Anyone else developed panic attacks? I'm normally a fairly chilled person but I had a stressful pregnancy (PE) and now with the sleep deprivation I seem to be having them regularly and they are scary as hell.

Hey ImNotAnsweringIt, yes, she's my first and all my friends have better sleepers/feeders so its really reassuring to find out I'm not the only one struggling. Yes, am EBF but starting to think I should supplement with formula as maybe I'm not able to really fill her up. Any tips for dealing with the frantic/agitated breastfeeding would be appreciated as I find it so distressing, much worse even than the chronic lack of sleep. Feeling very sympathetic towards all those with older kiddies who are posting here and desperately hoping that I'll luck out and won't be posting the same problems in a years time!! Also, poor you TotallyKerplunked, have had many tears but no panic attacks recently, you totally have my sympathy as have had them in the past and it sucks.

On a 5 year stretch of being wakened/ insomnia. Did you see the food hospital programme on channel 4 are running 2 trials for insomnia revolving around cherry juice and milk. I am on day 2 of the cherry juice routine. Pinning great hopes on it haha.

kerplunk I definitely think sleep deprivation and anxiety go hNd in hand. Your reserves for coping are utterly depleted so the most minor thing can cause you to feel anxious and jittery and unBle to cope. On e your adrenal glands become used to being aroused they seem to become overactive and lead to feeling jittery and often panic attacks. Remember they are just the physical manifestation if adrenaline being released inappropriately. Horrific though, do speak to a good gp if they continue.

scotty don't resort to cd if you don't want to. There is no need and it will cause you more work. No time now but have a look at 'over supply and fast letdown' issues and see if symptoms seem familiar. Try google or pop over to feeding on here. Back later

I know I am going to sound like an idiot as have two children and this is probably a completely different thread...but...how does co-sleeping work? Never been something I have been that keen on but everyone seems to say it is THE way to get sleep.
I have a standard size double bed which is in the middle of the room (so open on both sides, can't move it due to built in wardrobes). How do you coordinate a husband, a duvet and a 10 month old? Only way I can see is baby on top of duvet (in grobag) in between me and DH, but then where do pillows go?? I just don't get it, logistically.Am I just being a numpty? confused

I have insomnia but its nothing like as tiring as when ds was younger so you all have my sympathy and I hope I can give you some light at the end of the tunnel by saying that ds was a NIGHTMARE non sleeper. He didn't sleep in the day and barely slept at night, if he did then it was after hours of fighting it and it wouldn't last long. Then, he got to 18months and just got so much easier - I didn't do cio or anything he just seemed to get it. He got a lot better again at 3 and now sleeps 7-7 (used to get up at 530 until very recently).

Dd is 13 months and has gone from sleeping 7-7 to getting up at 430 which is delightful when I don't get to sleep until 1/2am usually. She only naps on me. This will pass though.

Fellow insomniacs - tesco sleep aid things are quite good.

THANK YOU leftmymistletoe!

All tales of survival are music to my ears.

Hi everyone. Had a slightly less awful night last night as ds2 was a bit better.

Curlyhair, it works quite well - especially with an older baby because they are better at getting themsleves comfy. UNICEF do a good leaflet about safe co-sleeping (online). I tend to have ds in just his jammies. I use a light duvet most of the year and it stops sort of at my waist. I also use a bed rail. Ds sleeps on the outside of me; some people have the kid in the middle.

I found it an odd idea before I had kids, then I realised that in every other culture in the world, and in ours pre-industrialisation, co sleeping is and was the normal way to sleep. It is only the last 200 years it has been normal to sleep in seperate rooms.

It's not for everyone though and tbh ds1 was as happy in his cot as he was with us. Different people, different needs, I guess? But you do what you need to to maximise sleep.

I have found accepting the situation an enormous help to me, psychologically. I feel we expect a good night's sleep and think of it as a right or a necessity. It isn't. The 8hrs uninterupted thing is a fake, airbrushed ideal, probably promoted by matress sales people. I know ds wil grow up and, like his big brother will go off to sleep and not wake till the morning, save for bad dreams, or illness.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS, everyone.

I remember being awake from a sunday morning to thursday morning owing to stressful circumstances. I don't honestly think I had more than 5 hours sleep in FOUR days. It is possible to survive, but, by god, it is hard.

Does anybody else feel as if their insides are screaming?

The good news with insomnia (and without wishing to sound patronising there is a major difference between insomnia and sleeplessness. Sleeplessness being in a position where external forces are stopping you from sleeping but given a bed and a few hours you would sleep IYSWIM) is that if you lie down in a comfortable position where you're not going to be disturbed for a period you will sleep eventually.

The body just 'takes you out'.

Screaming due to lack of sleep, that is.

Sorry scotty, meant to say ff, not cd! Fine if you want to but don't if you prefer not to. I had endless trouble like you describe with ds2. Am
lucky enough to know a bf counsellor who diagnosed over supply and fast letdown. It resolved by about 12 weeks. I am no expert and cannot tell you why you are having the problems you are, but I was advised to:
Divide day into 3 hour blocks. Feed from same side within each block.
When you feel let down, take baby off and catch lull in a pad/muslin, then put baby back on
Express a small amount before each feed (like a teaspoon small)
During night, feed from one side only. Express just enough to relieve discomfort from other side.

Having said all that, please don't try any of it without speaking to an expert from the feeding topic. My advice will reduce supply so essential you actually need that or could make problem worse. It is unlikely baby is not getting enough though. The system works well as long as you feed on demand and respond to cues which may indicate a growth spurt. Milk is produced in response to time baby spends sucking so sit back with a book, latch baby on and chill out if you are worried about baby not getting enough!

I am in Canada and it is almost 6am. My DS is 4 wks old and tonight his longest stretch of sleep was 1 hr 23 mins (I have a baby timer app!). That means i possibly got 1 hr since I have to hover over him and pat him for a bit when he stirs.

My other two boys will be up in just over an hour

I am trying not to wish away the newborn stage because this is our last time but PLEASE baby - can we have at least 1 three hour stretch at night?

Afternoon everyone! Been praying to the sleep god for one and all.

Titihood yes I hear you! Also just got back from seeing folks abroad and DD is also now fully co-sleeping and refusing to self settle or go anywhere near the cot. DH is desperate to kick her out and do CC. We did it for DS and it transformed my and DS's life after we both slept through but i just can't bring myself to do it with DD which sounds pathetic I know!

Wamster that's a very good description of insomnia. I only experienced it for the first time this year but it really, really sucks so much sympathy! I think it was the reason it clicked that I had PND, the really not being able to sleep between the 2 hourly feeding through the night despite being exhausted. Gah.