Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

My ds1 was ebf and was doing 12 hours by 4 months. Oh how proud I was, thinking I was doing so well. Paying for it now with ds2!

I really don't think ebf or ff can be the make or break of sleep. They might make some difference but ff is not going to make a non-sleeper into a sleeper. I reckon it would be a lot more expensive if it did, probably more than diamonds or gold

ams that's fab news! You really give me hope and strength. Inspired by you I did have vague 'ok tonight I'm at least going to try and get DD to sleep in her cot for a bit and not feed her so much' but I was so knackered I took the path of least resistance and co-slept and was the human dummy again. I don't think I'm going to be any different tonight

pipoca and birchy sorry to hear your tales. I'm with imnot about the ff probably not making that much difference. I tried it with DD too and she just found it difficult to digest so if she did benefit in the slower digestion (she didn't - it was always exactly 2 hours between feeds whatever!), it was counteracted with a gripy tummy. I've read about special formulas for colicky babies though, was it that one you tried?

MrsDobalina,
I honestly think the only way I could bring myself to do it was to be so desparate that there was not other way. I don't want to tempt fate, but he only woke once last night, for a ten minute feed then went straight back to sleep. He has slept for twelve hours! I have had a full nights sleep for the first time in 6 months!

I am not saying controlled crying is the answer, it depends on you and your baby, and mine seemed to react quite well. I certainly wouldn't have been able to stand leaving him to cry for ages.

One thing that helped was that I started doing it for his day time naps. I think in the day you are less tired, not trying to get back to sleep and it is easier to distract yourself. So by the time I had done it for two daytime naps I knew he could get to sleep on his own and it made the nighttime easier. Good luck xxx

How old is your dc again pls ams? You are our Thread Success Story, our inspiration!

My ds took 2 bottles of expressed milk this weekend, so that gives me some hope of more sleep some time, even if ds still wakes. Now, who would like a baby overnight...?

Did cc for his nap Saturday which worked well. Also only fed him for 3 of the 6 wakings last night so might be (very slowly) making progress. Though cuddling/rocking took twice as long as feeding!

I've wondered about doing cc but it's much faster to bf and quiter so doesn't wake DS. I'm not sure. The colief + infacol have had no effect so maybe it's habit and the wind is incidental?? Maybe I'm making her windier by feeding as much as every hour. I think from time to time about doing cc but then cave in at night and feed but last night she was awake every fucking hour, so it's not really helping anyway. I don't know..I'm too sleep fuddled to think clearly, but something's gotta give. Can't go on like this.

Hi, please may I join?

My DD is going through the 4 month sleep regression. Back to waking 6/7 times at night. We've both been crying quite a lot today as we're both so tired

pip I know, it's really hard. There is no answer, I hang onto the fact that, even if we do nothing, they will sleep through at some point!

broom hi, sorry to hear that. This your first? In some ways that is tougher as the tiredness is so shocking. Are you bf or ff and is dc in your room?

ams that's a good idea re trying CC for naps first when I'm (slightly) less of a zombie.

We are going to start potty training DS tomorrow so may as well make life completely like hell while confined in the flat . Will keep you posted!

Oh god mrsD!

Imnotansweringit... He's 5 and a half months. I'm feeling like a different person today from having had sleep. Starting to realise I think it was tipping me int depression being so tired. I really hope all of you start to get some light at the end of the tunnel...

Pipoca why not try the cc just for naps, at a time when you KNOW he's tired, well fed and winded? I set myself a time limit, that I wouldn't let him cry beyond a certain point, and was in after very short periods of time to reassure. It took far less time than I was expecting. We are three days in and he just went to sleep after less than ten minutes of what was definately wind down crying.

I feel odd championing cc because I've always hated the idea and felt it was wrong, but it does seem to have worked. My baby seems so much happier and well rested too. And anyone that would claim 'trust has broken down' as a result of a little bit of crying (common accusation on MN, not on this thread at all) should see that massive smile I got this morning when I went in.

However before I got The Baby Who Does Not Sleep I thought I could never let my baby cry and I judged those that did! Also, in a way I don't regret those months of cosleeping and snuggling, despite how tired I got. It was a short, very intense precious time with my baby and will remain a special memory. But it was beginning to impact on my health and my relationship with my older child
and DP, so I did have to do something.

As I said before, just about to move toddler to a bed, plus not totally convinced I have things totally sorted with baby, so I'll still be here. Lots of love to you all xxx

Hi Imnot. DD is ff now, she was bf until 10 weeks. She's in our room in her Moses basket by our bed. DP is desperate to put her in her cot in her nursery but it's not him that will have to get up in the cold and settle her.

Today really has been a crappy day. Dentist this morning for a filling, my periods have suddenly returned, house looks like some sort of hovel as DP had DD this morning while I was at the dentist.

Has anyone tried the no cry sleep solution? I want to give it a go but too tired to read the book. I don't think cc will work on DD. the hv came round when she was about 3 months to help me with her daytime sleeps and basically made me leave her to CIO. She howled for an hour and a half non stop ended up covered in scratches and then only slept for 20 mins and was extremely fretful the rest of the day. She seems to have such a bad temper, her cries just get angrier and angrier is I ever leave her.

Long time no post, horrible 9 hour drive back from in-laws. However, good news is we are making some progress... Lying down with DS and feeding to sleep for naps, however naps are now more regular and longer than the awfulness of 10-25 minutes that they were before.
As for night sleep, my DP found that going in to DS and saying soothing words (his are "it's oooooh-kay, it's oohhhh-kay") gets DS back to sleep, usually relatively quickly now. At the beginning of last week it took 15-25 minutes, but now DS will generally go back to sleep after 5-10 mins of soothing words. He even had a 5 hour stretch of night sleep at the in-laws! (Not seen since we've been back home).

Ams25 I hear you about CC. Never really liked the idea until we realised DS would rather be with us than sleep. We used to only have to leave him for 10 mins, but in the middle of sleep awfulness in the past month he cried for far far longer. However, now we are being consistent with our approach, he's starting to get back to sleep faster. Still not trying it for naps yet, but am planning to do it next week once his nap schedule is (hopefully) back in full swing. We first started CC at about 5 months and it worked really well, we felt awful but knowing that he was fed, clean, and burped and was crying because he needed to sleep but wanted us helped. However, I know everyone has their own methods and preferences, and am keen to know whatever works for people!

Broom I remember that 4 month sleep regression, and am sorry to hear you are going through it now. Our DS would sleep, but it took him AGES to get to sleep. Sounds like you have the not-sleeping-at-all regression. Hope it gets better for you quickly! Can someone else go in to your DC in the night so you get a bit of a break?

MrsD good luck with the potty training, hope more sleep is coming your way to deal with the wees and poohs!

Another tip to deal with sleep deprivation: Get a slow cooker. Shove stuff in there in the morning (or at some point in the middle of the night), start it mid-morning, and you will have a good dinner ready without having to really think much.

ams what a nice post, echoes my feelings. It's amazing how our opinions change as we experience things!

broom I feel for you, it is awful. Ds is now about 5.5mths (lost count!) and went from 4 mth s.r. to illness to teething with no return to normal in-between. It's bloody hard. Don't worry about your house, housework always keeps, it is not a priority. Did you post after that awful hv CIO situation? I remember reading a post from a very upset poster whose hv had made her leave young baby to cry

I have heard really good things about that book but not tried it. Library should order it in for you though.

Above all, only do what you are comfortable with. If your dd really can't cope with being left to cry and gets increasingly upset, you may need to do a slower, gentler method (gradual retreat?) or just wait a few weeks (which feels like an eternity I know)

To all of us remember how lucky we are to have this problem. So many people would give up sleep forever to have a baby. We are (I am assuming) all healthy. We won't die from this (really) and it will be worth it. I know you know this but I wad reminding myself today after a dreadful night and morning, and thought it always helps to think about it. Mostly, when I think of my infertile sister, I think, what a lovely problem I have, it could be a whole lot worse.

Nightxx

Yes Imnot that was me. I was a little bit hysterical at the time I think.

Shall keep thinking about the last part of your post. It's very true. I wouldn't give up having DD for anything in the world. Today when I was having a little cry she suddenly stopped and smiled and started stroking slightly scratching and poking her fingers in my mouth my face

This is an epic failure. Ds woke at 10, had big feed, woke at midnight when I spent 20 minutes trying to settle him without feeding, before just feeding him. Woke up immediately after I stopped feeding. Spent another 20 minted etc. Now fucking ceding himagain for 3rd time.

He is teething and in pain I know but this is not sustainable. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Sorry:

Spent another 20 minutes feeding him again

So sorry to hear that Im, did you get any sleep in the end?
I'm with you on the idea that it's a lovely problem to have in a way, it's fucking haaaaaaard sometimes, but I wouldn't be without DD. After a really shit night, when i go in to feed her in the morning she keeps pulling off to look up at me and beam at me with total love, it's lovely, even after the crappest of no-sleeping nights. Sometimes once I've managed to rock her to sleep and she's in my arms all peaceful instead of screaming her nut off, I look at her and think how lucky I am even if it is stupid o'clock and I've still not had any bastard sleep.
Last night was much better, although I don't know why really. She fed at 8.30pm and was almost asleep but then pooed so had to change her, which woke her up. Then had a bit of silly screaming (totally overtired), her I mean, not me, although it was a close run thing. Finally got her down by 9.15, after waking her brother with said silly screaming.
Decided to just shut the door and go to bed myself, so slept in the bed in her room, determined not to feed before at least 11. She woke at 11 and had a feed, went back to sleep and slept til 3.20!!!!!! Fed again and back to sleep til 6.30am, then had a quick feed and back to sleep til 8.30am. DS woke at 7, so sleep for me a bit interrupted then..but otherwise was the best night in AGES!!!
Still not fully decided about cc etc, but at least feel more human. Going out for coffee with a friend today and hopefully will look less like a zombie from the planet sleep deprivation.
Much love to all the other sleep deprived ladies!! xxx

Sounds like you had another tough night Imnot. How you feeling this morning? Sending you and hugs.

DD was up 4 times last night, she's fairly easy to settle back to sleep its just the unbroken sleep that's killing me. And she ended up in our bed last night again so my back is aching.

Think today shall be another day where we don't really do anything.

Broom, I've had the worst backache since DD did the every hour marathon! Feels a bit better after last night.

Hi all,
Ams glad to hear you're making good progress. Doesn't sound like you're doing anything horrible or scarring to your DC, when I think cc I think 3 hours, vomiting, hysterical, does not sound like your situation at all.

We have had a little bit of progress this week (hope for those who have not yet weaned their LO's!). DD is 8 mo and finally starting to "get" food. I genuinely think some of the waking is hunger as I've been playing around with milk feed times vs solid times to try and get optimum amount of solids into her. Milk 1-1.5 hours before solids is seeming to work pretty well, she's not hungry enough to be screaming for milk and ignoring the lovingly prepared meals I've slaved over Anyway that has resulted in her taking more at meal times and I've noticed that since upping the amount of protein in the evening meals, her first part of sleep the last few nights has been 4 hours, 5.5 hours, and then 5 hours last night. I have been breast feeding around midnight, then she sleeps another 3 hours, I have managed to get her back to sleep without a feed then, but then she wakes another hour or so later determined for a feed. Fingers crossed as the solids increase she will stretch that first sleep longer and longer, I did notice that she is only eating about a third of the solids of my friend's babies of similar ages. Good luck all!

Sorry should have added, DD has not slept a stretch longer than 3 hours for about 2 months, so that's why 4/5 hours three nights running has me excited (although it didn't correspond with our sleep as it was early in the evening!)

Thanks all, pip your night sounds good, well done!

I know what you mean about backache, I feel about 100 since this baby with lower back and/or shoulders aching all the time!

My night didn't get any better sadly. He is teething so can't really do cc but feel I am doing it all wrong now. Have lost confidence! Co sleeping doesn't really work for me as I don't sleep well.

ImNot teething is such a pain in the arse isn't it. But don't beat yourself up about feeding during the night, bf'ing has analgesic effect so you are essentially giving your DC pain relief without resorting to calpol etc. Try thinking of it that way rather than "how can you possibly be hungry again!" In some ways I can't wait to stop bf'ing but in other ways I think what a great gift/tool we have to use to calm the babies down, what the heck am I going to do to calm her when I stop bf'ing?

That's true, you're right. I think I should just keep going as at least he drifts off quickly too. People are making me feel bad for constantly feeding, like I am causing the problem.

Thanks for your advice that makes me feel better. Still tired though!

Well done pip and ems, hopefully it's a sign that things are gradually going to get better.

The thing that gets me down the most about it is the feeling that I'm must be doing everything wrong and it's all my fault