Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

Morning.
Can i join? We are still waking every 45 minutes and if i try in cot we wake everytime my head tpuches the pillow. This is so bloody hard. Hope everyone is ok. Xx

Morning all, just popping in because DD (19 months) has randomly decided to start the day at 4am and it has given me flashbacks of when she used to do this on a regular basis over the summer combined with two hourly wake ups!!

She has always been an awful sleeper - goes through phases but while some are better than others, all are fairly grim!! Worst was ages 4 - 10 months I don't think she ever slept more than 2 hours without waking. In desperation we tried some controlled crying at about 10 months which improved things for a while but things crept back to frequent waking (due to house moves and holidays) - and we couldn't face trying cc again. We were up and down over the summer but things were a little better (between blips)- however the last month has been awful. I put her to bed and she wakes around 2 hours later, then won't resettle unless I lie down with her and breastfeed. I usually end up sleeping in her single bed with her. She does sleep ok if I am in there with her so I don't feel too sleep derived at the moment - just wish DH and I could spend an uninterrupted evening and sleep in the same bed!!

She usually starts the day at 7 to 7.30 so I don't know why we are up at 4 today - hoping it's not a new phase!!

I also wish I knew whether co-sleeping and breastfeeding have made things worse or if DD would have been a terrible sleeper whichever way I tried!

Okay... Worst night yet and though I don't want to I think I will have to do controlled crying. He was up five times by 2 am and then up for two hours. He did go back to sleep then for a few hours but toddler got up at five. I feel like I am a danger to myself and the children because I am so clumsy with tiredness.

Broke down last night and told DH I actually longed to have a semi serious accident eg broken leg just because if in hospital I would at least have some unbroken sleep. In the cold light if day I think that was melodramatic, but last night I meant it. Doesn't help that DH is having a mental week, leaving house at 6 am and home at 11pm. Just don't feel I can ask him to help at the moment.

Baby is five months, which I know is too young for controlled crying, but I have tried everything else. Pick up put down is impossible when you also have a toddler and no help, co sleeping is making him sleep worse and I can't sleep any more with him in the bed, I just lie there looking at him waiting for the next call.

Please tell me I am not a monster for considering this. I love my children but tiredness is impacting on my abilities to be a mother... I keep bursting into tears and I know it is effecting my toddler seeing me like this. Also feel like my tiredness is spoiling what should be a really happy time....

Ams25 I know you feel desperate right now but personally I'm quite against controlled crying, especially on younger babies. I tried it myself out of desperation when DD was 4.5 mo and after an hour she had scratched up her face, bleeding everywhere, and it just made me and her feel so horrible (plus took me another 4 hours to calm her down and get her to sleep)! I think if it can be done in 3 days and then it's done forever then fine, probably no lasting damage, but so many people take longer than that, have to repeat it every time there is a change in routine like holiday or sickness, plus I genuinely believe some babies just will not respond to that kind of sleep training. That said, I'm also a firm believer in a happy healthy mummy being of the utmost importance so you need to do what you need to do. Hope if you do it you can ensure your DH is home for a few nights to support you as I'm sure it will be difficult. I'm resigned to waiting it out as DH also works some crazy hours and needs his sleep, he has only helped with a handful of night wakings since DD 8mo was born, and each time he gives up and brings her back to me to put on the breast. I have said that since he can't help me be firm with her it will just have to wait till Jan when we will be at my parent's place for two weeks, then my mum has offered to deal with the night wakings and help me night wean DD.

Sorry Ams25 that post may not have come out as supportive as it did it in my head, I genuinely feel for you and can't imagine dealing with DD's poor sleep with a second child as well. You should do what you feel comfortable with and what gets you through. x

Curious to see if other parents with poor sleepers identify with the Dr Sears "high need baby" theory. I try and remind myself of the plus points of having a high need baby whenever I'm feeling really down.

"THE CHANGING PERSONALITY PROFILE OF THE HIGH NEED CHILD

The words you use to describe your high-need child will change over the years, as the traits that so exhausted you during infancy are channeled into qualities that will make your child an interesting, dynamic adult. Try to think of your child's personality in a positive light and look ahead. Labels that seem like negatives will be positive traits in your child's future personality.

INFANT
alert, intense, draining, demanding, cries impressively, loud, unconsolable, supersensitive, high-touch

TODDLER-CHILD
busy, high-strung, exhausting, spunky, energetic, stubborn, impatient, strong-willed, obstinate, discerning, challenging, expressive, tantrum-prone, interesting, tender, huggable

TEEN-ADULT
enthusiastic, deep, passionate, resourceful, dominating, opinionated, determined, insightful, fair, sociable, compassionate, empathetic, caring, affectionate

Got to go wake up DD from her nap now, crazy little thing woke up for the day at 5am then went back to sleep at 7:15....at least I got to have a shower uninterrupted.

Emsmaman I know, I know, maybe it won't work anyway if my heart isn't in it, which it isn't. I just feel like I can't go on like this. I'm averaging 3 hours sleep a night, all in snatches of about an hour/ 45 minutes. Yesterday I could feel myself falling asleep as I sat of the sofa with DC and I had to literally slap myself to come round.... [pathetic face icon]

To be honest, the toddler-child traits describe every toddler I know! :)

ams you poor thing. I don't know what to say or suggest. I did cc with 9 mth ds1 and it worked well and quickly. I don't know anything about doing it with young babies except that it isn't recommended. However, no one can judge you as no one knows how you feel. It is pure torture being so sleep deprived, I know. What I would say is trying to do cc and failing will leave you feeling so wretched that you must only attempt it if you can be sure to see it through. The relief of success and knowing you will all be getting sleep, makes up for the pain of listening to your baby crying alone. Doing cc and gaining nothing is so hard for a mum. Just my thoughts as I tried several times with ds1 and it was only with dh's help that we succeeded at 0 mths. I was rubbish at it alone!

9 mths!

Ams25 sorry about the late reply, Im stil new to this posting malarky on here so takes me ages to search for replies!

Yeah exactly the same with mine, she was brilliant at first then she started waking again, but now (I dare not even say this incase she hearsme and stops) but finally after about errmmm 6/7 weeks of her sleeping on a matress on the floor in her own room she is now (well has done for hte last 2 nights )sleeping from 7-11, waking for a bit if milk then asleep until 4:30 then a bit of milk then awake at 7:30 which for me is absolutely amazing. I tried with the cot for 6 months and she never ever liked it. I hope now this continues because I had been waking every 45 minutes for a year and I was considering not having any more children!!

I have also just bought a heater for her room, one of those oil heater things that are like mini radiators and I wacked that on and that has made a huge difference, even with her in a sleeping bag with a vest and nightie thing on she must stil have been cold.

I hope to god it stays like this, I can handle 2 night wakings.

So are u trying her back in the cot now then?

xxxx

Thanks for all the support,it really helps coming from people who truly understand. Update is I tried controlled crying for his nap this morning. I knew he was tired and I went in after five minutes, then ten, then was going to do fiftteen but he was asleep. It was horrible but it helped that his cries seemed tired rather than desperate or sad. Dd the same for his pm nap and it took less than ten. He only slept for 45 minutes each time and I am not going to do controlled crying after that amount of time, when I went to get him this afternoon he was still tired and dozed in my arms for another hour so I've probably fucked it all up again! Did feel like an achievement though.

Very aware don't want this thread to turn into pro/ cons of controlled crying. That's not the point of it and I really appreciate people not flaming me and just being understanding. Wish me luck for tonight xxx

Good luck ams, no one here will flame you. This is a support thread for people at the end of their tethers! You did well today. Although I am of the breast feeding, sling/baby wearing parenting camp, I do believe that crying isn't always bad and can be necessary in helping/teaching children to sleep. I think people can be really idealistic about parenting and it is all very well in theory to let children co sleep til they're 3 ( or whatever) but in reality, we live in a society where we have little family help and support, and often have to work
too. We need sleep!

If you are thinking and worrying about your child's welfare, you are probably sensitive and caring enough not to do any harm.

Hey ams sending you lots of hugs and luck! I know that driven to the edge thing all too well and you are doing the Right Thing in tackling it any way you can!! If it makes you feel better, letting a baby settle with some tired cries for 5 mins or so doesn't sound like the CC that all those flame throwers get their knickers in a twist about. That's just babies winding down and settling and you giving then the gift of sleep!

Has anyone with older babies and bf tried night weaning to see if that stops some of the wakings? Someone suggested it, but I just don't know how it would work, don't they just smell the milk and go mental till you give it to them? Am I being too soft in bf at night anyway (DD is 11mo after all, 9.5 corrected)?

Sleepy vibes all round for tonight to everyone. Does anyone else go to bed every night thinking "maybe, just maybe this is the night they will magically sleep through?!"

Can I join please?

I have absolutely no idea of just how badly DS (20 months) has slept this week after being awake from 1.30am until 7.30pm on Monday but I must have had bits of sleep here and there because I'm still able to magically get the alcohol from the bottle, into a glass and then into my mouth without spilling a drop

ams - hugs and luck from me also.

Hi awkward like your name!

I agree with all you have said mrsD, first paragraph!

I think night weaning is the answer but no way 9mth ds1 would have let me. That's why dh had to take over dealing with night wakings. It is cruel to deny them milk I think, unless they are old enough for you to prepare them by explaining it. Kinder for daddy/granny/whoever to settle in the night for a while, until night weaned. Not everyone has the opportunity for night help tho, I know. I think it probably is the answer a lot of the time tho.

Yes I do go to bed EVERY night thinking I might not be woken til say, 5am. Got to keep positive...

Woohoo! I've had some sleep! DD2 fed at 22.00, woke less than 2 hours later but I didn't feed her, just cuddled her and patted her back and she went back to sleep and slept till 02.45! And this is after a day of completely losing it having been woken hourly Thursday night! Suffice to say I had lots of tears yesterday I was so unable to cope (and things really did keep going wrong!).
Ams - sorry you're having such a tough time but glad you made some small steps today. Hope things continue to improve for you.
Awkward - I was sent to Asda for Baileys and nearly came home without it - that's how far gone I am. Managed to coordinate glass to mouth when one was poured though! Hope your night's been better too.
And that goes for everyone. DD snoring now so going to pray for a couple more hours...

Grr! Bloody insomnia has meant that despite DD continuing to sleep, I've been awake ever since. So instead of a wonderful extra 3 hours sleep on top of the 3.5 I'd already had I've just been lying here getting wound up. Great! About ready to cry again

I was chronically sleep deprived for years as DS1 had complex health needs. The suggestion to get an iron test is good as the lack of sleep could be compounded by tiredness from poor diet or pregnancy/birth. If the sleep deprivation becomes chronic you must be selfish stop soldiering on and get some help. You have to get sleep. Insist on DP, your mother or (in my case my brother stepped in once!) to give you a night off or take the baby/child during the day and you get into a darkened room and try to get some sleep. Try to tackle the sleep deprivation early when it happens as its effects are insidious. My ex DP crashed the car with us in it at 4pm in the afternoon on a clear road we were not hurt he had just momentarily nodded off without realising it. The problem about getting help is the more tired you are the less scope you have to make good decisions, your brain becomes fogged- its not good for or your family. Sleep is an absolute necessity to function, look around for who can help you to get some sleep

ImNot - hello to you and thank you
mini - great news followed by not so great news - hope you managed a bit more sleep. Glad you managed to remember the Baileys and also glad that are still able to drink it - I'm always forgetting things (have left the keys in the car ignition overnight on more than one occasion).
zebra - good advice. I am thankful to have a very supportive DP who reguarly helps with the night wakings - without him, I think I'd have probably cracked a long time ago. Thank goodness you weren't hurt in the car crash.

Hope everybody had some sleep last night.

Hello, some tentative good news from here. He woke three times last night, each time went back to sleep in his own cot (he has been in our bed from day one by the end of each night). I did feed him once because I am still happy to do one night feed until he's fully weaned. The other times we just went in, shushed patted then withdrew, left it five mins etc. it was really hard when he cried BUT DP kept me strong and his crying never sounded desperate... Just tired! It took 40 mins first time, 30 second, two third, then he slept until 7.15!

Bear in mind he has been up usually seven times a night at least, then up for the day at five! I don't think we've cracked it, I'm sure there's some way to go, plus we're about to put toddler in a bed out of his cot, so I'm sure I'll still be in need of your support for some time ladies! But I feel so much better for some sleep!

Zebra finch, wise words from you, is important we look after ourselves for the sake of the whole family xx

MrsDobalina yes, yes! EVERY night I go to bed thinking...maybe tonight, maybe....then she wakes up.
I also agree a little bit of crying is often just winding down. DD often cries for a few minutes before a nap if she's really tired and I've learnt it's best just to sleep her have a little cry and then drop off, if I interfere she gets more and more overtired and can't settle.
Been using colief for 2 days and infacol too to see if it would help the tummy pains that seem to wake her (as much as every hour). Last night was brilliant in that she fed at 8pm, 12 and 4am then woke at 7.30. Best night in ages! Not too hopeful tonight as she's been very possetty today and hardly slept so think there may well be a lot of wind rumbling about in there again.

Pipoca- how old is ur little one?
I'm in bits, no sleep since my girl was born 5months ago. I bf and she use to suffer with reflux but it did get better till I tried solids and it flared up again. So stopped. I tried giving formula before bed to see if it would fill her up so she would sleep longer but again pain all night and just hell for both of us. But even just breastfeeding she will wake between 2-3 hours a time and if I'm lucky the first part ( 7-11pm) she will go for 4hours. Each time she wakes she wants bf I've been trying to not give her it but so hard wen ur tired and just want her to go back to sleep quick.
Tonight I made a mistake by giving her both breasts and bit of formula cos I've been giving her little bits during day and she seemed fine holding it down and not being too windy.....we changed formula and tried Dr brown bottles....so now she is waking every hour!!!! I'm seriously losing the will to live, I'm snappy at partner and I'm sick of feeling and looking shit every day.
I'm not sure if something is wrong with her tummy. Any advice would be good. I'm at my wits end and can feel depression slipping in.
Sorry to go on just need help and hope u don't mind me ranting on this thread.
X

Birchy I so so sympathise. I understand exactly how you feel. Is there anyone else who can do a few night wakings for you so you can get your head down?

I can only speak from my own experience ( see above) and you know your own baby. But with mine I honestly think he was waking through habit. Like you, every time he woke I would breastfeed him cos I was so knackered and it was the quickest way. He never took much though, would quickly fall asleep then same thing an hour or so later. Doing some vey gentle controlled crying (again see above) has seemed to work wonders the last two nights. Last night he only woke twice, I fed him once, the other time just popped in and patted him. Both times asleep within minutes.

Obviously there is no way you can leave your baby if she is in pain, but it could be the constant feelings are making her digestive problems worse? I made myself a rule, no breastfeeding before 12. They really can go six hours without a feed at five months and it sounds like both our babies were using the breast to go to sleep, which is no good if it happens all night long.

Anyway huge sympathy to you. Really hope it gets better xx

birchy you poor woman. I am in a similar boat with mine, like you I just want the quickest route back to sleep. I am going to try to take ams advice when I have the energy. The lovely people on the feeding topic gave their thoughts on night weaning but not really what I wanted to hear!

So, so tired today as ds is teething too.

birchykel she's 6 months and I sometimes wonder about refle but think it's still the aftermath of the stomach upset last month. I worry sometimes about it being a habit but when she's less windy she sleeps so much better. last night was shit again...every 2 hours then up for the day at 6am. Just fed her to sleep (well...comfort sucked rather than fed) so she might sleep a whole 20 mins now
I too, feed on every waking cos I can do it lying down, it's quicker and quieter for everyone else. DS is 3.8 and was FF from 8 weeks and mi fed before then and was doing 12 hours by this age.