Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

Ems oh how I wish I had a Glass of lol. Sounds like ur LO is poorly my girl was poorly this week and woke more during the night. Well done for sticking with it though and not giving in to going to ur bed. I struggle to not give in only due to the fact I'm shattered and want to get her back to sleep as quick as poss. But I am trying to be more strict with myself.
As for me working I'm lucky as I am just cover staff so I get called in if busy or someone's sick etc. but they are short staffed so doing more than I originally wanted to do but again I'm lucky cos I can take my girl with me too. But yes there's days where I think my god I can't do this as well as have no sleep.

Sb hope ur feeing better? Can understand why u don't want to do cc as its heartbreaking hearing ur lo cry for u. It isn't for everyone but does work for us. My girl can settle easily compared to how she use to be. Having said that last night wasn't the best but guess it won't always work.
My girl also has preferred to sleep on her side, it stared when she suffered with reflux as a newborn and couldn't lay flat so I would have to let her fall asleep other side and then once in a deep sleep lay her on her back. But now she 7months and no matter how many times I put her on her back she turns on her side sometimes turning on her tummy. I think at this age it isn't as dangerous for them but I do still always put her on her back wen I check on her.
Just be sure in urself in what ur doing and what others say try to let go over u. Ur a good mummy and are doing best for u and ur baby.

Sophie he ur doing better too? Completely understand about having another, it puts u off but once u get out the other side u may change ur mind. It is certainly hardwork and have no idea how people do it with a toddler too, I have a 9year old girl and I find that easier cos we can talk and she helps etc. my dh wants another baby but I couldn't cope with a little one as well as another baby....not yet. Maybe in few years.

Here's to a good night for us all.
X

sb I know exactly what you mean about other people's opinions. We have been cosleeping every night all night for a couple of weeks now and although I sometimes find it difficult to get a good night's sleep (she doesn't give me much space to move!) I'm feeling so much more rested than I was. I also have a much happier, more contented baby, DD is so smiley and giggly all day long now and she was having quite a few grumpy spells before. She wakes up happy in the mornings as well, which is so much nicer. So I feel like it's the right thing for us, she obviously needs the comfort just now and will grow out of it when she's ready. However I have to face all the comments from my mum, friends, etc. who tell me that I'm creating the rod for my back etc., she should be sleeping through now, there must be something wrong with her. Had the HV tell me a couple of days ago that I'm too soft, have spoilt DD and I should go away for a couple of nights, leave her with her dad, not feed her and let her cry it out! I smiled, nodded, thanked her for the advice and didn't admit that we're now cosleeping :)

Thanks Birchy, I'm feeling much better this morning and DH has taken DD downstairs so I can Mumsnet have a lie in. Did you sort out your LO's constipation btw?

DD back to waking every hour last night, but drifted off easily each time so I don't feel too bad. In a way that's better because I don't get stiff from being in one position for too long.

How's everyone else doing?

Sorry to hear its been so tough for everyone, had wondered if things had been quiet becuase it was going well but given that I wasn't posting as it was too depressing I guess its not suprising that its been the same for others! We're now firmly in a pattern of waking every 1-2 hours with feeding needed to get DD back to sleep if its been longer than 1.5 hours. Have started bringing her into our bed for feeds after 4am to try to combat the hideously early starts which sometimes works, sometimes doesn't.

Can symnpathise Sophie, I've only had a fluey cold and have found it hard enough to cope. Totally know what you mean about considering another one.

highheels I see from your profile that you live near me, wonder if we have the same HV?! I got the same chat recently, also from GP (see this thread). Luckily as both DH and I were rubbish sleepers as babies my family and inlaws are sympathetic and supportive, its just my friends with the brilliant sleeping babies who I feel maybe think I'm doing things wrong.

Anyway, lots of and unmumsnet hugs to everyone who is suffering.

Yes Sophiesworld - sore hips - I have sore hips!

Thanks. Feeling better this morning. He settled in his cot marginally better. Still lots of wakings, but less traumatic somehow.

Highheels I admire you in the face of your HV. That's why I keep away from them. Its so easy to dole out gung ho advice like that when it isn't your baby. I think one of the things I'm most afraid of is getting bullied into trying someone I don't believe in. There may come a time for one of the slightly tougher approaches further down the line but we're not there yet and I know I'll know when the time is right. But before then I'll have to learn to shut out the world a bit more.

Yes - would be good to find a cheer-leader who is always on my side. I might talk to some of my friends with older children. It seems that the people who have trouble over sleeping are the ones who keep quiet about it, when they are the ones we really need to hear from! The ones who won't shut up are the ones who followed a book and found it worked in a weekend or who never had a problem in the first place, or other annoying results...

SB x

Hi all, sorry everyone has had rubbish sleep. DD was really poorly yesterday but seems to have recovered reasonably well, she didn't keep any food down until dinner but managed to fit 2 breastfeeds in before bed then she slept 4 hours/5 hours then 1 hour of playing and grizzling, then 3.5 hours. That is really magical for us. I can't believe I'm made it 6 nights without bringing her into bed with me. I am definitely sleeping better as just having the hope of getting three hours sleep straight means I don't lie awake anxious. A week ago I said to my husband I don't see the point of going to bed as I'll get woken up as soon as I fall asleep and I'll feel worse for it. God how I hope this lasts. I don't even care now if she sleeps all night, if she wakes up every 4 hours or so I can get by!

I am visiting PIL in a couple of weeks and they are quite judgy judgy on our parenting skills, I'm going without DH so I guess I'm also motivated to show them that our way is working. MIL thinks we're too soft and doesn't understand why I'm still bfing past 6 months, thinks I've made a rod for own back yada yada. Hope everyone has a nice weekend. x

Scotty - too depressing to post is exactly how I've been feeling too! Glad I finally did though - it's definitely cathartic.

SB - sorry to hear you have the same problem but glad to find a fellow 'sore hipper'. I never realised bones could ache till I got pregnant.

Ems - I have similar issues with in-laws. They would never say 'rod for own back' but I worry it's what they're thinking. I find it's worse if I crumble and let on about my own doubts and insecurities. It's tough, but if you can be as confident and positive about what you're doing as possible it's harder for them to criticise.

Had a good chat with DH this morning and was pleasantly surprised to find that he wouldn't actually be too disappointed if we didn't have another DC. Ideally we would both like another but just knowing that the pressure's off made me feel a lot better.

Had a nice experience today. Confessed to MIL that I had DD in bed almost all night last night as I couldn't face getting up and down and she said that DH spent more time in their bed than his own until he was over 1. Was so nice hearing someone in RL confess they'd resorted to similar coping methods

Quick question for you ladies. When your DCs are waking frequently and early do you go to bed at the same time as them? We've done this since DD was born but beginning to resent not having an evening or any time together, though I suppose we do have the mornings! Wondering whether to give up a little precious sleep to get the time to chill with DH....

Hi everyone,
Sorry for disappearing. Feel like we have descended into a living hell :((((
DDs sleep has got spectacularly worse, which I honestly didn't think was possible. Clearly the 12 hour sleep was a trick, to prepare us for the nightmare ahead.........so my nights have mainly looked like this:

DD bed at 6.30pm
Wakes every 1-2 hours, but makes some kind of crying noise every 20 mins or so
At some point around 3am she wakes completely and STAYS AWAKE FOR 4 HOURS!!!! at which point DD1 gets up so we start the day.

I am a complete wreck, I feel depressed and angry, I cry A LOT.

DD2 has separation anxiety, so only mummy will do. Current sleeping arrangements - DH on sofa, DD2 in bed with me. Not good but at least it stops DH and I arguing, and also means one of us is getting some sleep.

Feel like I am a crap mum to both DC, I am doing nothing with them. I could go on and on, sorry I am such a miserable cow. I'm going to catch up with the posts now, and see how you are all getting on. Hope you are having a better time than me.....

aaarrrrrgggh just lost all my posts!!! Will try to re-type now

ThisIs that sounds awful . Sorry you're so down ATM. Not that it probably makes much difference, but can you at least get to bed early to maximise any sleep opportunities?

Scotty that's lovely, especially coming from your MIL. We used to go to bed at normal times until about a month ago when the sleep deprivation started to take hold and since then we are often both in bed by 8pm! It's not good for our relationship but at the moment it's just about physical survival.

DD has now got the lurgy and can't keep any of her feeds down. She's been asleep on and off since 4.30 so we'll probably have a horrendously early start tomorrow but I'm reluctant to wake her when she's poorly.

Try again.....

SB You sound very similar to me. I'm also not going to try any crying solutions either. I've read a lot about the psychological impacts of CC/ COI and it is not for us. Try to ignore the 'rod for your own back' brigade. They have clearly never been in this position. I think we need to do whatever works best for us and our family. I am trying to get co-sleeping to work and I don't care if this will create 'bad habits'. They are young for such a short space of time and DD is not going to be in my bed when she is a teenager.

sophie hope you feel better soon, I can't imagine being ill on top of everything else. Don't worry about not wanting another DC, I was the same with DD1 (traumatic birth experience) and it took me 18 months to decide to have another. These bad times will pass, and your hormones will do amazing things to help you forget :))) despite all this I still have broody moments! (DH is rather scared....!)

highheels Its so nice to hear that cosleeping is improving things for you. We are on day 3 of 'proper' cosleeping (rather than "oh my god I just need to sleep lets put her in our bed" at 4am). It's not going well but I'm going to stick with it for a week I think and see how it goes. Your HV sounds nice (!!!) - mine is lovely and understands why I won't try CC (she told me she is still bfeeding her 18mo and has never left her to cry), but also does not have any magic solutions for me.

Ems glad to hear things are improving. With DD1, waking every 4 hours would have seemed like hell to me, but I agree if I got 4 hours sleep at a time with DD2 I would be well chuffed :)

scotty I put DD in bed early and have a fews hours with DH before I got to bed (interupted by settling DD of course). I really should go to bed earlier but I do feel resentful that I miss out on the only 'me' time I get. That said, its saturday night and I'm off to bed soon :)

Wishing you all a decent night tonight, lots of hugs to all :)

P.S meant to say that something that really helped me recently was exercise! It is generally the last thing I want to do when I'm so tired, but I dragged myself to a pilates class and felt really good afterwards. Actually seemed to have more energy. Am going for a 5k run with some friends in the morning, suspect I will not be full of energy after that :)

urgh...I got DD's tummy bug. Have been up vomiting all night. DH has to work today so I've left him to sleep a bit longer. Stoopid NHS direct took 6 hours to call me back. The local OOH doctor was meant to come out and give me an injection to stop me vomiting but he called at 2:30am saying he was too busy and if it got too bad to get an ambulance.

Re: bedtimes, I grab the opportunity to go to bed at the same time as DD about once a week, normally on a night when I know DH is either working late or at work drinks/dinner etc. I find I have to get entirely ready for bed before starting DD's nighttime routine so that I can ride the wave of last-feed-before-bed sleepiness. If I have to then do the dishes, tidy the toys, brush my teeth, I get all woken up. Generally I wait for DD's first wake up of the night then go to bed after that. No point going to sleep at, say, 9pm, as I won't get enough sleep to feel refreshed.

This is sorry to hear you're doing it so tough at the moment. Exercise is great for endorphins. do you have a creche where you can put your DC so that you can go to pilates a couple of times a week?

Hi Scotty, just a quick reply. Yes I used to go to bed wen lo went but now I stay up for maybe an hour or so to spend time with dh. I think u can forget each other with a newborn to start with but have to remember its important for you both to spend time together. But hard with lack of sleep, we tried to watch a film last night but I fell asleep on dh's chest which was nice really at least we were together lol.
Xx

Think I?ll try to give staying up a go,would probably help to try to put dd down earlier. Thought about it last night but by the time I?ve been sitting on the bed feeding for half an hour I'm so sleepy i can't imagine getting up again! Other problem is that first stretch is the longest,occasionally 3 hours whereas she tends to only sleep 1.5 hours at a time for the rest of the night so can't imagine missing out on that. Guess i need to give it a go...

Ems hope you're feeling better,that sounds rough.

Thisis really hope things have picked up for you again,middle of the night wakefulness is the pits.

Hoping everyone had a reasonable night.

Well since I last posted DD has had the bug too. Luckily not till I was feeling better, but she couldn't keep any milk down which made it a bit tricky getting her to sleep. She kept trying to feed to sleep and then being sick just as she was dropping off!

Anyway, we're all over it now and this morning she has been in her swing chair napping for 1.5 hours!!! This is unheard of! I don't think she's been asleep the whole time but she's been quiet and I've had a break (can't do housework in case it wakes her up ).

Are you feeling better Ems?

Today I will mostly be washing towels, bedding, sleepsuits and anything else that came to hand to mop up over the last 24 hours!

Hi all,
Unfortunately last night was quite mental, DD up and down vv frequently! Thankfully I was feeling a bit better, although nowhere near 100%. Today has definitely been a do-nothing day. I just hope DH doesn't get sick now too, I couldn't cope with that as well! Somehow DD's tummy bug has morphed into a snotty nose which seems to be what is keeping her awake...tonight I've used saline drops in her nose and put one of those vaporiser plug ins, so we'll see if that's better! I would be in bed right now catching up, but DH is on his way home so will say hi to him before nodding off.

Scotty did you also get told to leave baby to sleep outside in the pram in all weathers (even 6" of snow) except fog? If so it could well be the same HV!! I don't go to bed at the same time as DD, we try and have some sort of an evening together but it's tough as we're so knackered. I keep thinking I'll have an early night one night a week to catch up but it's nice to have a little time to myself occassionally :)

sb mostly I can stick to my guns and know I'm doing the right thing but I still wobble sometimes and wonder if I really am doing everything wrong. You have to try and stick up for yourself though, I'd hate to end up doing something I don't think is right just because I've been talked into it.

Emsmaman sorry you're having such a rough time, hope you're feeling better and your DD is recovering. Hope you have a better night tonight.

Thisis I still have quite a few difficulties with cosleeping and some nights I really do wonder if it is actually making a difference, but I'm going to stick with it for a while and see how we get on. The worst things I find are that I get very uncomfortable, and I end up sore as DD basically feeds or comfort sucks for most of the night. I wake up some mornings aching all over, but I still feel less exhausted than I was so it must be helping!?!

sophie glad you're all recovered from the bug.

Well this evening has been a disaster so far. DD went up to bed around 6.10, it took until 7.30 to get her to sleep, she then woke at 8.15 and basically screamed for 30 mins. I eventually got her to settle (but not fully asleep) about 9.15 and now DP's up with her. This of course had to happen on the night when I'd bought us some nice food and got a bottle of champagne and a DVD for a non Valentine celebration as I'm out tomorrow eve at an exercise class (although now not sure if I'll be able to leave the house for that long...). Last night was also awful, again DD took forever to settle, we had screaming sessions in the evening, she woke when I went up to bed and took another hour to go back to sleep. Up for a feed again around 1.30. Lost track for a bit so I might have had a few hours sleep but then she was basically looking to suck almost constantly from about 4.30 till 7 this morning. Every time I moved away she'd wriggle up to me and start rooting or else start crying. After feeling so positive a few days ago I'm now wondering how much longer I can keep this up :(

Hi everyone. Seems like ages since I've posted.

We have now completely given in with co sleeping. But it does seem to be working, DD doesn't wake more than once a night when she's in bed with us and I think that my body is adjusting to having to sleep in a different position when she's there as I'm not finding it as uncomfortable as I used to. DD also having all her naps in the sling still. DD starts nursery in June so I will at some point have to work on her naps but no idea where to start?

Hope everyone gets well soon who hasn't been feeling well.

Really hope things are getting better for everyone. Been reading through the posts and it really does sound like everyone has been having a tough time. (((hugs))) and for anyone who needs it.

Wow Broom, that sounds brilliant, just once a night! Can I ask what sort of sling you use? DD is getting a bit more 'nap in sling' resistant. Going to a sling meet today to try a few others but in stretchy wrap she just throws herself back...

DD still going back down in her crib fine but for some reason wants fed quicker (after 1.5 hours) than she does when she's sleeping on the bed beside me, bizarre, you'd think being further from the milk would help!! Tempted to just co-sleep all night as I'm fed up getting in and out bed but it seems a shame to waste the fact that she settles fairly easily in her crib (given that for 2 months of her life she wouldn't even entertain going in it and slept on me...). What to do???

I've got an ergo scotty. I honestly couldn't live without it. Well worth the money.

I do feel like a bit of a fraud on this thread now as once a night really is amazing. I think if you can make co sleeping work for you then it's a bit of a life saver.

Still no major improvements here but we have had a couple of small successes that I wanted to share with you all.

Firstly, dd seems to be extending the length of her nap times in the electric swing chair and going off a bit more easily too. In the last 3 days she's napped for 1.5-2 hours in there every morning with very little fussing beforehand! This is great as I was barely getting any hands-free time before till now.

Secondly, I managed to put her down in her moses basket at the start of the night a couple of nights ago so I got an hour of decent sleep with the bed to myself before she woke. I think putting a pillowcase that smelled of me in was what made the difference. It only works if she's in the Moses basket, which she's almost outgrown though so we might be back to square one soon. But for now I'm just pleased we seem to be moving in the right direction again!

Glad to hear about your successes sophie. V envious of your nap situation.

We seem to have descended into hell. DD woke every 2 hours till 3am and had her in bed with me from the first feed. At 4.15 she woke again and that's been her up for the day. Didn't want to feed,wouldn't be rocked back to sleep,chattered in her crib for a short while before crying for attention. No idea what to do. Got so upset by it i started hyperventilating and now seem to have developed a tic in my eye! She only had a half hour nap in the morning and a 40 minute nap in the afternoon yesterday so i think the problem is chronic overtiredness but i have absolutely no idea what to do to change the situation. Any ideas? Co sleeping makes no difference to frequency of waking,only benefit is me having a shorter distance to reach across to get her when she needs fed. A 5 month old needs more sleep that this don't they?

Poor you Scotty - that is horrendously early, especially after a bad night

The way we co-sleep, DD is literally lying next to me, tummy to tummy and she doesn't roll away from me when she's finished feeding. That way she quite often drifts back off when she stirs between sleep cycles because she knows I'm there without properly waking. It doesn't always work though, still only buys us 3 hour stretches at the most and can be quite uncomfortable for me. Last night she slept from 2-5.30 and was still asleep at 5.30 but I woke up with sore hips and had to turn over so ended up waking her too!

Can your DH take her when she is properly awake in the mornings? Mine quite often does this when DD wakes between 5.30 and 6.30 and takes her down for an hour or so. We usually find that when he brings her back up she's ready to go back to sleep so I can latch her on and drift off too. That way it can extend my sleep by a couple of hours if I'm lucky.

Finally, can you co-sleep for at least one nap to try and extend it and get yourself some extra rest? If we're at home DD usually gets a 2-3 hour afternoon nap but only if I lie next to her and feed back to sleep when she wakes. It does mean that I can sometimes nap too, or at least lie down and often gets me through the morning, knowing I can go back to bed later on.