Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

Hi, just a quick update. Dd did the unthinkable on thursday and slept for.........12 hours! Feared it would be a one off, and it was as last night was pants again!!. But it's given me hope and I know we are getting somewhere. Now on phase 2 of sleep plan.

Really sorry it is still rubbish for a lot of you, I can really recommend no-cry sleep solution, and also cranial osteopath. We are on day 12 and very few tears from dd, not even for a minute. Lots of tears from me though and it is tough and not a quick solution, but it feels right. Very much 3 steps forward 2 steps back.

Feeling teary again today, think everything has got on top of me. Can't seem to take comfort in the positives. Well, here's hoping we all get a decent nights kip tonights. Hugs everyone :)

Hi everyone.

Way to go thisis's DD! It may have been a one off for now but SHE DID IT! She can (and will, someday) do it. Keep the faith! DD slept 12 hrs 3 nights running but has been waking again. She has a nasty cold again, so think it's that. 2 nights ago was a couple of wakings, last night she was in bed at 9ish as she took ages to settle, crying an hr later and then again at 1130, fed her then and she slept til 330, fed again and she slept til 7ish.
Have been feeling much sleepier since she slept through, think my body was just getting used to more sleep and is feeling the extra wakings.
Had a crown done yesterday so have a sore achey mouth and the day before that got stung on the bum (whilst clothed ) so had a sore bum too.
Will try to pop back in tomorrow briefly.
xx

So excited for you thisis! At least you know its possible now. Can i ask which bits of NCSS you're using?

Broom your night sounds even worse than mine,sending lots of sympathy your way and towards everyone with LOs with colds.

I'm feeling like a horrible mum this morning. DD had yet another crap night,though i suppose i should be happy it wasn't every 45 minutes. Went down about 815 and woke 915 1055 1220 155 345 then 510. Was just cooing at the last wake up so left her to it which inevitably led to cries so i tried just having my hand on her stomach patting her while she grumbled/cried herself back to sleep. After half an hour she was just getting louder so gave up. Now i feel cruel for trying that and also that i wasted time as i couldn't even stick with that way of dealing with it. Just at the end of my tether now. Know that once again she'll be grumpy all day due to lack of sleep but just can't work out how to crack frequent OR early wakings and worry that I'm just making her a stressed out and anxious baby with my stress,anxiety and sleep deprivation. Finding it so hard to enjoy her during the day as just functioning is so hard and the fact that she's frequently grumpy just makes it even harder. Also fed up that now she's a bit bigger everyone just expects you to sort out the sleep somehow and even close friends seem unsympathetic and smug that theirs sleep,though that could be the sleep deprivation induced paranoia talking.

Sorry for the rant. Just feel like you ladies are the only ones when get how it feels.

scotty I agree that now that DD is getting bigger people are starting to assume its my fault that she's not sleeping and so have no sympathy at all. My sisters are coming round tomorrow and they drive me mad at the best of times.

pip how did you sting your bum? hope your feeling better soon.

thisis that is amazing! Hopefully a sign that she'll start to get better. Would also like to know which bits of the ncss you've been using, might give it another go. Hope your not feeling too down today, try to keep your chin up, make sure you treat yourself and come on here if your feeling really low.

highheels that sounds like an awful night, how are you even typing?

DD's cold has gone from a little snuffle to a terrible terrible cough and blocked nose. She's actually losing her voice, her cry sounds really strange, is that normal? He's waking very very frequently today during naps and since we put her to bed and she looks completely knackered. Neighbours are also arguing again! It's getting ridiculous now, think I'm going to keep a track of it and the complain. But I don't know where to start, who do I even complain to?

I think it (a wasp) got into my trousers somehow. Suddenly had this searing pain and started desperately trying to scratch it away, then felt something sort of in my trousers and freaked ut and ripped trousers off and sure enough there was a wasp on the other leg looking dazed. Killed it and afterbited my buttock. Most dramatic. DS has been talking about it ever since and doing imprseeions of me hopping about.
Last night was HELL ON EARTH with DD. She spent most of the night sort of mewing like a kitten. gave up and co slept but if I even as much as farted she woke up. Got about 4 hrs broken sleep. Bleurgh. yes, Broom DD has a horrible cold and cough and sounds weird too, hence the mewing (but louder). She also appears to be teething. joy of joys.

Hi all, I haven't caught up with how everyone's sleep has been but we are just back from holidays so once the jetlag is over it will be time to recommence getting DD through the night without feeding. We made it to two weeks with no feeds 12-6 but on holiday I fed all through the night as didn't want her to get completely awake through crying. She has been up since 3:45am because of the jet lag so is now having first nap of the day!

hi everyone,my children now sleep through quite well,but i,m really struggling to sleep,a friend of a friend swears by something called mother earth stones,has anybody heard of these,apparently they have a calming effect,thnx

Hello Everyone!

A bit despondent today. Last night felt like a retrograde step, but I guess that's the name of the game. DS needed loads and loads of shh-patting. I spent 3 or 4 marathon sessions - the longest being almost 2 hours - trying to get him to settle. Most chilling of all, my fall-back technique - picking him up and rocking him to sleep - doesn't seem to be working any more. He'll try to settle in his cot for as long as his patience runs out but after that it is just screams and nothing will do apart from getting into bed with Mummy and nodding off with the obligatory nipple in mouth. I'm starting to realise that I don't mind that much a) he looks very cute snuggled up asleep and b) I like the fact that I can get some sleep. Don't feel I can admit this to anyone. SiL airily says "We couldn't take ours into bed because we work", like I'm staying up on purpose or something. She doesn't seem to get that the only sleep I get is when he's in with me. I guess if you don't have one of these babies then you just don't get it. OK rant over. How's everyone else doing?

SB x

Good luck with tonight ems, getting back into a routine with jet lag must be really hard. Sending you all sleepy vibes.

How's the bum pip? How's DD's cold? Hopefully getting better.

Sorry donna never heard of those.

scriptbunny you must have the patience of a saint! I think the longest I've ever managed trying to settle DD is about 50 mins before I give up and bring her into bed with us. I also secretly like co sleeping. I like having her near me and I know this sounds a bit insane incase of some sort of emergency like a fire or a break in. Our house is 3 storey so having her downstairs makes it feel like she's too far away. DP really doesn't want us co sleeping though so I should be doing something but I don't have the energy.

DD is quite ill. Some sort of virus the doctor said that they can't really do anything for. DP is also ill. I'm not ill but am exhausted from looking after them both.

Trying a new technique with DD I'm going up and re putting her dummy in before she wakes up in the evenings and so far it means she's not actually waking up before we go to bed. I'm putting her dummy in 3 times between 7-10. Hoping eventually she might just get out of the habit of waking up?

Hi Guys, sorry for disappearing again. I have had quite a time of it; DH has been really ill (in bed for last 2 weeks, lost 2 stone) and has been diagnosed with glandular fever DS1 has started getting up again, just to add to the fact that I am coping alone (and looking after DH).

So, I just wanted to pop by and let you know, I have had no time to MN! Been getting everyone to bed, coming down to clear up and sort the animals out, then going off to bed myself. I havent read what has been going on but I do think of you all, and hope it is getting better for some of you. I'll have a read through when putting DS2 to bed tonight. I dont expect to be around much but do keep coming here. Hopefully when I have a bit more time I wont need this group as the sleep issues will be better xxx

Hi everyone, looks like everyone elses children are older than mine but I just need to let it out!
I am a new mum, my son is 7 weeks old and the lack of sleep is really getting to me, he really fights sleep all through the day and won't nap even though I can see he's very tired. Then he's overtired and can't get to sleep. He will sleep a bit in the pram but takes ages to get him off, as soon as I arrive back home he will wake up :(
We took him out in the car for 2 hours yesterday just for him to get some sleep, that's all the sleep he had in the day, 2 hours.
Then at night of course he only wants to sleep on me after feeding or my husband's arms. When we try and sneak him into his moses basket he's instantly awake. I've tried co-sleeping but it really didn't work for me as I was on high alert all night and couldn't even doze off.
Just so tired today :(

Hi everyone, so we have now been cosleeping for just over a week and after an unsettled start it finally seems to be helping. Last 2 nights I think we've just had 3 wake ups between 11 and 6 and we're not having the screaming in the night or shouting in the mornings anymore. DD seems much happier in the day too. Still have a long way to go, naps are still a mess and usually taken on my chest and I'm not sure how long term I want to cosleep for but I feel like we're making some progress.

Broom hope your DD and DP are feeling better and you're not too exhausted.

I'mnotanswering sorry you're having a rough time, hope your DH recovers soon and you get some much needed rest.

littlestressy it took me quite a few attempts at cosleeping before I could relax and enjoy it (although I often used to doze off with her in my arms during a feed and wake up 3 hours later when she next latched on!) and I still have some nights when I'm awake more often than she is! I find it a lot easier now she's older as she seems less fragile :) However for me it was worth perservering (sp?) with as I could not stand another night of traispsing up and down the landing every hour and it means that (usually) both me and DD sleep a lot better.

How's everyone else doing?

waves at littlestressy Welcome! Don't be too disheartened by our stories, not everyone has months or years of sleeplessness like us. But if you do, in a way it gets better as your body adjusts with less sleep and you find coping strategies. My DD didn't really nap well during the day until about 5 months old and it was so frustrating that she was bloody knackered but wouldn't sleep. We had one night where she got overtired and didn't fall asleep until 5am when she was about 6 weeks old. That night is burned on my brain.

Imnot sorry to hear about your DH - my exBF had that and it really changed his personality whilst he was sick. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is there anyone that can help you out or can you get a babysitter or a cleaner in for a few hours to give yourself a break?

Shouldn't have said anything, we're not making progress after all. Last night it was back to hours of feeding with brief pauses for screaming or hysterical giggling (DD not me!). DP got her up to let me lie in but she then shouted on and off for 2 hours whilst I lay in bed determined not to be awake

Hello everyone,

sorry I haven't read the whole thread but my sympathies are with everyone experiencing the brain-bending fatigue of a sleep-averse little baby.....

I feel really down today. Most days I just get on with it but today I realised that, due to me being generally exhausted and fuzzy-brained, we aren't on the list for the nursery I wanted DS to go to. I didn't even fill in the forms.

I thought I had We visited not long after DS was born and I thought Id done what was required - well, I was wrong.

I feel so guilty. Have just been crying and crying today. We have a place in another nursery but it isn't as recommended, ofsted report not so good. I just feel like a rubbish mum for being so crap. But I am just so exhausted all the time from my gorgeous little boy and his nap-fighting and his constant wake-ups.

We co-sleep which helps.

I just feel so awful - how could I be so careless about something so important?

Hi all, imnot so sorry to hear about ur dh and how difficult things have been lately. Hope it gets better soon.
I too am sorry for not being around lately, I haven't read through either as just don't seem to get the time.....i have five mins due to the little lady being poorly and sleeping at mo so thought I would update.
I've been unwell also, been going on for awhile and still waiting tests was worried but now just going with it.
Lo started sleeping from 7pm till 4.30pm this happened for three nights and I thought I had cracked it...but nooooo up at 3.30 one night and screamed till I gave in and bf her then following night it was an hour earlier 2.30 and did the same and the night after it was an hour earlier again. But then had a an awful night last night she has a cold and cough and keeps getting a temp so zero sleep. But I think once better she may sleep better....fingers crossed!

I hope everyone else is doing good, will read thru soon.
Sending lots of love

Imnot hope DP is getting better and your all ok.

OWelcome you sound thoroughly miserable when your sleep deprived its really easy to forgot things. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's doesn't make you a bad mother. And I'm sure the other nursery will be ok.

Things are pretty much the same here and I seem to have accepted it as the way of life now and that has at least helped with the frustration.

We're all still I'll though. DP has bronchitis but for some reason is still going into work!

We're still going up and putting her dummy back in before she wakes up during the evenings and it does mean she doesn't wake up at all until we're asleep. So she's definitely just waking up for her dummy but I don't have the strength to wean her off it yet.

Hope everyone's ok. This thread is feeling quite gloomy at the moment, like we've all given into the sleep deprivation.

OOvoof don't beat yourself up. I tell myself as long as I don't forget DD somewhere I've done a good job some days. Honestly I've heard before with regards to driving, being tired it's like being drunk. So for all of us we are living in a haze and as long as we don't do anything dangerous to ourselves or our families I think we are doing brilliantly.

Some hope here....I have had two nights of making DD settle in her own cot. I have been doing my own version of patting and shhing where I also hold her. Hmm how to describe it, well I'm no longer taking DD into our room and into our bed, as once there I fall asleep cuddling her and then it's all over...I know cosleeping works for many but it doesn't work for us, I sleep fitfully and DD wriggles all over me. So I'm bouncing and shhing her whilst standing up in her room/hallway, then once she puts her head on my shoulder I'm transferring her to the cot but keeping both arms around her and gently preventing her from sitting or standing up or crawling off (hope that doesn't sound too mean!). Then I'm taking one arm away from under her and rubbing/patting her back (she sleeps on tummy) until she closes her eyes, then I'm leaving the room. Last night it took about three times of this process before she properly fell asleep each time, the first night I was up and down from bed every twenty minutes or so but last night was better. It didn't increase the lengths of sleep past two or three hours but I am happy that she's getting the message that she isn't going to get to sleep on me. I'm not getting much sleep with getting up all the time but frankly it's no worse than when she's sleeping on me. I think cosleeping would work for us if she would sleep next to me, but no, has to be on me! She's about 10kg and 80cm tall : (

DD is booked in the gym creche this afternoon, trying to decide whether I will have a work out or a cheeky coffee and cake in the cafe!

Thanks Broom and Ems

The good thing is, the realisation of my mistake fired me up to research alternative nurseries and we now have a place in one equally as good, according to ofsted, which is a little bit nearer! Managed to book in a viewing then and there and got it sorted this morning. So I have forgiven myself for my hazy-brained error!

Oh and Ems - definitely the coffee and cake, to celebrate your new cot-settling techniques!

A potential good news story here - could be total fluke but DD slept 3 x 4 hours last night (with 45 minutes wide awake at 3am). I know most people would consider this bad but you ladies will appreciate that this is a great thing for us sleep deprived! It is too early to say that my little sleep training trick is working but I am pleased that two of the times she cried during the night, she fell back asleep on her own before I finished getting my slippers and dressing gown on.

Ems well done, 4hours is great, I remember thinking 3 was as good as it gets. Hope it keeps up and gets longer each night.
Oovoof I'm glad u got a nursery sorted, u must feel heaps better. Hope ur not being hard on urself, we all forget things and sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture so I think ur doing really well, as are all of us on here.

Having said that I am having a bad day, feel exhausted from constantly having to be the one to do all the baby stuff.....now I feel awful for saying this. She is sleeping a lot better than she use to. But last night woke at 12.30 and I was so upset cos I didn't have the energy, took me so many attempts to settle her and it didn't work. In the end dh took over as he hadnt long got in from work so he said he will try cc. Took him over an hour and half but it did work. I wanted to give in and bf her but he got pissed off at me saying ill make a rod for myown back etc etc. I wanted to strangle him but knew he was right.
It's so hard hearing things that I know are right but coming from someone who doesn't have her 24/7 and dishes out advice and I just want to shout at them.
Dh is working so much overtime lately so I can be with lo and I'm doing a little part time job in a crèche I know I should be grateful to him and I am but if I say how I'm struggling I feel guilty.

Well must go as madam is crying now as she is so tired.

Hope all is well with everyone and we all get a good sleep tonight.x

Hi Birchy, is is too early for ? Last night was more like every 2 hours then one surprise stretch of 3.5 hours - so DD woke up at 8:30, making us late for swimming class! She has now had two big vomits and been napping for an hour, so I'm wondering if the extra sleep has nothing to do with me, maybe she's just sick?? I had a lot of trouble settling her between 4-5:15am, I was dead tired on my feet but refusing to bring her into bed with us, I know if I sit down on the bed it's all over, I will fall asleep with her. It also annoys me when DH comes in and tells me how to parent, I feel like saying "well you trust me to keep her alive and well all week long so why is it different on a weekend?". I don't know how you're managing to work as well. I'm looking for work at the moment and really hope the sleep at least becomes consistent before I do start somewhere.

Hi All. Struggling here. At the of last week we were doing so well. Had a four hour stretch. Then it all went down hill. Two nights ago I took him into bed at 10.30 pm and we both got a good night's sleep, but it is the opposite of what I'm trying to teach him. Last night was slightly better and I held out til 12.45, but he was waking every 20-30 mins most of the time (although I had one 90 min stint). Last week he was starting to settle in his cot. This week he just can't get comfortable. I let him sleep on his side for a while during the evening as it was all he wanted to do, but he's still a bit young for that sort of thing (just shy of 7mo).

The main trouble is that it is getting to me. We have guests coming and holidays booked and I'm thinking of all the people I'm going to have to face. Like you say, Scotty and Broom, I'm certain people think it is all my own fault for being soft or inconsistent. I worry that they're right sometimes, but I'm so against the crying solutions and I don't see anything so wrong in co-sleeping. I just get haunted by the Rod For Your Back Brigade. Tears all day today. Trip to John Lewis and a new hat cheered me up a bit.

SB

Hi everyone

Really struggling here too Sleep is slightly better (we had a 4 hour stretch at the start of the night) but I keep waking up with really achey hips so even if she does sleep more than 2 hours I can't, but if I change position she wakes.

I just can't see how things will ever improve because I have no energy to try and change things - it's a vicious circle.

On top of that I've had a stomach bug since middle of last night and still feeling sick. DH is out at work too so having to cope on own. I just can't imagine ever having another DC because I couldn't deal with pregnancy and morning sickness, let alone go through all this again. I feel awful but I'm really not enjoying this at the moment.

Sorry for general miserableness, especially when you're all struggling too. Really hope we all get better nights tonight.

SB - I know what you mean about it being worse when you have other people around. I hate the feeling that they think they could do better (I'd like to see them try!) or even worse, that they have done better with their own children.

Fortunately I have some lovely people (including my parents) who keep encouraging me and telling me what a lovely Mummy I am to keep on caring for DDs needs even when it's tough.

Do you have anyone in RL who wholeheartedly approves of the way you are handling things? If so, keep asking them unashamedly for reassurance - those kind words can help get you through when you start doubting yourself.

Sorry if that's really cheesy - no energy to try and make it less so!