Let's all meet here for a sleep deprivation support group

[ImNotAnsweringIt]

I though it might be helpful to have a general thread with survival tips for dealing with the exhaustion and misery of the long or short term effects of lack of sleep. I bet we can all find someone worse off than ourselves, and that's always a help, hmm?

My little tips for making things more bearable:

Make sure you are warm enough when you have to get up in the night. Have dressing gown and slippers by your bed if neccesary. This also helps you get back to sleep quickly, should you be fortunate enough to have the opportunity!

Have lovely breakfast things in. I always have expensive cereal in the cupboards Just For Me.

Anyone else? Hang in there everyone, I am having a very down day today which is what inspired me to start this.

I did the sleep separation thing when DD woke up at 10. She slept 11.15 to 3! And I heard her settle herself at one point. She's now wide awake again and in our bed though as I don't have the energy to do it again.

Hi everyone...DS wouldn't settle at 11pm for DH so ended up in with us. I don't mind as I'm suffering with DUB yet again so just need some rest. I think he likes to feel close to me when we wakes upset...as he settles so well at night using SS technique. He is fast asleep & looks so cute...but this co-sleeping malarky has to stop. I've vowed when I am a bit better to tackle it. Doctor said I should be resting & tried signing me off work....i told her no chance...despite it all I won't be beaten. Thats what got me so down before.I'm carrying on as 'normal' but when this settles down & I have the strength... Operation Sleep will commence.

birchy....I have a 'friend' like yours. Can be very warm & welcoming one day & very stand-offish the next. Would of been nice for an invite though wouldn't it? I would do something nice for you & your LOs instead.
If you are worried about PND...then speak to your HV or doctor. Sleep deprivation is torture...makes all sanity..reason & patience seem like such an effort.
I've found posting on here has given me back some sanity...talking & getting advice from you lovely ladies!

birchy you poor thing. You are doing wonderfully well, how you are coping I can't imagine. But you are. It is so tough and I am sorry I can't offer you any practical help. Nap whenever you can while at parents, are they helpful?

With regard PND, I really don't know enough about it. I do know sleep deprivation can both feel like and lead to to. I was mid diagnosed in the early days with ds2 but all I needed was some more support and sleep. Do see your gp/hv (whichever you choose). I would say if you feel normal after some sleep (eg a few good naps) then it's probably 'just' sd. either way, this can't go on for you. What support can you have?

we had a much better night last night, he woke up 2hrs after going to bed but self settled within 2 minutes, then slept for another hour before needing a feed. I put him down in the cot sleepy but awake and he slept for another 3hrs, woke up and whinged for 5 mins and DP was just on his way into the nursery when he self settled again! Fed at 3.30 then slept until 7. However he's only had 1 good nap today because we've been out visiting family so I think tonight will be challenging.

Happy new year to you all and here's hoping all of our babies learn to sleep better soon!

Well done spanner, good luck tonight.

birchy you ok?

Hi ladies, please can I join you? I have a 15 week old DD who is not at all keen on sleeping! Just before her 8 week jabs we had a week of going down at 11, waking at 4 then 7 and I thought we had it all worked out. It's been downhill all the way since really. In the evenings she's knackered but refuses to be settled to sleep so I end up pacing the floor with her until midnight-ish when she'll usually cave. Last night she woke 12 times between midnight and 9am. I am beyond tired, comfort eat all day and am feeling quite isolated as rest of antenatal group claim to be over all sleeping problems now and other friends have babies that sleep from 7-7.... I am at my wits end :(

Happy New Year ladies! Well...last night DS went to bed & we did SS technique at 8pm..took 10mins. Woke at 12:45am but i persevered & didn't take him in to our bed-habits are sooo hard to break! Finally at 2am he is asleep after him screaming on/off! I used SS technique & a bit of CC & he stated asleep in his own room til 5:45am! That hasn't happened for months! Welcome Pink....sorry to hear your DD isn't sleeping good. You are not alone here. Does your DD nap in the day at all? No wonder you are exhausted...have you asked HV for advice?

Hey all, happy new year!
Sorry imnot hope I didn't worry you, still at my parents till later today. I did get a little break yesterday in the morning to go in town with my eldest so she could spend some Xmas money. But to be honest I would feel nervous if I went to sleep and let anyone else look after lo. My sister went to give her a cheese cracker last night that has so much salt covering it....am I being too over the top? Anyway I got five hours last night. Even when I have a good night sleep I can still feel something in my stomach that isn't right....like a feeling probably doesn't make sense sorry. But I do think it could be some sort of depression. So I should go to see someone but scared of falling apart.

Glad things went better wifey. Hope there's more better nights to come for you.
Welcome pink sorry to hear things are bad. These guys are good bunch and are so good for support.

Well guys thanks for being there once again.
Hope the new year brings lots of sleep!!!!!

And again sorry for being all crappy. Hope I feel better soon and feel brighter.
Xxx

How's DS Imnot?

I've started trying the sleep separation thing that you do wifey and it is working. It took a very long time for her to fall asleep this evening but she has currently been asleep for 2 hours and she normally always wakes up after the first 40 mins so very impressed. I know what you mean about bad habits, DD always ends up with us after 3 onwards because I'm always too tired to argue with her.

How did last night go spanner? Hopefully was as good as the previous night.

birchy I know how you feel about not trusting other people to look after the baby properly. I would never leave DD with any of my sisters because I don't trust them enough and we have completely different ideas about how to look after babies.

Welcome pink. Is this your first?

Hi pink welcome. Sorry to hear about your dd. It is so, so much harder when you feel like you are the only one suffering. That's why this group is so nice, we are all suffering! Your friends will experience it at some point (illness, teething etc) and wonder how on earth you have coped, you on the other hand, will breeze through those times as you'll be used to it. Small consolation? I slightly enjoyed my smug friend struggling when her baby was teething and she was "suicidal" after "just 5 hours sleep"! Honestly! I said 5 hours in a row would see me through several days!

birchy I don't think you can be too over the top. If you aren't relaxed you won't rest anyway. However, ime sleep dep. makes me ^very* anxious and jittery. The feeling in your stomach you mention? I have that a lot when very tired, I really feel panicky and as if I cannot cope with the day ahead. I should think what you feel is a very understandable response to an ongoing physical and emotional challenge. I don't know when these feelings change from being perfectly rational responses to actual depression, and need medication to get better. I have had mental health probs in the past, relating to deptesipn and anxiety and it had often been triggered by lack if sleep (through insomnia). The physical feelings I get nowadays are similiar, although my life is so different and I am not stressed like i used to be (previous job related). I recognise the feelings though, hard to explain. Sleep us such a primary biological need, it really messes you up when you don't get enough.

You sound worried enough to be worth talking about it to a HCP. Don't be scarred to go on AD if you need to (i have bf on them in the past, it's fine), but also remember what you are feeling is probably quite understandable given what your life is currently like.

Happy new year everyone, btw! Lots of luck to us all. Just think, this Will be the year our children sleep through (reliably!) xx

Sorry, so many typos! Rushing typing on my phone in bed, got to try to get an hour before 1st shift!

Thanks for the welcome! Yep DD is my first, so at least if she naps in the day I can try and get some rest too, but she rarely naps longer than 30 mins in a row. We've been staying with various family for a couple of weeks and have come back home today so I'm hoping that she'll settle a bit better over the next few days with any luck. I'm looking forward to getting the 4 month jabs over and done with so that at least that's one less thing to throw her off every 4 weeks! I haven't spoken to HV-I'll mention it when I go to the weigh clinic next week but I don't hold out too much hope, she isn't great....

I'm sorry there's so many sleep deprived mums in here but it's lovely that there is this support group.

pink my DD is my first too and she is also terrible at napping for longer than 40 mins. Everyone I know always says why don't you sleep when she sleeps. I have to stop myself from very angrily shouting 'it's really not that simple!'

DD is still asleep! Whoop!

Hi pink that sounds rough. They must be lying, surely?! I used to be so of one of my best friends who said her baby slept through at 3 weeks when actually she didn't count the feeding 3 times a night as wakings!

birchy you poor thing. I hope you are feeling a bit better. I'm not surprised you feel so exhausted. Are you anaemic too? That alone would make you feel completely washed out, let alone the sleep deprivation on top! Hope everything goes ok with the cyst too. What imnot said is really true - if you do feel better after a rest it's less likely to be PND. The symptoms of sleep deprivation and anaemia are so similar to depression it always feels a bit chicken and egg. But that feeling of not wanting to do anything about it or else you might fall apart - I know exactly what you mean! I had no idea I had PND (cos I am the greatest at being in denial) except for thinking that, having that funny feeling and being a complete insomniac. But I had a v good HV who forced me to be referred for CBT (GP said I could only have ads if I stopped bf ) and although I felt like a fraud and at the same time was scared it would get worse, it's honestly Im so glad I went. If nothing else it's an hour a week away from the kids when I can have a little cry about stuff. So maybe worth chatting to a HV just for that? (if you have a child under 1 you automatically get fast tracked to the top of the waiting list too)

spanner I would like to give you a big kiss. I was inspired by you. We are day 3 into CC. DH has forced me to bite the bullet but actually it hasn't been as all out awful as I thought it would be, just awful . BUT last night she went to sleep after 30mins of winding down type crying and didn't wake till 6am!! Amazing!! This is the girl who has never slept for more than a 2-3 hour stretch in a year! I tried the SS thing for a week but she spent all night crying anyway with no improvement (i think i have really stubborn kids) so I figured we may as well try to teach her to self settle if she was going to cry anyway. Not really working for naps though, have yet to see a nap longer than 40mins..

Hello all

Been off for ages with Christmas, but things a much as they were ie up and down, good and bad nights. Well done MrsDobalina that sounds brilliant! Long may it last! CC did work for us too, but I think the key is you have to stick to it, we got disrupted with staying away/ Christmas/ teething and it all went tits up again. Think we will have to go back to it though, it is almost more depressing having rubbish nights after a few good ones, it gives you a taste of what life can be like when you're well rested, then snatches it away!

Imnot how is your little one? Any news? Sorry if I've missed recent postings, just scanned through the last few pages but I'm not really with it this morning.

pink and broom I was really stressing out about the short naps a few weeks ago, but loads of people on here said 40 minutes is pretty normal for babies that age. GF types bang on about long sleeps, but little and often does seem to be the way for lots of babies, makes catching up on the sleep hard though doesn't it? It did help me just accepting that half an hour was normal, anything over was great! I have found as my little one gets older and is starting to commando crawl he is napping longer as he is wearing himself out. My older one was the same, he never napped past an hour or so (bar the odd time) until he was crawling and toddling then suddenly there were long joyous sleeps of two to three hours in the middle of the day. Know that's a long way off but just thought I'd give you hope.

Anyone else feeling fed up Christmas is over and it's back to sleepless reality?!

Hello all,

Am on my phone so am just checking in quickly but had to share our good news...

After a couple of AWFUL nights in the run up to NYE, we did some CC last night. Like MrsD we had 30 mins of whinging before she went to sleep at 8pm. She then stayed asleep until 6:30am

I'm sure it was a one off fluke but still...woop!!

That's great star!
How are you all & your LOs getting on?
DS woke on/off for 4 hours last night as I am sticking to breaking the co-sleeping cycle. Its been 3 nights now & last night was the worst. I am exhausted
Although I am exhausted...I do feel like I am 'winning' as I haven't given in and DS has been in his own bed from 6:30pm or 8pm til 5:45am or 6:45am! When it's morning I let him come in with me before we wake up properly & start our day. it's hard when he is upset and I know if I just took him in to our bed he would settle...but I feel if I give up now then the last few nights have been a waste.

Well done star and wifey! We'll all get there in the end.

I am so tired! I don't have enough energy to type much more. Started a diet today and have released how much I had been relying on sugar to get me through the day. My head is pounding!

Well done wifey and stay strong! I'm beginning to think that half the battle is just being consistent with our LOs.

We had another really rather good night last night. Not the sleeping straight through success of Monday but still good all the same. DD went from 7 - 11.30pm (when DH resettled her without getting her out the cot), then 11.45 to about 3.30am (when she self settled without me getting out of my bed and going into her ), before finally waking up at 6.15ish! That means that I haven't done a night feed for the last couple of nights!

I'm a pretty pessimistic person though, so I'm sure a bad night is round the corner again. However, at least I know she CAN do it and I can believe that we WILL get there at some point.

Ams I'm a a bit depressed about Christmas being over. The tree is down, DH is back at work, I've scoffed a ridiculous amount of chocolate and the end of maternity leave and my return to work is looming :(

mrsD wonderful news, bloody well done! Long may it continue.

No news on my ds yet, still awaiting appointment ams. nice to have you back btw. I feel it is getting slightly better though, but maybe I am just getting used to it. I don't even have a plan to stop co sleeping. Would like to but can't imagine Finding the energy to try - it is how I cope with the night wakings. I tried him on some rice today again ad I really feel he should have something by now (just over 6 mths), so expect a very sleepless night now.

Yes it is depressing when Xmas is all over, especially if there has been extra help. Good luck tonight guys x

Hi everyone...How was everyone's night? Settled DS at about 7:45pm after his milk.. he stirred at 2:15am but when given the dummy settled...stirred again at 2:45am but settled again with his dummy & slept til 6:15am.....in his own bed!!!
This could all be a fluke but I will take any victory I can right now. I think he was so tired from his epic performance the night before. We are up & dressed ready for a day with family..

Dreadful, just dreadful. Shouldn't have given rice. Ds1 also up repeatedly.

Glad yours was good though!

Hello,

Can I join you late in the game?

Have a beautiful DS a couple of weeks shy of 6 months. Sleep has been bad since 4 months on and off when he got his first teeth. His self-settling skills fluctuate wildly depending on the night, and he's a serial 40 minute napper by day. I've beaten myself around the head with baby expert books for weeks and they still haunt me. I regularly get weepy about failing to get him to fall asleep from being wide awake in his cot, failing to get him to sleep enough in the day. DH is bewildered and feels helpless. Also, he's freelance and working on a six days a week project with long hours, so he seldom sees DS and finds it hard to get a handle on what is going on.

Last night DS went down fine and slept well from 8 til 9.15 but then it was up and down every 5 - 60 mins until 2 am. He was swinging his legs in the air a lot and generated one or two gruesome smells from the nappy end, so I imagine there was something bowel-related going on. Eventually I took him into my bed at 4.15 and we slept for 3 hours. I feel like I've failed again as I'm really trying to avoid co-sleeping becoming a habit and we've just had two nights without it. Trouble is I end up doing whatever it takes to stay in one piece.

I'm so tired I don't even know what I want to change first or how I'm going to try to fix it. I don't even know if trying to fix things is the way I should be thinking. MiL thinks I should try formula to "fill him up" but a) he won't take neat formula, has to have at least 50% breast milk and b) I don't think the sleep problems are really about hunger. Our best nights are when he wakes up to feed maybe twice and then goes back to sleep quickly. I could live happily with that for the next 6 months.

We're about to start weaning and, while I'm hoping that might help, like everyone says it will, I'm also bracing for long nights of digestive issues and more fruity farts.

Getting a lot of comfort from reading this thread though. Respect, hugs and good wishes to all going through something similar. I also get through the day by comfort eating, starting with my special breakfast cereal. Thanks for that top tip!

SB xxx