top tips for creating a "good" sleeper

[iskra]

DD1 was a terrible sleeper, I fed her to sleep/bf on demand throughout the night/got up every two hours etc until we cracked at 15 months & did controlled crying.

DD2 is 10 days old. Obviously I know this is far too young to do anything about her sleep, but what are your best tips for the future?

I have the NCSS somewhere in a box (just moved), hopefully that will surface & I can re-read it...

I have 3 fab sleepers (including twins).

I swaddled,rocked and shhhhhed in the v early days then followed good old Gina.Kept them v busy in the day,no lights on after 7pm etc

After that bath,book etc routine. They were all 7 til 7 from 6 months (and still are) 8 years later.

Should add I had uber comfy moses baskets(with hoods),then cots right my bed until they were 1 I think.

Comfy moses baskets are highly under rated imvho.My sil had dreadful problems.I felt her moses basket and it was like a board with a thin biscuit mattress completely open.I would have squealed if requested to sleep in an adult version.

I think babies like security ie swaddling,comfy mattress,feeling closed in and protected,hearing mum & dad's breathing.It helps them to relax and drift off imvho.

I co-sleep with 9 mo old DS2 and once I'm in bed with him, he's a great sleeper. He wakes maybe twice, often just once a night for a quick slurp. We both stay more or less asleep while this happens. I'm a SAHM, but I can't imagine this would sap my energy even if I needed to function normally at a taxing job.

SOrry, just putting the case for happy co-sleeping! There are a lot of posts very down on it, as if it's the devil's own work. But there are many many ways of achieving 'sleep' and one of them - probably one of the most experienced 'sleeps' across the world - is by sharing sleep with your baby. I had DS1 in a cot beside the bed for the first 7 months and he woke several times a night for milk. I was shattered. DS2 went straight into bed with me from the day he was born and it's worked well for us since then. Not exactly a large sample group, but we're ok with it.

Ignore people who claim that they had any influence on their childrens ability to sleep through. If you apply basic routine etc and they still don't it is down to the child, end of.

This post was a while back, but hancat absolutely summed it up for me:

"It always amuses me when parents of good sleepers assume that bad sleepers are a result of things like rocking/cosleeping/feeding to sleep. In many cases those actions are the last resort of parents who have tried the routines and the darkness and all the other perfectly sensible suggestions with no success, and who are doing whatever they can to preserve a little sanity."

I'm probably a bit extremely oversensitive but I hate the unspoken implication from some people (not necessarily on this thread) that those of us with poor sleepers have been actively crap throughout. I deliberately avoided all the 'rods for backs' from the outset and only tried them - in desperation, and ultimately unsuccessfully - when things went from bad to worse and the 9-month sleep regression kicked in. When you're dealing with sustained sleep deprivation, it adds insult to injury to know that other people think it is self-inflicted!

All of mine sleep really well and have done since 8 weeks or so old.
The controlled crying works in as much as it enforces bedtime at a reasonable age but before 2-3 months I'm afraid I subscribed to the 'if they're crying they need something' method.
Once they're bigger (1+) the immediate return to the room with minimal interaction really really works.
That said I do have a few practical tips that might help your chances of sooner than later sucess;

-Fleecy underblankets (not cold like cotton)

-If you're bottle-feeding make the last bottle before bedtime as warm as possible as it biologically helps to induce sleep (won't bore you with the details but it works!)

-When they're very little we put them down asleep. Nothing wrong with falling asleep having a cuddle when they're tiny! We employed the 'arm test' which is brilliant if the transfer from you to bed is problematic...gently lift one arm a little bit and let it go..if it just flops back to baby with no resistance then you're good to go. If not give it 5mins and re-try. During those fussy/teething 'I want my mom 24/7' periods this was invaluable.

-Make the difference between day and night obvious to baby (sounds daft right?) during the day it's bright and lively, evening slows down and night time is quiet and half light at most. Silly as this sounds babies sleep a lot during the day so the more obvious you make it that night is for 'big sleeps' the easier you'll have it.

These all worked very well for me but with four kids the one thing I CAN say with absolute authority is that they're all different and there are no guaranteed methods with the under 1's

Can't say how we did it but DS (now adult) slept through form six weeks and after that we never had a peek out of him at night.

In fact there came a time when we would wake him last thing before we went to bed to go to the loo and he was not always best pleased. Went straight back to sleep, though.

Getting him to get his lazy arse out of bed was another and later issue!

NOt really qualified to post with only one pfb and agree that all dc are different with different sleeping propensities

But, the best tip given to me was not to let babies/dc over-tired ie to watch like a hawk for 'natural dipping point' and act on it then and there

Once you go past that - apparently they get a burst of adrenalin which interferes with natural pattern and it's much harder for them to go down.

In the early years, I tried to get to her cot within 10 seconds if she ever woke up in the middle of the night, but I did let her cry for 5 mins or so on putting her down when I judged that her need for sleep was greater than her need for cuddles. I don't know whether this was right or wrong.

That all worked beautifully when dd was between ages of 0-6 yrs. She's a bit of a nightmare now she's older though!

DS is just 16 weeks & now sleeps 8hrs at a time at night which is bliss, until about 8 weeks he would only do 2hrs before waking up as he is breastfed. He tends to go down about 8pm / 9pm waking at 4am / 5am for a feed, after which he goes straight back down again until around 8.

We very much went by him & let him get himself into a routine which has obviously worked well for him & us too. We gently helped this by at 'night-time' only having lamps on, avoiding playing or talking to him too much, talking to each other in hushed voices, cuddles / rocking, changing nappies only when he had pooed or was uncomfortable .etc. During the day when he is awake we make sure to play with him, talk to him lots .etc to let him know this is playtime, not 4am!

It really is sheer good luck when they are tiny.
We were shocked when, at 5 days old (I am not lying), we put DD down to sleep in her moses basket at 11pm and she woke up at 7.15am.
We thought this was a fluke. It was not and apart from the usual stuff caused by teething, illness etc, she has pretty much slept through since then. By 12 weeks she had dropped the last feed and was going 7-7.

It was nothing to do with what we did at all. We let her feed herself to sleep, we never let her cry it out, although I will confess to finding out that for her daytime naps, she would wake for a few mins, cry and put herself back to sleep. How did this happen (TMI alert)? I was on the loo in the middle of ahem...a number 2, and simply could not get to her immediately when she woke and started to cry. She then self-settled after about 2 mins, and continued to do so thereafter. If she didn't, I would always go to her but I always used the 'I could be on the loo' delay from then on

The only thing we did do which might help is let her sleep as long as she wanted in the daytime when she was tiny.

I am currently 33 weeks with No2 and cacking myself as I had no idea what we did to make DD a good sleeper and so will just go with instiinct again with this one and something tells me the law of sod will intervene and I am scared of broken sleep!!

Hi again
Maryz -glad to amuse (however mildly) but I won't be having ANY more - 2 is my lot - for many reasons, one being I'm too bloomin old.... LOL - mine are 9(just) and 10 now

But, coincidentally I find attitude and expectation works in lots of other parts of bringing up the brats... I expect good behaviour and politeness, tenacity and applying themselves in school, to take care of themselves and treat others how they would like to be treated - and they do...

I can't believe how "lucky" I am...

get lucky

Breastfeeding and lots of cuddles with bit of co-sleeping until about 5-6 months, then do a bedtime routine with the older one and let the little one see it in progress and get involved in it, putting them to bed at the same time more or less. If they cry later on, poke head around the door and say 'night night, sleeping time now' and leave them to it for a bit. But a lot of it is luck, tbh, and all children are different.

I think it is down to luck but my top tip is from earlier age show them the difference between day and night. So at night keep lights low, dimmer switch is great, little interation and fuss. When you talk whisper. Everything low key.

I think differentiating between grumbling and crying is important. If you run to them every time they grumble, they won't learn to self-settle. But if they are actually crying, then get straight in there! That was my method anyway.

Time. All kids will learn to sleep eventually, they don't need bloody "training".

I think it may be down to luck and we have been very lucky with both of ours. Dd1 slept through from 12 weeks and dd2 from 9 weeks.

I agree about establishing a routine and keeping any contact during the night very minimal. I breastfed both but had to express initially for dd1 so got into the habit of giving her a big bottle of ebm which I thought must have helped her sleeping through. I then got into the habit of doing the same with dd2 so although it was a bit of a palaver during the day/evening to express I felt that anything was worth a good night's sleep.

Also, if they cry in bed never run to them straightaway. Always leave a couple of minutes for them to settle. And if you can, put them to bed awake as I was told by a hv that if they fall asleep in your arms, when they wake up they will remember where they were last and if not in your arms will not be happy. Also, differentiate between night and day - so put them down for a day time nap with the curtains open and don't keep noise to a minimum.

Good luck.

I should add "fingers crossed so far" because dd2 is 19 months and her sleep patterns could easily change!

I dont think it is down to luck, its down to the routine of whole day as to whether they will sleep on a night or not. I'm guessing its not popular on here but I personally find Gina Fords routine to be the best one I have ever used. It's strict at first but it really keeps baby in a well thought out routine each day.

jem everyone started commented how happy and healthy baby looked couple of days after the bloody training. So I guess I won't be sacrificing the wellbeing of my child any time soon just because you think so. You don't even know how I 'trained' him so for all we know IRL I've been much kinder to him than you've ever been with your DC, whatever your claims may be. No need for attacks when I was just sharing my experience.

Also, ooo ooo ooo ooo, for a guaranteed good sleeper you can use one of these magical hammocks for newborns. I SWEAR by them. Baby Hammock

Anybody got any pearls of advice to deal with DD3 (25 mo) who at 2am was convinced it was morning (despite the room being plunged in darkness and both parents sleeping) and decided that because she couldn't see Daddy then he just had to be downstairs having breakfast, so she started off downstairs? BTW, going to sleep never a bloody problem and we are certainly not getting up at 2am to entertain her, not putting the light on or any such nonsense (never have, never changed her nappy at night as she has never done a poo at night, never given her anything apart from water if she woke up in the night and certainly no telly at midnight/1am/3am), believe me. The last thing in the world we want is to be awake at 2am. This is the child who slept 10:30- 8am solid from 1 month to 4 months old but has slept through the night maybe 30 times tops since then. I would love to hear the routine that will convince her that she is still tired and needs to go back to bed cos we've tried the lot.

Bunny rabbit clock duchesse? (do you know the ones I mean?)

Hey all,
Congratulations on your baby by the way.
I am struggling with my 13 week baby, our routine is bath and breast fed till she falls in a deep sleep....draining me big time and I want to beable to put her down after a bed time feed abit earlier and so she falls asleep on her own but she never seems to be sleepy enough.
Can anyone tell me how to do controlled crying? Is it ok to do that at 13 weeks?
My OH thinks im being harsh on our baby cos she is so young, I just want to have a few hours in the eve for adult time watching a film together or just being able to soak in the bath instead of having her attached to me till 9-10 at night where I go to bed when she falls asleep.

I agree completely that it is largely luck .I have had 2 excellent sleepers. Who would both happily fall asleep wherever we were at 730pm,from about 3 months.The only thing I did was a bedtime routine from about a.week both times. They slept through ( 11-6. from 9 weeks and 12weeks .I let them feed whenever they wanted during the day.BuryBut limited their day time.sleep to 3 hours at a time.from.1week of age also.
I have several friends with terrible sleepers who were much stricter and tried many more things. The only thing we did differently was start earlier.