top tips for creating a "good" sleeper

[iskra]

DD1 was a terrible sleeper, I fed her to sleep/bf on demand throughout the night/got up every two hours etc until we cracked at 15 months & did controlled crying.

DD2 is 10 days old. Obviously I know this is far too young to do anything about her sleep, but what are your best tips for the future?

I have the NCSS somewhere in a box (just moved), hopefully that will surface & I can re-read it...

Sorry, meant to add I formula fed all three, made no difference to their sleep or chuffing lack of it.

I agree with a lot of what TheBride said. I have an 8mo ds who has slept 11-13hrs solid from about 14 weeks. Teaching them to fall asleep by themselves and to self-settle is really hard, but well worth it. I never fed to sleep or used any 'props'.

Reading The Baby Whisperer/Sleep Whisperer book really helped me to pick up on the clues ds was tired so I knew when to put him down (first time Mum so spent a lot of the first few weeks wondering what he wanted all the time).

Have also been strict with the no stimulation during the night, and that when he goes to bed, he stays there til a reasonable time in the morning (been in own cot in own room since 4 weeks). I only ever did night feeds in his room too, don't believe in taking them downstairs or watching tv in the wee small hours.

Congrats on your new baby and hope you get a good sleeper!

I have three children - Both DS's had dummies and slept badly until about 6 months. DD is a thumb sucker and she seems much more content.

I am not anti-dummy, and it could be just luck but DD slept through from 11 weeks.

Agree its luck, my first was horrific and my second slept through from 3 months and even now my first will moan about bedtime whereas my second loves her sleep and can't wait to snuggle in to bed.

But I would say that I was a bit lot PFB with my son. I knew nothing about kids, had never been around them when I was growing up or as an adult. And I do know that I jumped in at the slightest peep from him, which in turn led him to expect that and then I went ever so slightly insane with the lack of sleep and became obsessed with every time he woke up . I think its his nature but I also think I'm guilty of making it worse!

With my second I held back a bit - and no not CC - maybe even just 1 minute. I think I could understand the noises better, what was upset versus what was just muttering. I do think that helped her - not so much "learn" but I guess "get use to" sleep. Not sure that makes sense written down - it does in my head!

Thanks Kveta good luck with the 2ww. I have fx for you.

Agree that a routine is key. Although there are some babies that won't sleep no matter what you do, a routine will help with most. We've always ensured the following (which pretty much echoes what's been said above)

1. Always do the 'bed-time' feed in the room where they are going to sleep - even if this is at 6pm and you know they'll wake for a feed later you need to signal bed-time.

1. Have a dimmer switch or use the light from the hall if you can when going in to do night feeds/nappies.

1. Routine - ours has been bath, story, bottle (still for DS 2.8 - ), cuddle then into bed

1. Don't speak or engage other than the shush/pat after bed.

We even did this when he was hospitalised between 3-6 weeks - after the first week we were allowed to take him home late afternoon and bring him back at 10pm once he was asleep so that we could have that routine.

We've gone through a few very short spells with DS (when he first went into bed rather than cot) where he's got up but mostly OK. DD didn't get out of bed ever at night until about 5 and has only done it a handful of times.

DS was starting to wake earlier so we now put on a nightlight that is on a timer and goes off at 7am. If he comes through to our room before that we say 'your moon is still on, back to bed' and he does (after a few nights of training!).

I think though we've just been lucky with good sleepers and the routine helps. Hope your new LO doesn't give you too much sleep deprivation.

I have done both the same with my children. BF on demand, co-slept, BF to sleep.

DS1 needed to BF to sleep at bed time until he was about 2 1/2. He was reliant on it when he woke.

From a few months old DS2 would have his fill, I'd put him down and he fell asleep by himself. I nearly broke the keys on my mobile phone I was typing so furiously to tell my sister about his miracle sleeping child!

I decided to co-sleep from day 1 with DS2 - that made a big difference. I can count on one hand -OK two, but it's the done thing to have amnesia about these things-- the number of bad nights we've had.

I think if you're doing the "right" thing (routine, boring as can be, keeping it dark etc etc) then it's down to luck.

I think total baby led to begin with, and then post 3/4 months ish a gradual move towards independent sleeping. So gradually wean them off feeding to sleep etc. Maybe do controlled crying somewhere around the 10months + mark.

But if you're fine with feeding in night and cosleeping etc, then I don;'t see any reason not to continue until they give up on their own. Sadly, I wasn't!

I did all the things mentioned in this thread, routine, little stimulation at night etc... and my dd still didn't sleep through until she was 2 years old. We tried everything to get her to sleep through and nothing worked. One day she decided at 2 to sleep through and that was that. She's a very heastrong dc and I think it's part of her personality to do things when she is ready I am pg again now and am reading and taking notes from this thread for this one.

Both DS's were sleeping through at 5 months but it was a hell of a ride up until that point. I BF and co-slept with DS2 and he was in a sling all day up until about 12 weeks, I could not put him down. Ever. He once screamed for 40 mins non-stop while out in his pram. Tiny babies need their Mummies. That first 3-4 months is just bloody exhausting and the sleep deprivation is torture, but just keep saying to yourself it wont last for ever. Mine didnt just automatically start sleeping at 5 months. We did CC with DS1, it took two nights of heart wrenching crying, it broke my heart but it worked. I couldnt bring myself to do the CC with DS2 so did a combination of shush pat and pick up put down which worked over about a week. I am very lucky in that both DS love their sleep.

Good Luck

Agree with those saying that you don't need to CC and/or CIO to 'teach' a baby to sleep.Both our boys are sleep and we didn't do any form of sleep training whatsoever. I think some babies are easier than others and some sleep better than others but I think they will all get there on their own without having to be forced into it. We coslept with both of ours and bf on demand. They both started out bf to sleep but as they got older I took them off when they were dozy and just cuddled them or put them on the bed beside me with my hand on them until they were asleep.

both our boys sleep fine* that should say!

Another vote for "depends on the baby".

DD1 - breastfed on demand, no dummy, in Moses in our room, tried to put her down awake but she was so soundly asleep after feeding that it was impossible. Normal sleep for a newborn, then about 3 or 4 months to 8 months woke up several times a night and often needed lots of help (rocking, cuddling, sushing, feeding) to get back to sleep. Often then woke up the minute she was put back in the Moses (then cot) and the rocking etc would have to start again. First slept through at 8 months but not reliably sleeping through until months later.

DD2 - also BF on demand, no dummy, in Moses in our room. Often put her down soundly asleep after a feed. Sometimes put her down awake. She still goes straight to sleep. Almost never wakes up in the night unless for a feed, after which she goes straight back to sleep with no rocking etc. Never wakes up when being lowered into the Moses / cot (unlike DD1). Generally a really good sleeper for her age (at 19 weeks she is waking once or twice a night to feed but going back to sleep right afterwards).

I suppose DD2 is in slightly more of a routine than DD1 was at the same age, because it was easier just to slot her straight into DD1's bedtime routine. But as DD2 is a much better sleeper I can't believe that it's the magic answer, especially as when DD1 started sleeping quite badly we did do a bedtime routine, for months, and she still didn't sleep well for ages!

DD of (nearly) 8 months is nearly sleeping through. She no longer wakes for food, but wakes as she wriggles around the cot and gets stuck! Wedged sideways with arms hanging out (legs in grobag thankfully). Then she needs a bottle to calm her down! So frustrating (for her too, I imagine). Any tips?

See, we did need to do cc with our dd, at least to get her sleeping though solidly at an age that we were all happy with. But we did an wimps version where we only left her to cry for 3 min intervals and I'm sure there are many people who wouldn't even call that sleep training, just common sense.

Agree cio is not good.

TheGrassIsJewelled have you seen Airwrap bumpers? Might stop her getting her arms stuck, although not sure what you can do about her being wedged in sideways.

Lots of good tips on here but a couple of things not mentioned are daytime naps and time awake from the last nap of the day.
I've done a lot of the same things with both of mine. Ebf both, always put down awake, bedtime routine, dim lights, limited interaction and nappy changes between 7pm and 7am, dream feed at 10pm. Both have gone down to sleep at 6-7pm from about 8 weeks and then just woken for feeds and gone straight back down.
However DD (4.5 years) didn't sleep through until 10 months, quite often would cry at bedtime and mostly woke up crying until she was about 2. Whereas DS (5 months) has been sleeping through (with dream feed) from 12 weeks and nearly always goes down to sleep very easily with no crying and wakes up happy and smiling and will chat in his moses basket until 7 if he wakes before. On the occasions where I've skipped the dream feed he's still slept 10 hours straight.
A couple of things I've done differently have made a big difference I think. Firstly I've always fed him at least every three to three and a half hours since he was born during the day (waking him to feed if necessary) and more if he's wanted it. Looking at his chart in his red book compared to his sister's he's put weight on more quickly and has gone from his birth centile to the one above (9th to 25th) whereas she just travelled along her birth centile (25th). Secondly I've really tuned into his sleep cues at bedtime. Whatever time he wakes from his last daytime nap determines when he goes to bed so if he wakes at 4pm he'll be going to bed no later than 6pm-sometimes 5.30pm if he's really tired. If that doesn't happen he'll be overtired won't go down as well and won't sleep as well.
Looking back I think DD was quite often overtired at bedtime and I just wasn't able to cue into her cries so well as a first time mum to put her down to sleep at the right time.

well only have 1 DD born 3 weeks early at 5lb always liked her sleep except evening a nightmare from 5-10 weeks when needed white noise to go to sleep( very busy hairdryer)

had a sort of rountine when she was small last feed about 11pm put to bed awake in the dark in cot in our room, mostly i went to bed about this time too, 3am in dark nappy change back to bed same again if next feed was before 6am, she had tongue tie so latching problems had to express milk for 8 weeks ( so had to get up after fed at 3am to express milk) was FF after 8 weeks

dropped 3am feed at about 9-10 weeks just stopped waking so went from 11-5.30/6am wieghed about 7lb by then

dropped 11pm feed at about 5 months as was not taking much milk, is 21 months now and still sleeps 12 hours at night and 2.5 in afternoon, have bedtime routine of milk then cuddles + story(she is not bathed everynight but if she is it is before milk) both for nap an at night I just place her in cot say goodbye or goodnight and leave room shutting door she settles herself to sleep and when she wakes she plays with teddy till i fetch her

I think it is mostly luck but the advice I would give is do not jump up immediately they make the tiniest sound because we all move in the night etc and they may not actually be waking up so wait just 1-2 minutes max if just making sounds rather than crying as even a 6 week old may settle especially if you know they were fed an hour ago. if proper crying get them straight away i mean if just grizzling try ignore and see whether it becomes more, never ever play or switch mainlight on and dont speak much; just "time to sleep now darling" but no daytime chatter during the night, also dont draw blackout curtains in day time because i think if sleeping depends on total darkness it will be a problem when you go to parents etc

good luck

Ok I think it's completly radum, and don't believe routine help's. Tried like anything with a bedtime routine with DD from quit early didn't make the slight's differences to her sleep at night.

She didn't sleep through untill 2.5years.

DS who's almost 11months has no routine, could really impliment one during the day as DD was in preschool at different times on different day's. No bedtime route appart from getting him changed for bed and already sleep's most night (unless teething or ill) from about 11am-6.30am. So much better already and we did nothing to achive this.

The only thing I have noticed is that he will sleep worse at night if he doesn't get at lest one good nap during the day. Doesn't seem to matter when it is though.

Routine. I was baby led with dc1&dc2, started a routine around 4months, pushed it at 7months and they are now brilliant sleepers. i was determined to get them self settling and sleeping through by 12months because of various things i've read.

dc3 has been in a routine (gina ford) since day 1 and things are now a bit pear shaped cause we're really out of the routing trying to fit round older kid's schedules.

Luck and genetics. Dh and I were both terrible sleepers as babies. Our dc just don't seem to need any sleep. Both dropped all naps by 20 months and would often only sleep for 10ish hours out of 24 from a very early age. Ds was a very early riser, dd preferred to wake for an hour or two in the night to chat.

We did most of the things listed on this thread, but nothing was going to train them into sleeping 12 hours a night with a 2 hour nap in the day .

Oh god, this is depressing.....

I have done practically all the "tips" mentioned here since DD was born (or at least a few weeks) and, apart from a random month at 3 months old, she has always woken every 2 hours... she still does now at a year old!

I have always:

• had a short but consistent sleep routine;
• kept all lights off and interaction (verbal) to a minimum at night;
• only changed major poo explosions (DD never needs changing at night now);
• breastfed but put DD in the cot while still sleepy, not asleep;
• swaddled until she was about 4/5 months.

People have said to me some or all of: "dive her a bottle (ie don't bf)", "do controlled crying and do not feed at night (now she is bigger)", "don't ever let her into your bed (which i do when she's ill etc)".... I have TOTALLY IGNORED all of this so I guess I only have myself to blame

I think its luck!

err... give her a bottle!